Chapter 4 My true feelings

Chapter 4

She gasped, not expecting him to feel that way. She thought Erin was just playing with her because he loves thrill and fun, but she didn't know he had a deeper reason. Any woman approached by such a handsome man would think he just wants to play because he has nothing better to do.

Erin was giving her signs, but she was acting oblivious so she wouldn't get her hopes up. She thought he might be playing with her and slowly wrapping her around his finger to get what he wanted, but it turned out differently. He was actually telling the truth that she caught his attention and heart. She thought it was just a lame line to make her give in quickly. She didn't know he was expressing his true feelings, and she mistook it as a joke.

"E-Erin, I-"

"Please don't." He cut her off and looked away. "Please don't talk about it anymore. I don't know why I'm doing this. I wasn't like this before, even when I liked a girl. I always gave way because I knew in the end I would lose. But now? I'm doing the contrary. I'm not like this, but I'm willing to do something bad just to be with you. I know you're married, but let me show you how much I love you."

She was hurt because she didn't know how to reject this man.

"W-Why are you telling me this?" She couldn't help but ask. Usually, men don't immediately confess their love, especially when they love a woman deeply because they're afraid of the consequences.

"Because I'm tired of keeping my feelings when I fall in love. I always hide my true feelings, so I want to change that. Maybe if I confess, something will change." He looked at her, and pain was visible in his amber eyes. "I fell in love with two women before, but they didn't know I had feelings for them. I was afraid to confess because I knew they only saw me as a friend, and they already had someone in their lives. I could see the love in their eyes while looking at their men. I didn't want to ruin their relationships because of my feelings. I was already happy seeing them happy with their own families." He chuckled painfully. "You know what? That's why I had a lot of women before, to try to move on and divert my attention, and it worked sometimes. That way, they didn't notice my secret feelings. It took me six months to finally move on from them."

That's why he wants to do something different, but he did it to the wrong person. She's not the right person for him. No matter how you look at it, it's really wrong. She's already married, while this man is single and not yet married. He can still have any woman he likes with his looks and personality. But thinking of that makes her heart hurt.

"I-If you moved on already, why are you still in pain?"

He chuckled lifelessly. "I'm not in pain because of them. It's because of you. I'm hurt by the fact that you're already owned by someone else and it's not me. It's like déjà vu. My life feels like a cycle. I want to be happy like other people, but I always find myself unconsciously engaging with someone who's already committed."

She felt hurt for him. She didn't expect this man to always be hopeless in love. Always unlucky in love, and her conscience was eating her up because she didn't know he already suffered a lot with committed women. She just added to his trauma, and she's not proud of that.

"Erin, I-I'm sorry, I don't know what to say."

She didn't know why, but she felt sorry for him. She's also at fault for why they ended up like this because she gave him mixed signals. If she knew about his past with women, she wouldn't have made him her affair.

He shook his head and smiled at her. "No, don't be sorry," he said hoarsely, caressing her left cheek with his thumb. "I'm the one who offered myself first, and I'm willing to face the consequences, even if it means you're going to hurt me throughout the journey of our affair."

Why is he like this?

Is there still a man like him, willing to be used and hurt just for the woman he loves?

She swallowed hard and looked down. "E-Erin, about the affair. I-I want it to stop. I want my daughter to have a complete and happy family, and I think I was just too mad when I thought I needed to get revenge on my husband."

She had already thought carefully about this decision.

"Hmmm? You're saying?"

"I'm trying to say that I'm willing to stop this setup of ours, even before we start because I don't want to hurt my daughter. She's too young to witness her own family slowly breaking apart. I want to fix my family and not think about getting back at Tyson. I can see that he's already making efforts to fix our marriage. I can't blame him for cheating on me because we don't love each other. We just tied the knot due to our parents' businesses."

Without emotion, he looked at her. "Cheating can't be justified by any lame excuses, Mi Reina. It's a choice, and you're doing this because you chose to teach him a lesson. Not because you have needs like Tyson. I don't understand your husband for cheating with that ugly creature. If I were in his shoes, I would respect my wife and treat her like I treat my own mother, even if I'm not in love with her. That's my way of being a husband on paper. If there's another woman who catches my attention while I'm still married, I will talk to my wife and tell her about it. I would say I want to separate from her in a good way because I don't want my new love interest to feel like she's my other woman. I want to be honest and true to her. I don't want to involve her in my messy status, so I would make a way to eliminate any reasons that might cause her trauma or anger towards me."

She was amazed at how he saw things. He seemed like a dangerous person, but he had a way of showing his kindness inside, which made her feel inexplicable emotions starting to corrupt her system.

"But you're not him," she almost whispered.

"That's the saddest part. He has his own perspective, and it's full of bullsh*t."

"Erin, I'm serious. We n-need to stop this."

He took a deep breath. "Are you really sure about this?"

Something was whispering in her mind not to cut their relationship, but she wanted to do the right thing for Easter. She only wanted her happiness, not her own.

"Y-Yes,"

"Okay, if that's what you want. I won't push it anymore, even if I really want to. I'm also thinking about your daughter's situation if we continue this affair. I want to see her happy too. It's funny because, at first, I was determined to steal you from your husband, but when I saw the portrait of the three of you, I felt jealous, but my conscience prevailed for the child. I can see that she's happy with her parents, and I don't want to break those precious, sweet smiles of Easter for the sake of my own feelings...again."

She just looked down while he spoke. He's a good man, and it's breaking her heart when she senses pain in his tone while talking about her daughter. He is a good person because he is not only thinking about her but also her innocent child.

"I need to go. I'm sorry for everything I did. I'm just really in love with you. I just wanted to try if I could have you. It's exhausting to always give in, so for the third time I fell in love, even if it was wrong, I took the chance even if it was highly unlikely you would be mine. You don't need to feel sorry for me because I knew this day would come. At least I tried my best to make you mine, r-right?" He turned his back to her as his voice broke.

"E-Erin, so-"

"I said don't be sorry. You're making me look like the most pitiful person in the world right now." He laughed and forced a cheerful tone before turning to her. It was obvious he had cried because of his red eyes and nose. Even though the room was dark, she could still see his whole face and every small reaction that appeared.

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I didn't regret meeting you. Maybe God just sent me here to test your loyalty to your husband, and he's so damn lucky to have a beautiful and loyal wife like you. You chose to stop this because you're worried about the family you both built. You kissed me and allowed me to be your lover for a short time, but throughout those moments, I actually didn't feel like you were cheating on him because I could see that you were still thinking of him and your daughter's sake. I salute you for that."

"E-Erin." She was crying for an unknown reason. He slowly stepped back.

"This is our goodbye, then?" A crystal tear slowly rolled down his left cheek. And she knows if the tear that falls first is from the left eye, it means it was from too much pain. "B-Be happy for me, Mi Reina. I'm hoping for your happiness and for Easter's. Even if it means I'm not the reason for it." Along with his last words, he suddenly vanished into the darkness, leaving her crying while clutching her aching chest.

"Sweetie?"

Her husband entered, his face showing concern. He approached her on the bed and hugged her while caressing her back.?

To Be Continued...