Chapter 2 MY DAUGHTER WITH DELAYED DEVELOPMENT MILESTONES.

In March, I found out I was pregnant. Immediately, I told my partner, and he said, "Better get rid of it." At first, I thought he was joking. But when I showed him the positive pregnancy test, he said, "Wow, what are we going to do?" Then he added that whatever decision I made, he would stand by me. I told him I was keeping the baby, and he said, "Okay." I had thought it through. I had felt so alone for so long, and I wanted someone to love me the way I had loved others. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I needed a friend-someone of my own flesh and blood.

My sisters didn't really understand me, and though my dad loved me, he wasn't close to me anymore. So, I carried on.

My mother-in-law told me about local herbs that were good for pregnancy and safe delivery. I registered at a herbal clinic where they gave me herbal juice, called agbo. At the same time, I also registered at a hospital for antenatal care. According to the doctors, everything was fine, and they said I would have a safe delivery.

At 9 months and 1 day past my due date, with no contractions, I went to the hospital. They asked me to take a biophysical scan, which cost 16,000 Naira in 2021. I could only afford it if I took a loan from my office. I called my partner, and he contacted his mom, who then told me not to listen to the doctors but to go back to the herbal clinic. I told the doctors I was scared and didn't want a Caesarean section (CS). So, I went to the herbal clinic, where the doctor told me to go home because the baby would come when she was ready. He gave me a black seed with a white ring around it and told me to chew it. If I felt anything unusual, I should call him. So, I went home.

A week later, still nothing. I was worried. My mother-in-law said some pregnancies take longer. I tried to relax but deep down, I knew I should have gone to the hospital, or at least called my sisters. I should have trusted my gut. Then, one night, I saw mucus and some blood. I called the doctor, and he asked us to come in. When I saw the hospital, my inner voice told me to stop, but I ignored it.

The next day, I was still pregnant. One of the midwives told my partner we could induce labor. I had no idea what that meant. She said it would help the baby come faster. We bought castor oil, Lipton tea, and Fanta. She told me to drink them fast to make it work. I drank the castor oil mixed with warm water, then the hot Lipton, then the cold Fanta. Not long after, labor started. Around 6 pm, I went into active labor.

During delivery, after my baby's head appeared, the older midwife told a younger one to push the baby out from my stomach. The younger midwife hesitated, saying the cord was around the baby's neck, but the older one insisted she follow orders. I was in so much pain, desperate for my baby to be alive and healthy, and I didn't understand what was happening. The younger midwife pushed the baby out, then cut the cord. The baby didn't cry but she kept sneezing. They poked her with pins and needles, but she wouldn't cry. The younger midwife said her color looked good, but she needed oxygen. The older midwife said to dress the baby, and they began cleaning me up.

When I saw the time, it was 7:45 pm. My baby still hadn't cried. While they stitched me up, I finally heard a cry-maybe around 9 or 10 pm. I asked if it was my child, and they said yes, joking that she probably wanted me. Later that night, they took her to the hospital for oxygen because she wasn't breathing well.

The next morning, I saw my baby and noticed what looked like blood in her nose. I tried cleaning it so she could breathe. I called the midwives and told them something was wrong. They immediately said she had to be taken back to the hospital. She was put on oxygen, CPAP, and other treatments. My daughter suffered seizures. We bought drugs and injections. When I saw her like that, I cried and blamed myself for listening to others, for letting them push me around like a fool when I could have made my own decisions. I thought older people knew better.

I cried often. I spent three weeks sleeping in the hospital because she was admitted for so long. I spent everything I had, while others came and went freely. I felt like a prisoner of my wrong decisions.

In the end, the doctor told me my daughter had delayed development milestones. She said my baby would need a lot of therapy and might not grow like other children her age. This is how it all started.

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