Chapter 2 Limits

"Don't let it burn. Don't let it fade."

My back burned. It had been a busy day, and a busy night at the restaurant, thank God. I took my hair out of the bun held by a pen. Anyone who saw me at that moment would judge me as an exhausted waitress rather than a chef, although both work exhaustively. I called Antoine as I collected my bag from the office, and he answered as I closed the bistro.

- Hey! Is at home? I asked.

- Oh! Sorry Katharine! I completely forgot!

I rolled my eyes and threw my head back, still standing in the doorway of my already closed establishment.

"It's okay, Antoine. Nicholas called you?

- Not. If I had, I wouldn't have forgotten to pick up Liz.

"Okay, talk to you later bro. I'll work it out.

He said goodbye and I hurried to my car. Antoine had said that he could pick Liz up at the apart-hotel where Nicholas would be staying after the family party, however, that inconvenience would be inevitable. I texted my daughter's father before starting the car. I was driving calmly, but agile, when Nicholas's call on the display worried me and I quickly answered:

"Hello, I'm driving. Don't worry, I'm on my way to the hotel. She is sleeping?

"Good night Katharine." Okay? – he asked calmly.

I hated it when Nicholas was polite to me only to piss me off like he was doing.

"I'm sorry, but Antoine had an unforeseen event. I only found out now that I left the bistro.

- Okay, I found his delay strange and as I know you wouldn't allow my daughter to sleep with me without prior planning, I brought her to your house. She is sleeping. – he spoke as always, stinging my rigid stance on matters relating to Liz.

"Okay, I won't be long.

"Katharine! Come carefully, no need to run. If you don't mind... - He stopped talking pondering something.

"Nicholas I'm driving, it would be nice to avoid getting too busy on the line, so please keep it short.

"It's just that I still have the key." – he said bluntly.

"Then go in, put her on her bed and wait for me to come, please."

I quickly disconnected the call. My mind tried to imagine the reasons why he still had my key. I clearly didn't ask her back as the contact between us was minimal. And since the divorce came out and Nicholas gave up our house so I could live with Liz, I didn't think that was the kind of thing he'd have anymore.

My head threatened to hurt. I gave the arrow when I identified the return on the road and I hurried to get home soon. Nicholas Cassano's scent in that house again was something I couldn't deal with once I started to recover.

I opened the automatic garage door and parked. He appeared in the doorway with his arms crossed and to see him there in the doorway like that... It was like a vision of the past. Only the smile was missing. I didn't face him to avoid too many memories.

I opened the back door of the car, and removed the box with the leftover vegetables, and some vegetables. From time to time I would bring home some goodies. At the restaurant we reuse everything, even the peels. And what we made from it was donated to institutions, to employees who wanted to take it, and to my house.

Nicholas walked up to me without my noticing and took the box from my hand, smiling politely. I greeted him with "good night" without smiling, and thanked him for his help. I slammed the car door locking it and pulling away. Nicholas followed me inside. I tossed my purse on the couch and pulled off my jacket. I left the jacket on the sofa as Nicholas entered.

"Put the box in the kitchen, please.

I took off my shoes leaving them lying next to the couch too. Nicholas stared at me leaning against the American kitchen counter. As soon as I felt my feet on the ground, I put my hands in my hair, relieved to shake them.

"You're thinner. - he said cutting the silence.

I looked at him sideways, suspicious. My shirt was short. It was an old blouseRamones, from when I was still a teenager. It was a blouse Nicholas loved. I cleared my throat and said, changing the subject:

"I'm going to see Liz and I'll be right back."

I walked to the bedroom and the little child was sleeping angelically, little did I know that the parents were again, after so long, under the same roof.

I kissed my daughter's forehead and stroked her hair crouched by her bed. When I got up to leave, Nicholas was watching us from the bedroom door. I turned away from his gaze that roamed my body stopping at the blouse. I was thinner, really. I haven't been hungry for three months. I passed him at the door, and he barely made a point of stepping aside to let me through.

Back in the living room, Nicholas sat down on the couch and I glared at him disgruntled. I was tired, and I didn't believe he would stay there playing that kind of game, as if we were friends.

"Sorry to bother bringing you." I said sitting down on the sofa.

- She is my daughter. It's not a nuisance, don't worry.

I sighed tiredly. I didn't have the strength to start an argument with him.

"Why didn't you go to Frankie's birthday?"

"Why should I go? I replied.

"You don't have to cut ties with my family.

"I didn't. And they know it. I just don't have to attend family events where I don't feel comfortable.

