Chapter 4 FOUR

"She was a marvelous soul-"

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Madeline Perez.

Only known to a few, Maddy was a very lovable woman of virtue. And to show just how lovable she was, we call on a few of her neighbors to deliver their eulogies-" Tara climbed up to the stage with a paper in her hands and just the right amount of tears in her eyes.

"It is with deep sadness, i read this. Who would have known you'd be gone this soon?" She whispered into the mic, as she faced the skies-

-some part of her believe Madeline was up there. Barely anything happened in Yonsdale.

That was why news like this always struck hard. The entire neighborhood flooded the driveway to light candles and pay their tributes. Everything happened so fast and no one from Mad's family even showed up for her funeral.

Her things were auctioned out, and the house was cleared.

Now they'd decided to give her flowers and light candles and read eulogies for her sake. "You know it's sad that we all just get to pretend that we knew her" Alyssa said to Armani, pointedly looking at Tara up there.

"These garden club bitches only come around times like these to put on a show like they actually cared" She said.

"They did this for her, Alyssa" "So if they want to write a fake ass eulogy then it's fine. At least people showed up for her. The thing that's sad is none of her family is here" He said. "I feel terrible" Alyssa added.

"That after all these years i couldn't even pen anything to write as an eulogy. She was always so uptight and shielded. Private you know. No one knew her-"

"She was this close and i couldn't even see she was struggling. Until she killed herself. Jumped off a fucking roof. I mean it all says alot as to how we don't really know how much any of us is struggling or battling with. We just gotta be nice" Armani's phone chimed in his pockets before he took it out.

For a quick second, he stared at his screens before speaking. "Anyways i got to go right now?" He said and Alyssa looked to him. "What?" "I got to lead a bunch of spoiled white kids to state regionals. It takes a lot of training" He said, slipping his phone back into his pockets.

"Are you sure it isn't another one of your meetups?" Armani rolled his eyes at such a question.

"Honey, no one meets up at noon. Besides, i still need some time to recover from fucking Harry" He replied just before he stood to leave. Within a minute, he was gone, walking along the thin aisle without the flowers.

Alyssa looked back up, making eye contact with Tom before she redirected her eyes back to Tara- "We pray that the Lord bless and keep her and shine forth on her and be gracious to her- We ask oh Lord that you lift up our dearly departed Madeline Perez and grant her everlasting peace" "Amen?" Tara said, and heaving a deep breath, Al whispered back, recollecting the events of that night-

"Amen."

A FEW DAYS EARLIER

"Madeline killed herself" She couldn't fathom the amount of shock that her jaw dropped to the ground. In that instant, her gaze with Tom was broken and she suddenly felt tears in her eyes.

She could say a million times how she didn't know Madeline but how could she explain this feeling-

-this immense guilt and sadness that came over her on hearing the news. It was natural that one felt this way over suicide, especially Alyssa who exactly wasn't a stranger to it.

She lost her father to a drug overdose when she eleven and she'd like to think she hasn't really felt anything ever since then.

"What?" She whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Surveillance shows her climb up to the top of her roof before she jumped-" "And there was a letter" "Can you leave her?" Tom stepped forward, knowing how much of a sentimental topic this was for Alyssa but she wasn't having it.

Not when he couldn't do as little as reassure her of his love. "Can you leave?" She yelled back at him. "I'm just trying to protect you, Alyssa. I know-" She stood.

"Well i don't need your protection" She interrupted as she grabbed Elle, who was fast asleep from his shoulders.

"Alyssa" He called, watching her walk away and he turned back to Armani who shook his head. She walked towards the end of the tapes for some air as she rocked her baby in her arms.

"You're okay. You're okay" She said the words she so badly wanted to hear.

-

NOW

"Mummy" Elle squealed, making her way to her mother. Alyssa already had her arms wide open to embrace her, all while Tom stood behind.

She hefted her in her arms and turned to face their garage but then she heard her name. And of course, you could guess who it was.

"Alyssa" He called. She turned around to face him, somewhat expectant of the call and she stood akimbo. "What is it?" She asked, not very rudely but in the most polite way either.

"I'm sorry, Alyssa" Tom walked up to her, taking her hands. "I'm sorry, then i don't know what came over me. Or if i was just being scared or naive" She pulled away from him.

"We've been married for four years and now you're scared?" Alyssa scoffed.

"How long are we going to do this?" Tom asked, looking at Elle who was way to carried away by the flowers to even understand what they were saying.

"Look, Tom. It's fine. It actually is"

"I'm not going to end this. I'm not going to file for a divorce or whatever because i have Elle. And i love Elle and i'm still holding on to who you were years ago and i still have love for that person-"

"But Tom, i just need some space" Alyssa added before turning her back on him. He stood there, sliding his hand into his black pantsuits and he pushed a heavy lump his throat.

He knew a divorce wasn't even all it took to tell him that he'd lost her. He already had, and that was a hard pill to swallow.

"Hi" The garden club ladies caught her in her tracks. Alyssa halted, a little bit startled as she turned around to see Tara and the rest of the dolls.

"Accept our deepest condolences, we might not understand how it feels to lose a neighbor that close- I mean it makes you question everything" Tara slouched her head a bit, her voice a little whiny.

Alyssa scoffed whilst forcing a smile. "It's okay" She replied. "I'm sure she's in a better place" She added whilst Tara looked back at Tom.

