Chapter 3 HEARTS AT STAKE - THREE

HEARTS AT STAKE - THREE

Oswald and Bridget had found themselves on the podium. She held the cordless microphone. Oswald had his arm over her shoulder.

"Hello and welcome again. The master or director of ceremonies has introduced us. I am Oswald and Bridget."

"Who is Bridget?" she asked.

"One flesh means my name is Oswald Bridget," he replied.

"Mine is in reverse then. What a wonderful point you have raised," Bridget replied. "I will do your hair. I will either plait it, perm it or have a freeze done. We are all one flesh according to the Good Book."

"Seriously," Oswald suggested. "How does she look with a bald head?"

After laughter and whistles later.

"Our question is, what could your spouse do to greatly change your marriage?" Bridget said. "It is change for the better that is sought not for worse. We need to maintain our families. Every church group ought to have a couple's fellowship. We are inter-denominational. The wife should definitely join the mother's union to learn a lot. There are other quasi Christian institutions within the churches which a wife can join. The world is full of doing better and better things.

"There are some clubs within churches which teach women the arts of the home like home décor, interior furnishings, cookery and baking. Don't be found wanting. Don't wait on church clubs within your own denomination or branch. What stops you from joining those of sister churches if they champion what you love to do? Does Christianity mean you are going to Heaven on the doorstep of your local church or its branches?

"Find something besides clubbing to do like flower gardening or arranging or do a degree by correspondence. There are a lot of things within the home or outside which a man or woman can actively pursue. The sky is the limit. If Toyoda had stopped at working in a basement, we wouldn't have Toyota vehicles. No self-respecting lady should be out of touch with these institutions of learning. We have our Thursday afternoon services for women throughout the country in most churches. It's a tradition across most if not all churches.

"Yet women frequently absent themselves from these gatherings saying they are working. The same can be held on Saturdays for the working women yet you still absent yourselves on Saturday."

"The church functions have one edge over the secular ones. If you attend training run through a church and that run through secular networks there is a difference. There is prayer and word in church functions which is our daily bread," Oswald suggested.

"Hadn't I been praying for you, where would you have been?" she asked.

"The department of the president perhaps."

"Not so fast honey, you are not going to sweep floors there."

"Back to the clubs what would you do?" Oswald asked. "What happened to those ladies clubs that taught cooking, baking, interior decorating and other issues like mending socks? I am talking of the secular ones. Not circular as in with a 'c'."

"The socks became too cheap. They came cheaper by the dozen. They became cheaper than darning wool," she replied. "Mass produced foods like bread, jams, casseroles or confectionary put the baking clubs off limits. Added to their dearth was load shedding and wide swathes of new housing without electrical power. Call it political or economic red tape. Whatever remained from the former clubs is being taught by a few enterprising people individually to make ends meet."

"Isn't it that we improved from when we went to school running fourteen kilometres to and from to now when I drive my children to drop them within the premises?"

"Isn't it that you want to show off to the young lady teachers the latest vehicle your company afforded you?"

"Back to the socks honey."

"The quality went down as the quantity increased. Gone are the days when we as female students ran two pairs of socks for the whole week. Now they have seven sets of socks after which they are all holes and worn out within six months."

"I will not remove my shoes while people are here."

"First and foremost you could pick up your socks and shoes for an instance," Bridget suggested. "For once in a while. You could apply polish to your own crop of shoes that have leather while applying a soft and moist cloth to my shoes!"

"She is the boss!" Oswald pointed at her.

"And you are the home defending champion," she replied.

Oswald let go of his arm around her. He took the microphone.

"You in turn should stop cleaning my tool set. Every wire you throw away can be a fuse or impromptu star screwdriver," he replied. "The iron, kettle, mixer or stove stops working. You expect me to repair them without tools?"

"I tried prayers thinking the tool kit would remain clean. Those where obviously not answered," she replied.

"I didn't receive the requests for prayers."

