Chapter 10 You are a mistake

Carrie

Without stopping to look back, I stormed into my room. But beyond my anger were the tears I have been trying to hold back since I realised Alessandro Valante would never reply to my messages.

So, by the time I was standing in front of my dresser, my hands had become shaky and my eyes were very red.

"Carrie! What exactly is wrong with you?" My father barged in after, and my mom followed quietly.

"I don't know, Dad." Before I faced him, I managed to tuck my feebleness to the side. "Everything?"

"Carrie, I will not have you act this way."

"What way? What?" I tendered my palms in question. "Is it so wrong to throw up? Is it wrong that I was sorry for throwing up? I shouldn't be sorry for throwing up, I am pregnant!"

"Don't you raise your-"

"You know what Dad, since you want to support Frank so much, since he wasn't wrong to shout at me because of some cheap shoe, why don't you get married to him? I am sure Mom won't mind having a man as a rival just like she did not years ago."

"Carrie!" My mother exclaimed from where she was, panic all over her face.

My eyes went shut as I realised I had just touched a delicate topic. About six years ago, my father had an affair with a man and my mom just stood still without saying anything. I don't understand her silence about the issue and I don't think I ever will.

"Listen to me," my father unapologetically glared at me, "I have no business with your pregnancy. I don't care if you like this situation. You are now married to Frank and there's nothing you can do about it."

"I..." A crack in my voice led to the release of the tears I wanted to keep aside. Biting into my lip to stop it from quivering, my blurry sight began to scan the room and I wished that I didn't have to break down in front of him.

My father is someone who has always been certain that I am a weak person. I have tried numerous times to change the way he viewed me, but, even though he loved me back then, he still viewed me as a little girl who does nothing but cry about her doll house.

Once I managed to contain my tears, I faced my father and softly said, "This is a huge mistake, Dad."

"No." Our eyes connected and I saw how much hatred he carried. I never knew someone could hate me so much. I never suspected that a time would come when my father would stare into my eyes with a look that threatens to kill me. My saddened heart felt more stabbed at that view and I began biting the insides of my mouth to keep the tears away.

And, my father continued, "You are a mistake."

My soul suffered a huge blow and my legs melted till they met the ground. The gasp that left me caused my lips to remain agape because I had no idea how to process his hurtful statement.

When I did find words to say, all I said was, "Dad..."

The man eyed me with curtness.

"Frank is now your husband. Live with him from now on. Carrie, you brought this upon yourself, so live with the guilt of your actions."

How can my father be this cold?

Has he always been this cold?

How can he say such words-words that cause my soul to shatter into a million pieces? How can he...

Oh my goodness.

My father's earlier statement kept ringing in my head and in a low voice, I asked, "Why would you call me a mistake?" I took my eyes off the tiles. "All I did was get pregnant. I didn't kill anyone."

"All you did was shame yourself."

"So, you are ashamed of me."

"I have tried not to be over the past years. But now..."

I nodded. "I get it. You may take your leave now."

"Are you talking to me?"

It was my time to stare daggers into his eyes.

"As you said, Dad, I am now married. I believe you no longer have a say in my life. So, please leave."

"I was about to do that anyway," he gave one last stone-cold statement and soon all that was left of him were the hurtful words he etched in my mind.

And they hurt a lot. They hurt so much that my chest feels like it could rip. When he called me a disappointment, I didn't feel this terrible.

So, it hurts... so bad.

"Carrie..." My mom, who had been staying quiet, tried to reach out to soothe me.

"I want to be alone," I said with a croaky voice.

"I am so sorry, Carrie."

"Everyone is." I went straight toward the bathroom and when I got there, my legs went weak and I came crashing onto the floor.

As I did, the recent details of my life came rushing and the strength with which I have held myself failed and the tears came.

They came hard.

And, the whole room shook as I wailed without disguise.

~

Two weeks later, I found myself in a small area tucked in the city of San Francisco. That was where my supposed marital home was located.

The modern duplex Frank and I moved into was huge. Too huge for two people to live in. But the space worked in my favour.

I have found spots where I can stay without having to deal with Frank Maximus.

But that plan only works momentarily.

Even though I seriously refused, ever since we moved in, he insisted that we sleep in the same bed and eat together.

Now that it is the end of the week, I think that I have to accept that the things that have happened so far are the things I will have to live with from now on.

Anyway, it was almost dinner time and I had just gotten a message from my doctor who just moved to San Francisco. She didn't fail to express her surprise about my marriage. But as for the pregnancy? She said she kind of saw it happening sooner or later.

"Carrie. Food is here," Frank announced from outside the room.

We have been eating ordered food since we arrived. Well, it is food that I choose to order. But Frank never once complained about my choice.

The man sure isn't giving me many reasons to hate him.

Well, maybe it was for the best. I don't think mental stress would be good for the baby.

Without wasting much time, I was downstairs at the dining table, which was still littered with wedding gifts that we got before we even got married.

Some people just do too much.

Frank didn't look up at me when I found my seat at the end, far from him, as I always do.

Without a word, we both dug into our meal- Chinese rice.

I was about to pretend to finish the food when I recalled that I had something to ask of him.

"Umm... Frank?"

He looked surprised. That was probably the first time I've called his name since we got married.

"What is it?" he asked carefully.

"I might need your car tomorrow."

His hands tucked beneath his chin and he dropped his fork. "Why?"

"I need to go to the hospital tomorrow for a check-up."

"Can't you take a taxi?"

"I want to drive there.

"You can take a taxi. It is safer."

"So, driving by myself isn't safe?"

"You are..." His eyes fell to the side.

"I am what, Frank?"

"For God's sake, you are pregnant Carrie." The way his brows jerked showed a hint of irritation and I considered the fact that his niceness so far might have been for show." So, while he concluded his statement, I paid more attention to the way he spoke. "Driving in such a condition is not advisable."

"I am just approaching two months of pregnancy, I think I can drive a car safely. It's not like my huge stomach is in the way." My sarcastic tone could not be missed.

"Carrie-"

"You know that I don't want this marriage. But I am trying so much to not put you in a tough spot. So please Frank, drop the concern and just please give me one of your car keys."

He sighed before saying, "I don't know why I bother. I will leave the key to the Lexus on the dresser."

"Thank you."

Ladies and gentlemen... you just witnessed the longest conversation this newlywed has had.

"Carrie?"

I almost groaned. I thought I was done speaking to him for today. "Yes?"

"When you come back from the hospital tomorrow, you won't meet me here."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Like you, I am yet to get used to this. I would rather be buried in work than have to come home to this killing silence and the feeling of loneliness. And the fact that you are carrying another man's baby makes it worse. Staying here with you is killing me, so I need some space."

There he is... There is the true version of the man I just got married to. Even though what he just said was uttered with the nicest of tones, I did not miss the jabs he hid inside his words.

In response, I gave a short smile and said, "So, you are going to leave me alone in this huge house, in this condition."

"I need time to get used to it. Carrie," he got up and made for where I was. "I know I will come to terms with everything and when I do, I will be here, always."

He reached for my hand but I snatched it out of his grip and said with smothered anger, "You knew you weren't ready for this. You knew along the line that you would leave me yet you let my father force our marriage."

"Carrie..."

"Frank..." The bitterness in my soul reached my eyes and I almost smiled when his eyes dilated in reaction. "You might as well just divorce me. I would rather be a lonely person than live a life of hell in the name of marriage."

"That's not what I am saying-"

The screech that filled the room as I dragged my chair away from my buttocks shut him up. Facing him squarely, I said, "Have a great time figuring things out."

"Carrie?" he called as I walked away.

And, I gave him the middle finger.