Chapter 5 4

Maria Eduarda

And I had another sleepless night. I think this is becoming a routine. And here I am, sitting on the bed with my knees bent trying to relax, even though I know I won't be able to.

I look at the clock on the bedside table and notice that it is almost five in the morning. I decide to get up, go to the kitchen and start making breakfast. Soon Vanessa would wake up with a great hunger.

Sometimes I am very jealous of her. My sister is perfect in everything. She has a body to envy. Beautiful long black hair. We are completely different, I am a redhead with wavy hair.

Vanessa always says that I took after our mother - God rest her soul. Sometimes it is hard to think that our parents ended up dying in a plane crash a few years ago.

I make a not too strong cup of coffee and start to drink it, immediately feeling its wonderful taste. I stand there deep in thought, when I bump into Vanessa.

- Have you been standing there long? - I ask, curious.

- Not really! Have you lost sleep?

- Honestly, I haven't slept yet.

- Did you have nightmares again?

- Yes!

- Duda, you need to get help again.

- I don't think I need to," I disagree. I don't feel comfortable talking about my life to a stranger.

- Duda, my sister, of course you do!

- We'd better change the subject.

- OK, let's leave it alone for now," she gives in, and I thank God.

- Tell me about the work party, will you bring me chocolate? - I ask, can't wait to eat those wonderful chocolates.

- So, I have already closed the buffet, and the baskets are prepared with chocolates, besides our Christmas basket.

- Oh, delicious, Vane, I love those chocolates.

- I know, and I was just talking to my boss about you! - she says, without looking at me.

- Vane! - I warn her, and glare at her, who looks at me as if I haven't said anything.

- Don't worry, I'm not trying to get you two together, no!

- That's very good! - I feel calmer.

- So, let me tell you, he asked me to invite you to the staff party.

- Oh, of course you said I wouldn't, right?

- So... - she takes a long time to answer, and I glare at her again.

- Damn it, Vane! - Ever since I was raped, I have had some kind of trauma, or rather several, and one of them is leaving home to go to some party.

- Hey, I didn't say anything, I just said I needed to ask you," she defends herself.

- Um, I know! - I look at her suspiciously.

- But it's true, and, honestly, I think it's time you started going out.

- Vane, I don't feel ready yet.

- Duda, if you don't leave the house, you will never feel ready!

I know what she is saying is true. The only problem is that every time I am invited to go to a party or even a bar I have some kind of block.

- Duda, wake up! - Vane shakes me.

- What happened? - I ask, not understanding anything.

- It seemed like you were in a trance," she jokes.

- I was thinking about what you were saying!

- So, are you going? - she asks hopefully.

- I haven't decided yet.

- Duda, what do you say we go to the mall after work? - Vane asks, all excited, and I don't want to spoil her happiness, so I decide to give in for now.

- I'll meet you there, what do you think?

- What do you say you meet me there at work?

- Well... I don't know!

- Come on, no one will bite you! - she jokes, and I get the feeling that could happen.

- OK, OK! I'll meet you there," I answer, already regretting having agreed to this walk.

- Great! I want to buy some nice clothes to go out with my doctor," Vane says, dreamily.

My sister really did end up dating my doctor. Of course this couldn't happen when I was in the hospital. But that was no obstacle for my former doctor, who is now my brother-in-law and friend.

He is the only man I let near me. I know he wouldn't hurt me. I owe a lot to Dr. Lucas Leão, my future brother-in-law.

- Vane, it's time for you two to make it official, isn't it? - I joke, knowing that she always talks about it.

- Yes," she agrees, all excited.

- Thank God!

- So, he invited me to dinner tomorrow, I think he is going to propose.

- You deserve so much, my sister! - I say, sincerely.

- And you too, Duda, just let love knock at the door.

I look at the clock and see that it is six o'clock in the morning.

- Well, let's change the subject, I need to take a shower and get ready, in a little while I have to go to school," I stagger, getting up and going towards the stairs, when I hear her calling me. I pretend not to hear her, but when I am already on the first step I hear her shout.

- Duda! - I notice the warning in her voice.

- What is it? - I pretend not to understand.

- You know you can't run away forever, no!

I know I can't, and I just answer:

- Yes, I know! - and rush upstairs, not wanting to answer any more questions.