Chapter 3 3 Osaka High

3. Osaka High

Where to go in a new city? So many choices, opportunities and options. I feel just like Sal, on the bus from San Francisco to New York City, I can hear Jazz trumpeting off the Shinkanzen. It better have western toilets close to the station because I need to take a piss. I almost soil myself searching around for a toilet. A pain like a knife being twists into my crotch, strikes through me. I find a public toilet just before passing out. The flow of piss is slow, trickling in spurts. I steady myself on the cubicle wall. There's a number in thick marker spread across the door.

Underneath the number it says, For a good time call me.

I jot down the number and think about calling. Could be a gay foreigner, could be a drug dealer, could be a prostitute. All of those options scream new, fun and wild, so I dial the number mid-piss.

A woman answers, 'Moshi-moshi?'

I say, 'Hello, I'm calling about the good time. I'm in the public toilets near the Osaka bullet train station.'

She says, 'Oh really? Wow, you are brave. Give me twenty minutes and I'll be there.'

She hangs up and I piss more. I figure twenty minutes of pissing is needed. I've hooked my bag on the door and the pain is easing. What kind of city is this? The city where anything goes I guess. It even smells different in the public toilets, some sort of strange lemon tinge? And there is density too, a thickness wafting off the air, a bit like Tokyo.

I zip up my fly and sigh. Tokyo, the center of Japan, almost the center of the world and I can't bring myself to go back there. The girls there are on another planet in Tokyo, they just reject everything for the hell of it and laugh at suits and conformity. Tokyo girls, with their fake blue eye contacts and butterfly lashes. Bracelets and bangles, necklaces and rings, they put it all on at once. They smoke weed and drink Coke, and dance like stoned whores, they're great.

A woman walks in. Short brown fringe, even shorter shorts. Her eyes are thin as are her lips. She raises her eyebrows, painted on brown lines and says, 'Hey you called me, what do you want?'

Her voice is hoarse, husky like an old smoker's. She has a top that says Fuck You Too! In black letters on it, she's holding a long cigarette.

I tell her, 'Yeah, what do you have? I'm not sure what you have in mind?'

She smiles the sides of her face wrinkling up. She's at least forty, but her body is still tight and tanned, probably no kids.

She laughs, a cheeky chatter like a hyena yelping for scraps. 'Well, you've called the right girl. How about let's get out of this stinky toilet and I show you your options'

Her accent is very American, she could even pass as American if she wasn't so thin. I follow her out, her tiny hips swaying side to side under that dangling frayed denim. We walk out into the city, masses of taxis cramming up, steaming away. She flags one down and the door swings open.

She says, 'You pay taxi, we go back to my place for fun.'

Now I'm sure she's a prostitute, she's the age, the weight and the smell. This is a mistake, I just got here. I can't be fucking prostitutes on my first day here, it is totally ridiculous. She's on her mobile now, shouting out something I can't understand, must be Osaka-ben. She yells at the taxi driver and says to me, 'You pay him now.'

I pull out 2000yen and hand it to him. I'm surprised when she grabs the change off him and gives it to me. She smiles, a huge row of teeth.

I follow her down a tiny windy street. Scooters fly past, businessmen tighten their ties and slurp from cups of noodles, school girls gossip with their heavy red backpacks swinging behind them. I follow this woman, this prostitute and her trail of cigarette smoke. She is dancing down the road, back to me, bony hips swinging side to side.

Finally she turns around and points up, a cheesy grin on her thick lips. 'We are here. By the way my name is Eri.'

Her building, if it is even hers', is huge, at least 20 levels up and is leaning over us. A silver fortress with roots in concrete, the normal place to live.

She shakes my hand, it is rough and long. I follow her into an elevator, she whistles as we soar up, some J-pop song, could be Hamasaki Ayumi, the sound is familiar. We reach the 18th floor and there is a ding, the door shuffles open and she gestures for me to step out first.

I follow her down a narrow isle of winding doors. Number 1818, an easy number to remember I guess. There is a bass thumping behind the door. She unlocks the door, opens it and there is a rush of music, chaotic drum and bass sends my heart racing. What is this girl into?

The living room is dim, a white leather lounge dominates the space. There are mirrors everywhere, and photos stuck on the wall.

She says, 'Do you like my place?'

I nod, as she finally turns down the music. She asks, 'Want a drink?'

I can't think of anything else. She comes back with a big bottle of Yebisu beer. I have never seen this beer in such a big bottle. She pulls two glasses out of nowhere and I slump on her white leather lounge and sip the ice-cold beer. I look around her apartment, searching for answers. All I can see is a kitchen bar with a box of corn flakes on it and a pretty decent set of knives.

Eri sits down next to me, she clinks my glass. 'So, what are you after?'

I raise my eyebrows, 'What do you have in mind?'

She skulls her drink and stands up, 'I''ll be back.'

She skips down the hallway and disappears. I'm sure she's going to return in either nothing on or in some sort of kinky outfit, maybe a school girl or nurse. Yeah, I wonder how much she's going to charge me. There's no backing out now, I'm already siting on her couch.

Later she returns with two plastic bags. I smile, she's not a prostitute at all, she's just a very friendly drug dealer. She laughs.

'Why you so surprised, don't you know I have good shit.'

So one bag has some sort of marijuana, very green, the other are pink pills, probably ecstasy. I point to the marijuana. She nods and gives me a big grin.

She says, 'OK, hey you wana crash on my couch? It can part of the deal you know, get wasted and sleep.'

Her eyes suddenly seem kinder. Eri isn't a whore at all, she's a very generous woman, trusting and slim. I nod and pull out some money. I give her 40,000 yen and she laughs.

'Wow, man you can stay two nights gee, thanks!'

So she starts cutting up the weed. I'm already high just sitting here. Eri has fast fingers. She cuts up the green in seconds and pulls out some rollies. She sprinkles, licks, twists and sucks and produces a joint. I has been a while since I have smoked. I normally do it when I'm really drunk, but I guess I'm making an exception, after all I am starting a new chapter in my life in a new city, why not?

Eri swiftly produces five huge joints as I smoke the first. I breathe in the dark smoke slowly and let it out into the room. It bites my throat and I cough hard. Eri lights one and sucks it down with ease, smiling. She lets out little clouds of smoke and sinks beside me.

I touch her shoulder, 'Thanks,'

She says, 'Hey no problem. You pay me well.'

So we just sit there and smoke our joints and sip the beer. The leather in the lounge tickles my legs. My head detaches itself from my neck and elevates above me. Eri's eyes are almost invisible. There are clouds forming on the ceiling, they are turning into little squares and triangles, they are making mechanical sounds, spluttering steam and oil. What's going on here?

Eri is stroking my leg. Strangely enough we both have our tops off but it doesn't appear to be sexual. What is sex anyway? I've forgotten. She does have a very interesting stomach. It is tight and pale, made up of all these tiny little flexing muscles. I've never met a woman like this, she's strangely cool.

