Chapter 5 ROBBY

The sun is kissing the sky, bidding goodbye to the light of day, and ushering in the darkness of night. Another day is gone. Another miserable day is behind me. Unfortunately, I still have no idea when bright days will come my way. The day I break free from this cursed cage.

I spent the whole day banging my head about what my family would be interested in speaking to me about after so many years of treating me like a bad omen. The black sheep. The only stain in their stainless name. Like a stain on gold. But all I managed was to hurt my head because nothing came to mind. And since I knew they were not worth ruining the little peace I have in this cage, I dropped the issue and carried on with my day like I always do—with my paintings and my precious daughter.

One thing was amiss, though. My student is Robby. He did not come for lessons today for the weird reason that I can’t wrap my fingers around. It is the first time that he has missed his lesson since we started. How so? That is what I would love to know. Or perhaps he feels guilty for what he did yesterday. He almost kissed me, his teacher. Weird! That moment is still so fresh in my head, confusing me like it did at that exact moment. That could be the thing eating him up. Or the compromising position in which my sister found us. Or his proposal.

He wants to help me break free from this. How so? I mean, when did he start caring for his teacher that much? He was a different, confusing person at that moment. I am still wondering what he was thinking.

“Mommy?” I am startled from my engrossed thoughts by the sweet voice of my sleepy, chubby doll. My life. My all. This girl is my strength and weakness. All that I have and all I could have ever asked for. She is my solace and all that I need in this life.

I turn to her, scouring all the wrinkles of the incredulities I was bathing in and faking a smile. “Yes, baby?” I ask, pulling the cover to her neck.

“Hasn’t Uncle Robby shown up yet?” She asks, peeling the duvet off her and sitting down while still battling to shake off the sleep that is taking a toll on her. I don’t know why she is trying to fight it. Her eyeballs are almost puffing out.

And this Robby guy—isn't she getting so attached to him? Or maybe because he is the other soul she knows aside from me. Poor kid! May the heavens screw all those who have deprived her so much. This is not fair, but what to do, huh? Sometimes I find myself asking: Would it have been better if I had chosen to leave this home back then when I had that option? Would life be different from this? Definitely, yes. We would have freedom. But how could we have coped when I was drained of every single cent I had in my account? How would I have coped with the pregnancy without a penny or even a roof over my head? We would probably be sleeping on the cold streets and surving on garbage as our daily meals. Then again, is that enough reason to be grateful for the nothingness I was offered?

“Mommy? You are lost. Do you miss Uncle Robby like I do? Why don’t you call him and ask him to come over?” Lyanna speaks again, at least managing to pull me from my thoughts, albeit with a surge of confusion spewing in me.

This child, though! I miss Robby. Where did she get it from? I turn to her, holding her small hands in mine. “Look, baby. Uncle Robby might have his own reasons for not coming in today, and it is already night. We can’t disturb him this late. Let us wait until tomorrow, okay?"

She nods her head, though unwillingly. “Will you call him in the morning to know whether he will be coming? I miss him.” She speaks in a pleading, charming voice.

I smile. She is getting too attached to this Robby guy. I don’t even know if it is a good thing because soon he will complete his classes and leave. What will happen then? She will get hurt, and that is something I can’t bear. It will tear me into pieces. I am not able to provide her with anything as it is. Subjecting her to pain would kill me. “I will, baby.” I mutter, my mind wandering off to that moment when Robby will no longer show up in this cage.

Maybe I should start talking her out of this, Robby? Or talk to Robby to stop showering her with so much affection. He only missed a day, and she is missing him, thinking that I miss him as if he has become part of us. What happens when he disappears for days and then turns into weeks?

She will surely be devastated. I should do all I can to prevent that from happening. But then, wouldn’t I be mean to her? Wouldn’t I be depriving her of another thing? How can I even go about this? Stop teaching Robby.

Robby!

Why is he becoming a problem when I thought he was the second thing tying my sanity together? Can I get him out of the picture? I can do just fine without him as my student, but what about Lyanna? The poor kid has been deprived a lot. He is the only person in her small circle, and she is warming up to him so well. And she is too young to understand the gravity of things. And too innocent.

“Goodnight, Mommy!” She speaks, sliding inside the duvet.

I help her in and tuck her well as she gives in to the unbearable sleep. I kiss her forehead. “Goodnight, my angel. Sweet dreams. I love you. Mommy loves you so much.” I whisper and get up.

How ironical of me to wish her sweet dreams, huh!

Bitter sigh!

What kind of dreams can she have in this stinking cage? What can she dream about if she knows nothing about this life and the world outside? She practically has no life!

I begin strolling to the window, my favorite spot that gives me the serenity to breathe some fresh air and think my endless turmoil through, but a not-so-gentle knock on the door falters the direction of my steps. I would have hesitated because I know Robby cannot come at this time, and so that means it must be that gross sister of mine again, but not at the expense of risking my baby’s sleep being interrupted. Her parents might have sent her back here to come and try to drag my ass to the mansion because I stood my ground. I did not set foot there, and there is no way that I am going there.

I open the door, and my eyes meet with this same old, cold pair.

Who on earth do we have here, huh?