Chapter 7 7

Slag. I really, really didn't ever want to be alone on this planet.

I rub my wrists, which are raw and swollen from the cuffs 12-3 removed before she left me. I want a shower. I feel dirty. Tainted.

I want off this planet.

Everything has gone wrong.

"You're there now, aren't you?"

The voice comes through my brain, pressing in with a gentle, probing force.

"Yes," I answer honestly, because Valen and I are best and worst together when we are very honest and open with each other.

"I've felt it all day, until just now. The curiosity, the disgust. The fear." His voice sends a wave of peace through me though, countering all the emotions he just accurately described. "Are you alright?"

I look around the room where I'm imprisoned. No, I think to myself. Everything's gone wrong.

But I have to be careful how I handle this, or it's all going to get so much worse.

I aim for a chair next to the window and curl up into it.

"I'm not hurt," I say, which is the truth.

"You know that's not all I'm asking, Nova."

I barely contain a groan that wants to work out my chest when he says my name. It's like another connection, far more intimate than just speaking telepathically. It's a promise. It's a bond. It's forever.

"I knew there would be things I couldn't plan for when I decided to do this," I say as I curl into myself, making myself smaller and smaller. "I knew things could go wrong, that we'd have to improvise."

"How much are you improvising right now?" he asks.

"Just the whole slam thing," I say, because I have to be honest when I can.

"Nova, I-"

"I will handle this," I say, cutting him off. Because if he makes promises, I will let him keep them. "There isn't any other way, Valen. You have to let me do this on my own."

"That's not how partners are supposed to work," he says, and I hear the frustration and regret in his voice, over circumstances we can do almost nothing about. "I . . . maybe this is all just insanity and too impossible. I am who I am, and sometimes things are just too big. How far can we push things, Nova? At what point to we have to realize that we're just asking too much?"

"Stop," I say, shaking my head as a hard knot forms in my chest. "Just stop. I'm not afraid of a little hard work, and I'm going to be pretty disappointed if you are, Valen. Because in the end, it's simple. I'm going to do anything to change our future. I have already decided. We might be from different places. We might have different upbringings. But in the end, you are still the one I want to talk to at the close of every day." My heart is racing and emotions are rising up inside of me. I can hardly breathe, so it's a good thing I'm not having to talk out loud. "I want to be with you, Valen. And I'm ready to fight until my last breath for that chance to live out the future."

I take three breaths, gathering myself back in. I mean it, every one of these words, despite how insane and impossible they are.

I've only ever been in Valen's physical presence twice.

Twice.

But he's here in my head. He occupies my chest. He's heard my thoughts. He feels my secrets.

He knows me and I know him in a way no one else in the galaxy ever will.

"Do you think it's worth fighting for, too?" I ask him.

I don't feel or hear anything for a long moment. And I'm fearful.

I'm not stupid.

I'm not ignorant.

Valen has never hesitated if he had to kill someone. He has never felt guilt over the thousands of lives he's ended. He has no compassion. The darkness in him could swallow planets. The anger and resentment and hatred he's held in his heart for decades could obliterate every last Bahiri in the galaxy.

We are not the same.

He has done so many bad things in his life I couldn't count them.

I'm fighting to free everyone in the galaxy.

We couldn't be more different.

But I still feel it. I hold onto it with every bit of strength I have.

There is potential in Valen. The potential for change. The potential for good. The potential for greatness.

"I don't know that I can be what you see me as," Valen finally says. I feel his conflict. The weight in his stomach. "But I know I can't go back. Now that I've found you, Nova, I can't go back."

It isn't a promise. He doesn't tell me he's going to change.

But he does say he'll never let me go.

That should scare me. That should make me think twice.

But for right now, for where my heart and soul is, it's enough.

"I can do this," I say, my voice quiet and low and already exhausted, even though it is only mentally spoken. "I promise you, Valen, I can and I will do this. I'll do whatever it takes."