My mobile is ringing, I answer.

'Hello?'

'Moshi, moshi, Keiko desu.'

Keiko sounds like a new person already. 'What are you doing?'

'I'm staying at this girls place in Osaka.'

There is a short silence. I hear her sigh.

'Jamie called and told me to tell you about his new job. He is writing fulltime now for that Tokyo magazine today, isn't that great'

Why is Jamie trying to be a writer? That is my thing, it is making no sense at all.

'Oh yeah, he told me he met this Chinese girl and they are kind of a couple now. It was weird talking to him about that, but he seemed much better, I mean better than he last called.'

I ask, 'So, how are you?'

'I'm good. I've been really busy at work. Listen Ryan, you forgot to take all your medicine, I know you never want to take it but you need it for your head,'

What medicine? 'OK I will just get some medicine here.'

I have plenty of medicine here, natural medicine.

She sighs again. 'Well, I'd better go, I was just checking up on you. Take care.'

She hangs up.

Eri is dancing around the room, the drum and bass is loud again. I don't seem to have the strength to stand, I try to tell myself, stand up, dance, be wild, but my feet are stuck to the ground, cemented into the soft caressing rug that ripples in tiny waves from the bass. I really like this weed. This is exactly what I need, something different, fresh.

My mind sinks into sleep. Eri is spinning around like a ballerina, beautiful.

Waking with dreams of dancing naked in some rain-forest. I'm sure I remember a talking bear in there somewhere. My eyes are salty, but this lounge is the most comfortable thing I've ever slept on. I run my hands up and down the white leather, opening my eyes. Mirrors make this room look huge, it is like a maze of stretching rooms within rooms, a labyrinth of kitchens and hallways.

It is an eternity before I can lift my head. I'm not hungover, just lazy and senseless. Invisible chains are wrapped over my arms and legs. The lounge is swaying side to side, I'm in a river drifting softly.

A door creaks open and Eri appears over the top of me, she croaks, 'Ohayo Ryan. Would you like some coffee?'

I might need a few litres of the stuff to get my engine running. I think I'm all out of fuel. It even takes me a few moments to figure out if I'm talking or thinking.

Eri brings it towards me and even the smell brings me enough strength to lift my head and sit up. I look at her thin eyes and enormous mouth, thinking she is an old friend.

She says, 'You are a strange one Ryan, tell me more about yourself, I'm very interested in you,'

So I sip the coffee and the words flow out of me. I tell her everything, my fake degree and recent job with Super Nova English, my short stay in Tokyo, my stint at Macquarie University and my night on the beach with Keiko and her American friend. It all comes spewing out and she listens, nodding and laughing. For some reason I forget to mention my book.

I pause and she says, 'Oh my god Ryan, you're amazing. Let's smoke some more weed!'

She starts cutting up some more and sprinkles it onto some Talley-Hos. The smell excites me.

I'm beginning to like Eri, she's pretty cool. How lucky am I to stumble upon such a giving? and interesting person. She even refills my coffee without me asking, amazing. Plus she keeps handing me really fat joints, they are also amazing, deliciously amazing. A good night sleep behind me, a few coffees and a large amount of weed smoke and I'm up. I'm moving every inch of my body. Eri is smoking too, laughing.

She says, 'Hey you wana go out, I can show you Osaka.'

She's like my special tour guide. A girl who gives her all. She dances into her room and comes back dressed in a tiny skirt and skin tight top. She rolls a couple more joints and links her frail arm around mine.

'Come on!' she shouts, 'Let's get out of here!'

Osaka is my kind of place. Everybody is so nice, I can't believe it. People are smiling, lights are singing, what else do you need. There is even music coming out of the pavement, at least I think I can hear it. A muffled bass and faint melody, a womans sleeping poems. I want to tell Eri but she is busy showing me the city.

Twisting stairs take us down to a dim lit dwelling. There are tunneling people here, mingling in the ground, digging like moles. A guitar breathes light into the caverns. Smokes wafts above as we sit and sip more coffee. What is this place? Some sort of World War Basement? Shadowy faces are floating around me, murmuring dialect, trailing off in the odors.

I need a beer.

Eri has read my mind again and a beer appears in front of me. Is she some sort of sorcerer? An illusionists conjuring lies in front of my eyes? The beer tastes real and slides down my throat like ice on a hot plate, steam shooting out my nostrils. The music gathers strength and moves through me. The high hat is tapping my forehead and the kick is kicking me in the behind. I'm standing swaying side to side, laughing. Eri bumps her tiny hips into mine. She moves close to me.

She guides her words into my ear, 'Hey Ryan, now you're dancing. Don't you love this place.'

Her mouth covers half of her face and it is beautiful. I kiss her thin lips and say, 'I love Osaka!'

It is true, I think I'm cheating on Sydney, Osaka is a sexy beast with style.

You're dead to me.

A little girl is poking me in the stomach. She is smiling but not saying a word. She has long piggy tales and is wearing a bright pink dress. I wonder what she's doing here this early in the morning. Eri calls out, 'Yu-chan, dame dayou!'

Yu-chan? Eri knows this little girl, but why, are they friends? Eri is the type of girl to have all kinds of friends, so I guess it isn't that strange. I sit up on the lounge and stare at her. I guess she's about 7 or 8 years old.

Eri appears with a mug of coffee and says, 'I'm so sorry, this is Yuuka, my daughter,'

Yuuka bows and says, 'Hajimemashite, Nice to meet you.'

So Eri has a daughter, where's the man/father in this situation? I have been here a few days, partying and hanging out on her lounge and haven't heard a thing about any daughter or family. I guess I didn't ask though. Come to think of Yuuka really looks like Eri. She has the same narrow eyes and pointy nose, she even sounds the same.

I say, 'Hello Yuuka nice you meet you too, I'm Ryan, I'm from Australia.'

She jumps up and down, suddenly excited, 'Oh, I like Koala and Kangaroo!'

It is quite a good impersonation of a kangaroo, she has her hands bent down and she's even squatting and making ticking sounds.

Eri laughs and sips her coffee, 'Yes, Ryan I'm married, my husband is actually away on business and Yuuka-chan has been staying at her grandmothers. Don't worry, my husband is cool with men, we have, how you say, open relationship, you know like Sex and City, oh I love that show.'

From what I can remember from the last few days, we hadn't had any relations at all, we were just buddies smoking large amounts of weed. But I have been extremely stoned and drunk so something might have slipped my mind.

I sip my coffee and glance at Eri's bare legs, they are so thin, her knees look like apple cores. I've never really been with a really skinny girl, I wonder what its like. Most Japanese girls have chubby legs, or at least the ones I have been lucky enough to sleep with. Soft and round legs good for grabbing, not to say I'm not attracted to girls with thin legs, actually I think I'm changing, I think I'm going to become a skinny girl lover, that will surprise everyone, especially Jamie.

