Chapter 5 After almost 9 years

Jessica

Sitting in the living room, I waited for Fernanda to come out of the room. Our things were packed in a single suitcase. I decided to take very few things since I was sure I would stay there for a maximum of one week. Fernanda ended up deciding to go with me after finding me crying on the balcony on the night of my daughter's graduation. While most girls danced with their fathers, Valentina was the only one in the class who didn't, and even though she pretended to be okay with it, I couldn't hide my sadness for long after my daughter fell asleep. I cried out of anger and hatred for having to hide the truth from her. Fernanda told me that I needed the courage to look for Leonardo and tell him about our daughter. But I would never do something like that. Being treated with contempt by him, as on the night Valentina was conceived, was something I didn't want to experience again.

"Jess, I took a while because I decided to wash my hair since our flight is after lunch," Fernanda sits beside me. My friend was my support, and I knew I could count on her for anything.

"I've already organized everything, the clothes, shoes, and I've told you it's a maximum of one week in São Paulo, and then we'll be back home. I called Pedro early, letting him know he didn't need to send anyone to pick us up. I still remember the way to that community."

Fernanda laughs hearing me talk like that.

"After almost 9 years, you're going back to Estrela Guia. I wonder if a lot has changed there. I always hear the girls talking about how Pedro still runs the place with an iron fist."

"Pedro will never change. Now that he's married to Viviane and has a family with her, it will prevent bad things from happening. But let's talk again about what you and I will do when I arrive in São Paulo."

Fernanda, even though she didn't agree, had agreed to say that Valentina was her daughter. It was crazy for me to think that I would encounter Leonardo during the days I would be in the city, but it was better this way. Sometimes a lie was necessary to prevent bigger problems.

"Jess, am I really supposed to repeat what you've heard a thousand times? But seriously, friend, are we going to continue with this ridiculous charade? Wake up to reality. Mr. Hottie now doesn't waste his time in the favela taking care of or listening to poor people. Get off cloud nine, believing you'll run into him there in the community."

"Nanda, I already know what you think, but what if I'm unlucky and end up seeing that man again? He's not stupid enough to believe that Valentina is the daughter of a criminal."

"Alright! I won't say anything more, but do you really believe Valen will stay quiet and confirm our lie?"

"My daughter will, I know and trust her. We talked before she went to sleep, and tomorrow I'll explain everything again. I'll talk to Pedro in the community itself. Beg him not to tell anyone, especially not Viviane or Sofia. Those two must have contact with that damned man, and you know how it is. They might accidentally spill the beans that I came back with a child."

I went to the kitchen to get something for both of us to drink. I grabbed the pitcher of juice and filled two glasses, picked up some snacks, and returned to the living room. Fernanda was talking to someone on her phone, and I turned on the TV, playing an episode of the series I was watching while waiting for my friend to finish typing. I knew it was foolish of me to lie. I wasn't ashamed of being a single mother, as some might think if they discovered my lie. What I felt was fear of being discovered and that man finding me again. Leonardo was not trustworthy, even if he showed everyone he was a good-hearted man. Our last encounter was horrible for me, not because I had drunk something I hadn't touched for months at the time of our reunion. But because of the way we ended up having sex in that room. I felt like nothing, just like what happened in the bathroom. Leonardo would always see me as a scheming, opportunistic woman who sought men only to benefit herself. Viviane was the one he loved, and he used me as an escape because she couldn't forget Pedro, even when everyone thought he was dead.

"I'll have this juice, and let's change the subject because you already know my answer."

I returned my attention to the scene playing on the TV. My life was good the way I lived it, working at the clinic, with a boss who was even understanding when I told her about my aunt's situation, even advancing my vacation. I would take a week off first, and if I managed to resolve everything with Aunt Maria, I would return; otherwise, I would spend the full 30 days in São Paulo. The feeling that everything would change was overwhelming inside me. I would stop thinking about nonsense, focus on what I needed to settle with my aunt, forgive her for everything she had done to me since childhood, tell her she could die in peace, and I would go back to living my simple life without contact with anyone from my past.