Chapter 5 MEMORIES & ANGER

Walking through groups of students in the hallway, the silence becomes deafening, drowning out my thoughts. Their hushed whispers and furtive glances follow me as I pass by. Each step to my locker feels like a march towards my own execution.

Ahren is waiting for me at my locker. He opens his arms, and I gratefully embrace him, needing a moment to collect myself and find solace.

"I wish they wouldn't stare," I mutter to him as I retrieve my belongings. My gaze lands on a cherished photo of Azura and me hanging on my locker door.

The picture was taken during our second year when we went hiking in a national park and encountered a bear. Azura, in her "genius" moment, insisted we climb a tree for safety. I had warned her that bears could climb too, but she brushed it off. We ended up perched in that tree for quite a while, where we snapped the photo. A copy of it now resides in her locker.

"I have to clean out her locker," I say, shutting it with a heavy heart and walking away.

"How are you holding up?" Ahren asks as we head to science class.

"It would be easier if people stopped asking me that," I snap, and he silently walks beside me until we reach the classroom. I grasp his sleeve and apologize, "Ahren, I'm sorry. I know you're hurting too. She was your best friend."

He offers a weak smile, struggling to hold back tears. He blinks rapidly, well aware that it doesn't stop the tears from flowing or the nose from running when you cry. I pull him closer and give him another hug, and he responds by squeezing me tightly.

He whispers, "I keep forgetting. Every time I check my phone or leave for lunch, I keep thinking about her. Then it's like losing her all over again."

"I know," I reply, my throat choked with emotion.

When the bell rings, we both enter the classroom. I choose a seat by the window, fully aware of the constant scrutiny from my classmates. We engage in a science experiment while the teacher delivers a lecture. Every time my clumsy lab partner apologizes to me, I exchange a glance with Ahren.

Everyone I interact with seems to have the same approach, offering apologies and walking on eggshells around me. Teachers are gradually returning to their normal routines, though they still take me aside after class to offer their support. The cautiousness of those around me doesn't bother me, but it makes me feel like I'm on display. Once a nobody, I'm now known as Azura Nightglow's sister.

Surprisingly, the most challenging class for me is gym class, despite it being one of my favorites. After completing laps on the bleachers, a welcomed distraction that allowed me to release some pent-up anger, the coach announces that we'll be doing an obstacle course. It's a simple task: move from one station to another as a group, completing exercises or obstacles along the way. Everything goes smoothly until she informs us that we have to climb the ropes hanging from the ceiling.

Suddenly, everyone looks at me as if I were a ticking time bomb.

"Alora, I'm sorry," the coach clears her throat and hesitates. "You don't have to do that one."

I try not to meet anyone's gaze as I reply, "I'm fine."

She nods and continues speaking, but her words lose their meaning in the midst of the commotion. I can feel the curious stares and hear the hushed conversations, all waiting for me to crumble. No one can help but imagine how Azura must have looked with that rope around her neck, her body bruised and bloody, her eyes bulging from their sockets. It's an image that should remain unimaginable for anyone.

During lunch, Ahren and I cleared out Azura's locker. It didn't hold much, just a few journals, some photographs, and her gym clothes. Normally, she'd take her gym bag home to wash her clothes at the end of the week, but since she passed away midweek, it had been left here. I decided to discard them; she wouldn't need them anymore.

Ahren murmured, "You could give them away."

I hurriedly stuffed the books and photos into my bag, slinging it over my shoulder. "Fine. I don't care."

"Alora-"

When I forcefully slammed the locker door shut, Ahren winced. I had struck it with a clenched fist, and while the sound of the metal denting was satisfying in a strange way, it didn't alleviate my anger. I was seething, utterly furious.

Ahren gripped my arm to prevent me from hitting the locker again and implored, "Alora." The paint was chipping away, and my knuckles throbbed with pain. "Alora, please, stop!"

I couldn't control my breathing, and tears welled up. She was gone. She would never open that locker again, never walk through these halls, never complete her education. I would never see her again.

Where had her future gone? Was her sole purpose in life to meet this tragic end? I stifled a sob, placing my hand over my mouth to keep this overwhelming sadness from spilling out. I didn't want to remember my sister through this anguish.

Gasping for air, I muttered, "She's just a memory now." It felt surreal, as if I were only just coming to terms with Azura's absence from my life.

I pulled away from Ahren and hastily fixed my hair when I heard voices further down the hallway. As the group turned the corner, I halted in my tracks. It was Lucien.

His gaze flitted from me to the locker and then to the trash can. His friends stood in stunned silence, their expressions revealing their recognition that I was Azura's sister.

"Is she-" Lucien began to ask, but one of his friends tugged at his arm, urging him to keep moving.

"Do you need help?" Lucien inquired, making my heart race. If I were hooked up to a hospital monitor, it would likely be showing erratic readings.

"We're fine, thanks," Ahren responded, retrieving the discarded clothes from the trash. "Alora, are you okay?"