An uncomfortable silence fell, and I took the opportunity to walk away. I went to the kitchen to put away the food I had brought. Nicholas rose to his feet, looking around.

- Are you alright?

"Don't I look good?" I asked directly.

- It's thinner. – he repeated for the second time that night.

"I'm sorry I didn't stuff myself with chocolates and become fat enough to be unattractive.

"You will never stop being attractive, Katharine.

I closed the fridge door drinking my glass of water and when I heard it I knocked the glass over the sink.

"What is Nicholas trying to do?"

"I'm just trying to make conversation.

- Do not try. Our affairs concern Katharine only.

- I care about you. It's my father's duty too, since she lives with her mother.

I snorted in a sarcastic laugh.

"I'm fine, Nicholas. Don't think I'm going to fail my daughter.

- Katharine. It doesn't have to be like that. We had a history that must be respected, don't be so harsh, okay?

- Don't talk to me about respect... Honestly! What you want after all? That we are great friends after all?

"I just want us to get along, for Liz's sake.

"I think we're getting along too well." We don't have to live with each other for that.

"Okay... Well, take care Katharine."

He headed for the exit without much delay, but quickly came back remembering to give me the copy of the key. I was close to the door to lock it and he took my hand and placed the key in my palm saying just one sentence:

- The decor was better with the picture frames.

I wanted to hit him. What did he intend? What good are scattered photographs, leaving traces of memories if those images lied?

"I'm sure, I'm not being rude, but it's just your atitude. It's tearing me apart, it's ruining everything".

It was three-twenty in the morning when I called Antoine, alarmed. Liz was moaning in pain and was pale. I touched her tummy and she cried even more, the pain seemed to be so much that my daughter couldn't stop crying. In desperation I called Antoine who was willing to take us to the hospital, but I was already preparing everything to go as soon as possible. I just asked him to meet me there. In the emergency, empty, the doctor evaluated Liz who was still crying. Antoine was waiting for us outside the room.

When the doctor and I left the room to talk, we left Liz medicated and sleepy with the children's nurse in tow. Antoine approached me, worried, hugging me, and attentive to what the doctor was going to say.

"Are you her father?" – he asked my brother, whom he hadn't met yet.

We were going to answer, but Nicholas's voice behind us made me freeze.

- Not. I am.

He walked over, extending his hand in greeting to the doctor, and I stared at Antoine with a confused expression.

"Thanks for calling me, Rob. – he said to my brother and looked at me worriedly: - How is she?

- Now she is medicated and Dr. Rhodes was about to explain to us what happened.

"I'm sorry, but . . . It wasn't Dr. Hunter her pediatrician? – Nicholas asked the doctor sharply as if he had some fault.

"Over three months ago, Dr. Hunter retired Nicholas. Daniel has been taking care of Liz ever since.

Cassano's posture was unbelievable. However, every time he got nervous, Nicholas was impulsive. I discreetly apologized to the doctor who looked at me with patience and understanding.

"I think you meant Dr. Daniel, isn't it Katharine? Nicholas asked me directly, in a judgmental way.

- Not. I said Daniel, which is the name of the doctor who has been taking care of our daughter for over three months.

My answer was enough to make Nicholas feel like he'd crossed a line. Antoine and I didn't understand anything, and Daniel just straightened his lab coat, concentrating on giving us the news:

- It's a pleasure to finally meet you Mr. Cassano. Liz talked a lot about you in all the last appointments.

Nicholas confirmed with a nod and was embarrassed by his posture. I could tell by the way his gaze was straight and his smile fake. I smile discreetly. There wasn't a movement of Nicholas's I didn't recognize, not a thought I didn't guess. Surely he would be muttering in his head "unnecessary Nicholas", as he said every time he caught himself committing an attitude, really, unnecessary.

- Well, I need to explain some more complex issues to you, so I'd like you to accompany me to my office. - Rhodes said looking at me as if he expected an answer.

"Antoine, can you keep Liz company while we talk to Dr. Rhodes?

I asked and my brother promptly said hugging me and going to the little one's room. I followed the doctor who started to walk in front, and Nicholas followed after watching us. As soon as he noticed that the doctor was already saying some things to me, he quickened his steps, coming to my side.

"So that might be it?" I asked the doctor as Nicholas approached.

"You can, Katharine." But, I'll explain it better for you.

I sighed and walked into the office being followed by Nicholas. We sat in the chairs in front of the table, and Daniel also sat in his chair. He removed the stethoscope from around his neck, placing it on the table, and relaxed as he spoke to us:

- As you informed me last month, Liz has a family history of diabetes, and according to the latest tests, we were aware of this possibility.

