Chapter 9 Memories

Shane

I was asked today to share a happy moment spent with my family, when I couldn't think of one, I was asked to share any happy memory I had of my parents. Still, I couldn't name one. Where familial bonds should pull me to them, an emptiness sits. If it weren't for my twin sister I think I would have killed myself long ago.

People think that I would look down on her or want her gone sine we are both technically heirs to the throne, but I would rather slit my own throat than to harm a single hair on her head. Had I been born an only child I firmly believe I would have killed my parents at an early age. Why do I harbor such hate towards them? Why do I not care about their expectations or low opinions of me?

I was born with all of the memories from my previous life.

Every terrible thing, every death, every time she chose him over me, I remember it all. As a child it was hard to sort multiple past lives out, but eventually I got the picture. I was doomed to an eternity of suffering, but I didn't care. I knew deep down that I would never choose differently. It was her and it would always be her.

As for Mavy, I would never admit it out loud, but if it weren't for her I would have been lost to the darkness that was inside of me. When I heard a young girl had been found four years ago, I knew who it was, knew it was her.

It all started when the love of my life found her mate. I thought if I tried harder, fought harder, loved more that she would choose me in the last life. I thought that my love would be enough for her to see me, love me, want me. I remember realizing my fear had come to life when I was forced to stand on the sidelines as she stared up into his eyes.

The love in her eyes was a punch to the gut as she looked at him as if the heavens had planned this and the stars had aligned. When the world 'Mate' slipped from her lips, I wanted to rip him apart. I saw red. The pain was like nothing I've ever felt before. Life after life I bled for her and yet she still picked up that sword and thrust it into my heart.

Fate was relentless with its grudge against me. And yet, as soon as I heard the guards talking about the rogue that had been found I didn't question, didn't wonder about what I would do. One minute I was listening to the guards talking about what my father would do to her and the next, I was running.

My feet wouldn't move fast enough, the wind couldn't carry me further, and my desperation burst from me like water from a damn. I barged into his office and asked him what he would do about the rogue.

Her family had been traveling by car. The Delta that had been near the crash when it happened was present. He had pulled her from the wreck and insisted that she be killed. Rogues aren't allowed near pack because they're known to be wild. Rogues were disgusting and many thought they shouldn't be allowed to live. All because they didn't have a pack or an alpha. What sounded like freedom to me, sounded like filth to the ranked members.

"Please. There must be a reason for her to be here. The crash killed everyone, but her. The Moon Goddess let her live for a reason," I said.

"What do we do with rogues, Son?" My father asked.

I fell to my knees I could feel his gaze on me, but kept my eyes on the ground and my head low. I begged for him to spare her. I was young then and it was the first time I wanted something, it was the first time I begged him for anything.

When I lifted my head, I didn't miss the gleam in his eyes. I knew then that there would be a price to pay. He should have just agreed, but no, he had to have something in return. It didn't matter that the rogue was a child the same age as his daughter. His help came with a price tag.

He agreed to spare her life and in return, I would do as he wanted, follow his rules, and never fight back. I only agreed to his terms after he agreed to give her the care she needed. When he linked the Beta, my shoulders relaxed and it felt as if a crushing weight had been lifted.

We never mentioned what happened after that night. I learned from a young age that my father didn't care about me, nor did he hold any love for me. I was his heir and that's where his feelings and his thoughts for me stopped.

In the beginning I would wonder which face of his was real. Was the cruel father I knew the real version of him, or was the kind man everyone saw the real him? Was he only cruel with me? Was there something about me that made him despise me? After a few years, I stopped caring and held true to the agreement I struck with him that night she was spared.