Chapter 3 BROKEN TIES

As she made her way home, thoughts of a possible solution occupied her mind. She had not given thought to having an abortion but knew there was still time. She could still carry out the procedure within the second or third month but something else came up in her mind at this point. Eric was not aware of her pregnancy. She had missed him even before now but his absence from her life was becoming more consequential by the moment. Her father had revealed how much he loathed her misdemeanor and she couldn't imagine how torturous it would be for her to carry the pregnancy to term in his house.

Just about this time, she got to the front of their compound and walked in. The compound was quiet but she was certain that her father had not left for work. She knocked on the door and waited a while before knocking again. Oghale opened the door and turned away immediately.

"Diwo," she greeted.

He did not reply as he walked away immediately. She struggled to put her thoughts in check and set about doing her chores. Eric seemed a consolation each time she thought about him but was unsure of how he would receive the news. Oghale left the house while she was in the kitchen preparing breakfast. He did not return home until 7:00pm that day. That day was the beginning of a week of silence that drove Kome's patience to its limit. She kept indoors even when living in the silent house seemed claustrophobic. Guilt seared her mind and the thought of news of her pregnancy getting out confined her to the four walls of her father's house.

Two weeks after the confirmation of her pregnancy, she decided to inform Eric. She had considered writing a letter but suddenly felt it would be better if she meets him. Despite the pregnancy, she still loved Eric. She couldn't imagine a situation where they would go their separate ways. Benin was just some hours away but she was broke. She decided to approach her father. It was going on to the second week of her father's cold war and they had discussed little apart from the occasional greetings and his issuance of instructions. She thought of her mother and wished she was present to help her.

Oghale returned from work just before dark. Once he had eaten and he was out in the verandah enjoying the evening breeze, she approached him.

"Ose..." she began. "I want to ask a favor."

He remained unmoved.

"I want to travel to Benin and I need some money?" she asked.

"What do you want to do in Benin?" he asked.

"I want to go and check my result," she replied.

"All right, I will give you the money when you need it.''

She smiled in acknowledgement of her little triumph. She already had everything planned out and the first step was already taken care of.

********************

She embarked on the journey two days after she had informed her father. She arrived her room and immediately laid on her bed. A sense of relief filled her mind especially after leaving her father's presence. She was already looking forward to her meeting with Eric and was hopeful that he would accept the pregnancy.

She went to her department and checked her result the next day. She had made a mixture of distinctions and credits in all her papers. This was cheery news to her and also she was slated for the National youth service scheme. She basked in the euphoria for a while before it occurred to her that she would not be able to go for service in her present condition. She remembered Eric at that moment and decided to go and see him. She had written his home address down in her jotter aside the fact that she had been there once. She arrived his house just after noon. The gatekeeper directed her to the front of the house. She pressed on the doorbell, waited a little while before the door was opened by a maid.

"Good afternoon," she greeted.

"Good afternoon, who are you?" she asked.

"I am Kome, a friend of Eric, and I have come to see him,'' she said.

"Okay, wait here while I go and inform him."

The maid closed the door while Kome waited outside. She loved the cool breeze blowing across the compound and also took the time to look around. Suddenly the door flung open and an elated Eric rushed to embrace her. His excitement was intoxicating.

"How are you?" he asked after they broke the embrace.

"I am fine," she replied.

He led her through the open doorway and they strolled inside the house. He led her past the sitting-room to his room upstairs. The room was carefully arranged and had a nice smell. She sat on a chair close to a table piled with books while Eric walked to the refrigerator and got a bottle of coke.

''I am so happy to see you,'' he said placing the drink on a stool.

Kome replied with a smile.

"So how have you been?" he asked.

"Very fine, it's just that I have missed school and you especially," she replied.

"That is good to hear," he said.

He went to sit beside her and held her gaze for a while.

"Have you checked your result?" she asked.

"Yes, I passed all my papers."

"That is great. I checked mine and it was good," she replied.

"That is worth celebrating," he said excitedly.

He uncorked the drink and gave it to her. The thought of his reaction to the news she was about to reveal made her uneasy. Despite the assurance of his love, she felt he would not be happy with the news.

"Eric, I have something important to tell you."

"What is it?" he chuckled.

She averted her eyes while mustering enough courage to announce the news.

"I am pregnant," she said.

Slowly the smile left Eric's face and was replaced with shock.

"How come...this is not good," he lamented.