- What? I don't understand. Nick asked me directly.

- Liz's last routine exam showed that she had possible "pre-diabetes" Nicholas, so Dr. Rhodes and I have been looking at the symptoms. We started with a more specific diet and the necessary care, but the chance of Liz developing the disease, you know...

"Can you explain to me why I didn't know about this, Katharine?" He glared at me arrogantly.

- Where have you been for the last month?

"I was on tour, but does that mean you can hide this kind of thing from me?

"I didn't hide anything, control yourself. I've talked to your parents, and they've asked me not to speak to you until you return. After all, you couldn't do anything and we didn't have a concrete diagnosis. However, in her family's home, everyone was aware and collaborating in preventive treatment. It was your mother who even supported me the most, since she went through the same situation with you.

My calm and conscious speech made Nicholas, once again, realize the wrong time to do the dirty laundry. Deep down, we all thought about not harming him and taking care of Liz in the best way.

"Nicholas. – the doctor called him, making him stop looking at me: - Liz is developing pancreatic insufficiency, still in the beginning and we're going to continue the treatment, ok, Katharine? I've already ordered new tests and I'm going to re-evaluate the results to see if we've had any improvement, or if in fact it's a progressive case of Type 1 Diabetes.

- I do not believe. - Nicholas said devastated.

At that moment I faced him with a zeal I hadn't had in a long time. I considered before putting my hand on his shoulder, but I did and got a confused look back. The Doctor. Rhodes kept talking.

"It's not serious, but it shouldn't be ignored either. You must know how it is, Katharine told me that you have type one diabetes. What we will do now is ensure that Liz is well nourished as we have been doing, because the lack of some vitamins and the malfunctioning of the pancreas can compromise her health in general. It is also important, parents, that you start encouraging Liz to have active lifestyle habits, that she moves and does some frequent physical exercise. Overall, Katharine, not much will change. We will continue with the feeding times, and if there is a need according to the results of the new tests, I will prescribe the replacement of some enzymes.

- Daniel... - I said directly, getting closer to the table: - Tell me, the way she is... Should I start worrying that diabetes is going to be inevitable or can we still reverse it?

Nicholas, who had been staring at me since the moment I released him and approached the doctor's table to ask that question, shook his head slightly and listened to what would be said.

- As I said, only with the new results will I know if she is in a reversible condition of insufficiency, or if this is already a sequel to diabetes.

I sighed heavily looking up at the ceiling. Denise had already told me everything about her childhood with Nicholas. And knowing that I wouldn't be alone with that disease that was new to me, despite having been married to a diabetic, reassured me. Nicholas had always been independent with his treatment, and all I knew was the possible need to rescue him.

Since Liz was healthy up until then, I hadn't bothered to prepare for that. By the way, who would do that? What made me more "conformed" was that, since she was a baby, Liz had had a healthy lifestyle, which I was always very careful to maintain, so the fact that I suspected the disease already showed me that it was a genetic factor. Therefore, I wouldn't need the test results to understand that I should start talking to her about that.

"Katharine, I know what you're thinking and I really think you should talk to Liz and start explaining to her. Consultation with a psychologist can help. - said Dr. Rhodes smiling friendly.

- What are you thinking? – Nicholas asked me, bothered by the fact that there seemed to be a lot in that dialogue that he didn't know.

- In explaining to her what Diabetes is and telling her that there is the possibility of her having it, of course, with all the pedagogy for a child her age.

"I can help you too if you want."

doctor Rhodes offered his help, and Nicholas jumped up, saying angrily:

"It won't be necessary, Doctor. I'm the father, I have the disease, I'm the one who left that trace in my daughter's DNA, I know what it's like to be diagnosed, so I talk to Liz.

- Nicholas, don't be rude, Daniel just said that he can help explain the clinical terms. He didn't say he's going to educate his daughter in his place, because it's his obligation. I replied, getting up calmly.

I held out my hand to Rhodes who was smiling unaffected by Nicholas, and the three of us walked out of the room. Antoine was waiting for us anxiously with Liz sleeping peacefully. I explained everything to my brother and Nicholas was caressing his daughter.

"How long will she stay?" – I asked in a corner to Rhodes.

- I'm going to discharge her first thing in the morning, the material for the exam has been collected. I will not order an endoscopic ultrasound again.

- If necessary, you can do it, I want her to do all the exams.

I spoke worried and Rhodes touched my shoulder smiling and calmed me down saying:

- Really, it's not necessary for the time being, it's been less than two months since she had these exams. Stay calm. She remains under observation this morning, but at dawn you can go home. Keep a light diet with her, especially tomorrow due to the crisis and as soon as the results come out I'll call you.