Eri says, 'Well, I have to take Yu-chan to school, be back soon.'

They both wave and I'm left in silence, sipping a coffee.

Alone, this room is like a vortex. The corners of the walls twist and bend. I swear I can hear a bird squeaking in the kitchen. It could be a Pelican, I know that sound anywhere. A half smoked joint is siting on the coffee table, whispering to me.

I light it up and sip some more coffee. The smoke drifts into the ceiling, shifting and breaking from the shouts in the kitchen. That pelican is really messing up the mood. Cracking up the silence, fluttering with a racket. I could go and scare it out of here but that would require me to get up out of this lounge chair.

Getting high with Eri on her couch is wonderful. It is also great when she puts her hand tightly around my cock. Sure, she's a married woman, but she's also a drug dealer and she also has an open relationship with her husband. He is probably getting head from some Osaka school girl right now, man I watch too porn. Weed helps to ease any guilt. Having Eri mount me and chatter away in Osaka dialect also helps to balance up that moral compass. She's like a fox darting in and out on the woods. Her bony hips are digging into my guts, she's still got a joint lit as she comes. Pretty explicit stuff hey. This is modern Japan baby, probably the social norm.

Running out of cash, being high all the time, at least I haven't been paying rent. My vision is getting really weird too. I feel like I can't turn my head to the side without moving my entire body. Maybe I'm like Annakin Skywalker, becoming more machine than man. You know how Japan is, with all that technology, robots could be walking down the street and we don't even know it. They could be inserting computer chips into our heads when we are sleeping too. Maybe Eri is a robot? She might have something to do with this, that would explain the midnight headjobs on the couch, no real woman can be that giving. Maybe I should confront her about it, she is quite a rigid girl come to think of it.

Eri is my guide. A true light in the darkness. I follow her and the trail of weed smoke, her giggles echo off the spiraling walls and pan out into the stars. She has a ferries footsteps, so light and sweet, I can almost taste her sugar toes and chocolate heels, the candy woman with lots of treats.

She has woken up the real child in me. Her hoarse laugh and magic pills are like promises to another land. I kiss her stretching neck and bend her arching legs. We are close in the night, like two butterflies remembering when they were once slimy caterpillars. We are brothers and sisters from another dimension. The vortex of misfortunes can no longer claim victory of us. But maybe Eri is my Dean Moriaty? Maybe we were meant to meet in that public toilet and smoke lots of weed together?

You're dead to me. Do you think running to Osaka will make things right?

Eri is guiding me into some bar. The air is thick with fake laughs, whooping bass and shimmering glasses. The lights spin off like a thousand Christmas trees dangling from the roof. Time for a drink, is everyone on drugs here? I don't do drugs, that stuff will kill you. Eri laughs as she hands me a can of Kirin. I guzzle it down and sit down slowly. I have no intention of dancing. Eri has way too much energy for a drinker. Where does she get it from? She could be a marathon runner with the lungs on her, nothing but cigarettes, weed and beer, it must be her DNA.

Time to drink something with class. Jack Daniels is a drink I can say easily to a barmen without sounding completely smashed. I order four glasses, and a woman wearing nothing but a bikini top and short skirt guides me back to my seat. That's the thing about Japan, if you pay for something you are rewarded. It doesn't matter if you've already had twelve beers, they'll keep refilling your cup because you're the customer and the customer is like a god here. That's why there is no reason to go home, where ever that is, service is angelic here and the nightlife is heaven.

Eri has disappeared so I skull my drinks and get started on hers. The bass pounds through my seat and my hands shake. What is this whole shaking thing anyway? I'm like some old man recently, I can barely hold a pen. I hope I don't stay this way for too long, I need to finish my book.

Passing lights, a drafty corridor. I'm on a stretcher, it doesn't feel like the first time. The white bedsheet beneath feels like cement. What kind of stretcher is this?

Am I really even here? This could be all a memory and I could be dead, thinking back at the good times I had in Japan. Things feel different, I haven't been touched for such a long time and I don't even know if I'm still breathing. I'm at some corner bar. The corner being a sharp jagger of bamboo nailed to some well polished wood. In front of me, a swaying, frothy beer, so much of it too. I dip my head into it, like I'm washing my face. The handle is cold. Perhaps this is heaven?

My head tingles and buzzes. I vacuum up the beer and breathe in the bitterness.

There are cars and scooters flashing behind me. Is this some kind of weird outdoor bar? How did I even get here? There's a smoky pile of gyoza in front of me, I guess it is mine. Who else is at this bar? No one seems to be around, there are black cloaks in mirky hats murmuring in the corners of my eyes. I sip my beer and they seem to fizzle up in the air, some sort of digital art perhaps, the Japanese are quite good at mixing art with technology and I'm pretty sure I am still in Japan.I don't have enough money to fly back. But what is money anyway? Pieces of paper with dead men printed on them? Ancient ideas woven into dates and numbers.

I finish the enormous beer and reach into my pocket. There I find two notes, 2000 yen, not bad for someone with no memory of even getting here.

You're dead to me. There is no amount of drinking you can do that will make what you did OK. You fucked my girlfriend so all you deserve is a fist in the face and a killer never ending hanging over. Yeah I walked in on you, when you were sticking your dick into the girl that I used to love. That's why I hit you. That's why I never want to talk to you again.

There's a nurse standing next to me. She's hooking something up to a steel bar, oh, that must be my drip, am I still even in Osaka? She's reaching up now on her toes. The backs of her knees are inches from my face, her skin is a pale creamy white, almost as white as her uniform. I guess all hospitals are the same in Japan, some sort of national standard for everything, the same beds, some bouquet of fake flowers in the corner, same painting of a beach and the same sexy nurses. I'm sure I've met this girl before. What is it about nurses? Could it just be a fetish, picked up from those sleazy businessmen on trains, taking photos of girls crotches with their mobile phones? Yeah, that's exactly it.

Looks like I've been partying a little too hard, too bad Keiko isn't here to see me. She would be giving me that worried look and would be holding my hand. She would understand why I am here, and perhaps she would tell me everything is going to be OK. Those beautiful eyes and that perfect smile would be enough.

It might have been time to give my brain a clean up, it was getting a little messy up there.

There is a tree outside my window, leaves scrape up against it and tease me, we are outside, you are trapped. They are taking full advantage of the sunlight, appearing golden and beautiful. Is it all a lie too? That sun burning up in the sky, layers of blue and violet oozing through with sounds of birds and freedom. The familiar hum of florescent light above me soothes my heart rate. I might just shut my eyes and block it all out for a while, this madness around me. What have we done to this world? It's all mixed up in trees and walls, leaves and lights.

That nurse is named Suzuki, I still haven't got her first name, because she won't give it to me, but we both know there is some sort of connection going on. She has the sort of face that belongs on a magazine cover, I have no idea why she working here, tending to drunks and idiots. When she smiles, her eyes tighten and her lips are like two halves of a strawberry, perfectly even. Suzuki is looking after me, making sure I'm doing fine and I have no objections. Her hands are firm and long. She lifts me with ease, to and from my bedpan. She is truly gifted.