He stood up and began pacing the room. Despite her initial fears, she was taken aback by his reaction. The lines across his forehead were suddenly visible and his mind seemed clouded.

"How far gone?"

"It's already a month."

"It isn't too late for us to do something about it then," he said and sat beside her.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You will have to abort it..."

"I can't do such," she retorted.

He was stunned and averted his gaze. Silence followed and a familiar feeling of tension filled the air. Two months ago, she wouldn't have imagined that she would be having this conversation with anyone but here she was trying to save the being growing inside her.

"What are you going to do then?" Eric asked.

"I am not going to commit another sinful act because of you," she replied angrily.

"You are acting strange. What I am asking you to do is not a big deal. You obviously know that if we delay any further, we will be in a bigger problem."

"I will not do what you are asking me to do. I can't imagine killing this baby," she retorted.

"You know you can't afford to have a baby now," he said.

''I don't think there is another way out.''

"You are proving difficult. How do you intend to cater for this baby?" he asked.

"I am not the only one involved. It is for us to decide," she replied.

He stood up from the bed and went to stand by the refrigerator.

"I am not ready to be a father. You have to terminate this pregnancy. I can give you the money if that is what you want."

The look on Eric's face was enough to make her go cold. He had suddenly grown distant and this made her uncomfortable. She stood up slowly and took her bag. She was about leaving when Eric held her left arm.

"You are making this thing too difficult. Don't you understand the implication of having a baby at this point?"

"You are not different after all," she replied coldly.

She withdrew her hand and left the room. He seemed to go cold suddenly. He thought he should have done better but was unprepared to assume parental responsibility. He already knew the consequence of his rejection of the baby especially as Kome was willing to keep it. He remained at the same spot, content in the knowledge that his family would reject the baby.

Kome maintained a cold look all through the ride to the hostel where her friend, Rachael lived. It had been a day of mixed experience and the cheery news of her graduation had taken a backseat with the future looking bleak. She increasingly felt exposed especially with the seeming lack of support around her. She got to Rachael's apartment and found the door locked. She checked under the mat in front of the door and fetched a key. She felt some relief safe in the knowledge that she would be alone for some time. She was too distraught to talk and this would also give her an opportunity to diffuse the tension in her mind. She had no cause to regret that night but couldn't imagine that the consequence could be as big as it was today. She laid on the bed as tears gathered at the side of her eyes.

Suddenly, she sprang up at the sound of approaching feet. Amid the blurry state of her sleepy eyes, she saw Rachael staring at her.

"Good afternoon," she drawled.

Rachael laughed.

"It's evening already, you must have slept for a long time," Rachael said.

She turned to look at the clock on the wall and found out Rachael was correct about the time. It was almost six in the evening. She felt ill all of a sudden and made her way outside. She had slept longer than usual and reckoned that it must have been as a result of the developing pregnancy. She felt her stomach for the sign of the baby's movement but there was none. She knew no feelings towards the fetus growing in her womb and had not considered it until that moment in Eric's house. She felt indifferent realizing the fact that she had stood for the right of an unborn baby against the menacing plan of Eric. She felt this might be God's will for her life as she had often heard that children were a gift from God. Unfortunately the circumstances surrounding her were proving too strong an obstacle for the comfort of such thought. She was about to be stranded especially without the support of her father. She suddenly broke into tears and could have cried longer if not for the little weight she felt on her right shoulder. She shuddered.

"Why are you crying?" Rachael asked.

She didn't reply as she cleaned the tears on her face.

"Did you fail any course?"

She smiled at the thought of failing a course. After all, her friend knew little about her.

"No... I made all my papers."

Rachael looked on curiously, unsatisfied with her answer. She could easily tell her about the pregnancy but then felt it was too early to let the cat out of the bag.

"I just remembered the fact that my mother would have loved to see me become a graduate. I miss her," Kome replied.

Rachael sighed and became sober. She knew little about her friend's mother but death could be cruel as it often struck unexpectedly.

"So how was your day?" Kome asked.

"It was fine," she replied.

The rest of the evening was spent preparing dinner while they discussed several things. Kome tried as much to keep her mind away from the storms gathering around her future. She tried to discourage her fears. She slept little that night especially with her struggle to define what step to take next. She thought about her aunty who lived in Warri and decided to go and visit her as soon as it was possible. She was increasingly thinking less of her father and this brought her some comfort.