Chapter 3 Torn between past and present

I walked past Marcus like he hadn't tried to have a conversation with me, something he had never done in public, he only wanted to talk to me on the phone.

I sat down on the same table as Nina, Victor and of course Ken who saw what had just taken place. "Do you know that guy?" a voice said from beside me, it was Ken. "What guy?" Nina said in a worried tone, she had guessed right, "it was Marcus I said" my eyes peering into hers trying to hide my sadness. Ken looked at Nina and I, as if trying to understand the situation. I'm sure Nina had told her boyfriend about my secret because of the way he looked at me. I was too sad to be mad at her.

Ken was the only one who looked confused..

I turned to look at him and I couldn't see a little bit of concern in his eyes...

Days went by so fast, with the continuous loop of hanging around Nina and Victor as they never missed their evening meetups. Ken made the experience more bearable as seeing him made me feel less alone.

"Lora, let's go" I heard Nina say one evening. At this point it was day 4 of camping at Goodwill, we were done for the day, and she was on her way to go see Victor by the garden area and wanted me to accompany her.

Did I mention it was a 4 week camp?

I guess not...

"I don't think I can come with you today, have fun" I said trying not to seem melancholic. Nina looked disappointed as she left me alone in the room. My phone buzzed, as I picked it up I saw a message notification from an unknown number, "let's go get ice cream". I had a confused look on my face, I had no idea who had just texted me, barely seconds later I got a call from the same number. "Hello" a familiar voice said from the other line, "Ken?" I said in disbelief. "I'm outside the girls quarters, uhmm" he hesitated... "I was hoping we could get some ice cream?I didn't want to be a third wheel so I was hoping we could hang out" he finally said. I had no idea what to say. How did he get my number? Why does he want to get ice cream, were these green flags??..

"Sure, I'll be out in a sec," I said, ending the call and wearing a top over my shorts.

"It's so difficult being a third wheel without you," Ken said as we walked away from the ice cream truck while holding small cups filled with ice cream. I got the chocolate flavored ice cream and he got the vanilla flavour.

It was our first time hanging out that wasn't induced by accompanying Nina and Victor.

"Those love birds will leave you squealing at their romance" I said without looking at him.

We soon found seats in the and we're deep in a conversation about a movie we had both watched. It turned out we were both movie freaks, and I was beginning to look at Ken as someone who could be my friend.

My phone beeped, it was a message notification from an unknown number. I recognized it, though I had deleted it a few months ago, "we need to talk", the message read. My eyes widened, it was Marcus. My heart skipped, "is everything okay?" Ken asked. I hadn't told Ken about my situationship with Marcus, I didn't feel the need.

"Lora?" Ken said as he reached for my free hand.

Our hands are touching, the feeling is electrifying. I had been trying to hide my attraction to Ken, but these gestures are driving me Insane.

I looked up at him, my breath fastened, his hand still holding mine. He looked into his eyes, and there it was again, that look, those eyes...

"I'm fine" I lied, I had to lie. How do I explain that just a simple text had me questioning my sanity all over again, how do I explain that the sender was never even mine?

I could tell that Ken didn't believe me, but he didn't ask further questions. I looked down at where Ken's and my hand touched and swallowed...

What are these feelings? Why can't I regulate my breathing, is he noticing how nervous I am?

His eyes were still on me. I pulled my hand away slowly, I don't want to be delusional anymore. This means nothing, he held my hand because I didn't answer, and that's all, there's nothing more to it, right?

There it is, the over-thinking...

"It's getting late, I should head back to my quarters", I finally quieted the voices in my head as I said to Ken. "I'll walk you back." he said as his eyes followed my movements...

"Don't worry about it, thank you so much for the ice cream." I said as I motioned to leave, I felt him grab my arm. "I insist," he said. He was standing, our height difference was very obvious, he was literally looking down at me, I was so small close to him. There it was again, those eyes. I was dying to ask him what it meant, the way he looked at me.

I needed to get away from him, his presence started to do things to me. Is this a crush? I guess it is...

"Maybe some other time Ken", I said, pulling away from his grip. He had no idea what his touch was doing to me.

He nodded, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then" he said, I turned to walk away, I couldn't feel his eyes on me as I walked away.

As I approached the girls quarters I could see someone standing at the entrance, that physique was familiar... oh my God, it was Marcus and from the look of things he had seen me already ...

"Nina, did you get my text?" he said as I got close. "What do you want?" I asked, emotionless, I don't know how I managed to pretend like I wasn't happy he wanted to talk to me, like I wasn't hoping he'd wanted to apologize for everything. Hold that thought for a moment. I'm attracted to Ken, no doubt and for that reason a part of me was hoping Marcus wasn't here to apologize.

"You've been ignoring me all week at camp, and you wouldn't even reply to my text, I had to come here." if it's something this man has, it's the audacity, after what happened he expects me to grant him an audience?

"I guess you've just never seen me when I'm not in love with you". I said as I walked past him and into the quarters, I went up to find my room empty, of course Nina's still out, I cried myself to sleep that night, it wasn't easy keeping up this act of being strong...

It was the beginning of the second week at camp, which meant we were almost halfway through...

I avoided physical contact with Ken, the nervousness had gone down two tones.

We were walking out of the lecture hall, Nina and Victor had ditched us, "Do you have plans for later?" Ken said, "not really, do you?" Before I could get a reply, my eyes fell on Penny. She and Marcus were in front of me with their arms around each other, I hated her so much. She was everything I wasn't. I hated her guts... maybe because I didn't have any. Maybe I didn't hate her, she was better than me and maybe that's why she got picked over me. Marcus, that bastard, he was begging me to talk to him a couple of days ago, here he is in someone else's arms...

Ken noticed what was going on and put his hand over my shoulder making me feel even smaller than I initially felt. Wait, did he know what transpired between Marcus and I? Either way, the feel of his hand on my shoulders eased the situation. I could feel Marcus looking in our direction, but I didn't care, I really didn't care...