Chapter 4 4

*** Brice EKRA ***

The years have passed and I have matured a lot. I learned from my mistakes and I try not to make them again. I am not the same man of 5 years ago. I am no longer the one who made fun of Sara LEVRY. I am no longer the one who, being engaged, had sex with Alex. I am no longer the one who wanted to rape Floriane. No, I have changed and I want to build myself. As they say, only fools don't change. This behavior that I had dated from high school. My gang and I including Ryan were irresistible. We turned heads and changed girlfriends like shirts. It followed us to college where Ryan and I separated. It was our way of life and I liked it until I screwed up my relationship with Sara and Alex who was supposed to support me kicked me out of her house because she was done with Ires. It was then that I reflected on my life. I took stock and saw that I had done anything wrong. So I decided to take my life back and be a better man. I half succeeded. I work, I have my own place. I no longer sleep from left to right, I go out less and I have reduced my alcohol. I am more responsible. But the other half I have left is to start my own family. Yes I want to have a wife and children. The Bible even says that to avoid fornication, one must marry so to prevent me from falling back into the things before, I want to engage in a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. So here I am looking for my other half.

I go to the restaurant just in front of the company where I work to get a take-out meal. When I'm alone, I don't like to eat outside. The few times I did, girls each time invited themselves to my table on their own to show off and make eyes at me. I finish placing my order at the counter and turn around to look for a place to sit to wait for my order when I see two young women at a table chatting. I recognize them and I am happy to see them because I had this desire in me to meet them to ask their forgiveness. I then approach their table with a beating heart. I'm a little apprehensive about their reactions given how much of an idiot I was with them.

Me: Hello ladies.

They raise their heads and their smiles remain frozen on their lips. Floriane is just as surprised as Sara.

Sarah: Bruce? It's really you ?

Me: Yeah.

Sara: Damn it's been a while. How are you ?

Me (relieved): Good and you?

Sarah: It's okay.

Florian: Me too.

Me: Uh can I just sit down for two minutes? I would like to talk to you.

They exchange a look and Sara agrees so I sit down and start talking to them.

Me: Okay, I wanted to apologize for everything that happened or at least for everything that I did to you two. I was immature and irresponsible but today I understood and pulled myself together. But I still wanted to apologize to you so that you no longer see me as the jerk that I was.

They look at each other again and Sara speaks.

Sara: Everything has been forgotten Brice, at least on my side. Things happened, life resumed and everyone moved on. It's been a long time now so the resentment and all that is behind. We have all matured and that is the most important thing.

Floriane: Yes, I have nothing against you too. Everything has been forgotten.

Me: Thank you very much, I'm glad. How are your children and your husband?

Sara: Oh they are fine by the grace of God. I have two and Floriane three with Nick.

Me: I'm happy for you. Alright, I'll leave you. I'll take my order to get back to work.

Sara: Okay fine. It was a pleasure to see you again.

Me: Me too.

I take my leave of them and go wait for my order on another table after which I go back to work. While I eat, I text chat with Maya. This girl from high school through college I liked her because she was the sweetest, quietest girl I knew and even today she continues to be. It contains the characteristics of the kind of woman I want to put in my house. I just hope she will be receptive to my approaches. I also like Olivia's style, but hey, I prefer to bet on the one I know best first. As the hour, the break is over I call Maya to discuss more quickly.

Me: Can I invite you tonight right after you come down?

Maya: Uh, I don't really know. By the way with the boss I have, you never know exactly when you finish the job.

Me: I'm ready to wait for you until you're completely finished.

Maya: Alright, it's up to you. If you have the patience to wait, there is no problem. So we say see you tonight at 5 p.m. or 6 p.m.

Me: Yeah. Good to more. Kisses.

Maya: Kisses.

As agreed, I waited for Maya at the bottom of the building where she works and she didn't take long to get down. There, we are sitting in front of an open-air maquis eating choukouya.

Me: How's your day?

Maya: Ok, still stressful, although calm. We work like we have eggs in hand because our boss is the type to freak out when he doesn't see a dot on an i in a report.

Me: It must be scary.

Maya: Not really. Let's say he's the calm and strict type. He likes when everything is perfect and that is what we venture to do. His lightning can fall on our heads at any time, but that's what makes us have good results and makes our box number one in the field of real estate.

Me: You talk about him with so much admiration that you'd think you were in love with him.

