Chapter 2 College Buddy

Nuh-uh. Not the closest college buddy I have. Not the woman I take along when I go to the bakeries or the one who makes me go out to the clubs on the weekends. She is stylish, leggy, and flashy-all things I'm not. Stunning. Instantly, I start to feel insecure. And the instantaneous destruction too. I shove Dominic so hard that he drops to the ground.

As he stands up and makes a guilty face, Dominic replies, "Listen, Ash, it's not what you think." Still erect and bouncing in front of him, his cock. It repulses me. I detest him.

"Really? Dominic, what is it then? Why would you mention Avery's name as we prepare to engage in sexual activity?

"I'm not sure, okay? I-"

Are you sharing a bed with her, by any chance?

Was I blind before? Did I place too much faith in Dominic and Avery's friendship? Avery typically couldn't stomach the men I dated, so I was probably too pleased when they clicked right away-it was a first. I thought I was being the 'cool girlfriend' by letting them hang out without me. I am such a freakin' idiot, God!

In the midst of our most private moment, which initially meant a lot to me, he crushed my soul and returned it back to me in shattered pieces. It now denotes shit. Letting him go this far with me has just left me with sorrow.

Okay, that was nothing. It's just a waste of time. You weren't exactly putting out-"

"Leave the fuck here!" I scream as I fling his shirt at him.

He grabs it and rushes to get the remainder of his clothing. I bury my head in my pillow as soon as he storms out and remain in bed the rest of the night sobbing uncontrollably. My life's foundation had been our connection, and now that it has crumbled, it seems that everything else is also falling apart. All for the sake of sacrificing my heart to a kid who didn't deserve it.

My worst suspicions are realized the next day when I face Avery. With tears in her eyes, she admits that her connection with Dominic is more meaningful than the meaningless fuck he represented it to be. It has never been. Evidently, I'm the only lady in his group who he hasn't had a sexual encounter with. Mel, my economics study companion, was there. Chantelle, a young lady whose sister was behind me last month rescued by baking last-minute cookies for her presentation at school. and a lot more. There are a ton more.

Even worse, Avery says Dominic just used me as a challenge. He would have taken my virginity and then departed. I'm too devastated to realize how fortunate I am that he called Avery's name last night.

I go to the bathroom, sick to my stomach, to throw up the growing bile. Knowing that I was never his exclusive girlfriend brings me to a new low. My virginity, a triumph, was the lowest of low blows for him since he knew I was nothing more than a prospective notch on his bedpost.

I look up from the dirty toilet bowl and slump backward from the effort. Angered. And incredibly cynical. My mind is completely black, the kind of darkness that wouldn't go away even after daybreak. It takes me back to that dark place where my darkest fears reside. I had been deceiving myself into thinking I could blend in and be good enough for someone like Dominic. Dominic is a hot-looking, seductive man with a gorgeous grin and magnetic charisma. Is it true I believed I deserved a man like that?

Do not, of course. I don't compare to the gorgeous females on campus, the ones who had been extending their legs for him, since I had just above ordinary features. I can't believe I didn't recognize his deception.

Poor, credulous Anna. Weak. You're flimsy. I warned you to avoid guys, didn't I? I told you not to trust them, remember?

She sounds like she is seated next to me, talking in my ear. She had a narrow, mocking grin that stuck in my mind. My worth is being criticized by her remarks, which are now considerably louder and more forceful. And at the moment, I agree with her.

I wish I could be the kind of person who can graciously forget and forgive, but I can't. What Dominic and Avery did to me is something I'll never forget. In fact, it's the main component of the heart-protective armor I'm making right now. Never again will I allow another guy the opportunity to harm me.

Since I live on campus, I can't call on any of my childhood friends for support when I'm feeling down. And it seems that the nearby "friends" aren't committed enough to do so. Dominic and I have the same friends, which is unfortunate since when sides are decided, he ranks well on the desirability and I am left with no one.

Even though I'm by myself right now, I convince myself that I'm not lonely. But that does not imply that it is accurate. Without a doubt, it doesn't make the pain cease.

What's worse is that in the days that follow, some of the jokes Dominic himself initiated about me start to circulate among these people who aren't pals. They make fun of me for being so naive to believe Dominic would have chosen a girl like me. The new Ashley understands they're saying the truth when she sees herself in the mirror. I'm gullible. I feel hollow after it. Hollow on the inside and cheap on the surface, like a discarded doll.

Oh, dear. Mel being the college slut or Avery being too shallow were never something I judged. I used to be quite close to all of my friends; I would hang out with them and provide a hand; they were a significant portion of my college experience. They all regard me as if I had the plague these days. How do things change so quickly? The main question is: Why did I let one jerk ruin so many of the things on which I found my happiness?

I believe I can still hear them laughing as I cross campus right now, close to the fountain in the center of campus. Avery, who has a snobby and delighted smile, is leaning on Dominic as he sits on the edge. Remorse is no longer present. Perhaps it was a fabrication.

The other lads are undoubtedly jostling and laughing as I speed past, hunching my head so that my face is hidden behind my hair and pressing my fingertip on the bridge of my spectacles to move it up my nose. When I'm alone myself once again, I shut my eyes, knowing that their laughter will continue to plague me for days.

perhaps more.