Chapter 3 Passion and Pastures: A Convict's Desire

Kate settled into her room, which obviously had been Mercy's for it was

definitely a woman's room, decorated in soft pastels and sporting dainty

furniture. When Lizzy showed up to help with her unpacking, she declined her

offer, sending her instead to help Maude with supper. When Lizzy lingered, Kate

asked, "Is there something you wished to speak to me about?" Lizzy fixed Kate with an impertinent look and asked, "Is Robin Fletcher going to

remain at McKenzie station as station boss?" "I don't see as how that's any of your business, Lizzy," Kate said. "You may go

now." Lizzy slanted Kate a sullen glare, then turned abruptly and left. Kate returned to

her unpacking, having no idea why Lizzy's innocent question should irritate her.

It didn't matter to her how many conquests Robin made. Meanwhile, Robin had seen to the luggage and returned to William's room. He

found William awake and struggling with a tray of food Maude had just sent up

to his room. He looked up at Robin and forced a grin. "Ah, Robin, you're here.

Please take the tray, I find I have little appetite these days." Robin looked at the uneaten food and frowned. "Maude will feel slighted if that's

all you eat of her cooking." "'Tis all I can manage. Please don't tell Kate, she's so set on my recovering." "As we all are. How can McKenzie station thrive without its owner?" "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Robin," William said. His eyes were

dull from weariness, but he was determined to get this settled tonight, before

Robin left. "I want you to remain at McKenzie station. I need you, Robin. You've

done a marvelous job here, and I'd like you to continue as station boss." Robin hesitated so long, William added, "You are free to work where you please,

aren't you?" "Aye," Robin said slowly. "Have you talked this over with your daughter?" "Kate is headstrong and stubborn, but in her heart she knows she can't handle the

farm on her own. I certainly am no help, and it's not going to get any better.

You're an experienced sheep man; I trust your judgment." "You don't even know me," Robin persisted. "Dare Penrod seems to think highly of you, since he put you in charge here." "Dare and I have been friends a long time, since we first arrived in New South

Wales. But there is a difference between us. Dare is a settler and I am a convict." "Why are you deliberately trying to discourage me, Robin?" "Your daughter neither likes nor approves of me, sir," Robin said. Though his

voice was solemn, his eyes danced with an amusement that wasn't lost on

William. "Does that bother you?" William asked. "Kate has never dealt with convicts; she

is too new to a convict colony to judge people. Let me handle Kate. Besides,"

William said slyly, "I have the feeling that you and Kate are much alike, both

stubborn and proud. That's why never mind, Kate has much to learn." "Kate is not a child, Mr. McKenzie." "Aye," William admitted sadly. "She's had her way far too long. What she needs

is a husband she cannot rule; a man who will give her children and allow her to

make her own decisions while keeping a firm upper hand." "Were there no such men in England?" "Many," William observed, "but none Kate would have. But enough of my

daughter. Will you stay, Robin?" "Before I answer I should tell you that the Penrods have petitioned the governor

for my freedom. Should it be granted soon, I will want to settle on my own land.

'Tis time I settled down." "Do you have a woman in mind?" William asked sharply. "Perhaps," Robin hedged. William seemed satisfied with his answer. He was about to question Robin

further when Kate walked into the room. She spared Robin a brief glance before

spying the virtually untouched tray of food that had been set aside. "Father, you must eat if you are to get well." "Perhaps my appetite will return tomorrow," William offered lamely. "I think you should rest now. Are you finished with Robin?" "Not quite. I have yet to receive an answer from Robin concerning my offer." Kate shot Robin a fulminating look, as if warning him to have a care for her

father's health. "Can't it wait until tomorrow?" "No, daughter, this can't wait." Robin stared at Kate. At her beautiful face tilted at a defiant angle, at her

tempting body stiff with disapproval, at her violet eyes narrowed with contempt,

and the answer to William's question came easily. "Aye, I'll stay, Mr. McKenzie,

for as long as you have need of me." A tremulous sigh slipped past William's lips, and he closed his eyes, exhaustion

and illness taking their toll. "Father," Kate cried, dismayed by the turn of events. "Just because I'm not a man

doesn't mean I'm incapable of seeing to McKenzie station. I'm a quick learner.

