Chapter 3 I chose you for a reason

My body felt weightless. I opened my eyes and wasn't sure where I was. Above me was a clear blue sky without any clouds. It was bright, but I did not see the sun.

Instead of being hung up with blood draining into the golden bowl beneath me, there was grass tickling my skin. I sat up. All around me were sprawling hills of golden and green grasses waving gently with the breeze. It smelt so good and fresh. Taking in a deep breath, I felt peaceful for one moment.

But then, I looked down. My body was covered in scars. While I was no longer bleeding, there was a long gash up my left arm where I could see all the way to the bone. I shivered, suddenly cold and aware of my nakedness.

I didn't know where I was, or why I was not wearing clothes.

I remembered my death. My twin, Jennifer's betrayal and cruelty. The wolf within me stirred, and I grew enraged. I thought of her, the worst person I'd ever known, taking my place beside my mate. I saw the darkness, and the red of my blood taken from me daily. I saw the life draining from me to a golden bowl, and Jennifer's words, "My Alpha will feast on his wedding day."

I screamed, "I'm Alissa Clark!" My voice echoed around me -powerful as if I had all the strength of life. Ariana, long subdued by wolfs bane, was strong. I thought of my fangs trailing my sister's skin, and I coveted the chance to finish her. I had been robbed of my vengeance.

I stood up, gazing around this strange, surreal place. It was vast and open as if the grasslands extended forever to meet the sky. The grasses whispered as the wind caressed them. A motion caught my attention.

Over on the other hill, there was a tall woman with a large white face and blue-black hair glittering like a starry night that trailed down her body and covered her breasts. I knew instinctively, she was the Moon Goddess. She spread her arms to welcome me.

The wolf within me lurched, and I shifted to Ariana, bounding freely across the plains. For the first time in years, there was no rope around my neck, no guards to set the pace, and I could run full-stride over the ground. My paws extended gracefully as if they barely hit the ground.

When I came to her, I shifted back to the scarred human body. I looked down at the marks all over my torn withered skin. My body desperately needed oil and lacked a lot of the youthful luster and softness I saw Jennifer had. I remembered her words, the shame of my own image still burned in my mind. "Imagine him mating with you, when he could have me."

I fell into the Moon Goddess's arms, weeping. She embraced me like a mother hugging her child. She felt warm and soft, like the light of a full moon. I had forgotten what it felt like to be loved.

But my sister should've loved me. Jacob should have loved me. They'd all betrayed me. In a weeping fury, I tore out from the Moon Goddess's embrace. "Why me?" I grew angry and hot. "Wy did you let me live that life?" I screamed at her with sobs.

The space between me and the Moon Goddess felt distant and cold. She looked shocked at my outrage. Unlike Jennifer, her face shifted to sweet pity and compassion. "I can feel all your pain, my child. It was not yours alone."

"Bullshit! I was alone! Your blessing killed me; don't you see! It's your fault. Fuck this pure blood, fuck the Clan Clark, especially Jennifer! Fuck Jacob too!" My breaths were short, I wasn't even sure if she could understand my words with all the tears that came with them.

I thought of Jennifer's claim that Jacob knew the whole time. It was hard to believe anything she said, but even the possibility hurt profoundly.

She hugged me again. I let her, needing the warmth. Seeing someone care only made me cry harder.

Then the Moon Goddess said, "Child, there's a reason you were the chosen one. Your suffering would have made you stronger."

"I never asked to be the chosen one! I don't want this blessing, take it back!" I pushed her away, and cringed from the betrayal. It felt like everyone in life and now death was against me.

I fell to the ground in violent sobs like I had not allowed myself these last few years. Since I'd forced myself to go numb when no one ever answered. All the emotions hit me like a tidal wave.

In my slumped position, I felt her hand touch my shoulder and rub my back. She let me cry a long time. It felt like I might have cried for months. I didn't care that the Moon Goddess saw me like that, I couldn't care, I had too much pain inside. She sat with me; she didn't interrupt.

Finally, I stopped. I gathered myself and looked at the Moon Goddess patiently waiting for my crying to end. Her round face was so soft and kind, her sparkling eyes were full of tears- I realized she had been crying with me.

I looked away from her, outward across the plains. In the distance where the hills met the sky, I saw a large glowing gate made of light. It was open just a sliver. I could run to the afterlife in no time. I was ready for this to be over.

As if reading my mind, the Moon Goddess said, "I'm sorry, my child, but the gate will close for you right now."

"What do you mean? I don't deserve to go to the afterlife? After all you put me through?" My anger at being the chosen one only to be tortured and killed at eighteen burned hot inside me again. "But I've suffered... so much." Tears began cascading down my cheeks again.

"I chose you for a reason. I need to send you back. You still need answers, and I still need you there."

"No! I'm never going back! Look what happened last time. Look at these scars, and this trench in my wrist." I thrust out the arm so she could see to my bone. "Look at my face!" I traced the word PIG with my finger.

"I will give you a new identity. You can start over, but you will still have your memories. You will have a new face, and a new life. You still have a purpose." She said calmly. Her words washed over me, and I imagined having a body free of scars, and free to roam.

It was still terrifying. What if it all went wrong again? I was about to reject it again, but then I felt Ariana. My wolf had not been able to run, to mate, to live life either. Behind my mind, she whispered, "Don't you want to get our revenge? We should take what's ours, and make them pay."

Ariana was right. I didn't know what purpose the Moon Goddess had for us, but I felt sure that I could get the answers I needed, and the revenge I craved. Only then could I enter the gates to heaven and find peace.

"Ok, I'll go back. One condition." I said. It broke my heart once again, but I was worried to have a mate. My mate had betrayed me with my own sister, no matter the destiny. I didn't want that bond, it was bullshit. "I don't want a mate bond. I can't trust a mate, or any fated love anymore. So, I'll go back if you don't force me into that again."

At least, I would be free of Jacob, or any other mate to betray me. Even my twin had betrayed me; who was supposed to be closer and more loyal than a twin sister who shares your own face? I had lived without love before, so what was another life without it. At least, I could not be betrayed this time. I had my purpose, and it was not love.

The Moon Goddess nodded. In the distance, I saw the gates close completely. "If you insist, I can give you that."

"I do insist. I don't need anyone."

"Good luck, my child," she said.

I blanked out.

I awoke beside a river. The cold water was running over my legs. I blinked up at the trees overhead, wondering if Jennifer had dumped my mangled corpse into the river to be gone with me forever. I wondered how the wedding went, and I hoped I had ruined her dress.

Still feeling weak and hurt all over my body,I tried to sit up. Feeling my face, it was smooth. Looking down at my body, still partially covered in wet rags, I saw no scars.

A young man was running up to me. He ran into the water, putting his arms around me, sharing his warmth and pulling me from the cold river.

"You're alive," he said. His voice was low, sweet and soothing.

When we were at the shore, I blinked again up at him. He looked around my age with broad shoulders and dark brown hair. His body was firm and built like a good fighter. His tawny eyes were filled with sympathy and concern.

While his face looked rough with a scar from his cheek to his neck, the kindness and compassion in his eyes was evident and wonderful. I had not seen another person look at me like that before.

Still, could I trust anyone? I flinched away from him.

"It's ok, don't be afraid," he said. "I'm here to help."