Chapter 2 Part 2

I wonder the engagement ring that is still in my hands. It's been 3weeks.its been three weeks since I've been drowning into this pain. There's no time I cry, there's no time I mock and blame myself ... and there's no time that I ask what was wrong on me.

"Ate saichel, ..." Sahnea promised as she entered my room. She walks closer to me but I'm still in the engagement ring.

"Ate saichel, you need to dress up, we have something to go..it is ok?" He asked but I didn't respond. I heard her deep sigh, before she walked more closer on me.

"Look at me Ate saichel, please get back yourself ..." In the three weeks ago, that was what Sahnea always had to say. Because I have no day to lose and have no appetite at all. I don't even go out if my room.

"A-Alright.I think next time nal ------" she suddenly stopped talking as I finally spoke.

"I-ll just take a bath .." I have no promise. She looked at me before she left me in my room. Although I have no appetite at all, I do not want to worry and burden my brother especially and I am older. She is what I have now. I stand up even though my knees are weak. I put the engagement ring at my bed side table and went inside the CR.

Although I was still wearing clothes, I sat down in the bathtub. I firmly hold the faucet beside it and the bathtub begins to have water. I felt the coldness of the water on my body, as I felt my tears falling from eyes for over again.

Is something really missing me? Am I not enough, am I not suit for their love? Why this sh*t happens on me! For over billions of people in the world why did I ever choose to feel it? Why am I still the only one who can experience this disease? Im good, I always put first priority all the people around me before myself, but why is this the replacement? Did I do something wrong? If anything is too heavy? Is it too big for them to feel this pain? F*ck! Everytime, .. Everytime I ask why the h*ll I'm in this situation. I'm not strong to stay in this situation, I'm weak, I'm a loser. I lose when it comes to heart, I'm emotionally weak so why me?

I cry and cry over again. My moans show how much I hurt. How painful I feel. I want to end this! I want to finish it! I'm tired, I'm so tired of crying and asking what I miss. As I lift up my head I saw the blade just near the bath tub. Slowly I acted to reach that. I stare for it for a seconds, does it make feel numb forever? If I end myself, will everything end?

There were many questions in my mind until I felt pain physically. It was as if I was slapped by reality, as I saw myself c*utting my own wrist. Bl ** d scattered all around the tub, as I continue to cut my wrist. It was repeated and a few times but I didn't have the strength to stop, as if I didn't care and I was just waiting for the masses to hear myself when I heard the knock on the CR door.

"Ate! Ate saichel!"

"Ate saichel! Ate saichel what are you doing? You took so long!" It shouted but I was silent and only the flow of overflowing water here in the bathtub was heard.

"Ate!

"A-ate please, O-open this D-Door!" As I heard her crying, it seemed like I was human. Gradually my physically hurting myself stopped. Will I leave the only person I have for those who hurt me? Did I just leave my sister and let her suffer from the pain as I left her? And with that I gradually got up even though my body was pounding. It was as if I had the strength and opened the door a

of CR.

And there I saw my sister crying. Her worried and shocked face stare at me before hugging me tightly

"Omy Gosh! Ate Saichel!" She cried and then hurriedly took the bath towel in the CR and put it on my wrist.

"A-te! W-what are you doing on yourself!"

"Are you leaving me? Ate h-I can't! I can't Ate! My guilt will haunt me forever if anyone happens to you! Because it's just me! Just the pain you have! Ate please don't do things such like this! " I saw how worried my younger sister is. I rubbed her face slowly before I smile on her. A smile of assurance that I'm gonna be strong.

"S-sorry ..." I only promise here but it is still sobbing. How many times have I been sorry here. Over and over again because I feel like I'm selfish. I never thought it would hurt and it would be difficult for me to take my own life.

"I-its fine n-now .... I-im gonna b-be strong n-now ... a-ate w-will get back already ..." I moaned here before I could feel it.

This time I'll be stronger. There's no way I will cry again for them. I'm enough, I'm loveable and definitely worthy. I just spin my life and attention to people who are abusing my innocence. This time, I'll be more stronger, ..........

I woke up early and did my morning routine. For the first time again after what happened on me, now I just felt like I was awake again. As I finish, I fix my self and bun my hair. I went through the kitchen and started to prepare a breakfast for me and my sister.

"You're early ate .." Sahnea said, obviously just waking up. She even still wearing her pajamas set.