She twirled her hair in a way that showed she was still very attracted to him. She'd made it abundantly clear since they'd moved here that Tom was exactly her type.

It was weird, but she had no idea Alyssa knew. "How is he holding up?" She turned back to Al whose smile just vanished from her face.

"This isn't about him Tara" She patted her shoulders slightly as she turned to see where Elle had run off to.

Tara stepped back defensively, her lips apart.

Now, you might say Tamara McKay has a husband but the thing was in Yonsdale, people were very fond of sharing things. And that sometimes included partners of course.

"I should go" Alyssa said, somehow managing to stare at both Tara and Tom. "See you around-" She scoffed, sucking her teeth.

"See you around"

-

"Left" "Right" Armani marched side to side to the beat of the music. From the corner of his eyes, he sighted Deborah and he turned around.

She was slouched, carried away by something on the opposite end of the room. She was just about seven years old which was the somewhat average age of all these kids.

Armani let out a frustrated groan, admitting to himself that he left Alyssa for this.

Now he disliked his job as much as he disliked kids but he needed the money which was the entire point. "I said left, Deborah. Be in sync with the rest of the crew" He'd consoled himself with the fact that everyone hated their jobs. He didn't mean he wanted them to fail or that he was too hard on them because if they did well, it meant he did well.

And for the rest of the executives that were to watch the regionals, he'd hoped to impress. So he wanted them to do well. It was why he tried so hard-

-but they were just- "I said left Deborah then you do the hand thing" He gestured, raising his palms to his face.

She gave it another attempt but it was just off. Then he had no choice but to calla break. Grabbing his water bottle, he dashed to the corner of the room where the bench was.

And he sat, bringing out his phone to check the notifications. There wasn't alot because truth be told, he didn't have much friends except the people he met online which weren't really friends.

But one stood out, it was yet another match on grindr. You see, i personally don't understand the concept of dating apps but these are the characters and it was what they were into.

As if the Harry incident wasn't traumatizing enough, he'd swiped right on Adam once he'd seen him.

He was more muscled, but he looked five something inches like the guy from emily in paris.

He was exactly like that, charm in his teeth, and one photo where he'd oiled up his abs for a shoot. You'd think he's a model but he wrote he was a stock trader.

At least there was a sense of responsibility to that. And Armani needed that kind of stability and less of the kinkiness.

He was not ready to fully settle down, but he'd like to think he was ready for a relationship. "Why are you always angry?" The little girl walked up to him in her ponytail. He looked to see Deborah and his heart melted.

"What?" He asked. clearing his glassy throat. "Why are you always angry and yelling at us?" "I-" He stuttered, truth was he didn't know what to say.

He had no idea he was even yelling half the time. He patted on the bench for Deb to sit while the rest of the crew just carelessly danced to Doja.

"I'm sorry, Deb. I didn't know" Armani said, putting away his phone and she smiled, as if an apology was more than enough for her.

It was the thing with kids, they didn't ask for much. Armani was sure he didn't.

But somehow he always got the short end of the stick. He was from a very large family and the first child so it could not get worse from there.

They always expected so much from him, and he was the exact opposite. He wanted to tell Deb that he was merely projecting his anger as a kid towards them but it would sound unprofessional.

Besides, it wasn't even intentional. "I will- I will change" He settled on a promise and Deb stretched out a finger.

Her pinky, which only reminded him of his younger sister whom he no longer talked to.

There wasn't a fight, they just grew up and grew apart. Same as his high school friends.

If it was more than five people, would it mean he was the problem? He took Deb's pinky and nodded, sealing the promise.

She seemed sweet and he felt guilty for even yelling at her for mixing her footwork. But then he wanted to advise her, to not make the mistakes he made.

Probably not be in too much hurry to grow up. He started using grindr from when he was seventeen which was bad, really bad. But the validation he didn't get from his parents, he sought after it in online dating.

In men who just wanted his body. Of course, he knew. But who was to say he wasn't okay with that? He was, if it made him just an iota of emotions. He watched Deb walk away before he pulled out his phone and typed a message to Adam-HEY.

-

It was a long day really, and Alyssa didn't even realize until it was eight pm and she was tucking Elle into bed.

She raised the covers and ritually kissed her actually her forehead. She moved slightly but Al was fast enough to make it to the door, not waking her up.

But as soon as she got into the corridor, she was met with Tom who had extra pillow in his hands and a cover. He was headed to the couch, somewhere he had never slept on throughout their marriage. It was how he knew this was bad.

"You don't have to do this" Alyssa said, bending her head to the side abit. His eyes were glassy, but he didn't say a word.

He just brushed past her and into the parlor. She held her phone which beeped out loud as she made her way towards the room. It was empty, and quiet. And void.

Just like her marriage. It was the symbolism that haunted her as she buried herself in the duvet.

"Is your marriage lacking intimacy-" She'd managed to find the video of earlier as she planned to binge it.

But then, she shook her head. Because at what point is your marriage really not worth saving, that was the question she should've asked.

But instead she was getting answers like getting a third to spice it up. using toys and enhancements and pills.

Nothing that was new-

But then she closed the video, and there was it was. Somewhere in the fit of rage when Tom failed to reassure her of his love, she'd downloaded Tinder.

Maybe this was the time to give up, and put herself back out there, without always putting Elle and Tom first.

She'd click it, seeing a message. Honestly she couldn't even fathom when she created a profile but she was happy with the pic. And someone else too.

Luke Sanders: Hey beautiful.

To be continued...