Chapter 5 Anything But Love

"We best eat then," said Emily, "Don't want the food getting cold."

It was strange to think that they would be sharing a meal together about two weeks before since there was a time when there was a strain in their interaction. So the worst thing that can happen to them was to return to the way they were two weeks before.

Emily took a bite of her Middleton Valley sub sandwich, never having tasted anything like it before she decided to take her time with it, not wanting to gobble it up like a starved child. She did not use her utensils, but instead, she used her bare hands to eat since she was in the belief that the more hands-on she was with food the better the taste. She wondered how Nicholas took to that assessment of food, she was no connoisseur but ideally, it would be nice to talk about anything other than romance or love at any given time. She did not see herself as the romantic type for she herself had never experienced it.

When they finished their meal, or at least what constitutes a meal they did not continue to converse, rather, Emily herself elected to see more of the town and Nicholas obliged. There was the bank and the barber shop, of course, but the fountain was the main attraction of the square. So when they reached the fountain, Emily fished out a coin from her purse, taking her time while making the wish, and then tossed it in the water. Emily did not feel the need to tell Nicholas her wish and he honored that by not asking her.

The sight of them was neither awkward nor was it sweet. To her, it felt more like the beginning of a friendship than anything else and she hoped Nicholas felt the same. So I'm free of any expectations then? She asked herself in thought just as her companion offered her his arm and she took it. She did not smile, for the most part, smiling made her face hurt and that was not how she wanted to remember the first day she and Sutcliffe had become friends. Ever the timekeeper, she checked her pocket watch for the time only to brush it aside since the day had only just begun. For what it's worth, Emily was ever the early bird at school albeit average in terms of her studies, she was never studious in them but excelled well in English and Literature during her years in secondary school.

"Are you still looking to buy out Mr. Hawthorne of his house?" Emily asked, hoping not to offend him.

"Yes," he answered, "it's a good set up and it's spacious."

"How much are you willing to pay for it?"

"Leave that to me, my dear," he replied, dodging the question.

There was much to say about their adventures and despite that Emily started noticing the coldness of her companion, something he tried hiding from her the entire day. She never thought herself a master reader of people but he was rather easy to read but the reason behind it was not as clear. He was melancholic at times and brooding, while she enjoyed the time they spent together earlier there came a shift in his manner and she wondered if it was because of her or something that had been brewing in his mind. She knew that people were imperfect, and she was thankful that she was no longer that doe-eyed girl of sixteen who had very high expectations of others around her.

His full head of hair came down on his face now, and it made him look rather ill but he brushed it away and combed it to the back of his head with his free hand. Emily notices, she always did and it was of no coincidence when he turned to her and asked;

"When are you leaving for home?"

"Mortimer House or my own home?" She replied with a question that made Nicholas raise an eyebrow.

There came a silence, it was not the awkwardness of the silence but the embarrassment that came with trying to be roguish that made her regret the question.

"Both," he replied looking down at her from his tall frame.

"I'm planning to return before sundown," Emily said, finally answering the question, "as for home, I'm not planning on going back anytime soon."

"Not even for the holidays?"

"No."

There was a finality in the way she said 'no' that made Nicholas stop interrogating her or so she thought the questions were. Emily did not know what it was like to get to know another person, at least not for the last ten years, so Nicholas would have to bear with her. I'm asking too much of him that I'll scare him away just like the others, she thought to herself. She had thought that she had gotten used to it somehow but that was not the case, the doubts in herself mixed with the longing for adventure were in conflict within her, but she had chosen the latter, consequences be damned and yet the cautiousness that was instilled in her got in the way. Perhaps it would save me someday? She asked herself, not noticing Nicholas' eyes on her, observing her as she was deep in thought.

"Do you always do that when you're thinking?" He asked with a smile.

"Do what?"

"Think?" She asked and he nodded. "I suppose so."

She could sense that Nicholas felt she was tired of the questions and so he stopped, she did not mean to offend him but apologizing for her actions was not her best feature either. Could a girl have too many defects? She asked herself again, sickened by the thought of how ill-fitting it was for her to be seen out and about with a man like Nicholas Sutcliffe. Were the townspeople familiar with him? Had he befriended them in return for small favors? The waiter at the tea parlor had only addressed him as 'sir' nothing more.

