Chapter 5 A Moment of Comfort

[Rosalynd]

It's weird, standing in some strange man's kitchen, trying to remember what he said about tea. Especially when you were too busy watching him walk away...

Good God! I don't know why I'm suddenly all hot and bothered. My heart is still broken over the hurt I received from Hunter's betrayal--I'm not ready to start something new, but here I am, fantasizing about someone I hardly know. Yes, he's manly in ways I've never experienced, animalistic and raw, while still tender and considerate. He's nothing at all like the little punk boys I dated back home. He is a man with a life, a home, and a son. Wow. That means the boy has a mother somewhere, which means he might still be married.

I'm also not 100% sure he isn't a serial killer.

Can serial killers also be good fathers?

Shaking my head at my silliness, I take a look around as I wait for the tea to brew.

Axel's house is simply stunning. Set on a hill overlooking the river, it is made of wood and glass, with exposed beams overhead and hardwood floors covered with cozy, rich carpets. There is a tidy, yet "lived-in" quality to the place, giving a vibe of comfortable luxury. There are built-in shelves along the hallway next to the kitchen. My curiosity guides me to a family portrait. He is standing next to a tall woman with exaggerated curves, a red-lipped smile, and a dress that seems out of place in such a rustic environment. Axel is wearing a plaid shirt, hiking boots, and a huge smile as he holds a tiny bundle in his massive, muscular arms. One thing I notice about the picture is the distance between him and the woman. She looks like an afterthought that was photoshopped into the image.

I wonder if she is Rafael's mother.

They don't look very happy together.

"She never did like it here," a deep voice resonates from behind me. I jump as he places a careful hand on my shoulder. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's just that you surprised me." I gasp. He did scare the crap out of me but I wasn't about to admit it. "I didn't hear you walk up."

"I have that way about me," Axel smirks confidently as if he is sure of his place in the world.

"Is that Rafael's mother?" I ask nervously, fearing he might find my question intrusive.

He rubs the back of his neck as if considering how much to share. "Yeah," he confesses. That's Alexa, my mate."

"Mate? As in partner?

He swallows before answering. "Mate. Partner. Wife." He confesses. "Although we were married in the traditional sense, she was also so much more." He pauses, swallowing. "Once."

"Where is she?" I ask quietly. "If that isn't too forward a question to ask?"

"Moved down south, San Francisco I think. I don't keep tabs on her anymore."

"But you have a son..."

"Yes," his voice is a bit harsh. "I have a son. She gave up the right to be his mother; she left without a second glance. He was still a baby, a baby who needed her, but she didn't care. She has never tried to contact him. She handed over full custody when she moved in with my beta..st friend He doesn't even remember her anymore," he trips over his words a bit as if he misspoke. "Sorry, I just.."

"I think I understand, in a way, but I have no idea how much pain you must be in," I admit. "I have never been in a relationship that lasted that long, or at least not one that serious. You have a child together and.."

"And he is the best thing in my life." he interrupts me. "Even knowing what I know now, I'd do it all again to have him in my life."

I turn to face him, wondering what it must feel like to be happy for a mistake that led to a miracle.

His honey-colored eyes are edged with unshed tears. I place an uncertain hand on his cheek and say, "You're a good father."

He smiles at me, a tear rolling down his cheek. "Thank you." Rubbing his face against my hand, almost like a big puppy, I feel the warmth of his breath as he kisses my wrist. "I think I needed to hear that."

The blood rushes up to my face. There is something about his raw appreciation of such a simple gesture that just makes me come apart. Is it possible that he needs a bit of affection as much as I do?

We stand there, eyes locked, for some time, neither one of us wanting to be the first to move, the first to break this moment of intimacy.

Licking my lips I ask, "Does it ever hurt less? The heartbreak?"

His head leans closer to mine as he whispers, "I'll let you know when I know," as he places a gentle kiss on my cheek, near but not quite touching my mouth.

My knees begin to shake. I have always heard the term "weak in the knees" but never understood what it means until that moment. I almost fall back, but he catches me around the waist, hugging me to his chest.

"Careful now," he murmurs into my hair. "I don't know all of what you've been through, but if you need somewhere to be, someone to cry on, I'm here. You can count on me. I'll never betray you or take advantage of you." Wrapping his arms firmly around me he adds. "I can be your friend...if you let me."

And that is when the tears start to fall. Even with Hunter, I never felt like he cared that much about how I was feeling deep inside. As long as we were having fun together, everything worked. But this man who barely knew me is offering me friendship, simple friendship without any strings attached.

Would Hunter have been willing to be "just friends"? Would he have been there for the misery as well as the joy?

Something tells me no.

But Axel, I have a feeling Axel would be. He would take the good along with the bad.

Maybe he has also been waiting for someone to be that person for him.

As I weep, I pull him into a tighter hug and he places gentle kisses on my hair, my eyes, and my cheeks. These were not the kisses of a lover, but kisses of comfort, filling a basic human need for touch.

"Shhhhh. I've got you," he whispers as he rubs my back. "I'm here for you."

At that moment, I felt like I could believe every word he was saying.

"I know we just met," he speaks awkwardly into my hair, not yet meeting my gaze. "but I was wondering...maybe.."

"Maybe?"

"Maybe we could hang out sometime."

"As friends..." my breath catches. I'm not sure, but I think I might want to be much more than that. "What if I don't need any more friends?" I ask.

Smiling into my hair he adds "I'll be anything you need me to be."