Maya (opening her eyes wide): From whom? Terry YOUL? May the Lord keep me from it. This guy is freaking out too much. I wonder how his fiancée manages to hold on.

Me: Each person has his terminus they say.

Maya: Yeah. By the way, he's the model boss I want to be if one day I have my own company.

Me (tact for tact): So you have someone?

Maya: No. Let's just say I'm unlucky there. I always come across guys who end up preferring another. So I gave up waiting for the one that's made for me.

That is very good news. At least I can try my luck. We end the evening by reminiscing about our years in high school. I accompany her home and it is with a smile on my face that I return home. I have to start thinking about a seduction strategy.

*** Cynthia GUEU ***

I stifle my scream into Ryan's neck to prevent another neighbor from complaining about my moans. My whole body is shaking so the enjoyment is violent. We catch our breaths and finally take our shower to get dressed. We've been sleeping together for a month and I ended up loving his company. Apart from sex, he is a very good friend. He makes me laugh and he knows how to put me at ease. I'm so good with it that I completely skipped my other pointers. While we are getting dressed, his cell phone, which is placed right under my eyes on the bed, displays a message that he has just received. A small ounce of jealousy crosses me when I read "When can we see each other baby? ". I act as if I did not see anything and I will place myself elsewhere to finish preparing myself. He picks up his cell phone and when he reads the message, he gives me a look that I pretend not to see.

Ryan: It's a colleague from work who is harassing me.

Me (doing my makeup): What are you talking about?

Ryan: Don't pretend you didn't see the message.

Me: I didn't say anything though. Which means I'm not interested. You have your life, I have mine. I just don't want you to give me one of those filthy diseases. Well I'm done, I'll wait for you in the living room.

I finish my makeup and walk past him to get out but he grabs me by the waist and pulls me back against him.

Ryan: You're the only one I'm dating. You and I are certainly not together but I am faithful to you. You are the only one that affects me.

Me: You don't have an account for me...

The rest of my sentence ends between his lips. The kiss he gives me is soft and different from the others that already announce the end of the film. This one does not advertise anything sexual at all. It had been a long time since someone had kissed me so tenderly. I find myself putting my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. He presses me closer to him, squeezing my waist. A weird feeling that has nothing to do with sexuality begins to animate me and I like this feeling. No, I don't have to like it. I abruptly end the kiss and pull away from him.

Me (troubled): I have to go, it's getting late and I'm the one who has to make dinner.

Ryan: I want to try Cynthia.

I pretend to arrange my purse so he doesn't see how upset I am.

Me: Try what?

Ryan: You and me.

Me (even more troubled): I don't know what you're talking about.

Ryan: I want us to have a relationship other than sex.

Me: I'm sorry but that's not part of our deal. We got along for sex, nothing but sex.

Ryan: I know but...

Me (fleeing): Ok well I'm going to have to take a taxi.

I want to get out but he grabs my arm.

Ryan: Ok it's good let's go.

I free myself from his grip because his touch creates something new in me. We get into his car and the trip is done in silence. Only the player plays background music. I dare not look at him for fear of finding something attractive about him. Well yes, I already find him attractive but I don't want to find him even more attractive. Why did I have to read this message because it awakened all my senses or at least brought to the surface what I was trying to hide. I don't want to fall in love, at least not now. I am not yet cured of my last disappointment which at the same time separated me from my mother, the only family I have. When we arrive, Ryan comes over to my side to open the door for me. He accompanies me to the door and asks to turn around. We stop face to face in front of the door.

Me: Aren't you coming in to say hello to the girls?

Ryan: Next time or they'll force me to stay for dinner.

Me: Alright. Alright, get home safe and be careful on the road.

Ryan: Understood, Chief.

He moves closer to me forcing me to lean against the door and places one arm on one side of my head and the other hand caresses my cheek. His face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath on my face.

Ryan: I loved our moment of legs in the air.

Me me too.

He brings his lips together very slowly and without realizing it, I bite my lip while waiting for his to land on it, which does not take long. The kiss is warm and tender. I love despite myself. He frees my lips but still stays close.

Ryan: Good night princess.

Me (looking at his lips): Good night Ryan.

He places a final kiss on my lips and leaves. I also enter after Ryan disappears from my sight. My head is full and my heart is troubled. I don't want to fall in love now. As soon as I walk in, I find Olivia and Maya sitting in the living room chatting about a movie.

