Chapter 5 When you think everything's nice

In the afternoon, Becka took a walk. Rita had agreed to help her look after baby Sandra while she was away. Becka walked past Mandel Market. She savoured the mixed scents of beef, fruits, semolina and tomato puree as she passed by. She didn't have a particular place she was going to. She stopped by a billboard and read what was written on it in flashy colours. There was a rock concert coming up that evening. Becka bit her lip. She would have loved to attend, but she knew she might not be welcome. Burying her grief deep in her heart, she went on.

As she passed by Bonnie Fashion, she looked through the glass at the beautiful and colourful outfits in the shop. She remembered coming there with her friends to shop for clothes. She also remembered how she used to steal money from her brother's pockets whenever he was dead drunk. Harry would simply think that he'd probably spent it or misplaced it. Becka laughed to herself and walked on. Rita had given her some money to buy some groceries at the supermarket, so she went into the supermarket to quickly shop for the items, and was getting out when she mistakenly bumped into someone.

"Becka?" a familiar voice said.

Becka looked up. It was Rosie, one of her classmates at senior high. "Oh, Rosie." Becka answered, quite embarrassed that she was meeting someone that knew her. Rosie threw her arms round Becka. "Becka! It's been quite sometime!" Rosie said excitedly. Becka smiled. They went outside the supermarket together. "Are you going home now? Can't we go to a restaurant and talk over lunch?" Rosie asked. "Alright." Becka agreed, so they went down the road to Etta's Restaurant. At the restaurant, they ordered meringues. Rosie smiled. " It's been so long since I've seen you at school, I thought you'd returned to your parents." Becka flashed a fake smile. What would I tell her?, she thought. She couldn't tell her that she had dropped out of school. At the same time, she didn't want to lie. "I dropped out, Rosie." she admitted. Rosie stared at her with a concerned look. "Why?" Rosie probed, holding Becka's hands from across the table. Becka sighed. "School isn't easy...I mean studying was very hard for me, so I dropped out." Becka answered. "What do you plan to do? Or what are you doing now?" Rosie asked. Becka shook her head, " I don't know.".

They talked about a few things before Rosie broached the main topic. "I met Felicia at Mandel Market yesterday and she told me that...you had a baby." Rosie said and paused. She squeezed Becka's hand before she continued, "I've been troubled about it. Is that true?". Becka bowed her head and shed hot tears. She knew they would all gossip about her. She cried silently for sometime. She felt Rosie's hand on her back, "It's okay.". Becka wiped up her tears. I feel useless again, she thought. Becka took in a deep breath and said nothing for a while. She nibbled on some meringue. "Felicia is right. I have had a baby. To be sincere, I'm feeling very bad about my mistake. I wish I never got pregnant..." Becka said and burst into another set of tears. "Oh, Becka. I can see your pain through your eyes. Everything would be fine." Rosie put in. Becka let out the tears completely before she stopped crying. "So, when are you guys graduating?" Becka inquired. "Promenade concert is a few weeks away, and I think we're graduating...I don't really know. I'll call Helena to confirm the date. You know I'm not good at cramming dates." Rosie answered with a beam on her face. Becka felt bad. Her mates were going to the university soon, while she was going nowhere. Static, was what came to her mind. Becka fought the urge to cry. Instead, she wore a plastered smile on her face. "What of the other girls- Jolie, Esther, Lucy and Scarlett?" Becka asked, wringing her hands in her lap. "They are fine. Lucy works part-time lining up coffee at the cafe. Esther does the work of answering the phone at her mother's office after school." Rosie answered.

An hour later, they were walking out of the restaurant. "It's nice meeting you, Rosie." Becka said as she threw herself into Rosie's waiting hands. "I've missed you too, Becka." Rosie told her friend. Becka smiled. It was the first time anyone had missed her. "I will be leaving now, Rosie." Becka said, running her fingers through her hair. "We live in the same street, remember? Let's go together. I'm going home also." Rosie held Becka's hand. They walked down the road together- past the Tea House, Bonnie Fashion, Mandel Market. "Do you still remember Mrs Cooper?" Rosie asked. Becka nodded her head,"Yeah". "I heard that she went for a surgery." Rosie said. "For what?" Becka inquired. "A surgery to remove her appendix." Rosie answered, pushing her hands into her coat. "That serves her right." Becka said, although Rosie didn't hear her. She remembered how saucy Mrs Cooper used to insult her- she hated Mrs Cooper because she often went against rules and Mrs Cooper hated her. Becka smiled wickedly to herself. She wished Mrs Cooper dead, anyway.

They finally arrived at Oak Street. When they got to Becka's home, Rosie held Becka close. "If you feel bothered or bored, you can come to visit me." she said. Becka nodded with a sad smile. "Thanks so much, Rosie. I'll come visiting." she replied. Rosie smiled. "Bye." she waved. Becka waved and went up the steps. The door was open, so she used her heavy boots to push it open. Rita was bottle feeding Sandra when she entered. Becka didn't say a word, she went straight to her room. "Becka? Becka? What's wrong?" Rita called after her. Becka closed the door of her room shut. She leaned on the door. Tears coming out of her eyes in torrents down her cheeks. She was angry, frustrated and sad.

Why can't I be sensible like Rosie?, she wondered.