Chapter 3 It's okay not to be

I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. The bed had huge pillows, fresh sheets, and a sweet scent lingering in the air, but no sleep came. I tossed and turned, trying to figure out what was wrong. For over two hours, I lay awake, restless. My phone had already gone off, but I could tell the time from the bedside table clock. Maybe the problem was that the bed was too big. Or maybe because this was a new place. I was in someone else's room. I felt out of place. And on top of that, earlier events kept flashing in my head. I also had my grandma to worry about.

And a job to show up to in the morning. Maybe if I were in my own bed, things would've been easier.

Well, I have sleeping pills. I take them every night before bed because, without them, sleep never comes. Tossing and turning wasn't going to help, so I decided to look for Lucien. I had seen him enter a room earlier and thanks to my curiosity, I had peeped just long enough to know which one it was. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known where to find him. The place had too many rooms.

I slid out of bed slowly, opened the door gently, and tiptoed across the hallway. I passed two doors before reaching the one at the far end. I wasn't sure why I was tiptoeing-I think I didn't want to wake him. If he was asleep, I wouldn't disturb him. But if he was awake, I'd ask for something to help me sleep. Hopefully, he'd have something.

I raised my hand to knock but stopped. I heard soft sobs. At first, I thought I was imagining it, so I leaned closer. The sobs continued. I looked around to confirm the room. I tiptoed back to my room to double-check. Was there someone else in the house? I thought it was just the two of us. Could it be his ex-girlfriend? But the sobs sounded like a man's. A brother? A cousin?

But no-I had seen Lucien enter that exact room. Could it really be him?

I returned to the door. The sobbing hadn't stopped. I pressed the handle and the door creaked open. Apparently, it hadn't been locked. I peeped inside. My eyes scanned the bed, the wardrobe, the corners. I almost forgot about the sobbing. Then my gaze found him.

Lucien.

He was curled up on the bed, back facing me, body trembling softly. I stepped into the room, walking as gently as possible. I thought maybe he was crying in his sleep, but his eyes were wide open. He was crying and fully aware of it.

I paused, unsure. I'd never seen a man cry before. What could be hurting him so deeply? And why hadn't he noticed I was there?

I gently tapped his shoulder. No response. Just more sobbing. I began to worry. Had something tragic happened? Why was he crying?

"Hey... are you okay?" I asked softly, almost whispering. It was a dumb question, I know. Of course, he wasn't okay. His sobs grew louder. Had I just made it worse?

"Sir... let me get you some water. Maybe it'll help," I offered. He didn't speak. Just kept sobbing. If we weren't strangers, maybe I would've asked what was wrong. But we barely knew each other. I didn't want to intrude. Personal pain is a sacred thing. If he didn't want to share, I wasn't going to pry.

I hurried downstairs to get a glass of water. It didn't take long to see the kitchen earlier. On my way back up, I wondered if he'd even take the water. Or would he ignore me?

When I returned, he was sitting upright on the bed, head down, hands over his face. I walked in quietly and stood in front of him.

"Here's your water, sir," I said gently, offering it to him. But he didn't look up.

I stood there awkwardly. Rejected. Embarrassed. I wasn't trying to be a hero-just helpful. I wasn't sure if I'd watched too many movies, but water always seemed like the go-to gesture when someone was crying. Maybe real life didn't work that way.

Two minutes passed. He didn't move. I quietly placed the glass on the bedside table.

"Goodnight, sir," I said and turned to leave.

I had barely taken a step when I froze. His hands were around my waist-he was hugging me from behind. I went numb for a moment. I hadn't expected that.

"Can you hug me, please?" His voice was soft. Fragile. So broken.

He was already hugging me, but maybe he needed something deeper. A real hug. But am I supposed to do that? Is it the right thing to do? And besides, we don't even know each other; what If he misinterpreted it? I was torn between leaving the room immediately and giving in. This man had helped me earlier and if it wasn't for him, I can't even tell what would have befallen me. A little hug wouldn't cause any damage, would it?

I turned around slowly and wrapped my arms around him. It had been so long since I'd held anyone like this. His sobs returned, deeper now.

"It's getting heavy inside," he whispered between sobs.

"It hurts so much. I can't control it anymore... I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm breaking."

His voice was shattered. His pain is open. All I could do was hold him tighter.

"It's okay not to be okay... Lucien," I whispered, gently

."You'll be over it....you will be fine" I whispered again.

He had helped me when I was in need. Now, it was my turn. If he needed a shoulder to cry on, I would give him mine.

And in that hug, I realized it might've been the hug I needed too. I have been bottling up things, If someone gave me hugs like this, maybe I could be alright. But where could I have gotten one?