"Thank you Daniel.

I thanked him by touching the doctor's hand, who, since starting to follow up with my daughter, had dispensed with the formalities. Nicholas appeared beside me and the doctor looked at him smiling.

"Thank you for taking care of our daughter. He extended his hand to the doctor in greeting.

Rhodes escorted us to our room and said a short goodbye. Antoine offered to stay so I could rest, but I insisted that he go home. I was going to accompany my daughter that night to the hospital, and Nicholas insistently decided to stay too.

I was sitting in a chair and leaning back on her bed, watching her sleep and Nicholas was playing on his cell phone sitting in the armchair on the other side.

"Nicholas, you can go home. I'll let you know tomorrow when we leave. And your mother will arrive early too.

"I won't blame you because I know how convincing Mrs. Denise is, Katharine. But please don't ever hide anything about Liz from me again regardless of whether I'm going to be harmed or not. The biggest loss is not keeping up with my daughter's life.

He spoke the last sentence facing me directly and I agreed thoughtfully:

"You're right, I should have gone against the advice of your entire family.

- My mother has no obligation to take care of her, I am the father.

- Your mother only wanted to protect you and her granddaughter, don't be so harsh.

"Why didn't you tell me that Katharine's doctor retired?"

- What part of"you were on tour, your parents took responsibility" you did not understand?

"Is that really the point?"

"What would the other one be?" – I said, already nervous because of Nicholas' audacity with that interrogation.

"Don't you think you and the doctor are too casual?"

I started to laugh sarcastically.

"Have mercy, Nicholas Cassano!" What does this have to do with Liz? By the way, what does this have to do with you?

"I just think if you're seeing this guy, I should know.

- What? Don't make me laugh with this jealousy at this point in the championship, Cassano!

"It's not jealousy, it's caution. Liz will live directly with her future boyfriends.

- First of all, get your nose out of where you don't care and my love life doesn't interest you. Second, I'm not in a relationship with anyone and therefore Liz won't be hit. The opposite of you who didn't prepare your daughter for the fact that you're dating. And if I take what you're saying into consideration: make sure you're careful in your girlfriends' choices.

"I didn't tell Liz because I just got back from tour. And how do you know?

"Have you forgotten who you are?" By the way, have you forgotten who I am?

"The jealous maniac. He groaned making my blood boil.

I stared at him with teary eyes and the most disappointed expression in the world. Then Nicholas scratched the back of his head and opened his mouth to apologize, but I cut him off.

"I don't care who you stay with or don't stay with. The time for worrying about it is over. But, never put your daughter in a dispute for your attention with another woman, as you did with me. Never lie like you did to me. And never judge her like you're doing to me.

I got up and discreetly wiped my eyes, letting him regret what he said.

"Keep her, please.

- Wait Katharine, I'm sorry. He grabbed my wrist, pleading low.

I let go, ignoring him, and walked out the bedroom door. I took a deep breath. I let the thick tear flow. And I walked slowly down the hall hugging myself to ward off the cold air conditioning.

- It's all right?

I heard the voice of Daniel Rhodes passing me in the hallway with a chart in his hand.

- Yea. – I said, disguising the embargo in my voice.

- I have to go see a patient, but if you want to talk you can wait for me in my office.

He spoke after approaching cautiously. I shook my head and smiled goodbye. The Doctor. Rhodes has always been very kind to Liz and me.

FLASHBACK

"Hello, good morning ladies. I'm Dr. Rhodes and I will be with you from now on. How beautiful you are, Liz!

My daughter's new doctor walked into her office and bent down to greet her.

Liz didn't get used to doctors easily, but that one in particular seems to have won her over with his smile. The girl didn't look scared, perhaps because Dr. Daniel Rhodes was as young as I was. He examined it, and before finishing the consultation, he gave me the recommendations, which I even already knew.

"Miss... Cassano?" He asked and I just shook my head.

"Only Katharine.

"It's okay, Katharine. Here in the medical record it says that she has a family history of diabetes, correct?

"Yes, her father.

- I would like him to come to the next appointment, if possible.

"It won't be possible, Dr. Rhodes. He is a singer and is on tour. And well... We're in the process of divorce so... Nicholas is busy enough. But, Denise, my ex-mother-in-law can come.

"Oh sure. Sorry for being rude, I only asked because understanding his health situation might keep us more aware of Liz's liver attacks.