It appears I have lost a lot of weight. I mean I am frightfully skinny, I need something to eat other than rice and fish. They keep serving me this crap without even asking if I want it or not. I've been told not to drink anymore. Great advice for someone like me, no more drinking? That sort of advice doesn't make sense at all, that's like asking me to stop eating all meats, it just can't happen. I just need a break, a time to shed that old skin and grow another layer.

Now I've got most of strength back, I guess I need to figure out where the hell I am. Eri has disappeared, who can blame her. I hardly even know her. I can still hear her hyena laugh though and taste the smoke of her long cigarettes. Why did she always wear that horrible yellow jumper? I miss her curls too, I miss her perfect teeth, but wait, who am I thinking about? That doesn't sound like Eri.

Jamie? Where have you gone? Perhaps you can sneak a couple of beers in for me. This place is like a jail, they don't let anyone have any fun. I know your mad at me Jamie, but I can't figure out why.?

Eri is tapping on my shoulder. She has managed to dress me and pulls me up to her face. 'Hey, Ryan, I am taking you back to my place OK? You need some rest.'

I nod and thank the lord above that she has remembered me. She has saved me from this crazy place, so I owe her my world. Thankyou Eri, I will make it up to you, I promise.

Eri has hooked me up with some more weed. This batch smells different and she laughs cutting it up, twisting and meshing, her art of joint making. We are old friends Eri and I, old fuck buddies from way back. This apartment of hers doesn't really seem like such a small place anymore. There are all these hidden corners that expand when you are near them and windows that appear out of nowhere. Maybe it is the gateway to wonderland, maybe Eri is like the Japanese version of Alice and I am Lewis Carol. That is freaky.

We are smoking naked again. Eri's body is like a white spider crouched over mine, her fangs sink into my neck and she injects her poison. What kind of girl is this Eri anyway? Can she really be this way all the time? So carefree and 'down for whatever' That is the track we are listening to as I penetrate her. I must look like a real bastard right now, boning some guys wife while her daughter is sleeping in the next room. Where is this husband of hers anyway? Does he even exist? It is probably better not to think so much when I am this high, everything will get all freaky and I will start screaming like I did last week. Some beer would really balance me out.

I ask Eri, 'Hey, you got any beer?' it takes an eternity of effort to force the words out of my mouth, through the air and into Eri's ears.

She then processes the question, ponders on it, examines the taste of each word in her big sexy mouth and finally replies, 'Yeah, I've got some Kirin. Great idea dude.'

She rises, sweat dripping from tiny nipples and lunges away. Her but cheeks vibrate from the impact of her footsteps. She is a white ghost slithering to the kitchen. She opens the fridge with a smile, reaches in, half her body entering the fridge. All I can see of her is her bony legs arching, feet clamped down to the tiles. She reemerges with two huge bottles of Kirin. Closing the door behind her with her foot, her goofy smile is growing as she nears. She sets the beer down on the coffee table and kisses my nose.

I grab the bottle opener and crack the bottle open. I bring the huge bottle to my lips, two hands struggling with the weight, guzzling down the liquid from the gods.

She giggles, 'Big bottles hey, I wonder how they even fitted in the fridge.'

Eri is starting to pick up some of my accent and phrases. I must have been here for awhile to have that affect on her.

She lights a full joint for me and I take a big drag. Yeah, this is the hippie beat nick life right here, nothing to lose. It might just be starting here in Japan, the big cultural revolution. Everybody is sick of working for some faceless company, wasting away their lives. They want some action in their life, they want to smoke weed and drink massive bottles of Kirin, totally naked.

Hours later it appears I made the right decision about the beer. Eri and I are now sharing this bottle, half way down I think and we are still smoking away. Her eyes are two slits of black, mine feel like fire. This is how it should be between men and women. We should be able to just share a drink naked together and smoke a few joints, there is nothing wrong with that. What are clothes anyway? Some useless social construct that's what, screw clothes, I am never wearing clothes again. Being naked is way better, I can breathe much better and the furniture feels great on my arse.

Eri is speaking in Osaka dialect again. I think we are doing it but I am thinking about two other things and have blocked out our sexual organs, they are just blurry images out of focus like moving artworks. Quite strange really, watching my penis go in and out of her. What is sex really? Why do I need it so much? I know I can't live without women, that's true, women are the worst drug, but why sex? Can't I just conquer my temptations and become a monk. Anything is possible, but I heard that monks don't drink so that is out of the question.

We have drifted into sleep, I guess. Or it could be some sort of trance, I'm not sure. My head is turning all spongy, I am rubbing my face, making my skin softer and softer. Eri is lighting another joint, her hair mopped over face. She has put some techno music on. Really fast heavy bass techno, the kind that doesn't fit any mood. It is destroying my soul.

I grab the enormous bottle and try to finish it. I run out of breath and gasp. This is the biggest beer in the world, it can never be finished, what are we going to do? Or maybe it is a magical bottle that refills itself when we are not looking, yeah that's it. It is a magic beer. I am going to stare at it and catch it refilling as proof, then I am going to tell Eri to stare at it too and she will find out the truth. I can finish any normal bottle of beer, so this one must be magic.

I find myself dancing with Eri. She is now wearing a tiny pink bra and pair of Nike shorts. I have magically put on my undies and am holding her skinny little hands.

She shouts, 'Come on, smile!'

I must be frowning like some depressed bum. No need for that. I am having the time of my life and it is all thanks to Eri. I start jumping. I sway my head in a mushroom like angle. Colours spread from Eri's dance moves. She is a way better dancer than me. Twirling her arms like waves in the ocean and twisting her legs in impossible movements. She is the true physical artist and I love her for it.

I pull her close to me and kiss her. Just a childish little peck on the lips and she laughs her Hyena laugh again.

'Ryan, you so cute!'

'Let's finish this beer!'

I run to the kitchen and get two glasses. No more of this drinking from the bottle shit, this woman deserves a glass. I pour our two glasses full and the bottle finally empties. A miracle! We did it! The bottle is empty.

She blurts out, 'Kanpai' and we scull our glasses down, arms linked.

I spin around and feel the liquid flowing through me, down the rapids of fire into the pits. Eri has turned herself into a fully lit Christmas tree, spinning into greens and reds. The roof above us is bending to the bass beats, there must be a party above us too.

Eri swims towards me and whispers, 'We still have another bottle of beer to drink!'

The news hits me in slow motion, words spiraling off my ears in ricochets. Yes, we haven't won the war yet, there is still one last battle waiting for us. This is madness, but the beer just feels like nothing now, I could drink another keg if I had to, no sweat, easy.

