Chapter 3 Feed your eyes

After crying until my tears had run dry and my heart cold from the pangs strangling it.

I searched for the totem, which I found where my father had held me down before I ran.

I pick it up and stare at the staff from one end to another, checking its drawings. And at the top, I see two dots green as the eyes of Borankama. I walk back slowly, as the noise of the nocturnals in the wood keeps me entertained and guessing as I pick them apart to tell which animal is which. I arrived later at the cave, and the girls were talking while the seer sat nearby. The cave was lit with a giant fire in the middle. I walked to where she sat with the two staff in my hand. I pushed the one she had instructed me to get forward. And she said, "Keep it. It is yours to carry." "They have made dinner. Eat something. It would be best if you had your strength," she added. I turned around to look at the two girls who sat comfortably until they heard the seer scream, "Stand and serve the man."They quickly rushed to bring the food they had prepared. I was amazed at how she controlled them with so much might. Still seated, she does not raise her head or look at the others. I have a question. I ask her."Why did your gods not fight for my people? Why did they all fall silent, as those who did not worship them stain our land with blood and take from us?"The ways of the gods are not the ways of men."You should go and eat," she encouraged. Still in the same spot, not moving. I sit on the rock while the two girls bring me dinner. I thought I would be served with vegetables alone. I saw the garden. But before me, there were meat, grain, and vegetables, and all served in different earthenware. I ate, but not much. When I was done, I went out to watch the sky. I lay on top of the patch of grass in the cave and rested there. Lost in the night sky, I don't hear Ara come close. All I hear is her narrating why she had been spared. She began, "I went to see my auntie in Tela because of my father. I have been going there because every time my father gets drunk, the village mocks me, and people look at me with pity and say, "Who will marry you now?"And now everyone and everything is gone. All that I was running away from was gone. She sobs slowly as she talks, but I do not move. I do not say a word, and I just lay there like the two staff by my right. You will have to avenge them. I don't reply. I know I am just one. I would need more men to fight a whole village. But I don't tell her that. I just lay there until she left. And as I watch the stars with thoughts as plenty as their numbers, I drift off to sleep. The next day, I woke up with the cold surrounding me. I move slowly and make my way into the cave, which is still warm, and the fire is still lit. I moved closer to it and rested so the cold would leave my body. The sun had not yet risen. And everyone except myself was asleep.

I turned to look where Laziza and Ara were lying down and then turned my head back. But then I craved more of what I had seen. I looked back at the sleeping girl whose body had instigated a growth between my legs. I watched calmly until someone spoke. I turned to look at where Borankama was lying down, and then I heard her say, "Feed your eyes and want her, for tomorrow you will feed your soul and hers with care."She didn't turn to face me, she was still lying, and I could guess she was talking in her sleep. I turned to look at Laziza to see if she had heard the seer. But to my surprise, the two were still sleeping. I stood and went out, and it wasn't fun knowing someone was watching me. I rush into the woods, and when I return later when the sky is overhead, I see Ara by the mouth of the cave standing and worried."What is wrong, Ara? I ask, thinking something had happened."Where have you been?" she asked."I went hunting," I answered, dropping my hunt on the floor. I raised my eyes to meet hers as she turned and entered the cave, avoiding me. After that, she was awkward all through the day. I was sitting with Borankama, and we talked about the past when I saw her walk past us into the woods. What is wrong with her?"You will have to tell me; it is something only you can ask.

"I look at her confused and ask, "Is she angry at me over something?

"The gods do not meddle in issues like this and ask her what is wrong. Where is Laziza?

I ask. Borakama shrugs and plays with her hair, humming a tune I do not know, but it soothes my soul as I listen.

I stand and check the cave, but Laziza is not there.

And then I follow the two into the woods to find them.

Kalenje, where are you going? I wanted to answer, but I did not want to sound awkward. I waited for her to conclude that I was heading to the village before I nodded in affirmation. She was looking at me in askance when I replied,

"We would have to go back there eventually; we can't stay with the seer forever." I will be going back to 'tela.

I have relatives there, and I visited them when our village was attacked......"Stay with me," I said, interrupting her. Stay with me in Mubaila.

Let's make a home here. She stands silently there and watches me, and then she looks behind me at Ara, who stands behind me.