I smile automatically. The doctor had no reason to know that Nicholas wasn't coming. I was still numb from everything, but the important thing is, Daniel Rhodes has been there all those months. He was a good confidant for my days of anger over the divorce, for my lonely days as a grieving mother in the hospital corridor, and for Liz's sad days where the absence of a father made her visit the hospital more often than necessary.

FIM DO FLASHBACK.

I grabbed a disposable cup from the hallway wall I was leaning against, and walked to the nearby water cooler. My cell phone beeped a message from Dr. Rhodes.

I smiled when I read the name of the song. I knew that song and I knew that the peculiar and nostalgic taste that the doctor showed could be confirmed at that moment. I pressed play on the video link sent with the message, but I didn't hear the whole song.

Tocar: Angel By The Wings

Old soul, your wounds they show

(Old soul, your wounds are showing)

I know you have never felt so alone

(I know you've never felt so alone)

But hold on, head up, be Strong

(But hold on, lift your head, be strong)

Oh hold on, hold on until you hear them come

(Oh, wait, wait till you hear them coming)

Here they come, oh

(Here they come, oh)

Take an angel by the wings

(Take an angel by the wings)

Beg her now for anything

(Beg for anything now)

Beg her now for one more day

(Beg now for one more day)

Take an angel by the wings

(Take an angel by the wings)

Time to tell her everything

(It's time to tell you it all)

Ask her for the strength to stay

(Ask him for strength to stay)

You can, you can do anything, anything

(You can, you can do anything, anything...)

Look up, call to the sky

(Look up, cry out to the heavens)

Oh, look up and don't ask why, oh

(Oh, look up and don't ask why, oh)

And after listening to the first snippet of the song I smiled. So I just replied to the doctor before going back to Liz's room:

I walked into the room and Nicholas got up from his armchair and walked over to me, who was standing next to our daughter's bed.

- Katharine...

"You can go Nicholas. – I interrupted him – Rhodes must discharge her, first thing in the morning.

- I will not. I want to stay here.

"Don't you have to fly anywhere?" I said ironically.

"I'm in my place.

I looked at his tired expression and took a deep breath with an arched eyebrow. I turned my back on him and sat down in the other guest chair. I closed my eyes to avoid seeing Nicholas.

xxxx

In the morning, Joseph was there whispering something to his brother, and I opened my eyes, a little bewildered. I noticed Nicholas's leather coat over my torso, which I was keeping warm by.

- Hey! He remembered! - Joe said coming to hug me.

- Hey Joe... – I replied and took off my coat, placing it on the arm of the chair – Excuse me for a moment.

I said leaving towards the bedroom bathroom to wash my face, mouth and compose myself minimally. At the door, before returning to the room, I noticed that the brothers were whispering at the foot of Liz's bed, and I decided that I needed to get out of there and not give reasons for them to think that I was eavesdropping.

- Good Morning. – I spoke formally to both of them and, directing myself to my daughter's father, I asked: -Daniel already come here, Nicholas?

"Most of the time. I would go in and observe the two of them, as if I didn't exist here, and leave.

His troubled tone of voice was getting on my nerves early on.

- I am referring to the forecast of medical discharge.

- Not.

"I'll look for information with him." - I said heading to the doorknob of the room.

"Hey, Katharine. I can stay for you. - Joe warned me and Nicholas frowned in annoyance.

"No need, Joe. Thanks. I've let Alex know, and he runs the restaurant in my absence. You can go, Daniel assured me he would discharge Liz in the morning.

"I came to relieve Nick anyway, you can go too if you want. - Joe informed and Nicholas again looked at him in dismay.

"Okay Joe, I'm just going to look for Daniel.

- Katharine. – Nicholas caught up with me, calling my name and starting the explanations: - I left some commitments upside down yesterday, so I just need to go out to solve them.

"I've told you since yesterday, Nicholas, you didn't have to stay." And soon, Liz and I will be leaving, so you can go.

I spoke tiredly to Nicholas who stared at me silently but deeply.

"Katharine... Can't we treat each other a little less coldly?"

"Nicholas... It's still too recent to want us to become good friends, isn't it?"

"We weren't supposed to stop being good friends. You were the one I was looking for in the restaurant when my world was about to collapse, remember? When did we stop being who we were?

He declared and ran his hand over my face. He left with his head down and contemplative. I couldn't help the tears that fell. And I walked to the reception of the infirmary. Liz's discharge was there, signed. I returned to her room and wiped away the few tears that had left a trace. Joe asked me if everything was okay, and I just brushed it off. He kept me company until Liz woke up and the three of us went our separate ways.