Chapter 4 Jealous

"No, Ina, you must stay here. Why are you feeling restless? Isn't this what you wanted? Are you jealous? But as far as I know, you're not 'normal,' right? Just like you always say?" I swallowed hard, staring at the glint in his eyes.

"So, don't feel burdened by Rara's presence..." he continued, walking away, leaving me alone. I exhaled, feeling a tightness in my chest.

"I'm not jealous, but I don't know what's stirring inside me," I whispered, clutching my chest. Unknowingly, tears began to fall. There was a pain I couldn't explain or define.

Two days passed, and I started to grow closer to Rara, but the two of them were busy preparing for an out-of-town trip.

That evening, while tidying up the room, Feri and Rara arrived. I didn't know where they had been. I sighed and walked to the door to open it since I hadn't hired a housekeeper yet. Taking care of Feri wasn't hard, but serving him more intimately was. Maybe I should consider hiring help in the future because I didn't want to end up being Rara's servant.

"Where have you two been?" I asked.

"Rara and I just finished preparing everything for our trip. We wanted something special for this one," he replied. I exhaled softly and responded.

"Oh, busy, huh? Why Rara?" I muttered, slightly teasing.

"Yes, and maybe tomorrow, I'll leave. Rara wants to spend more time with me. I also want a special place. Isn't that what you suggested? That I could have someone else for my... biological needs?" he explained.

I swallowed hard, exhaling with a heavy chest.

"Oh, whatever. But for how long? I can't stay alone here, can I?" I asked.

"Not long, just about a week."

"A week?"

"Yes, a week."

"But she-" my words were cut off as Feri interrupted.

"You understand, don't you, Ina?" Feri said firmly. I froze, glancing between the two of them.

"Fine, just do whatever you want," I said, turning and walking back into the house. They both followed me in.

"Ina, aren't you coming with us?" Rara asked. Reflexively, I shook my head and answered.

"No need, Ra. I'll just stay home. I don't need to be there," I said.

"Hmm, alright. But are you sure you're okay with me 'borrowing' Feri for a few days?" she teased.

"Don't bring that up. Don't joke about it; I don't like it," I replied, irritated.

"Hehe, sorry." She gave a small smile. I shot her a sharp look before heading to my room.

"Where are you going? Aren't you joining us for dinner?" she called out. I turned back and reflexively shook my head.

"Come on, Ina, don't be like that..." she pleaded. I sighed softly and asked.

"Did you bring food?" I asked flatly. Rara smiled awkwardly.

"Hehe, no," she said with a wide grin.

"Then?" I replied, confused.

"What about your cooking? Haven't you made anything?" Feri chimed in. I sighed deeply and said,

"What? Do I always have to cook? I've been cooking every day. Maybe just once, Rara should cook. I'm not in the mood," I said. They both looked surprised.

"But I don't know how to cook," Rara complained. I sighed again and replied,

"That's why you should learn! Go to the kitchen and make something for Feri. After all, you two are so close," I instructed. Rara whined and looked at Feri for support.

"I told you, we should've eaten out earlier. Maybe Ina already ordered something," she grumbled. I sighed once more and walked away from them.

"But darling? Are you sure you've eaten?" Feri asked, stopping me. I turned and saw his expression.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"If not, let me take you out. Maybe Rara and I will go eat again. It might take a while."

"Go ahead. I've already eaten," I replied, even though, in truth, I hadn't had an appetite all day.

"Alright, Ra, let's go," Feri said curtly, holding Rara's hand. I just stood there, watching everything.

"Uffft..." I sighed and went back to my room. I collapsed onto the bed, staring blankly at the wall as my mind drifted far into the past.

_____

"I grew up with a dark past, a childhood filled with family destruction.

I am a child who witnessed firsthand how cruel my father was in treating my mother, both in everyday life and in the bedroom."

A hard slap flew to my mother's cheek, I could clearly see my father who was trying so hard to hurt my mother, forcing me to have sex without caring about me.

Many times the eyes of this little girl saw rough sexual scenes. My father has a hypersexual disease, because of his behavior, I was traumatized by this problem, I have an anti-sex disease in the doctor's language frigid or you could say I have a phobia. Because as far as I know, sex is just torture.

My father is unemployed, it's not that he's stupid, it's just that. He doesn't want to try, he's a top graduate in economics. He worked for a while, then he chose to sit back at home and tell my mother to work. And surprisingly, after all those crimes, my mother is always obedient to her husband, I hate my mother's attitude which prioritizes my awful father too much. Maybe this is one of the reasons I hate love, my mother is too obedient, enslaved by love which makes it difficult for me to understand the word love.

"Even I, myself, my father was cruel enough to hurt and even abuse me.

As a child who was once a victim of abuse by my own father, I experienced deep mental trauma.

And worse, my mother abandoned me in an orphanage. She didn't care that her husband was so cruel to his child. She was blinded by love, hiding behind the belief that a woman must obey her husband.

My mother forgot that there was a child who desperately needed her protection.

Since then, I stopped believing in love and hated the touch of men."