Chapter 5 Rudi

MY HEART dropped to the pit of my stomach. Heat rushed to my face. I filet bile rise up my throat but gulped it down, refusing to falter in front of the alpha. He couldn't see the other side of me, the side I hid from myself more than anyone else.

I looked down and stepped back, only to have him grab my wrist and pull me closer, bodies flushed against each other's.

He was warm. So warm.

"What have I done?" His thick brows were furrowed, the bright blue of his swirling with concern.

He probably hadn't realized it, but his grip on my wrist was tightening by the second, almost as though he was afraid I was going to run away. My wolf howled at the action, turning my thoughts into a whirlwind of unrecognizable emotions.

The warmth he emitted was more than maddening, urging me to cozy up to him; an urge that was hard to fight.

In all honesty, I didn't know what to say. He hadn't done anything wrong. My head was just processing everything so slowly. Too slowly.

"Speak, will you?" His tone was anxious more than annoyed, pulling at the strings of my heart.

"I-" My voice cracked, "I don't know what to say,"

An uncomfortable silence enveloped us, filled with tension and unspoken words; his hand still wrapped around my wrist and my body still inches away from his.

His eyes watched my every move, re assessed the curves of my face and laid hypnotized by my green orbs. It's almost as though he couldn't stop looking into them. Every time he'd look at my cheek, my nose, my lips, he'd just go back to my eyes. Those damned eyes I ached to rip out with my bare claws.

"I can hear your heart all the way from here, verde," His voice was honey, velvety and smooth, but his face, it was a whole other story.

Upturned eyes, Roman nose, plump lips and sharp features that could cut through you like a knife.

I clenched my fists, hating the way he read me.

"I can hear yours too,"

"I'm glad," He said, chest vibrating.

His response evoked the tiniest smile out of me, forcing me to look into his ocean eyes. They were tired, dark circles shading the edges of his orbs. His skin was clear, but it definitely wasn't new; with scars littering his canvas like stars on the wondrous Milky Way which left me wondering, how many centuries has this man, the man I was supposed to share half my soul with, lived? How many lives had he taken? How much power did he hold in the palm of his hand?

How much blood?

"You're my royal guard?" His breath fanned my face.

"Yes," I said, tone shaky.

His scent was driving me crazy. It was overriding my ability to breath.

A look of relief passed through his eyes.

"What was your score?"

"199," 1 mistake, one that wasn't even considered a fault because I'd beaten my opponent. That's all I'd gotten, but the General thought otherwise.

"What's your name?" His grip on my wrist softened at the mention of my name, but he didn't want to let go.

I didn't want him to let go.

Why the fuck did I not want him to let go?

"Dimah Qazi,"

His eyes darkened.

"Your pack?"

"I have no pack,"

The void of silence I'd feared rushed back to the surface. I could tell I'd caught him off guard, that was obvious, but I didn't know wether he was disappointed or just surprised. I hoped it was the latter.

I didn't understand this bond, why it was making everything so blurry, why it was fogging up my mind so I had no words to speak. His heat, the energy he emitted was so completely overwhelming. Every damned breath I took was of him. The Alpha. All I could breath think and smell of was the Alpha and it was driving me insane.

"What is your name?" Do not dare call him by his name, I remembered what Nina had instructed me not to do, back when I was solely the Royal Guard.

I was going to be the royal guard and his bond mate. The other half of his soul. I deserved to know his name and call him by it.

"Why do you ask?" He rose a curious brow, eyes running down the length of my body.

"The goddess gave you half of my soul," My voice was low; barely a whisper, "I deserve to know who I'm sharing that part of me with,"

I watched his chest move up in one fluid motion, and go down the same way. His gaze was too powerful for me, the slight amber in his blue orbs disgustingly beautiful. tiring to look at. It was only then I realized how tightly his shirt has clung onto him, how his shoulders stretched like mountains and his hands, rough and ragged.

His finger tipped my chin upwards, encouraging me to look into him, into the soul I would be given.

"Alpha Rudi Belluci, Dimah," He uttered my name as though each letter weighed a thousand words, effortlessly yet with so much fervor.

Rudi.

His name was Rudi.