I'll manage on my own just fine until you're on your feet again." "Please don't defy me on this, Kate," William said tiredly. "I'm not too ill to

know what is best for McKenzie station and my own daughter. Please leave me

now, I'm too weary to argue with you." "Of course, Father," Kate said guiltily, kissing William on the cheek. "Maude has

supper ready and I'm famished." "Sup with her, Robin," William insisted, unaware of Kate's horrified look. "I'll

talk with you tomorrow." "If you say so, sir." The corner of Robin's mouth tilted upward, not quite a smile

but enough so that it made Kate spin around and stomp from the room in a flurry

of petticoats and whirling skirts. Robin caught up with her easily. "I'm not so bad once you get to know me." "I have no intention of getting to know you any better than I do now." "Is it just me you have an aversion to or convicts in general?" Kate halted in her tracks and Robin came up hard against her, nearly bowling her

over. Seeing her teeter, he grasped her, pulling her close. The moment their

bodies touched a scalding heat shot through Robin. It was almost as if they were

bound together by a flaming band of invisible heat. Kate gasped, her violet eyes

wide with shock. Robin groaned. It was a curiously unsettling sound, but it

brought Kate abruptly to her senses. "Take your hands off me!" "Ah, Kate, you do try a man. Can't you feel it?" "I feel nothing," Kate denied hotly, "but your filthy hands on me." The skin on Robin's face grew taut and his white teeth flashed dangerously in a

parody of a smile. "You're a liar, Kathryn Molly McKenzie. Do you want me to

prove it to you?" Kate blanched, suddenly frightened of this man she knew nothing about. There

was no one else in the house except two women servants and a sick father to

come to her aid. And of course forty convicts on the property, no doubt all as

depraved and vicious as Robin Fletcher. "Please," she whimpered. "Aye, you do please me, Kate. A bit long in the tooth and haughty for my tastes,

but still pleasing." His voice was low, his breath uneven as he felt the soft contours of her body pressed so intimately against his own rigid hardness. Suddenly he saw the whiteness of her face, the terror in her expressive eyes, and

realized that she was truly frightened of him. Did she expect him to attack her

like a wild animal? Then he knew. That was exactly what she expected from a convict. Suddenly, taunting the

haughty Miss McKenzie no longer was appealing to him. Abruptly he released

her and stepped back. "I find I have urgent business in the convict hut, Miss McKenzie. You will

excuse me, won't you? Enjoy your supper." He was down the stairs and out the

door before Kate could catch her breath. She stood for a long time, staring at Robin's departing back, puzzled by his

abrupt exit. The man was an enigma. He took such delight in taunting her, yet

when he was with her father his eyes were filled with a compassion few men

possessed. What were his crimes? She wondered. He appeared capable, her

father seemed to trust him yet, yet she couldn't help but be leery of a man who

dared to... Dared to what? Touch her? Taunt her? For a moment she'd thought he

meant to kiss her! Then a strange thing happened. Out of the blue Kate's thoughts took her on a

forbidden journey. She touched her lips, wondering what it would feel like to be

kissed by Robin Fletcher, touched by him, and caressed in places... She groaned,

shocked by her wanton thoughts, frightened by the intensity of the feelings

Robin aroused in her. She was no young miss smitten by her first man. But then,

Robin Fletcher was no ordinary man. "Is something amiss, mistress?" Kate started violently, surprised to find Fizzy standing beside her. "Nino, everything's just fine. Is supper ready?" "Aye, Maude sent me to find you." She glanced around the dimly lit hallway. "Is

Robin still about?" "No, he's gone back to wherever it is he goes when his work is done," Kate said

brusquely. "He's missed supper. Is it all right if I take him out something to eat?" "Do what you like, Lizzy, I couldn't care less," Kate replied, flouncing off.

