Chapter 5 The Unrest

The shocked look on Mathew's face made Serena feel like she had just told him to kill his cat.

"Well, that could never be the case, as he already deemed having a pet undignified," she thought hysterically as she waited with bated breath for what he would say when he stood up slowly to face her.

"Are you crazy? I am sorry about my language, but I would never have expected such a talk from you. You just spoke like a dirty woman!" he exclaimed.

Serena forgot her apprehension as she narrowed her eyes at him. "Excuse me?"

"I do not want to say it, you know I wouldn't disrespect you," Mathew said as he rubbed his hand through his hair.

Then gave her a look that made her uncomfortable, "You are... You are talking like a wanton woman, like a loose woman. What has come over you, Serena? I thought you were better than that!"

"You do not want to disrespect me, you say? This sounds more than any disrespect anybody has ever accorded me recently, and, believe me, I am getting enough doses of it almost every day from all quarters. All quarters have been from you and your..." Serena cut herself off.

She did not want to fight. She did not want to, but she couldn't hold back her anger at how he made her feel as if something was wrong with her these days.

He had joined her at one of the many luncheons his mother threw the other day. She had been in a good mood and tried to hug and kiss him.

Mathew had only given her a half hug and evaded her kiss as he whispered harshly, "People are watching". She couldn't believe it.

Serena had questioned herself throughout that day.

Was she no longer attractive to him?

Was there something she was doing wrong?

When Mathew had told her the other day that what he had been attracted to in her was her brain, she wondered if that brain was no longer attractive now that she was just a housewife. A profession he and his family had enforced on her.

"Learn to be content with what you have. The good Lord has given you a good man to love you. You have to cherish him and behave as a good wife should" was the only answer she got from her mother when she tried to talk to her.

"With all due respect, your husband is a capital asshole. You are a damn gorgeous woman that deserves a lot better. I swear to God, Bo wouldn't dare try such shit with me" was what Amara had said right before she shouted that Bo should get his damn fine ass over there.

She wanted to believe Amara, who constantly told her that any man would kill to have her as a partner, but her friend's opinion didn't count when the man she wanted to see her like that was looking at her as if she had sprouted horns.

"I knew you were going to talk about my mother. This had nothing to do with her. It is not mother that's sitting in that flimsy nightgown and talking about..." He flung his arm aside like he couldn't even bring himself to pronounce the dirty word.

Her flimsy nightgown was a cotton material knee-length gown. "You couldn't even bring yourself to say it?"

"Sex!" He flung at her before he folded his arms like a belligerent child. "Happy now?"

"No, I am not," she said more softly, as she wondered why she had to rile him up "I just want us to have a normal conversation about this. Please sit down," he sat on the edge of the bed facing away from her.

"I know you want children, and you want us to have a family. I want what you want as well, but we have to do our part for it to happen. It wouldn't just happen on its own, you know. We have to..."

"Are you saying that I don't touch you? Don't we... make love?" He asked as he turned back to her.

Serena knew she had to tread gently.

She was not comfortable discussing the matter either. But she knew that if she did not say it now, not only could her nerves fail her later, but her husband would clam up once he knew that was what she wanted to talk about.

"Yes, we do. We do, but I don't think twice in a month is a feasible plan if we really want to start our family soon. I mean, even this month, we had not..."

"The month is not over yet, is it? What are you making it sound like I am depriving you of something important? It is not food, is it?" He snapped as he stood up again.

"Mathew, can you at least calm down and look at this from my point of view?"

"I see no point of view. The only thing I can see is that my wife deems it fit that waking me up at this ungodly hour is the right thing for a good wife to do. I have a job to go to in the morning and people to answer to, and my wife thinks talking about sex is what she should do!"

That word again. Good wife.

Serena sighed and looked up at the man she loved and thought would make her a happy home just like her father did for her mother.

A man who seemed to be changing right in front of her day by day and she wondered if she was not good enough for him, like his mother had hinted the other day.

"Mathew, are you unhappy?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Are you unhappy in this marriage? Am I... Am I not the right person for you?" Serena asked even as her subconsciousness whispered to her that she was only opening herself up for more pain.

"No, dear, what are you saying?" Mathew changed his voice and countenance again.

Serena could see the man she loved in his face as he climbed the bed to hold her. "Don't be silly. That is not it at all. I am happy with you. I just want you to correct some of your habits, you know. Mother said..."

He stopped when he felt Serena tense. Then he continued, 'Let's not talk about her. I need you to change for me and to accept me more for who I am. Stop bringing up all these ridiculous conversations that are unworthy of your status as a wife," he whispered to her as he held her and kissed her hair.

"I want you to find me attractive," she whispered, even as she admitted defeat that she still was unable to make him change his mind.

They had not even talked much about the main issue. It has been like this consistently lately.

She summoned her waning courage to tell him something, and, at the end of the day, she wouldn't get him to agree with her as she had promised herself, or she would end up apologising.

She decided to try again. "Can we have sex more than two times a month, Mat?"

His hand that was rubbing her back stilled. "I don't want to talk about that, and Mat sounds so rascally."

"But..."

He moved away from her and left the room without another statement. The next moment, she heard the droning sound of the TV set.

Serena looked at the bedside clock: "5:17 am."

She curled up tightly.

And tried to quiet the unrest in her.