I ask Eri to open the bottle. I fall to the sofa and stare at the beer fizzing. It is now or never. Eri slowly pours us two glasses. I take two gulps and feel my brain explode. Has someone slipped something into this bottle? Are the boys at Kirin manufacturing acid laced beer? I can see diamonds raining down from the roof, sprinkling down, bouncing off the coffee table and sofa. I take another sip and the rain gets heavier. Diamonds are trickling down my arms and sliding off the sides of my cheeks. We are going to be rich!

Eri passes me a joint. I suck it in and close my eyes. I take in the smoke delivery it to my old enemy/friend, my throat, please to meet you, here are my lungs, don't worry they are jerks too. Eri is flicking her hair from side to side. At least she can move.

I think about asking her to pour me a drink for a long time. What will happen if I drink more? I could turn into sand? I might teleport into another dimension? Then I realise I have already asked her and there is a full glass of beer sitting in front of me. What a steady head this young girl has. She is like an iron horse trotting through the battle field unscratched.

I decide to sip my drink a lot slower. I mean, there are at least five or six pieces of furniture talking to me, but I can't understand their language. The sofa just grabbed my butt cheek. I look up at the clock 3:24am. OK so I am going to take a sip every minute, that's smart, I'll survive.

Sip, oh my god what is happening to me? This feels totally wrong, the clock is ticking faster now, it knows I am watching it, it is playing some sort of evil trick on me. Sip, oh Jesus, that hurts. The beer is betraying me. Turning into acid down my throat, how could you do this beer? We are such good friends. Sip, ah, that one wasn't too bad, a little less fiery. Sip, Sip sip. I can do this a little faster now.

I even stand up and pour myself another glass. Eri is now siting in the corner swaying still. I pour her beer out in front of her and force another smile, 'There you go my queen.'

My queen? Where did that come from? Some line from a 1990's romance comedy I think. Could have been Boomerang with Eddie Murphy. Love that one, and the sound track was awesome, ah, Toni Braxton, I still love you.

I am sitting on the carpet with Eri now. My arm around her. She has gone a bit weird, could be the weed. She won't talk, but she can still light her joint and pass it to me after taking a big hit. I can still sip away my glass of beer, slowly. The music has slowed and is surging through us in waves. If Eri wasn't married she would be my kind of girl forever, we could just smoke ourselves away in this living room and float into the Osaka night sky, maybe that's our destiny?

I am burping and drinking still. Half a roach dangling in my fingers. This stuff is the answer dude, it makes so much sense. The whole entire government needs to get on this stuff right now and there will be world peace easy. I couldn't hurt a fly. Even if some man tried to attack us right now I would just give him a hug. Yeah, hugs not drugs, like the T-shirt. Ha ha, sarcasm is a negative thing, got to stop thinking in sarcasm it will only make me bitter and twisted.

Yep, I am almost finished with the beer. I am a man after all. All beer will bow to me and be consumed eventually, it is just a matter of time. I will conquer them all! I am the magnificent one, the white hawk in the east, swooping down on my prey. I also get sex on tap from my dealer! Pretty damn good deal if you ask me.

Eri doesn't want to finish her glass so I chug it down, hey no need to waste any. She crawls out of the living room and disappears. I am left to the thumbing base and three quarters of a beer. I slurp it up and climb onto the sofa. It feels like a thousand feathers from heaven. I close my eyes and feel warm honey dripping onto my face. Ah, sleep, the sweetest thing on the planet.

'Ohayoo, Ryan san!'

Eri's daughter, what's her name? Is pounding on my stomach, her tiny fists are tickling me. 'Ryan san, today papa is coming home!' she says in Japanese.

Papa? Well I'll be. The man of the house returns. What does this mean for me? Probably less fucking in the middle of the night, that's what, not to worry.

I am playing with this little girls Doraemon toys. She's almost got the whole collection, Nobita Kun, Shizuka chan, and that other yellow robot cat. We are enjoying this little game when there is a knock at the door.

I go and open it to find a very short man. He says he very good English, 'Oh, hello, you must be Ryan. I am Hiroshi, pleased to meet you.'

He puts his hand out to shake and I realise I am still in my undies. I shake his hand and run back to put a pair of jeans on. Talk about awkward.

I hear, 'Yu-chan! Hayaku oide!' and they are hugging in the doorway like some scene out of Full house.

Yu-chan, that's her name. How could I forget a simple name like that. Hiroshi isn't wearing a suit. He is just wearing a t-shirt and shorts. Actually he looks pretty friendly at first glance. Yu-chan is chattering away, showing Hiroshi all her new toys. I can instantly see their similarities, same nose, same wrinkle between the eyes.

Eri appears, hair a mess in her pink frilly Hello Kitty pajamas and kisses Hiroshi on the cheek. She smiles and winks at me. Is she winking because of the current awkward situation or is she winking to refer to the adventures we had last night? I have no idea.

Hiroshi looks up at me and says, 'I was just in Los Angeles Ryan, killer weed over there you know!' Good complication.

Did he just say killer weed? He almost has a British accent, very distinguished.

I don't know what to say. I splutter, 'Look. I'm so sorry. I can get out of here.'

He frowns, 'No, no don't be silly. I am fine with everything. Hey, any friend of Eri's is a friend of mine.' He sits me back down on the sofa with a firm grip. 'Now you must try this coffee I got from New York, it was imported somewhere from South America, and apparently it is illegal in some countries.'

He rummages through his huge backpack and pulls out a black jar. Opening it in front of me he says, 'Here, smell that!'

It is an interesting smell. I think all of my senses are still on super high from last night so it is like a blast of coffee bean fire.

I mutter, 'Wow, smells great.'

He nods, 'Yes and let's all have a cup, my flight went forever.'

Could this guy be my next best friend? Nah, that's impossible I am banging his wife. Eri sits down next to me as her husband brews up the coffee. Now this apartment suddenly seems a lot smaller, as does my dick. It is hiding deep within my crotch.

Eri whispers in my ear, 'Hey, don't worry. I got that weed for him, just don't tell him I let you smoke so much of it OK.'

So I am fucking his wife and smoking his weed. What's next? I become his daughters new father? Is that even possible? Anyway, that coffee is starting to smell pretty damn awesome. He is using a blender to crush the beans and is singing something in Spanish, how many languages does this guy know.

Eri reads my mind and answers, 'He can speak English, Spanish and Chinese.'

Thanks for that update Eri.

Keiko is calling me again, what a pleasant surprise, 'Hello again Ryan, are you OK?'

I tell, 'Yeah, I'm great.'

'Well, I just wanted talk to you. I miss you, you know.'

Her voice sounds sincere enough.

'Have you bought some more medicine yet? Maybe I should send you that medicine you forgot.'

'Oh, no need, plenty of medicine here.'

'Well, I just wanted to say sorry to you for everything. I have been thinking about us a lot and I have realised how much trouble I was in Tokyo. We really shouldn't have done it you know. I'm so sorry.'