I couldn't tear my eyes away from Lucien. His eyes were captivating, but his presence felt intimidating. As he approached me, my mind went blank. His hand moved to his chest, where he scratched at something. Had he gotten a new tattoo? Judging by his facial expression, whatever was there seemed to cause discomfort.

"Are you okay?" Lucien echoed Ahren's question. He reached out to touch my cheek. I could vaguely sense the pain as he pressed against the bruise, still healing. Yet his touch felt different, cool and smooth like Egyptian cotton. It left me feeling lightheaded and strangely elated. "Alora."

I nodded slowly, then withdrew from him. Why did he want to touch me? I couldn't stop staring at him. The way he said my name and caressed my cheek made me feel as though I'd encountered him before.

He didn't say anything else as I gathered my bag and hurried away. I needed to distance myself from Lucien, Ahren, and even Azura. The lunch bell rang, but I paid it no heed. I couldn't endure my classmates' inquisitive glances any longer.

I needed a quiet place to gather my thoughts. As I turned the corner, I spotted my destination: the bookstore.

The library was nearly empty, save for a few students using the computers. I lowered my head onto a table and closed my eyes. My mind was spinning from the encounter with Lucien, and my hand throbbed from the incident at Azura's locker.

Though I had only conversed with him twice, I felt as though I somehow knew him. Maybe we had crossed paths before. El Nido was a small town, after all. If he didn't feel the same way, he wouldn't act so peculiarly, gazing at me so intensely and attempting to touch me whenever possible.

Qui est-il?

"Sorry, but you can't spend the night here," a tall, slender redhead said. "If you're feeling unwell, you should go to the infirmary," she added, her green eyes narrowing slightly.

"I'm not," I replied in a soft tone, relieved to be conversing with someone who spoke softly like me. I glanced at my hands and sighed, "...just needed a moment."

To my surprise, she pulled out the chair next to mine and sat down. "It's time to go back to work. You have two more classes before school is over for the day."

I nodded and began packing my belongings. It seemed like there was no respite for me. However, she interrupted my preparations with a throat-clearing sound.

"You're welcome to stay here," she chuckled. "My sister used to run to this place whenever she needed a break. She's moved on and graduated now, but the library was her sanctuary."

"She was at the theater," I whispered, a small smile forming on my lips. I gazed up at the ceiling, wondering how many more moments in my life would pass without thoughts of Azura or reminders of her.

If the redhead noticed my bittersweet smile, she didn't comment. "A book has always been my way to escape reality. Do you enjoy reading?"

"I used to," I replied.

She stood up, gesturing for me to follow her. "Tell me your favorites, and I'll help you find them. It's always nice when old friends drop by from time to time."

It was clear that she had no idea who I was, judging by the way she conversed. To her, I was simply a quiet girl like herself. It was a relief, and for the first time in a while, I felt like I could breathe again.

"Fearless New World, The Breadwinner...anything by Nicholas Sparks or Lee Child," I nearly laughed when she raised an eyebrow. "I'll read anything I can get my hands on."

"Good choice. By the way, my name is Laurel."

"I'm Alora."

"This is my first year in public school. What grade are you in?"

"I'm a senior."

"Same here! I think I remember you from the Homecoming Tailgate. Are you dating the fullback?"

"My sister isn't...wasn't..."

"No need to explain," she chuckled. "I can already sense the drama."

"You have no idea."

She managed to find all the books and authors I mentioned. By the time we reached the counter, I was holding a small stack of books. As we passed the last shelf, she halted and asked, "Do you like Dan Brown?"

"I haven't read anything by him yet-"

"What!" She exclaimed, as though I had committed a grave sin. "So, you've read Aldous Huxley and the Jack Reacher series, but you've never delved into the world of the brilliant Robert Langdon?" She gasped as if my omission were a crime.

"That's precisely what I'm saying, but in fewer words," I laughed as she added two more books to my collection. "I'm not sure if I'll have the time to read them all," I admitted.

"I'll request an extension for you," she said, tapping on the keys and saying, "I always support fellow bookworms, especially when they're eager to escape the real world."

I gave her a grateful smile and leaned on the counter. The idea of escaping from reality sounded tempting.

Once she had finished ringing up the books, she glanced at me and inquired, "What's your ID?" However, as I began to provide it, the intercom crackled to life, interrupting our conversation. Glancing at the clock, I was surprised to see that the school day was almost over.

"Afternoon, students. We hope you had a good Monday," the principal's voice echoed throughout the library. The unexpected announcement captured everyone's attention as we were unaccustomed to end-of-day announcements. "At the end of the week, there will be a vigil for Azura Nightglow in Fisher's Point. She passed away a few weeks ago, which was a tragic loss, and we want to provide an opportunity for her friends, family, and fellow students to celebrate her life. More information will be shared later this week."

When the intercom fell silent, I looked up at Laurel. She now knew who I was. Her emerald eyes widened, and her mouth hung open. Without moving away, she leaned over the counter, her hand over her mouth.

She gasped, "Alora!" She looked me up and down, her voice filled with astonishment. "Oh my goodness. It's you!"

I was beginning to grow weary of my own name.