"Hmm .. sit down I'm preparing our breakfast .." I said with my sweet smile. She looked at me while smiling before she opened her arms and hugged me.

"I miss this side of you Ate Saichel. I miss it so much ..." he promised so I faced it and grabbed the other cheeks and slightly shook his head.

"I miss this too Sahnea.I miss to wake up without worrying, with those anxiety. I miss to wake up and live my life as if it was my last ...." I smiled here. The second time I smile now. This is how it feels when you are released from the pain you've been through.

We had our breakfast just like before. We happily had a little chitchat while eating, smiling and laughing like nothing bad happened. And I think, this is life. We've been undergo pain because it's not always fun. But as you accept, you'd feel the unexplainable relief in your heart that gives you a freedom to be happy again.

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"Look, how good is the dress right?" Sahnea smiled as she pointed to a dress at a boutique of this mall. And yep, we're on the mall because I want to slow down the sarile, for a while I have been in the condo for a while so I want to get out of the car's care for Sahnea too.

"You want it?" I asked and he nodded quickly.

"Ok then, let's go!" I was here so I immediately pulled it into the boutique.

We spend a lot of time shopping, we eat on one of the resto in this mall, go to the arcade area, and watch a movie in the cinema. It is also fun to have fun, to smile and enjoy while slowly forgetting a bad memory.

"It's exhausting. But it's worth it. Because my old sister is back in my old sister!" Sahnea smiled, so I slightly messed up her hair.

"Ill do my best to be a better version of myself. Not for them, but for you and me Sahnea ..., let's go home." I smiled here and invited her home to the condo.

We're safely arrive at our condo without any hassle. We talk while walking to the lobby until we get inside the elevator.

"Ate saichel, .." he called me

"Hmm ..?" I promise here

"What are you planning about our parents arrival. All I know is that next month they are coming home from Canada."

"I don't know, just for now, I want to be fully recovered, before I make a decision .." I replied and the elevator opened.

Sahnea and I both stunned to see who was in front of our condo unit.

"What brings you here?" Sahnea asked seriously before blocking me as if protecting me.

"I-I j-just what to talk ..." calmly and moaning its promise

"Talk? Ate shantall have you been got amnesia huh?!" But I just step forward and I'm in the middle. After all, it was me and my traitor sister Shantall and cheater ex-fiancee were involved in the mess, not Sahnea.

"Enough." I'm cold promise

"S-Saichel .. Let's talk please" I see the plea to talk to me but I just ignore. Why? I give them trust and love, but at the end they just cheated on me. I do my best just for them but at the end I just became poor. They give me a reason to be hard and cold on them.

"For what? Ah, if you just explain, thank you for leaving."

"Y-Youve changed ..." It couldn't believe it but I just laughed.

"I changed? Do I really changed?" sarcastic question here

"..... well it was bcoz of your disgusting and trashy sh*tty attitude!" She's my older sister but the h*ll I care! They don't even respect me first!

"You're rude saichel! I'm still your older sister!"

"A traitor and snake older sister. Is that what you want to pertain on me? Well if that, no worry because I'm aware again after what I saw." I said while mocking her. I could see the fists of its fists as if it had been torn in my words. Tskk! He was obviously hit by my words.

"I'm wrong, yes I am! But it doesn't mean you won't respect me anymore! I'm older than you and you supposed to be respect me Saichel!"

"Expecting me to respect you? Are you different too? I wonder how thick your face is, and you can say that after what you did on me!" I do it.

*/Pakkk! "I didn't mean to slapped her but she urged me to do that so.

"How dare you!" It promised

"How dare you too! You're begging to talk at me but you don't know how to be humble? You can't even admit the embarrassing you are doing to your own brother?!" I know she's my sister. But knowing what she did on me? The effects of what he did to me, Gray and Gray, seemed to be losing my appetite.

"I didn't be sorry for what I did. Bcoz I know, you deserve it."

"Please saichel, don't tell it to our family .." began to promise. But I just ignored her.

"I'm not the only one who knows the shame you made Ate Shantall. I don't need to speak for our family to know the truth. Someone will do it for me mark my words."

"........... I wonder how our family get disgust for the Oh so called the first child of the family disgusted act .." I promised before leaving it and immediately went inside the condo unit.

I admitted I lost respect on her. But it was all because of the pain they caused on me. They change me, ... they let my evil side to show up.