Chapter 2 01

Six Months Later

"I am at peace, I'm happy, I'm alive, I'm..., I'm...," I paused.

"You're what, Nicole? Keep going," Makayla Cole, my close friend, who also happened to be my therapist, encouraged.

She and I have been in her office for over half an hour now, and I've still not been able to get past the sentence, 'I'm alive.'

I have been going to therapy for almost four months now, trying to let out all the pain and anger I felt inside. I was hoping that with time, I'd finally be able to get over it and move on with my life.

It hasn't been easy for me, especially after my divorce with Martin was finalized and the realization that my entire life, which, I thought, was perfect at some point, was nothing but a lie.

At first, I tried to deny my pain by stopping myself from crying and distracting myself by going out and drinking until I dropped, but nothing worked. The moment I realized just how hurt I was with what happened and how in denial I was being, was when I tried to have a one-night stand with some random guy to clear my thoughts but before he and I could even get into it, I burst into tears right in front of him, and he ended up consoling me for over an hour before leaving.

After that day, I realized that I could no longer live my life like that, so I decided to take up Makayla's offer and now, here I was trying to express my positive emotions because Makayla thinks I'm being way too negative, and I needed to have more positive thoughts.

She keeps making me repeat certain words at first, and then she wants me to continue with any other positive words that come to mind, but nothing positive ever comes to my mind and I end up pausing each time.

"I get what you're trying to achieve, Kayla, but I'm not happy right and I can't bring myself to have positive thoughts in this state. I have tried everything possible to push away my anger and resentment but every time I remember how things played out, I become furious all over again and the urge to hurt both of them the same way they hurt me, comes rushing back into my mind," I told her honestly.

"Can you tell me exactly what comes to mind when you think of your sister?" she asked, staring at me in a way that made me feel like she was trying to look into my soul.

She asked me what came to mind whenever I thought of Elena, and I had to take a while before responding because I needed to think of how to express exactly how I felt about my sister right now.

"I hate her," I replied simply, after deliberating for a few minutes.

"Care to explain why?" she asked, and I scowled.

"Should that even be a question? Why else would I hate her if it isn't because she betrayed me by sleeping with my husband?" I retorted.

Makayla sighed.

"I need you to be very honest with me, Nicole. Do you only hate her because she had an affair with your husband and betrayed your trust, or is there something else you hold against her that's making you even angrier?" she asked, and I scoffed.

"I don't think any other reason I might have is important because she and I had no issues until she dared to sleep with my husband and tell me to my face that he never loved me. Do you think I need any more reason to hate her?" I replied, not liking how she was trying to make me elaborate on other things that weren't relevant to the actual problem.

"Let me ask you this, Nicole, and be honest. Before the affair, has your sister ever done anything that made you feel upset to the point where you almost hated her?" she asked.

I sighed. "We're sisters, Makayla. Of course, she has done plenty of things in the past that upset me, but I never hated her for the things that she did back then because she was my sister and I understood that sister's fight. It's perfectly normal," I responded.

"That wasn't the answer to my question, though. You're right, sister's fight, but has there ever been an instance where you hated your sister or almost hated her for something she said or did to you?" she persisted, and I paused.

Knowing the kind of person Kayla was, she wasn't going to stop asking this question until I gave her the response that she wanted truthfully, there have been instances where I almost hated Elena, but I always reminded myself that regardless of the nasty things she said sometimes, there were still some good things that we experienced together, and I wanted to avoid overlooking all of that just to focus on the negative.

"Elena and I grew up together. Two years after my mother died, my dad suddenly came home with Elena's mother and told me he was getting married to her and that she'd be my new mom. During that time, Elena was already on the way, so she was born only a few months later, and I became a big sister. We did a lot of things together at first and there was nothing to worry about until we grew up, and I noticed that things had started to change,"

"We no longer spoke as often as we used to, and I noticed that the attitude she and her mother had towards me was slightly different, but regardless of it, I always ignored the signs because I thought I was overthinking everything. There were times when she made me feel like I'm the reason my mom died and there were times when she made hurtful remarks about my looks, but I ignored those comments because I cared for her genuinely. Does that answer your question?" I responded, trying not to let my voice sound shaky.

