Chapter 4 I am starting to regret

As I walked away from the tense encounter, I felt a subtle shift within my body. It was as if my cells were recalibrating, my nervous system unwinding, and my muscles relaxing. The tension that had been coiled within me like a spring began to unravel, releasing its hold on my physical form.

With each step, I felt my body returning to its natural state, like a river flowing back into its tranquil course. My heartbeat slowed, my breathing deepened, and my mind cleared. The fog of anxiety and stress lifted, revealing a sense of clarity and calm.

As the minutes ticked by, I felt my body fully return to normal, like a soft breeze on a summer day. My thoughts were no longer clouded by the emotional turmoil, and I was able to think with precision and clarity. I felt grounded, centered, and at peace.

It was as if my body had been holding its breath, waiting for the storm to pass. And now, with the calm after the storm, I felt rejuvenated, refreshed, and ready to face whatever lay ahead.

As I walked into the hospital pharmacy, the familiar scent of antiseptic and medication enveloped me, usually a comforting smell. But today, it hit my senses like a ton of bricks. My stomach, still fragile from the earlier ordeal, revolted against the pungent aroma.

I tried to breathe through my mouth, hoping to bypass the offensive smell, but it was too late. My body had already reacted, my gut churning with a sudden wave of nausea. I felt a cold sweat break out on my forehead as my vision began to blur.

I rushed towards the bathroom, my heart racing with a sense of urgency. I barely made it to the toilet before my body expelled the contents of my stomach, the force of the vomit leaving me gasping for air.

I slumped against the wall, my body shaking with exhaustion and my mind reeling with frustration. Why now? I thought, my head spinning. I had thought I was past the worst of it. But it seemed my body had other plans.

As I sat on the floor, my head leaning against the cold wall, I heard a gentle knock on the bathroom door. I groggily opened my eyes to see Victoria's concerned face peeking through the crack.

"I'm so sorry for intruding," she said, her voice soft and apologetic. "I saw you rush into the bathroom and I thought you might need some help. Have you tested yourself?"

I shook my head, still trying to catch my breath. "No, no, I'm fine," I managed to stammer. "Just a little...overwhelmed."

Victoria's eyes filled with understanding, and she nodded sympathetically. "You are a doctor, Mirabel you should test yourself, your face seem pale are you pregnant?"

"Oh my goodness, no!" I exclaimed, my eyes widening in shock as I instinctively clutched my stomach. The mere suggestion sent my mind reeling, my heart racing with a mix of fear and disbelief.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut, the wind knocked out of me. Pregnant? How could that be? I wasn't ready, I wasn't prepared. The thought of a tiny human growing inside me was both exhilarating and terrifying.

As I looked down at my stomach, I felt a wave of emotions wash over me. My mind raced with questions and doubts, my heart fluttering like a bird in my chest. I felt like my whole world had been turned upside down, like everything I thought I knew was being challenged.

"No, no, no," I whispered, shaking my head in disbelief. "It can't be. I'm not ready for this." But deep down, a small voice whispered, "What if?"

Victoria's eyes filled with concern as she rushed back into the room, a small bag clutched in her hand. "Here, I got these for you," she said, her voice soft and gentle. "Just to be sure, okay?"

I felt a lump form in my throat as I took the pregnancy tests from her, my hands shaking like leaves. I didn't want to know, didn't want to face the possibility. But deep down, I knew I had to.

I stumbled to the bathroom, the tests feeling like a ticking time bomb in my hand. I couldn't bear the thought of being trapped, of my life changing in ways I wasn't ready for.

As I waited for the results, my mind raced with fears and doubts. What if I was? What if my life was never going to be the same again?

The minutes ticked by like hours, each second feeling like an eternity. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, staring into an abyss of uncertainty.

Finally, I worked up the courage to look at the results. My heart sank, my world crashing down around me. The little plus sign seemed to mock me, taunting me with its presence.

I felt like I was drowning, suffocating under the weight of my own fears. I slid down the wall, the tests falling from my hand like tears from my eyes.

I wept with anguish, my hands covering my face as if to hide from the truth. My screams were muffled, suppressed to a mere whisper, as if I was afraid to let the world hear my pain. I doubled over, my fists clenched, and struck my stomach with a desperate plea, as if I could will away the life growing inside me.

"Oh, God, please," I begged, my voice cracking with sorrow. "Take it away. Take it back. I'm not ready, I'm not ready."

I slid to the floor, my body shaking with sobs, my mind reeling with the weight of my predicament. I felt like I was losing myself, like I was drowning in a sea of despair.

"Why, why, why?" I whispered, my voice barely audible. "Why did this have to happen to me?"

The tears flowed like a river, streaming down my face like a torrent of grief. I was a mother, yet I felt like a child, lost and alone, crying out for someone to save me from this nightmare.

But there was no one. There was only me, alone with my fear, my shame, and my secret.