She's probably right about that, but that was an eternity again. 'Don't worry Keiko-chan, it was my fault too.'

'Yes, I know but I really feel responsible for what happened after, I mean I took you to that club and my friend Kazu knew that dealer.'

I've got know idea what she is talking about. Does she mean the Sushi place?

'It's OK, forget about it all, I know I have and I'm sure Jamie is over it too.'

She sighs. 'You're right, I just can't get that night out of my head, it was awful.'

'Don't worry about it.' that's all I can say. I wonder what she is wearing. 'How's the job?'

She let's out a little childish yelp, 'Oh very good. My boss is giving me so much work and I have to go out with him to dinner all the time and pour him beer.'

Yeah, I see what is happening here. This boss is about to increase her workload requirements.

'If you want me to come back and slap him, I will.'

She laughs, 'No, Ryan, please don't, I want to keep my job.'

'Just kidding, come to Osaka and pour me a drink then.'

'I would love to but I can't get any time off work. Anyway, I just wanted tell you all that. It has been driving me crazy, hen dayo.'

'Thanks for sharing.'

'OK, I'll call you soon, take care.'

'Bye.'

I wish she said, "I love you" but she didn't. Maybe she just calling out of guilt? Maybe she is about to go down on her boss? Ah, Keiko you're killing me with these calls. I need a drink.

So we are like some weird family now, me, Eri, Hiroshi and Yu-chan. We even go shopping together and I push the trolley. Hiroshi is dumping in loads of organic vegetables because he says they are all the rage in Europe. Eri is holding Yu-chan's hand like a real mother and I am like some uncle that has come to visit. Eri gives me that look whenever she can, you know that worried look that means we need to talk. Who knows what she's going to say to me once she gets a chance. Possibly something along the lines of 'let's not do it on the sofa anymore.' I understand, it was getting weird anyway, what with her daughter wondering in on us in all sorts of positions.

Back in the apartment I am sitting on that sofa as Hiroshi cooks up a feast in the kitchen. Eri slides beside me cringing, 'Hey, are you OK with all this?'

I nod. Sure I am OK with everything. When can we smoke some more weed?

She nudges me with her malnourished shoulder and says, 'Oh yeah and I should warn you, he might get a bit weird once Yu-chan has gone to her grandmothers. You know, he's a little touchy touchy after a few joints.'

Touchy touchy? Does she mean on an emotional level? He seems pretty laid back to me. The guy won't shut up about he's magnificent adventures around the world, but he seems cool enough. He's even pouring me a glass of Italian wine, so he's thumbs up in my book.

The spaghetti he has made isn't bad either. Almost the perfect blend of chili and tomato in the sauce. The cheese is also amazing, he says its the 'real parmesan.'

Grandma knocks very loudly on the door before we have finished our meal. She is yapping away in front of me in Osaka dialect and Yu-chan is bouncing around beneath her. Grandma has a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. The smoke is making poor little Yu-chan cough. Hey, Grandma, didn't anyone ever teach you not to smoke around children. I wave as she takes Yu-chan out the door wondering how much she is going be neglected and abused. It is a sad world we live in today, kids are always the ones lose. ?

After dinner I see a different kind of smile on Hiroshi's face. He has this excited look like he is about to get a big birthday present. Must be the anticipation of finally boning his wife again after all this time. Hey, I understand that look now..

Eri appears with that ridiculously potent weed. She sits down next to me as if nothing has changed and lights a thick joint. Her cheeks implode and I can see the shape of her skull. She is like an apparition from hell, inhaling another innocent spirit. She doesn't even cough and lets the murky smoke rise from her lips. It does smell better than the spaghetti though, sorry Hiroshi.

She passes me the joint and I take a hit. One hit and I am rising out of me seat. Hiroshi has teleported next to me and also has a joint in his mouth. He has also taken off his shirt, must be hot from cooking. He refills my glass with some more wine and I take a sip. Seems as if this weed goes much better with wine than beer. I feel guilty just thinking it. I'm sorry beer, it will just be this once.

Eri puts some Hamasaki Ayumi on. She smokes a full joint while putting the CD into the CD player. Fancy stuff. The music, once again, has no place in this tranquil little living room. Ayumi's whines and moans clatter into my head, making it hard to sip more wine.

Hiroshi puts his arm around me and says, 'So I haven't had the chance to make it to Australia yet, I've heard so many good things about it. You're from Sydney right?'

Yes, Sydney is where I left my heart or was that Shizuoka? Sydney is me, through and through though. I can't shake the Sydney off me forever. So what are you going to say about Sydney? Come on then, try me.

'I heard that Sydney has the most homosexuals per capita in the world.' now his hand is on my leg. What the hell is going on here? What is Eri up to?

I turn my head to see that Eri is completely naked, slouched on the sofa like a porno actress. She has one hand between her legs and the other is gripping a digital camera. There is a red light shining from it above her nose. She smiles and says, 'Hey guess what Ryan, you are the star of this movie.'

I look into my glass of wine and see tiny crumbs of white. Oh yeah, this is happening, I am being drugged into a freaky porno film. Hiroshi is rising beside me and my legs and arms are turning to stone. He is unzipping his fly and then, thankfully my eyelids rescue me and I am saved by unconsciousness.

I wake up to find Eri shouting in my ear, she is clothed again in her Hello Kitty pajamas. She says, 'Hey, Ryan there was some guy her before from the Police. He said your visa has expired and you are being deported back to Australia tomorrow.'

Visa? Deported? How can that be possible? I just renewed a couple of months ago in Shizuoka, I think. This is madness.

Eri hugs me and sighs. I think it is the first time I have ever heard her sigh. She says, 'Oh yeah, I'm really sorry about the drugs and the whole movie thing. We didn't get far anyway, we were interrupted by the police and I told them you would be back soon.'

She is waving the digital camera over me. I ask her, 'Is your husband gay?'

She laughs and says, 'Oh Hiroshi? I'm not quite sure what he is but I told you before he just gets really touchy if he smokes.'

Lifting my head is the wrong idea. I spew a horrid dull red juice that hits the sofa and slides into my naked leg. The smell is so bad, like off tomatoes that have been pissed on, that I spew again. Eri shrieks, 'Ah, not on the sofa Ryan.'

Sorry, but that's what you get if you feed me Spaghetti, wine and strange white drugs. Oh and the date raping doesn't help either, not that I remember a thing. Where has Hiroshi gotten to? Sleeping it off I guess?

I spew some more, this time in the toilet and slowly trot to the bathroom. The warm water from the shower feels like heaven. I use every body wash and shampoo I can find, trying to scrub away anything that my trigger my memory. I turn the hot water up and my skin burns. Steam fills the room and I inhale it trying to get sober. What is it with the Japanese and porn? Honestly the stuff is getting a little creepy really. What is the go with all this school girl shit too, come on, I can easily tell that the woman is a thirty year old, why dress her up in a blue skirt and school shirt?