Me: Good evening.

Olivia: Do you know that you have to cook dinner or do I have to remind you?

Me: Sorry I didn't see the time.

I sink into the chair with a lost expression.

Maya: What's going on? Why are you making this face ?

Me, I do not know. Today I read a message on Ryan's cell phone and I got jealous.

Olivia: Ouch the real things begin. You are in love ?

Me: Not really in love but I'm starting to feel things for him and I don't like it.

Maya: Why?

Me: Because I don't want a serious relationship right now. It's not made for me.

Maya: And what about his side?

Me: He actually suggested that we try. Like we're together.

Olivia: And what did you say?

Me: That it wasn't part of our deal.

A silence settles and the girls exchange a look.

Me: What should I do?

They look at each other again and Maya turns her head towards me.

Maya: If you feel something for him, you have to give it a shot. Maybe he's the one.

Me: I don't really know. I don't want to take another rake.

Maya: In that case, take your time to think better.

Olivia: Maya, you should tell her...

Maya: Olivia no.

Me: What's going on?

Olivia: I happen to be hungry so you should go to the kitchen and do something quick.

Me: You are a woman and you eat like a man. Think about deworming yourself.

Olivia (rising): You tell me again and I'll kick your ass.

I get up from the chair laughing and go into the kitchen. I love to provoke this girl and even if it happens that we argue sometimes, we love each other a lot. I'm getting into the kitchen when I get a message from Ryan.

Ryan: I got home fine. I feel your absence in this house. I miss you.

Me: You too.

Ryan: Cynthia!

I do ?

Ryan: I think I'm falling in love with you.

I put my laptop down, taking a deep breath. I'm lost. I get another message.

Ryan: I'm sorry to tell you like that but that's how I feel. I want us to try Cynthia. I don't want there to be sex between us anymore.

Me: That's fine with me. I'll leave you, I'm busy in the kitchen. Have a good evening.

I mute my cell phone so I don't hear the ringtone when it answers. But after 10 minutes of cooking I come back to see my cell phone if it answered but no. No answer. I sigh and finish my cooking. I'm terrified of trusting a man again. I don't want to be disappointed anymore. I don't think my heart will hold.

** Ryan KRIZO **

I'm not very comfortable since I started to feel what I feel for Cynthia and I'm even less than I told her. I hadn't planned on falling in love or even having any feelings for a girl, but it just happened to me and I don't know what to do.

Should I get into a relationship with her or just leave things as they are and hope the feelings pass?

Since this morning I've been sitting in my office in front of this sketch that I've just started, I've only been thinking about it. I think I should take those feelings away because apparently she doesn't feel the same way. The alarm on my cell phone reminds me of my meeting with my boss and a man who wants our services to build his hotel. He asked that we offer him a sketch and together we will make the changes if there must be any. Luckily I finished that before the dilemma arose. I knock and go into the office of Mr. Terry YOUL after his deep and intimidating voice gives me permission, he has worn his sunglasses being in his office which means that he is not really d 'mood. Yes I got to know him, my boss is the type... not the type, he is very intimidating. He almost never talks, never smiles, he wears his sunglasses usually when he's not in the mood but also when it's sunny so when you pass him with his sunglasses you don't know exactly whether he wore them because of the sun or because he's not in the mood or because of both.

With him you don't really know which foot to dance on, I greet him and he points to the seat in front of him to tell me to sit down. He takes his cell phone, which he begins to handle without paying me any more attention. I pretend to look at my sketch to see if everything is perfect. His secretary announces the arrival of our customers and lets him in. We both stand out of politeness to receive him. He extends his hand to me, which I take, followed by a greeting, then turns to the bully and extends his hand to him. Ok I think he forgot one of the principles of Terry YOUL. He never shakes hands with someone this guy!! It stops at oral greetings, nothing more.

Why does he do that ?

Let the one who is brave come and ask him because there, I am silent!

Despite his bad mood, M YOUL makes the effort to mime a crooked smile by greeting the customer orally. This one remembers and responds with a smile. I feel relieved seriously say, I always feel embarrassed when he does that in my presence. We sit down and start talking. Everything is going well and we agree. I go back to my office and try to focus on my next sketch.