Dismayed, Lizzy stared after Kate, her mouth working wordlessly. «» «» «» «» «» «» «» «» «» «» «» «» Two days later Robin still hadn't decided what it was about Kate McKenzie that

made her different from any other woman he'd known. She was no schoolgirl,

but neither was she so old as to be undesirable. Perhaps that was what bothered

him about Kate. He wanted her. It had taken him two days to admit it, but he

bloody well did want her. Perhaps he should take time out to go to Parramatta

and see Serena, he considered. Her tempting little body never failed to perk up

his spirits or take his mind off things he had no business thinking about like Miss

Kathryn Molly McKenzie. During the past two days he'd seen blessed little of Kate, and that was fine with

him. When they were together he was too often on the receiving end of her sharp

tongue. Robin knew Kate thought herself as capable as any man, but he'd like to

see her control forty convicts and work them to the benefit of McKenzie station.

If it weren't for William and his desperate need of him, he'd leave and see how

fast McKenzie station would fall to ruin. At times the little shrew made him

angry enough to spit nails. At that moment the object of Robin's thoughts was hurrying out of the house in

search of him. A worried frown marred her smooth brow, and her violet eyes

were clouded with anxiety. Robin was in the cow shed when he saw her coming

and went out to meet her. "Is something wrong, Kate?" "It's Father." Robin noted the slight tremble of her hands and the catch in her

voice, and his heart skipped a beat. Had the end come already for William? "Is he worse today? How can I help?" "You mentioned the doctor in Parramatta. It's time we summoned him. I don't

care what Father says, I won't give up on him." "Aye, I'll go for him myself," Robin offered. "Robin, take the horse, it's faster." Dr. Daniel Proctor left William McKenzie's room shaking his head. True to his

word, Robin had brought him to McKenzie station within an hour after Kate's

request. He stood with Kate outside William's door now as Dr. Proctor quietly

shut the door behind him and approached them. The doctor's face was solemn,

his eyes grim. "How is he, doctor?" Kate asked anxiously. She had spoken little while the

doctor was with William, merely walking back and forth, wringing her hands. "Not good, Miss McKenzie, not good. I can merely concur with the ship doctor

that your father's heart is severely damaged." "Is there nothing we can do? Surely some medicine..." "Nothing known to man will cure your father of his ailment," the doctor said as

gently as possible. He didn't believe in giving hope where none existed. "Make

him as comfortable as possible until the end and see that he avoids all stress." "Dear God," Kate said shakily. "I had hoped... I prayed that he'd recover." A tear

slipped from the corner of her eye and slid down her cheek. "Can I go in to him now?" "By all means, just see that he has plenty of rest and eats properly, though his

appetite will be lacking as his weakness progresses." Kate nodded, thanked the doctor, and slipped into her father's room. "How long does he have, Dan?" Robin asked once Kate was out of sight. A rather handsome man of thirty-five, Dr. Dan Proctor was well acquainted with

Robin. Since Dr. Dan had delivered Casey's daughter and been befriended by the

Penrods, the Penrods' friends became his friends. And Robin Fletcher, though he

was still technically a convict, was a good man to have as a friend. Dr. Dan was

a settler, having arrived in New South Wales about the same time as Governor

Macquarie. A plea for doctors was what originally had brought him to Australia,

but he soon grew to love the country and intended to stay forever. That he hadn't

yet found a wife was lamentable, but he hadn't given up hope. In fact, the

moment his twinkling brown eyes settled on Kate McKenzie, he was smitten. "William McKenzie is a very sick man," Dan hedged. "That's obvious. Can't you be more specific than that?" "Only God knows when a man will die, but in William's case I'd venture to guess

that he won't be with us much longer. A month perhaps, maybe two." "Bloody hell! What a damn shame." "I assume you're talking about the daughter. What will she do once her father

passes on? Too bad she never married." "Lucky for the bloke who would have married her," Robin muttered. "She's a

sharp-tongued vixen who thinks she can run McKenzie station by herself." "She looks capable enough," Dan observed. "Quite pretty, too." "Don't get any ideas, Dan, Kate isn't for you." "Kate is it?" Dan said, raising a finely arched eyebrow. "So that's how the wind

blows. What about Serena? Last I heard, you and Serena planned to marry as

soon as your pardon was granted." Kate stood poised in the doorway, having quietly opened the door while Dan and

