Chapter 4 Pawned off

Deja

Silence stretched between us for another minute before he leaned back and raised a bushy, gray-tipped brow. "That's my final say, Deja." My father's stern voice carried all the unsaid words.

"No! You can't just pawn me off to your boss like cheap jewelry, I won't accept!" I yelled at him. According to my father, he agreed to sign a marriage contract between his boss's son and me.

"You will not dare disobey me, Adejare! I am your father and the head of this family. I make the decisions and you all agree with it. No questions asked!" He snapped "Apologize and I'll take your outburst as shock from the unexpected news."

He was the one who had something to apologize for, but his stern voice sent a knee-jerk spiral of shame through me. It was the same voice he'd used whenever I received anything less than a perfect test score. I tried not to let it affect me, but it was hard to overcome decades of conditioning.

But I had no intention of letting his harsh voice deter me.

"Why?" My voice broke uncontrollably

"What do you mean why? I saw an opportunity to repay a favor and I did." He replies carelessly.

"So, I'm the repayment? You didn't even bother to ask me? Don't you care about what I want? Did you not think how your actions would affect me? There's a difference between an arranged marriage and a forced one. I would've had to spend my life with someone who I don't know and doesn't know me simply because you want his name in our family tree."

I noticed throughout our confrontation my mother had somehow made herself scarce. I'm certain she's not here because he told her to be absent until after we were done.

It's what he does best, control people.

"Oh, God. Adejare! This is a good opportunity for this family. Their family name is very popular here in Nigeria and abroad! Do you know what it means to be married into such a reputable family? It's a life changer for us."

"For you." I corrected

"What?" He asks, confused.

"It's a life changer for you. Not me. It's your family name, your legacy. That's all you've ever cared about for as long as I can remember!" I forced air past my tight chest.

"I thought you'd be wise enough to make amends for the damage and disgrace you brought to my name when you were younger." He sneered

I can't believe this.

Tears gathered in my eyes, "I didn't ask to be raped." I sniff loudly "I was just a child and I didn't ask to be raped and then shunned by my father!"

Father looks away, visible disgust written all over his face "Don't raise your voice at me!" My father slammed his hands on the desk so hard that the items on it rattled. "I am your father. You do not speak to me this way. It's all your fault. Everything that you claimed happened to you, was caused by you. If you were smart enough you would not have worn provocative clothes. He's a man and you provoked him. So, don't give me all that rubbish about being a child and not deserving whatever. Be happy I'm giving you this opportunity to repair what you've damaged. My legacy is all that matters and I'll do whatever it takes to get my due validation!" He said to me, his tone final.

Due validation? So, selling me off to his boss is all because of social validation?

"He is your brother! I was raped by a man that's supposed to be my family, and all you can do... all you ever did was blame me and not the rapist you call a brother!" I yelled angrily

"Shut up! I do not want to hear a word of this anymore. It was your fault and that's final." He stared at me, his glare melting into something more calculating.

"You've always been a horrible father, I've known that for years now." The door opens and my mother walks into the living room. My gaze travels to her face and I see what looks like a shadow of sadness and regret pass through her eyes. "It pains me that I don't hate you as much as I want to, but I'm getting there." A beat passes and my father says nothing, he just stares at me. I scoff and clean my tears. I grab my bag and walk to my room to get my luggage. I'll be sleeping in a hotel till I'm ready to leave.

This whole visit was a mistake. Would have hurt less if I was traveling back here to witness his final days.

"Dejare..." My mother calls out softly and I stop in my steps "My sweet child, I had no idea. I'm so sorry!" She breaks down in tears after wrapping her arm around me. "I'm s-sorry, my daughter." She cries

My hands remain at my side unmoving for a minute before I decide to hug her back "It's okay. It has passed" A part of me always felt like my mum was partially aware of what my father's brother, Uncle Femi had done to me.

"Mary, I thought I told you to excuse us?" My father demands rudely

To my surprise, my mother ignores him and doesn't pull away from the hug. This is the first time I've witnessed her disrespect him.

That's what being a married Nigerian woman, married to a Nigerian man means. Especially marriages from their time. The man was the breadwinner of the family, the head of the house which is interpreted as being in charge of everyone in the family. All the wife had to do was have kids, cook, clean, and work all the while attending to her husband and doing whatever he wanted. Making sure she's the perfect obedient wife. She can't hide money from her husband because he's her husband. She can't talk back or argue because it may be considered disrespectful. Whatever she wants to do, she has to get permission from her husband.

The Nigerian marriage culture back then was bullshit, but I like to believe that thanks to feminism and education, the women of now are smarter and stronger.

All thanks to watching how my father 'loved' and treated my mother, I'm perfectly satisfied with staying on my own.

"I uh.. I need to go. I'll be sleeping in a hotel till I'm prepared to travel back."

"No, Dejare this is your home. Please stay, I beg you." My mum pleads with tears in her eyes.

My heart breaks for her.

She deserves better. But because of a sick mentality and the insane need to keep to her vows and be a good wife, she's stuck with a toxic and manipulative man for the rest of her life.

I looked around the house which gradually became a building with regrets to me. "This isn't my home. It hasn't been home for years."

My other sniffs and a stray tear rolls down her cheek. "Did... Did it happen...." She cuts herself off and the rest of her speech trails off but I know what she was referring to.

I swallow, "Yes," I nod "Uncle Femi raped me in this house. And your husband never believed me but he still blames me for it." I glare at my father, whose face still wears a scowl.

My mother turns to him, "Adebayo, I'll never forgive you for this." She promises.

It was a relief to know she didn't side with him, but she was several years too late. This support would have been amazing after it happened, not now when I've healed.

At least I think I have.

I don't want to be here for whatever argument or fight will occur between them. I know I shouldn't be mad at my mum because she was unaware, but I can't help it.

"I'll speak to you later, mummy. I have to go, and you should do the same." I keep my gaze on my father "It's never too late to realize your worth and leave. No matter what you think people will say." I hug her again before walking out of the house.