When I start drawing I forget everything around me, architecture is my passion and I have the chance to work with the best of Côte d'Ivoire and number two in all of Africa. I'm so focused that I don't notice it's time for the descent. I put everything away and go home.

I go to open the door to Cynthia who had already told me she was coming. I really don't have the head to make love. I know that's what she's here for, but she won't get anything. She starts kissing me as soon as I open the door for her. I push her away subtly so as not to hit her.

Cynthia: How was your day?

Me (going to sit down): Not bad.

Cynthia (coming to sit down): I only thought of you but especially of your mini you. I really want you!

Me (getting up): Me, I'm starving. Come on, let's go to the table.

She joins me at the table and we start eating the legs. She just talks and talks while I barely answer her. All I can think about right now is whether or not she gives us a chance or better we stop dating.

Cynthia: Ryan how are you?

Me: Yeah!

Cynthia: You look like something else to me.

Me: I was thinking of something!

Cynthia: Tell me.

Me: I was thinking of the two of us.

She puts down her fork and sighs.

Cynthia: Please don't start again.

Me: Ok.

When the meal is over, I go back to the TV where the game I was waiting for started. Cynthia joins me after clearing everything. When she joins me, she sits astride me and begins to kiss me.

Cynthia: I want to have you inside me now.

I don't answer her and I don't respond to her caresses either, even less to her kisses, but when she opens my fly I stop her.

Me no.

Cynthia: What's going on?

I take it off and pull up my fly.

Me: I don't want this anymore.

Cynthia: What?

Me: I don't want there to be anything but sex between us anymore. I told you how I felt but you pretend not to understand.

Cynthia: That's not what we agreed

Me: I haven't forgotten it but I just want to change things.

Cynthia: Why do you want to ruin our time? We are very comfortable like that and we get along well. If we get into a relationship things will start to go downhill. We'll be arguing all the time just like now and I don't want to bother with all these things.

Me: So you're going to keep running away from relationships for life?

Cynthia: Maybe yes, maybe no.

Me: Listen to me, I don't want to do this anymore. Yes I wanted to but the feelings ended up settling and I can't help it. So rather than continuing to pretend by considering you only as a hookup and taking the risk of sharing you with another, I prefer to have you as a girlfriend and keep you for myself alone. I want us to try Cynthia and if it doesn't work at least we tried.

Cynthia (lowering her head): I'm sorry but I'd rather not.

Me: Ok okay and in this case, we will stop everything there. If I can't have you as a girlfriend, I refuse to have you as a date.

Cynthia: You're not serious Ryan!

Me: Oh only if I am.

Cynthia: What the hell do you want to ruin?

Me: I want to improve everything Cynthia instead.

Cynthia: Ok then don't count on me.

Me: It's up to you.

She stands there looking at me in surprise and decides to leave, all upset. I have no intention of going back on my decision. I prefer not to have any more contact with her.

*** Cynthia GUEU ***

I don't know what Ryan has with this relationship thing. I don't want to get into a relationship. He does not understand that I am afraid to commit myself again. Yes I'm attracted to him, I even think I love him but I'm scared. I prefer not to think about it anymore and go have fun. I had been invited by a former pigeon but I had refused to go spend the day with Ryan. I call him to tell him I'm free. We meet in a bar. I go home to dress accordingly. Since Ryan doesn't want us to have fun together anymore, well, I'll go find myself elsewhere. Besides, I'm really excited.

I'm having so much fun that I forgot my conversation with Ryan. I prefer to be a free woman. I don't want to be accountable to anyone or even deprive myself of this or that to please anyone. I want to live my life as I see fit. I was poorly rewarded the last time I sacrificed my life for a man.

Simon my old ass plan puts me at ease tonight. Our table is filled with different alcoholic drinks and a bottle of champagne. I get up from time to time to sketch dance steps on the music of different sounds that sound to break our eardrums. Simon comes to stand behind me and rubs his penis against my buttocks. I feel his hand slip under my mini-skirt and move towards my privacy. The light is dim, so there is no way that we can be seen and then we don't care. We're not the only ones flirting. When Simon's fingers find their way into me, I push him away. I felt weird. I don't want anyone other than Ryan touching me. I only want to make love with him. I apologize to Simon, I take my wallet and I leave. Along the way I try to convince myself that I shouldn't get into a relationship with Ryan. Above all, I must not give in.

But ... ?