I dry myself and pull on some clothes. Eri opens the door, the steam flows out like fire smoke. She says, 'Ryan, they are back, you'd better hurry.'

This is madness, I am not letting some phony police officer kick me out of Osaka. Osaka is mine. Eri guides me out the door and whispers, 'Hey, I said you would meet him downstairs, so long Ryan Booth, I will miss you.'

She sounds like Keiko.

I grab my backpack and turn away. Goodbye again Keiko, I am running from you again.

I dart down the stairs still weary. A sharp pain shoots up my arse. What did they do to me last night? The cool breeze hits my sweat.

The back door to the apartment is half open, it is urging me to hurry. Quick Ryan run!

I am deep in the Osaka underground now. No fake cops can find me here in the crowds of young men and woman rushing from here to there. I buy a hat and a plastic pair of sunglasses, better hide my face and start looking different. I need a new name. How about Lee? Yeah that sounds good. My new name is Lee.

Better stay down here awhile too with the electric sun light and the LCD moonlight. I can't really go to a hotel, they probably have my name and photo in every hotel in the city by now. I am a wanted man now, so I need to grow a beard, already half way there, whiskers and stumble sprouting all over my face.

I also find a little book stand that is filled with magazines and comic books. I pick up a magazine and hold in front of my face. I'd better hide here a while, in case the cops come. Wow, this magazine isn't bad either. There is this beautiful woman on the cover with skin as white as snow. Her lips are thin and her eyes deep. Above her impressive face are the words Kangoku, Oide ne (Come to Korea). There are pictures inside of more stunning woman eating kimchi with their tongues poking out. Their mouths must be stolen from angel's because they are too perfectly defined, pale red lips and white even teeth.

Maybe Korea is the next place for me? Japan doesn't seem to want me anymore.

These Korean girls have decent bodies too. There is this one goddess in a red and blue bikini. Her white breasts are bulging beneath, suffocating in the tightly strapped top. I wonder what these girls are really like?

My beard is coming along well. I am crouched in a decent cubicle, sipping another can of Kirin Ichiban, thinking about finishing my book. As you can see, my characters are very complex. You have to be feeling some sympathy for a guy who has just been raped by his drug dealer and her husband right? Even if I am a complete jerk.

Anyway, I think the cops have given up looking for me. I haven't seen one in days. Though they might be going undercover too, I'd better be really careful who I talk to now. Any suspicious middle aged, overweight men should be completely avoided, they will all be undercover for sure. For all I know, the whole Osaka police department could be on this case. Jesus, time to get something real to drink.

This tiny little corner station bar serves this rough sake. I've been here a few times, I think. The sake burns done my throat. Luckily the guy working here is really old. He's bald and I can barely see his eyes under all those wrinkles.

I tell him, 'I am Lee. My name is Lee.'

I need to make sure everyone knows my new name, that way if they tell the cops about me I will be safe. I have to be careful now. I have a new life now, so I must protect it.

I find that Korean magazine again, I think I am in the same bookstore as before. The women in this magazine are amazing, their stomachs are like perfectly sculptured works of art, creamy white and smooth. There are books in English in this store too. You know the usual bestselling novels. There are the Stephen King classics: Pet Cemetery, It and The Shinning and there are the Wilbur Smith books too. I hate seeing theses books here. Those sellout writers are basically just lying to themselves in their mansions. It is so sickening I need a drink, time for some more sake.

I sneak back to the little corner station bar. They also sell noodles and gyoza, but I am not in the mood to eat. The old guy places the bottle of sake down and I take a sip. It burns again. I sip again and it burns more. Maybe I can burn away my voice so I don't have to talk anymore. That way the cops can't recognize me when they try out that new voice recognition technology on me. You know how Japan is, all these new fancy gadgets designed to make our lives easier.

Sleeping in a public toilet isn't so bad. Very quiet and pitch black dark. The wicked stench of shit and pitch isn't that bad. We all piss anyway, I am just surrounded by it all the time. The trickle of the toilet is also quite soothing.

I'm back in the book store, this place is growing on me. There are some more Korean magazines, wonderful woman smiling their perfect smiles. I have had a girl with a smile like that haven't I? I'm sure I have licked a perfect row of teeth before too. Keiko, yes you were the one. You have a smile even better than these girls. Where are you Keiko? Are you happy?

The shopkeeper pushes past me with a big box of books. Must be the new stack of bestsellers, more sell out writers for the world to eat up. Damn them all, those liars. Damn them all to hell. If I saw any of them, I would punch them in their pointed up noses. Slimy Sell out Snobs (alliteration intended).

The man pulls out the books. Shiny black and blue covers with ugly American models mostly. I edge closer to him as he stacks a James Patterson novel on the shelf. Ah, James Patterson, so what if you know so much about criminal law, it doesn't make you any less of a sell out. I will never write a crime novel. They are all so clique and predictable.

The man leaves the box and runs to the counter. I few high school students are waiting there with their latest copy of Young Jump. I can't actually buy anything at this store. It is way too open and high profile. When you buy stuff, they can get your finger prints and then it is all over. I might as well just hand myself over to the police.

The box has one book left in the bottom. It is green and gold.

I pick it up. The book is titled From Tokyo To Beijing. The cover is a merged image of Beijing and Tokyo, blurred up sky-scrapers and traffic lights. Looks refreshingly interesting, who is the writer? There is a tiny name at the bottom of the cover. Jamie C. Bruce. What a coincidence, Jamie's last name is Bruce and his middle name is Christopher.

I flip the book over and there he is at the bottom corner. Jamie, my Jamie is smiling with a pair of thick rimmed glasses on. What is he doing wearing glasses? It must have been the publishers idea. I read the blurb:

Ryan is lost in Tokyo again. He can't read the road signs, doesn't speak a word of Japanese and is too tipsy to ask for directions. Why is this happening to him again? Why does he keep making all the same mistakes over and over: drinking himself to death, skipping work and fucking his best friends girlfriend. But Ryan doesn't realise that his life is about to change. His best friend Jimmy, is about to kick him and his girlfriend Kazuko out forever and they will be forced to embark on strange and wild adventure through the cold and snowy slopes of mount Fuji, the seedy drug filled night life of Osaka and the crowds of China's Tian'an men Square. On their misguided journey they will make many more mistakes but will they eventually find out who they really are?

Join Ryan and Kazuko as they travel through Asia blindly. Will they eventually find the light and realise their wicked ways, or will they dig on deeper into the hellish underworld ignoring the mistakes of the past?

Find out all the answers in this new debut novel by young Australian writer Jamie C. Bruce. Jamie now lives and works in Beijing and writes for That's Beijng. He has published short stories in the Tokyo Monthly, Asia Creative Times and has won the Australian Young Writer of the year Award in 1999.

Jamie's smile is getting larger in the photo. What is going on here? He has published a book all about me? That is meant to be my idea. I need a drink to process this.

