Chapter 5 the weight of the past few weeks

The days dragged on, each one blurring into the next, the weight of the past few weeks pressing on Alesia's chest. She had spent the last few days carefully considering Kaelan's letter, reading it over and over, tracing the ink with her fingertips as if hoping to find some hidden meaning between the lines. But the more she thought about it, the harder it became to understand where she stood, what she felt, and-more importantly-what she wanted.

Alesia had never been one for indecision. Throughout her life, she had prided herself on being clear, resolute in the face of adversity. But this... this was different. Kaelan's betrayal had torn apart every certainty she had once held. It wasn't just that he had taken another wife, that he had pushed her to the side for the sake of a bloodline. It was the way he had made her feel small, unworthy, as if her very existence was a burden to him.

Yet here he was now, writing to her as though he were a man broken, admitting that he had been wrong. The words felt both like a comfort and a trap. She had spent so long fighting for her place in his world, making herself smaller and smaller in an attempt to fit into the mold he, and his family, had created for her. And now he was asking for forgiveness, asking her to consider a future with him again.

But could she? Could she ever trust him again?

The letter was silent on one point that was, to Alesia, the most crucial: the truth behind the choice to marry Juwita. There was no mention of the fact that Kaelan's mother had been the one to orchestrate it, no mention of the pressure, the manipulation. Was it that Kaelan was trying to take responsibility for the entire situation, to shield his mother from the blame? Or was it that he simply didn't want to acknowledge how far he had been willing to go to satisfy her demands?

She paced the length of her small apartment, her bare feet gliding over the smooth wooden floors as her mind raced. What was she supposed to do with this information? Was Kaelan's remorse enough to convince her to return to him, to the life they had once shared? Or had the damage already been done-so much that nothing could ever truly mend the fractures in their relationship?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door. She froze, heart thumping in her chest, knowing exactly who it was before she even opened it.

Alesia's hand hovered over the door handle for a moment before she finally turned it, revealing the figure standing on the other side. Tall, broad-shouldered, with eyes that still seemed to hold the depth of everything he had once promised her. Kaelan.

His hair was messier than usual, his face drawn, as though sleep had eluded him just as much as it had her. His eyes searched hers, filled with a quiet desperation, as though he had been waiting for this moment for too long, and now that it had come, he didn't know what to say.

"Alesia," he began, his voice hoarse, tentative. "Can we talk?"

She didn't say anything for a long moment. Instead, she stepped back, silently inviting him in. Kaelan hesitated for only a heartbeat before he walked past her, the familiar scent of his cologne filling the air around them. It was strange to have him in her space, after everything that had happened. He looked just as out of place in this small apartment as she felt in the house they had once shared.

Alesia closed the door behind him, leaning against it for a moment as she gathered her thoughts. Kaelan had taken a seat on the couch, his large frame hunched over, hands resting on his knees. He looked so much like the man she had married, yet so different. The confidence, the arrogance, that had once defined him was gone. In its place was a man who seemed unsure of everything.

She could hear her heart beating in her ears, feel the tightness in her chest as she took a deep breath. She wasn't sure what she expected from him, but she had already heard everything he could say in his letter. There was no more room for words. Only actions could determine what would happen next.

She crossed the room and sat down across from him, keeping her distance, the space between them filled with tension. Kaelan's eyes flickered to her, and for a moment, he seemed to struggle to find the right words. Then, finally, he spoke.

"I've made a terrible mess of everything," he said quietly, his gaze falling to his hands. "But I need you to understand, Alesia... I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for things to get this far."

Alesia felt her heart twist at his words, but she forced herself to remain calm, to hold on to the little bit of control she had left. "You didn't mean to hurt me? You didn't mean to betray me, Kaelan?" Her voice cracked on the last word, but she quickly recovered, locking eyes with him. "Tell me, then. Why did you marry Juwita? Was that not a choice you made?"

His expression faltered, and he ran a hand through his hair, clearly conflicted. "It wasn't... It wasn't as simple as that. It wasn't just about her. It was about my family, my legacy." He looked at her then, his eyes searching hers desperately. "I was pushed into a corner. My mother, Alesia... she-she made it clear that it was either her or me. If I didn't go through with it, I would lose everything."

Alesia's chest tightened as the weight of his words settled on her. She had known about his family's pressure, but hearing it from his own lips made the reality of it feel more suffocating than ever before. "So, you chose her. You chose them over me," she whispered, the hurt bubbling to the surface once more. "After everything we've been through... You chose to let them control you. And in the process, you lost me."

Kaelan's jaw tightened, his expression hardening for the briefest moment. "I didn't want to lose you. I never wanted to. But I didn't know how to fight anymore. I didn't know how to stand up to them without losing everything. And when you left, when you walked out of that house, I felt like I lost the only thing that mattered."

Alesia stared at him, her heart torn between anger and sorrow. How could he say that? How could he claim that he didn't know how to fight for her? Hadn't he chosen everything else over her for so long? Where had his fight gone then?

"I gave everything for you, Kaelan," she said, her voice cold, detached. "I gave everything for this marriage. And in return, you gave me nothing but betrayal."

There was silence between them, thick and suffocating. The words hung in the air, and Alesia felt herself drowning in them.

Kaelan finally spoke again, his voice low, almost pleading. "Alesia, I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't even expect you to take me back. But I'm asking you to believe me when I say that I love you. That I never stopped loving you."

Her eyes stung as she looked at him. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to hold on to the love they had shared, to fix what was broken. But she couldn't ignore the fact that his actions had shattered the foundation of their relationship. And no matter how much she wanted to believe in him, the truth was that things would never be the same.

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Kaelan," she said softly, her voice breaking.

And in that moment, she realized that there was no easy answer. There was no simple way out of this. The only thing she could do now was choose the path that was right for her.