Chapter 3 Am I happy

Everyone in the room held their breath, because basically everyone in this shitty town knew the situation between me and Xavier. Thought about feeling his lips against mine made my head spin. Even more than before.

How could it possibly feel to kiss that one boy whom I know the most, who has shared so many things and feeling with me, who has even broken my heart without noticing? Did I want to kiss him? Why the hell my drunk ass agreed to play this stupid game?

"It's not a big deal!" Xavier shrugged his shoulders and got up, starting to slowly move closer to where I was sitting.

Everyone stared at us. Was he really just that drunk or completely lost his mind? My hands started to shake and cheeks to burn. Is Xavier really willing to kiss me? 
I could still run away or do anything else but my legs stayed the same. Fuck! What if I wanted to kiss him? I know I wanted to. I was wondering how his lips would feel and taste since the fricking sixth grade, when he kissed me on the cheek because I had helped him with his math homework.

The next moment, he was already sitting in front of me. I saw him leaning closer. He put his a little bit cold hand on my cheek and softly looked into my eyes.

"Are you okay?" he whispered. His voice low and raspy. I nodded. I don't know how, but I could feel that we both wanted it. It was now or never. I was almost ready to run away.

He gently pressed his lips against mine and everything inside of me just flipped. I could taste his spearmint gum as he opened his mouth and kissed me. Really kissed me. His tongue slid into my mouth and I gasped between our heavy kissing. I put my arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to me.

Our tongues ran along each other like they've been doing this for years already and I felt him starting to suck on my lower lip, and I couldn't help but moan.

"Easy, Em. People are watching us." suddenly he broke our kiss and mumbled.

Our foreheads were still pressed against each other, our breathing still heavy.

His hands slid down my sides and laid on my waist.

"It felt good. You feel good." he whispered once again, while having a dreamy smile on his face and not his usual smirk. Then he got up and went back to sit down. I almost wanted to whimper at the lose of his touch.

"I need some air!" I exhaled, as I got up and walked out of the living room without looking back. It felt like the alcohol is all gone, because my thoughts and emotions were killing me.

"Hey.." I heard his low voice from behind me. Suddenly his arms were around my waist again.

I quickly pushed them away but I couldn't help but notice how good it felt.

"What the hell was that Xavier?" I started to yell at him. He had a confused look on his face.

"It's just a game, Em." he said and I looked away. I know it is but it still hurt to hear that after feeling what I am feeling right now.

Do I even have any idea about what I'm feeling right now?

"That doesn't fucking give you the right to kiss me!" I yelped and put hands on my face.

"You wanted it." he whispered and stepped closer to me again

"W-what?" I hoped I misheard.

"You wanted it. And we both fucking liked it. Actually I more than just liked it. You're an amazing kisser, best friend!" he repeated himself, as I shook my head.

"See? Best friends, that's what we were, are and that's what we should be in the future. I already lost you so many times before, I can't loose you forever! So we can't screw even more things up between us!"

I cried out while he was staring at me. He didn't seem drunk or high, he was just standing there, genuinely interested in what I was saying.

"No no no, Xavier! This is not right. I can't loose you as well" I stepped back again but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to his chest. That's the second time tonight.

I gasped. "Let's not care about what's right or wrong for a moment, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere, okay?" he mumbled before leaning down. I felt his lips on my jaw, then moving to my earlobe, slowly sucking on it. A quiet gasp escaped my lips. I was holding my breath. His lips and tongue continued to travel down to my neck, finding my weak spot and sucking on it again.

I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a hickey, considering how harsh his movements were now. It was like he was miserably asking for more. I caught him by surprise, when I grabbed his chin and slammed my lips against his hot mouth. He was right! It was the last night as a normal teenager.

On Monday everything will suck and will be normal again. Tonight I'll do whatever the hell I want! We came back to the living room and sat down once again, Xavier still not leaving my side. 
Seemed like everyone had forgotten about our steamy kiss. Game was still going on strong, and everyone were yelling around.

"Hey, sit closer to us, lovebirds!" some guy, probably named Zayn, yelled at me and Xavier.

I heard Xavier lightly chuckling.

"Vodka?" same guy asked. I took it without hesitation, even though, I was dizzy as fuck. The kisses and fresh air helped, though.

"Hey, Em, let's not anymore, okay?" Xavier gently took the bottle out of my hands. He wasn't insisting, just asking. I let him take the bottle.

"You're probably right. I could throw up on you every second now." I chuckled and he placed his chin on top of my head while laughing.

"Wanna go and find a bedroom?" he suddenly suggested, his voice was low and raspy. "I'd love to." after a minute of trying to calm myself down, I lifted and turned my head to him with a big smile.

What was I thinking though? I couldn't just go and fuck him. First of all, if he really wanted to fuck me right now, he was the biggest asshole. He grabbed me by my wrist and by the next second we were both already standing.

"Let's go?" I mumbled and he just nodded. Liz winked her eyebrows at me and I mouthed

"fuck off". Xavier's hand was back in mine, as we walked upstairs to see if there's any free bedroom. Not so long after, we found a little room but with a big bed.

I walked in, while Xavier closed the door, making the room completely dark and tried to lock it. I finally found a lamp on the nightstand, that made the room a little bit lighter.