You are dead to me! But even though you are dead you still need to know what you have done. You can't just go around living your life like this, Ryan. You must learn from you mistakes before it is too late.

Sunshine stings my eyes. It has been a while since I have seen you. I am on a bed, and there is a window beside me. There is a white curtain blowing in the breeze. There is a beeping machine next to me. I wonder what that is for. My beard is gone. to seem more like Lee. I am not Ryan.

I feel soft hands touch my chest. A woman? Man it feels like it has been a while since I have had a woman touch my body. I take a peak, yep, it is definitely a woman. She is dressed all white. Maybe she is angel?

The window is closed now and it is dark outside. When I get out of here I am going to finish my book. Maybe I need to get back to Tokyo and set things straight with Jamie and Keiko. Jamie needs to stop this whole writing thing too. He knows very well that I am the real writer. How can he write and publish a fictional novel about me anyway? I guess I deserve though. I am sorry Jamie.

A ghastly pain is surging through my head. It is like a fire raging through my brain. The woman in white is back and is injecting me with a tube. The machine next to me is beeping quite loudly now, someone needs to turn it off, come on, I am in real pain here, why put a loud beeping machine next to me? I can't understand Japan anyway, I guess I never will.

The sun is shining again. The fire is burning in my head, burning down the trees in my mind. Blackened branches and leaves are falling to the ground and smoke is rising into the sky. The fire is spreading to my chest. Come on angel in white, put out this fire, isn't that your job?

Heart burning. Need to finish my book. But the pages are already burnt. They are all just flaky ashes floating out the window.

I remember it all now. We were at that sushi restaurant somewhere in Yokohama. Jamie, Keiko and I were drinking sake together after work. Keiko was buzzing with pride because we had been shouting her dinner for days with our first month of pay. Jamie and I were wearing our new suits and we had just finished work at the primary school. Yeah, that's right. We were working at this top primary school, teaching kids English.

I had already finished about six bottles of sake and was feeling pretty wasted. Jamie was his usual, unaffected self, downing drink after drink without getting drunk at all. God, I miss him.

After dinner Keiko ran off to the toilet and Jamie told me, 'Ryan I have almost finished writing my book. Now I know you have always fancied yourself as a writer, but I think I have the knack for it too. Could you at least have a lot at my manuscript?'

I just slammed my empty bottle of sake down on the wooden bench. How could he have written an entire book without telling me? I am meant to be the writer anyway, he's was always meant to be the tall, ladies man, the less creative type. But who was I kidding, he was great at everything. The guy was a genius.

So we started having this stupid argument. We were taking shots at each other, bringing up Uni and old ex-girlfriends. It was getting really childish. So Jamie stormed out of there, all red faced and I ordered a beer.

Keiko soon came back and asked, 'Where is Jamie?'

I lied and said, 'He was feeling a bit sick so he went home.'

So Keiko and I had a few more beers. We reminisced about how she used to tutor me in Uni and I started to cheer up. Many beers later I brought up our night on the beach together.

I asked her, 'So what ever happened to Nicole?'

She went even redder and muttered, 'Oh, wow you remember that. She went back to the US. Hey I was bad back then wasn't I?'

Soon later we were kissing all over the sushi bar. I remember feeling my heart race. I knew exactly what I was doing. I wanted to get back at Jamie for this whole book thing.

When we got back to our apartment, Jamie wasn't there, so we continued making out in the living room. I ripped off her new shirt and exposed the breasts I had long missed. I then pulled down her pants and threw her onto my bed. And I fucked her as hard as I could. She liked it too. I remember feeling so proud, thinking yes, I am fucking Keiko again, I win! Well, she was starting to come I think. Her moans were getting all hoarse and deep and then Jamie walked in.

He pulled me right off her and shouted, 'Ryan you fucking arsehole!'

And sent his fist into my face. Then he shouted at Keiko, 'You are a fucking whore bitch!'

She was cowering on the ground as scared as a child. I remember him picking up her bra and throwing it at her.

That's when he yelled, 'You're dead to me! You and Ryan! You're both dead to me!'

Then he stormed out.

After all that, I wanted to drink more so I took Keiko out and we went to some club. I think she was crying in the club and we met one of her friends Kazu, this guy with dreadlocks. I don't remember much after that. We probably just got really pissed and woke up in some love hotel.

'Hey Ryan Kun, I'm so sorry OK!'

I know that voice. There is a soft breeze coming in through the window. The beeping machine has vanished, not a beep in minutes. I feel lighter, like I have been on one of those fat busting diets. Someone is touching me. Long skinny fingers, her breathe is close. She has the smell of cigarettes, no wait, it isn't cigarettes. I know that smell. It is weed.

'Ryan, Hiroshi left us. I wish I could have you back, I'm so lonely.'

It has to be Eri.

I force my eyes open. The salty sun burns. There Eri is standing in a pink mini skirt and leather jacket.

I ask her, 'Where am I?'

She smiles that goofy big smile and sighs. 'You're in hospital again Ryan. You almost died.'

The hospital? That means I've been caught. They'll have my records here for sure. I'm doomed.

Eri seems to read my mind. 'Yeah, the police are here Ryan. They told me, that tomorrow you have to fly back to Sydney. They even have the ticket. Fucking stupid Japanese government.'

I don't know what to say. How could I have let this happen? I was so careful, I even wore sunglasses and used a different name. The cops must be cyborgs here. There is no point in trying to fool robots. They have photographic memories and can predict the future. Yep, I'm caught. I may as well face facts and get over it.

My Osaka dream is coming to an end. I close my eyes. I don't want Eri to see my cry. It isn't cool for men to cry in Japan you know.

A man dressed in a horrible suit, is guiding me out of the hospital. It must look pretty cool to everyone staring at me. I am not really putting up much of a struggle and there are eyes following out down the carpark, into the police car. Even busy men in suits are turning their heads from their briefcases to see me go. This policemen is for real too, he even has a baton, come on, really a baton? I look back and see Eri waving awkwardly.

I mouth, 'So long Eri. I'll never forget you.' but she is looking away now, pulling the door shut.

He hands me a plane ticket and says, 'You pay later OK.'

I nod, you must remember to always be nice to Police officers, even if they are poorly dressed and don't have guns. We zoom through the night, and I try to photograph Osaka. It is just blurry lights and beeping cars. Where are all the people? Where is Eri? I would have loved to see her one more time.

I zoom out of Osaka, feeling an itch in my behind. I give it scratch and feel a warm liquid on my finger. Taking a look, I see that it is blood, it appears Hiroshi did have his way with me after all so I am thankful that the drugs they gave me knocked me out cold.

'You catch plane now, Sayonara!' I am already at the airport.

I pull out my suitcase and the man points to my air ticket. I walk into the airport and look back at Japan.

Why have you forsaken Japan? I gave you my all and you just push me away. I will never forgive for this. You have gone way too far.