There were times in the past when I felt like Elena wasn't being genuine with me, but I used to always just dismiss the thought as me just overthinking things unnecessarily.

She would sometimes come to talk to me about her problems, and I would do the same as well. We didn't have a perfect relationship, but I did care for her, so it hurt me a lot to find out that everything on her end was false and that she shamelessly betrayed me and didn't even for once apologize genuinely.

The last time I saw her was the night I caught her with Martin, and it almost felt like she had been waiting all her life to hurt me or get back at me for something, and sleeping with Martin got her to achieve just what she wanted.

"If that's how you feel about your sister, how do you feel about your mom? Do you also resent her?" she asked.

"Honestly, I would have probably resented her if I had any expectations, but when it comes to her, I don't feel anything. For sure, the things that she does hurt my feelings, but she has always been this way, taking Elena's side no matter what so it doesn't really surprise me anymore, and I've just learned to live with it," I answered, not interested in going into too many details on how I felt about my mother because talking about her just never ends well for me.

"Now Nicole, there is something that I found out earlier today, and I'm not too sure if you've heard the news just yet. The only reason I'm telling you this myself is because I don't want you to find out when you're alone and get upset. The news might shock you a bit but please try to remain calm and don't let it get to you," Makayla uttered, and I was immediately confused.

"What are you going on about, Kayla? What's this shocking news?" I asked, curious to know what she was talking about.

"You haven't been on social media for a while, right?" she asked.

"Yeah, I deactivated my accounts, but what does that have to do with anything?" I replied.

"Take a look at this," she said, handing me her phone, and I took it with a skeptical look on my face.

I looked at the screen and the first thing that caught my attention was a picture of Martin and Elena. I didn't even get to read the headline at first because seeing them just made me upset all over again, and when I finally read the headline, my whole body froze.

'Billionaire and business mogul, Martin Beckett, set to wed Elena Hendricks this Saturday'

I had to reread each word several times to grasp the true meaning of the headline, and the more I read it, the more upset I got. A strong wave of anger, disappointment and embarrassment hit me all at once and I felt myself having the strong urge to cry, but at the same time, I also wanted nothing more than to kill those bastards.

"Can you believe this? No, Kayla, can you believe this? It's been barely four months since my divorce with that bastard was finalized, and they're already getting married? Can you imagine the ridiculous and utter disrespect? Have they no shame?!" I raised my voice angrily, with my eyes glued to the picture of them on Kayla's phone.

"I understand that you're upset, but I'm going to have to ask you to calm yourself, Nicole. Just breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...," Makayla advised, watching me fume with an utterly displeased look on my face.

"Don't tell me what to do, Kayla!" I hissed, directing my anger toward her, even though she had nothing to do with what made me upset.

"How do you expect me to calm down after seeing something like this? Do you know how stupid I feel right now? Do you have any idea how painful it is that they didn't even think of considering me for once and are acting like I never even existed? How am I supposed to remain calm after seeing this?" I voiced out in pain and Makayla sighed.

"So what, Nicole? What are you going to do? I understand that you have every reason to be outraged, but answer this, is your anger going to change anything about what is happening? Isn't anger only going to derail you while they keep living their lives like nothing happened?" she asked, and I chuckled.

"Oh Kayla dear, I'm not going to let them get away easily with such betrayal. I won't just sit around and die in silence while they have their happily ever after. Not going to happen," I fired back a response, and I meant it.

"Thank you for trying to help me out, but I can't be helped, Kayla. My anger and pain aren't going anywhere anytime soon and until I see Elena and Martin pay for making me into a fool, I can't be happy. Have a lovely day," I told her honestly, getting up to leave, but she stopped me by grabbing me by my arm.

"You shouldn't let them have that much power over you," she mentioned, and I chuckled dryly.

"They already do, Kayla, but not for long," I responded, gently removing her hand and walking out of her office.