Chapter 7 Tensions and Truths

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring blankly at the city skyline through the window. The soft light of the evening sky filtered through the glass, but it did little to brighten the heaviness that weighed on my chest.

Jordan was on his way here.

I hadn't seen him in weeks. Not since our last fight, not since the end of everything we once had. But now, he was coming, and I knew-deep down, I knew-that everything was about to change again.

I wasn't ready. Not for this. Not for him.

I stood up abruptly, pacing the room as anxiety twisted in my gut. I could hear the soft hum of the air conditioner, the ticking of the clock on the wall, the faint sound of traffic below, but they all felt so distant. My life had become a cacophony of noise, and I couldn't find a moment of silence.

I'd made my decision. I couldn't let Jordan back in, not after everything. The betrayal. The lies. The affair.

Yet, here I was, waiting for him to walk through my door and disrupt whatever fragile sense of stability I'd managed to cling to.

My phone buzzed on the nightstand, and I jumped. I picked it up, my heart skipping a beat when I saw the text message from Declan.

"Just checking in. Let me know if you need anything."

I exhaled slowly, placing the phone back down. Declan. The last few days had been a whirlwind, but his words echoed in my mind. "I'm not giving up."

Could I let him in, too? Would that make things worse, more complicated than they already were?

A knock at the door snapped me out of my thoughts.

My pulse quickened. Jordan. I knew it.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. I wasn't going to let him see me unravel. Not again.

I walked to the door, my heart pounding against my ribcage. I opened it slowly, my fingers gripping the doorknob.

There he stood, just as I remembered-tall, broad-shouldered, dark hair a little too long, eyes a little too intense. But there was something different about him tonight. His usual confident posture was replaced by something heavier-something more uncertain.

"Lila," he said, his voice low and hesitant.

I didn't respond right away, taking a moment to process the sight of him standing there, looking like he hadn't slept in days. The man who had once been everything to me. The man who had shattered everything.

"What do you want, Jordan?" I finally asked, my voice more steady than I expected it to be.

He sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair. "I just... I just need to talk to you."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Talk? About what? About the fact that you're the reason my life is a complete mess right now?" The words came out sharper than I intended, but I didn't care.

He flinched, his jaw tightening. "I deserve that," he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. "But I also need to explain myself, Lila. I owe you that much."

I stood there for a moment, staring at him. My heart was torn, but I wasn't sure what for. Was I still in love with him? Or was this just some twisted form of residual attachment, like a wound that hadn't quite healed?

"Explain?" I scoffed. "What's left to explain, Jordan? You cheated. You lied. You abandoned me."

He flinched again, as if my words were physical blows. His eyes darkened. "I made a mistake. A huge one. But I never stopped caring about you."

I wanted to laugh-bitterly. "Oh, really? Is that why you were so willing to toss me aside for a quick fling? Is that why you could never put me first, Jordan?"

The words felt like daggers in the air. He winced, and I saw the familiar guilt flash in his eyes. The same guilt he'd always had after one of his many mistakes. But this time, it was different. This time, the stakes were higher.

I could feel the bitterness rising in my throat, but I pushed it down. "I'm not the same person I was when I married you," I said, my voice quieter now. "I'm not the same woman who would forgive you, who would wait for you to get your shit together."

Jordan's eyes softened. "I know. And I don't expect you to forgive me. Not right now. But I need to make things right. I need to know-" He stopped himself, taking a deep breath. "I need to know if there's any chance for us. For me, for us."

The words hung heavy in the air, and for a long moment, I didn't say anything. Could I go back to that place? Could I forgive him for the things he'd done to me? Could I let him back into my life, knowing that he had the power to hurt me again?

"I don't know," I whispered finally, feeling the weight of it all crash down on me. "I don't know if I can trust you again."

The silence between us stretched long and thick. I could feel his desperation, his desire to fix things, but I also felt the distance that had formed between us. Too much time had passed. Too many things had been broken.

"Lila," Jordan said softly, stepping forward. "You don't have to decide right now. Just... let me be a part of your life again. We'll take it slow. No pressure. But I want to be here for you. For the baby."

I froze, my stomach dropping at the mention of the baby. That was the one thing neither of us could ignore, no matter how hard we tried.

"Don't pretend like this is about anything other than that," I snapped, stepping back. "I don't need you to take care of me, Jordan. I never did. I never asked for that."

His face hardened, but his eyes remained tender. "Maybe not. But I want to help, Lila. I've never wanted anything more than to make this right."

My hands clenched into fists at my sides, and I swallowed hard. I couldn't let him do this. I couldn't let him manipulate me again.

I stepped away, turning my back to him as I walked toward the kitchen. "I don't need you, Jordan. Not anymore."

"I'm not giving up on you," he called out after me, his voice tinged with desperation.

I grabbed my purse from the counter, ready to leave. I needed space. I needed to get away from him. The weight of it all was too much to bear.

"I don't want to be around you right now," I said, my voice trembling despite my best efforts to stay calm.

"I'm not going anywhere, Lila," he said softly, but I could hear the tension in his voice. "Not until you tell me what you want."

I turned back to face him, my expression hard. "What I want, Jordan, is peace. What I want is for you to go."

There was a moment of silence, and I saw the struggle in his eyes. But he nodded, slowly, before turning and walking out the door.

I stood there for a long time, the silence echoing in the space between us. But even as the door clicked shut, I knew this wasn't over. Not by a long shot.