"Come here." his voice was commanding yet sweet. Once I got to him, he slammed me against the wall and lifted my body up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my hands were in his hair. His hot mouth pressed against mine and I moaned at how good it felt.

"I could do so many things to you." he said, while he moved down to my neck.

"And at the end you would be screaming my name," he kept talking between kisses, "I could make you feel so good."

With me still wrapped around him, he moved to the bed.

"Hey hey hey, stop!" he suddenly mumbled and moved his head away. I groaned at the lose of his touch. He looked confused.

"What's up?" I asked and started to kiss his neck, but he gently lifted me up and put me down onto bed. "You don't want to have sex with me?" I cried out and with alcohol and all the emotions, I actually was ready to start crying for real. I looked away from him, trying to hide the tears in my eyes.

He started to softly chuckle. "No. I mean. Look, I want you. God damn it, I want you so bad! I think deep down I've always wanted you. But I won't fuck you while we're both wasted." he put his cold hand on my cheek and turned my head back to him.

Then he rubbed away my tears and put his lips on mine in a slow and unforgettable kiss. No one has ever kissed me like that. I could never thought that a kiss could tell so many things and make you feel so many emotions.

We lay on the bed and cuddled while I rested my head on his chest.

"I miss them" I say. I could feel tears threatening to break as I think of my parents.

"I know. I miss them too" he says and kisses my forehead just as I let the tears stream down my face.

"Hey! Hey, I got you" he says wiping the tears of my face.

"Don't cry, I love you." He says and I lift my head up to face him

"Really?" I asked as I sniffled

"Of course you big idiot. I love you so fucking much, and I'm not going anywhere" he says and more tears pricked down my face.

"Promise?" I brought out my pinky finger and he locked it with his.

"I promise" he says and kissed my forehead again.

"I finally got a job" I say after a moment of comfortable silence as we cuddled.

"Really?" His face lid up.

"Ehm hmm" I hummed. "I'm so proud of you, they are too" he says referring to my parents. "I know" I say with a smile.

"When are you starting?" I let out a sigh

"Monday"

"What's it about?" He asked, genuinely interested in what I say.

"A personal assistant"

"What?" He looked down at me.

"Yup. I go to work by 6am and get to school around 8:30. I'm expected to check my phone constantly for any new or important mails to either forward to my new grumpy boss or just be informed. I'm also going there immediately after school and leaving for work again before my shift ending by 7pm. I also get to work on Saturdays so the only day I'm free is on Sundays" I let out in one go. He cupped my cheeks so i was looking him in the eye.

"Are you happy?" He asks. Am I happy? I looked anywhere but his eyes.

"Em" he says softly. "Look at me" he says and I looked into his gray eyes once again. "Are you happy?" He asks again.

I shake my head and tears begin pouring down my face as he hugs me tightly.

"You don't have to do this alone you know" he said softly. "My mom and I are more than happy to have you stay with us. It'll be just before you go off to college" he says reassuringly. I looked up at him and smiled.

"I can't"

"Why not? I'll help you get another job. We'll both get a job together and we'd pay up your parents debts. Their like my own parents so I'd be doing this for me too. Please, Em, let me help" he pleads.

"I can't" I sniffled.

"Em, please. You're my best friend and l love you. This is what best friends do"

"I'm sorry Xavier, I can't do that to you" I say as I continued to cry. I've forgotten when last I was held like this and was allowed to cry. I don't want him to leave me.

"I understand. But promise me whenever things get hard, no matter how little it is, you'd come stay with us" he brought out his pinky and I locked it with mine

"I promise"

"And if you feel like you can't, I can always come over and stay with you. I'm just a phone call away. No matter how little the situation is, promise me"

"I promise" I say and hug him tighter.

"Xavier?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you"

"I love you too, Em".

I could hear some voices from around me and the sun was burning my eyes out. I groaned and tried to flip on my stomach but something heavy on me was blocking me from doing that.

"What the.." I groaned once more, now already pissed and slowly opened my eyes, starting to feel the pain and sickness. I turned my head a little bit and gasped at what I saw.

Xavier was peacefully sleeping next to me, his mouth a little bit open, his arm around my waist holding me closely to his half naked body. All the memories from last night started to hit me all at once. I was ready to feel panic, disgust or regret but instead of that, I felt this really good and weird feeling in my stomach.

Before noticing, I was already smiling big. I kissed Xavier, my best friend then almost had sex with him, and now woke up next to him, and I hated how good it made me feel. I wanted to lightly loosen up his grip and check the time on my phone, but once I started to turn away from him, I felt him starting to move and deeply sigh.

"Good morning, beautiful!" he put his mouth next to my ear and said with his raspy and sexy voice. I felt my skin starting to tingle immediately.

"Good morning!" I whispered back, not even trying to hold back the smile.

"How you feeling?" he asked with his eyes still closed. He was probably one of the most beautiful man I've ever seen and it actually scared me.

"Could be better. I'm glad to see you kept your promise though." I chuckled and he interlocked our fingers.

"Wait, lemme check what time is it." I remembered why I started to move away from him in the first place and got up to take my phone.

"We have only forty minutes to get out of here." I sighed.