Robin were talking. She had emerged just in time to hear Dan's last sentence

about Robin and some woman named Serena and their plans to marry. Before

Robin could answer Dan's question he spotted Kate, leaving whatever he was

going to say unsaid. "How is he?" Robin asked as Kate emerged into the hallway. "He wants to talk with you." "Now?" "Aye. I'll speak with Dr. Proctor while you're with Father." "Keep it brief, Robin," Dan warned. Then he turned to Kate. "Come along, Miss

McKenzie, you look as if you could use a cup of tea, and I know I can." Robin watched them walk away, then turned into William's room. He

approached the bed gingerly, not wanting to awaken him if he had fallen asleep. "It's all right, Robin, I'm awake. Have you spoken with the doctor?" "Aye." "Then you know I haven't much longer." "Mr. McKenzie, I..." "Let's not fool ourselves, Robin, we both know my time is limited. Kate might

not want to admit it, but we're both man enough to recognize the truth." "Kate loves you, sir." "Aye, and I love her. I'm worried about her, Robin. After I'm gone she'll have no

one. And it would please me if you call me William." "Has Kate no relatives in England, William?" "No one but an elderly aunt. But you know Kate, she's stubborn enough to

remain at McKenzie station and go it alone. She's strong, Robin, but not that

strong." "Headstrong, you mean," Robin remarked. That brought a chuckle from William's emaciated frame. "Aye, that too." "Why are you telling me this?" "Because, because God, I don't know. I'm so very tired. Perhaps we can talk

about this another day." "Aye, another day, William. Don't worry about anything right now. All is going

smoothly, and there is cash available should Kate need it. Dare will be here soon

and he'll apprise you of the financial status of McKenzie station. He sent word that he and Casey will be around tomorrow. They wanted to give you a day or

two to rest before visiting." Seeing that William's eyes were closed, Robin tiptoed from the room. Dr. Dan

was just leaving. "I'll be back in a few days, Kate, but if you need me sooner you have only to

summon me." Kate? He was already calling her Kate? Why should that bother him? Robin

asked himself. Dan was an unattached, attractive man, and Kate was certainly

old enough to form her own friendships. "Thank you, Dan, I feel much better with you caring for Father." Dan? Kate was acquainted with him well enough to call him Dan? Bloody hell,

what was wrong with him! What did it matter that Kate and Dan were calling

each other by their first names despite the fact that they had just met? "What did Father want?" Kate asked once the door was closed on Dan. "I don't rightly know," Robin said thoughtfully. "We never finished the

conversation. He grew tired and I left." "It's just as well," Kate decided. "Dan said stress is bad for Father. From now on

if any problem arises concerning the farm, please consult with me and I'll make

the decision whether or not to present it to Father." "Why don't you ask Dare to handle matters for you, Kate? I'm sure he'd help if

you'd ask him." "Are you suggesting that I'm not capable?" Kate bristled. "And how many times

have I told you my name is Kathryn? You may call me Miss McKenzie." "I'll bloody well call you what I please," Robin declared hotly. "I'm damn tired of

that haughty attitude of yours. One day soon I'll be as free as you and a property

owner." "But you'll always be an ex-convict," Kate tossed back. She was aware that she

was being deliberately cruel but seemed unable to stop herself. She was hurting. Hurting because her father was dying and she was alone. Hurting because she

wanted to pour out her misery to Robin but was too proud to do so. Robin winced, stung by Kate's deliberate insult but by now aware of what drove

her. No one should be alone at a sad time like this. He knew, for there were times

when he'd needed someone and had had no one to turn to. "Kate," he said softly, ignoring her taunts. "It's all right to reach out to someone.

There are times when even the strong need someone." "I don't need anyone," Kate refuted. Her words were strained and disjointed as

they slipped past the lump in her throat. Then she turned her back on him,

unwilling for him to see the tears glistening in her eyes. "Kate," Robin said, grasping her shoulders and turning her around to face him.