"How long have you been in the valley?" Emily asked, curious.

"Six months," he replied too quickly as if he was hiding something, "I was in the Navy before all this."

"I know, you've told me."

"Come on now, you don't really want me to keep repeating myself like a broken record?" Nicholas asked, his tone was light but there was something in the words he said that made her feel suspicious as if he did not want to talk about his record in the Navy.

"I suppose not," She replied. "What was it like? Being in the Navy?"

His slightly tanned face looked down at her from his tall frame once again and he smiled a mischievous smile.

"Exciting, life-changing, life-threatening for the most part."

"I suppose that's to be expected."

Emily could sense that she had been asking too many trivial questions, and while he was obliged to answer she felt as though she were stalling something that he wanted to say or ask in return. Their back and forth questions and the answers were innocent and harmless for the most part and that's just how Emily wanted it to be for now. She was not someone who rushed anything head-on, and that was that.

"I'm sorry, I think too much." Emily blurted out and they paused in their tracks.

"Does it bother you?" He asked as they began walking again. "Thinking too much I mean."

"Yes, and yet I always find myself doing it."

"It's normal to think, at least you use your head."

She chuckled in reply.

"Oh, I wouldn't call it using my head," Emily said, grinning.

The pauses in between their conversations were to stall the time she had spent outside instead of being locked indoors. Emily did not want to return to Mortimer House yet but it did make her wonder if Nicholas would rather be somewhere else. That was her great fear, had he asked her there and then if she wanted to return to Mortimer House she likely would have said yes without any hesitation but in reality, she would have stood her ground and said no, that was how she was at times and at other times not so. There had been a few instances when she said she wanted to go home when she was asked, and this was during the time when her own parents had asked her to go out and meet men they had arranged for her to see. It was nothing like this. Perhaps she was being shallow with Nicholas, and wonders if her thoughts about their beginnings of a friendship were actually real or imagined, covering the shallow side of her from herself. She wondered if Nicholas had been shallow when it came to women, or maybe even careless with them. Well, he was at sea for most of his adult life I can't see why he wouldn't be, she thought.

"What would you call it then?" He asked.

"Daydreaming," She replied without hesitation. "It doesn't reflect kindly on me, I know."

"Are you always this straightforward and direct with everyone? No pleasantries for the most part?"

Emily hesitated to answer the question, such a direct question from him nearly threw her off but she only cleared her throat.

"Yes."

Nicholas chuckled and shook his head.

She smiled at his reaction, thinking that it was the least of her problems as to how she was perceived on the outside, that was their problem, not hers. Though the thought did make her wonder if that was good for her self-image, a concept that was hard for her to grasp after years of grief. Deep inside she wished she could share all these things with someone someday, her grief and pain, her uphill battle with her thoughts that had been bothering her for quite some time now. There were also those slow, lazy days that struck her with boredom which had thankfully become infrequent as the years went by.

Emily sighed, and Nicholas noticed.

"Did I ask the wrong question?"

"No," She replied. "No, you did well for someone I'm just getting to know."

She received a smile for that, and she was happy that she made someone smile for once although Nicholas had been doing it throughout the day.

"I'm glad," He said. "Where are we off to next?"

"You've been here for quite some time, where do you often go?" She asked in return.

"You mean like a secret place only I know of?"

Emily nodded in response and they shifted their direction with Nicholas leading the way. It was beyond the town, it was outside of it and it made her wish he had taken his horse with him, what was his name? She asked herself in thought, that beautiful blue roan draft horse of his. She had only seen the horse once, and it was the most beautiful of the horses she had seen. For the life of her, she could not recall the horse's name but she did like the thought of riding a horse one day, that was an area where she excelled too, there was no clumsiness in the horseback riding area despite it being such a long time since she had ridden a horse.

They walked past trees, cypress trees that covered the woods along with old redwood trees that have likely been around for thousands of years. It was when she realized that there existed a river well covered by the trees that mainly comprised the forest, and people were less likely to go looking for it. There was an eeriness about the place, it was too quiet outside of the chirping of the birds that nested on the trees. It resembled a meadow more than anything else and the thought of it made her think of a treasure chest that was found in a remote island no one thought of looking in.

"How did you find this place?" She asked looking around in wonder.

"Horseback riding accident."