Such a gentle name consisting of just 4 letters, each dainty and delicate in their own way; yet the man who wore those letters was anything but. He was rugged, large and held a dark aura that forced those around him into submission they could not deny nor fight.

I'd found the contrast enchanting.

"I've dreamt of you," He said, letting go of my chin.

"How so?"

"Your eyes," I gulped, "Though in my dreams, they're a much darker green. Like the leaves of the untamed forests trees during a storm," He tilted his head to the side, almost examining me, "They're all I can see now,"

I despised mothers eyes.

"I sense that I've angered you," He said.

"You haven't,"

"What makes you think I've stopped listening to the best of your heart?" And my lie was caught.

"Why are you listening to my heartbeat?"

"To make sure those green eyes are real. That they're not part of my damned dreams," Rudi's replies were thought well and came out strong.

He looked to be restraining himself, the veins on his neck prominent along with those on his hands. Rudi was holding back, for me, because he wasn't sure I had accepted him or not. He wasn't forcing himself on me, he wasn't intruding into my life like his mother, he wasn't urging me to spill the secrets of my past like everyone else had.

It intrigued me.

What had intrigued me more, though, was the scar that had swiveled from the top of his neck to the inside of his shirt.

Without thinking, I rose my hand and placed a finger onto his scar, itching to feel the texture of his seasoned skin, only to have him grab my wrist and stop me.

"I would love it if you touched me right now, verde, but I fear I would not be able to control myself," He kept a soft grip on my hand this time, making sure it wasn't touching his scar, "I much prefer our first meeting to be civilised,"

I nodded, swallowing, "Understood,"

All I could do was watch as he took my hand and rose it to his lips only to place a wet kiss onto the slightly bruised skin of my knuckles. His lips were unimaginably soft, sending my heart racing into directions I didn't know existed in my body.

Everything about him executed masculinity. All but his name. I wondered, maybe that's why we weren't allowed to call him by his first name. Maybe that's why I'd just found out the name of the king of all wolves.

His eyes held so many presents. Secrets I had to unravel until I was able to reach the borders of his heart and cross them, but until then, I had to wait.

"You can not be my royal guard,"

A stab to my chest.

Instantaneously, I slid my wrist out of his grip.

"Why is that?"

"You will be a holding a position lower than you deserve,"

"I did not beat all those high-born boys to be told that I will not be given the title I have worked 6 years of my life for,"

He paused, clenching his jaw, clearly angered by my response. His alpha status most probably took it as me rejecting being by his side, but at the time, I didn't care. Fathers prophecy and mothers words were all I could think about hearing those 7 words.

"You will not be my royal guard," He said, plunging another sword into my chest, "You do not stand below me, rather on the same level as me," He clenched his jaw, "Fuck- Ok - You will keep this status to yourself as it is above Lycan Law to have the Luna hold a position lower than the moon goddess had intended for her. You will leave my office as the Royal Guard, everyone will recognise you as the Royal Guard, but in your heart, you must know you are much, much more than that,"

I nodded, lips turning up with every word he spoke.

"I am breaking the law for you, Dimah," Rudi leaned forward, brushing his lips against my ears, "do not make me regret it,"

A shiver ran down my spine, forcing me to take a rapid step backwards.

"Thank you," I felt the strong urge to wrap my arms around him, to lean my head against his shoulders and put all my weight against him but fought it, "You won't regret it, I can promise you that,"

He held both of my hands in his once more, unable to let go of my skin.

It was such a foreign feeling.

It terrified me how much his touch pulled at the strings of my heart.

"Meet me at the empty crop field tomorrow at sunrise," He asked, tone soft as he squeezed the bottom of my fingers.

"Alright,"

"I'll be thinking of you until then,"

"So will I," It was barely audible, but by the looks of the smile growing in his face, he'd heard me loud and clear.

"I bid you my farewells, Dimah," His eyes had lost their ferociousness for a second or two after speaking those words, but it was for good reason.

"Farewell, Rudi,"

And so I slipped my hand out of his, a familiar, uncomfortable cold settling within me as I walked out of his office and into the suffocating hallways of his office.

It was only then I'd realized what I was. What the moon goddess had planned for me.

The Luna of the Lycan kingdom.

If only mother was here to see this.