He lifted his hand and traced her cheek, feeling the wetness there. When he

reached her chin he lifted it so she was forced to look at him. "It's all right to cry." She shook her head vigorously. "You little fool, can't you bend enough to accept comfort when it's offered?" "I don't need comfort from you." "Aye, perhaps you don't. Perhaps 'tis something else you need. Something to take

your mind off your father." Before Kate sorted through the meaning of his words, Robin lowered his head

and touched her lips with his. Kate's first thought was that his lips were as warm

as the sun. With a queer sense of detachment she remained still in his arms,

letting his lips taste hers, finding it odd that she felt no disgust, only a pleasant

sensation she found vaguely disturbing. Then suddenly the kiss deepened and

she found herself pressed intimately against the hard wall of Robin's chest, his

lips moving on hers, his tongue prodding her lips apart. Robin was lost. Lost the moment his lips touched Kate's. Lost the instant he

touched her. No longer was he offering comfort. He was kissing Kate because he

wanted to, because he needed to, and because he had never enjoyed anything

more in his life. Against his will his hands began stroking her gently, finding the

tiny indentation of her lower back strangely erotic despite the layers of clothes

separating them. His hands slid lower, lower still, curving around the sweet

mounds of her buttocks and bringing her closer closer, until she could feel the

hard thrust of his desire straining between them. Anger! Raw, black anger. Never had Kate been so angry at another human. Never had she allowed a man

to manhandle her like Robin was doing. Was she mad to allow him such

liberties? No, she decided, just numb with grief over her father's grave condition.

And Robin Fletcher, convict and Lord knows what else, was taking advantage of

her confusion and grief. With a sob she wrenched out of his grasp, the angry

color draining from her face, leaving it waxen with shock and blank with

disbelief. "How dare you take advantage of me in such a vile manner!" Suddenly aware of how completely he was losing control, Robin flushed guiltily.

Kate was right. She might be a vile-tongued, ill-tempered shrew but she was entitled to more respect than he was showing her. Just because she considered

him an animal didn't mean he had to act like one. What was it about Kate

McKenzie that made him lose every ounce of restraint he'd ever possessed? God

knows she was attractive, but he'd seen women more beautiful. Her body was

made for loving, but so was Serena's. Yet some unknown force drew him to her,

made him want to discover what devils drove her, what made her so different

from other women. Only one other woman in his life had the power to move him

in that way. Casey O'Cain Penrod. "I won't say I'm sorry, Kate, 'cause I'm not. You have to admit I did take your

mind off your problems for a brief time. I'll get back to my duties now. If you

need me you know where to find me." Robin turned and walked away. Abruptly he paused, then whirled back to face

Kate. "Kate, I truly am sorry about William." Kate watched him walk away, undecided whether to lash out at him or thank him

for his concern. In the end she said nothing. Her feelings were too confused to

form a coherent answer. Dare and Casey Penrod arrived the following day with their children. They

stopped first to speak to Robin, who informed them that William was

dangerously ill and unlikely to recover. Kate saw their wagon lumbering down

the dusty lane and stood on the porch waiting for them. Brandon was the first to

scramble out of the wagon, jumping up and down as he waited for the slower

members of his family to follow. Little Lucy soon joined him, and Kate's first

thought was that she'd never seen a pair of toddlers more adorable than the

Penrod offspring. Then she got her first glimpse of Dare and Casey and she

knew from whence came their good looks. My God, she's beautiful! Kate thought, awed. Casey's hair was like a living

flame, somewhere between a brilliant red and burnished copper. Instinctively

Kate knew Casey's eyes would be green and she wasn't disappointed. Then she

turned her attention to Dare and realized that he was beautiful too. Not just

handsome, but shamefully beautiful in a male, rugged way. His slate gray eyes

were laughing down at Casey now, but Kate hadn't the slightest doubt that those

same mesmerizing eyes could turn as cold as ice given sufficient provocation.

The love they shared was so palpable, so blatantly obvious, it was like a kick to Kate's gut. Dare held out his hand. "I'm Dare Penrod. This is my wife, Casey. And these two

little imps are Brandon and Lucy. Robin told us your name is Kate. Welcome to

New South Wales." Kate almost corrected Dare concerning her name but thought better of it as she

grasped Dare's hand. Her first impression was that she'd always have a friend in

Dare Penrod. She wasn't quite so sure about Casey, after all she'd heard about the

woman. Casey didn't look like a felon, but looks were often deceiving. However,

when Casey added her own words of welcome, Kate let herself be drawn into the

woman's warm embrace. "Please come in," Kate invited. "Robin said you'd be here today, so I've been

expecting you." "Had we known your father was so ill we'd have been here sooner," Dare said.

"We want to help in any way we can." Kate didn't doubt his sincerity. "Thank you. Uncle Thad said you were the best thing that ever happened to

Mercy." Suddenly Kate realized what she'd said and turned a becoming red. "Oh,

I'm sorry." "Nothing to apologize about," Casey added quickly, then changed the subject.

"At least Robin is here with you. He's a good man to have around." Kate bit her tongue to keep from tossing out a scathing retort. When she was

sufficiently calm, she asked, "Have you known Robin long?" "Nearly all my life," Dare laughed. "Or so it seems. We've been through some

rough times together, but I won't bore you with them. Is your father up to

company?" "He knows you were coming today and is anxious to meet you. If Casey doesn't

mind waiting, I'll take you up to him." "Go ahead," Casey urged. "I'll check on the children while you're gone. Hard

telling what kind of mischief they're getting into." Casey walked outside, relieved to see that Robin had both Brandon and Lucy in

tow. She waved and hurried over to where Robin was showing the children the

newest calf. "Don't let them give you fits, Robin," Casey laughed. "I'm glad you brought the little imps. I've missed them." They stood talking while the children ran off to investigate some other miracle,

unaware that Kate was standing on the porch, watching. Suddenly Casey spied

her, said something to Robin, and walked back to the house. Still Kate watched,

but it wasn't Casey who had her attention, it was Robin. The tilt of his head, the

look on his face as he spoke with Casey, the special way his eyes followed her

trim figure. It was almost as if as if he loved her! My God, he did love her! Kate should have known by the tenderness in Robin's voice when he spoke of

Casey, the reverent look on his face whenever he mentioned her name, that he

harbored more than friendship in his heart for his friend's wife. Her next thought tumbled from her mind before she could stop it. How horrible

it must be to love your best friend's wife! Close on the heels of that thought came

another. Does Dare know? "The children are fine," Casey said when she stood beside Kate. "Shall we sit out

here so I can keep an eye on them? I'm sure Robin has more important things to

do than watch my children." For a time they talked of trivial things, England and the changes time had

wrought. Then they spoke of William and his illness. All the while they spoke,

Casey had the uneasy feeling that Kate McKenzie was uncomfortable around

her. It was as if the woman didn't want to form a friendship with Casey. Casey

knew there was plenty of gossip about her in Sydney and Parramatta, but it

seemed unlikely that Kate would have heard it yet. And she knew Robin

wouldn't spread rumors. Just then Brandon ran up to the porch, asking if he and Lucy could accompany

Robin to the stables. "He certainly is a big boy for his age." Kate smiled, admiring the sturdy little

lad. "He's the picture of his father." Kate knew Mercy had only been dead a little

over three years, so Brandon couldn't be over two and a half, perhaps nearly

three. "I'm almost four," Brandon said proudly. "And Lucy is nearly two." The smile froze on Kate's face. "Four?" she repeated stupidly. "You're almost

four?" Casey knew exactly what Kate was thinking and chose to ignore it. It was no

one's business when Brandon was conceived. Though everyone knew Dare had been married to Mercy at the time and Casey had been wed to Drew

Stanley, no one doubted that Dare was Brandon's father. "I'm nearly four and Papa is going to buy me a pony," Brandon continued

blithely. "Lucy is too little. May I go with Uncle Robin?" "Of course, dear, don't get in the way," Casey replied, aware that Kate was

staring at her strangely. "Kate, I want us to be friends. There aren't many women here on the

Hawkesbury and what few there are should be able to depend on one another." "Were you and Cousin Mercy friends?" Kate asked. Lord, why was she pursuing

this? she asked herself. What did she hope to gain? Obviously Casey O'Cain was

a husband stealer as well as a felon. Was she also an adulteress? Casey thought about her answer for several long moments before replying, "No,

Mercy and I were never friends."