"Keep the tool kit clean. I won't bother you. And please stop gathering every metal thing you see. We don't operate a junk yard sale. Not every discarded thing is required at home. When it is discarded, it means it is past its use by date."

"Bridget."

"I am listening so are all the couples."

"Could we solve this in the bedroom?" Oswald had the assembly beside themselves with laughter.

"That I know sweetheart. The children are waiting for an answer. Do you know you men are so clumsy and fights erupt because of that?" she asked. "Many women lose patience because of that. You end up name calling. Don't bring whatever looks like a piece of iron or what someone else has discarded home on the pretense that it can be repaired and used otherwise the motor accessories shops and electrical shops would be selling second hand parts only. If all men where that collective, Ford Motors in Detroit, Toyota and Nissan in Japan, Hyundai in Korea and Volvo in Sweden would all close down."

"And Mercedes Benz in Czechoslovakia?" he taunted.

"Mercedes Benz in Germany and Tata in India would all close. No one will be buying new parts and machinery/vehicles. Czechoslovakia split into two honey. I know my geography well. The storeroom isn't for keeping junk and litter. Mice and rats like it when they find hiding places. Empty tins of paint of long ago should be rid of."

"First and foremost Bridget, how long would you take to pick up my socks, my shoes, my ties, my carelessly thrown shirt and rearrange the room I have messed?" Oswald asked.

"Three minutes."

"Picture a house with kids and other relatives younger than eighteen without a husband because we men are clumsy. Spend a year in there, would it be good?" he asked.

"Nope."

"How long does a fight between couples last?"

"Maybe an hour to shout and twenty-three to cool off," she replied. "And the whole decade to remember about the fight."

"And ___," Oswald rubbed his hands with a smile on his lips. "Even quality time suffers."

"Perhaps."

"You see?"

"You see the better things a female can do is pick up what was carelessly thrown. Then tell the spouse gently and kindly to put those issues where they belong. Be a better spouse if you are a man by waking up early. Prepare a meal just to spice up the day."

"Could you do that for me?" asked Oswald.

"Cooking is a passion that must be shared by both within the couples. Let the man wake up and sweep the yard. Some properties are not within the zone of water problems. They have substitutes like deep wells or boreholes yet you see a woman going to buy fruit and vegetables while living in a 1500m² property. If the Britons who have flower gardens in terraced houses see what you are doing, they will have fits and seizures. Both couples should tend to fruit trees and a massive green garden.

"You think the Hurungwe(s) will comment? Let them comment, while they fight, your house will be a den of peace! Happiness will be with your family forevermore. You will be understanding each other. If you are ashamed of the grass yard broom, buy a hard broom and do the yard spotlessly clean. Men in Europe, North America, Australia and New Zealand even do litter collections while you think it's sissy here. If you think that happens in the northern hemisphere, think again and check your world map."

"You are pronouncing out all my duties," Oswald said. "My golf buddies will know that I sweep the yard clean. They will ask me to sweep their vehicles clean."

"Yet they complement you on your smart yard when they come to pick you up?" she asked. "They say you have a good garden full of onions in dry seasons, lettuce, cabbage, carrots and leafy vegetables. In summer they complement the green maize stalks, jugo bean crop and others like cucumbers."

"Yeah. They think you did the sweeping. I never told them until today that it was me!""

"Where did you learn to bake?" she turned on him.

"I watched you doing it. I did six weeks two hours per session with a professional baker. I never told my golf buddies that I could bake. They partook of the cheese cake, meat pies and meat loaf," Oswald replied. "I did that at some home in Avondale and it was a he in case you have other ideas."

"He has sense enough to bake for me and the family. Call it tea loaf, meat loaf, pies and scones just to spice the marriage. I just make sure he adds a pinch of salt and not a whole 500-ml bowl of sugar."

"And my grease?'

"Wipe it outside, come in and be a darling. Mud and grease belong in the backyard not inside my house"

"Could women learn to maintain his engine, vehicle I mean not the other one? " Oswald asked with a mischievous smile on his lips.

"What stops us?" she asked. "Don't we have lady mechanics? When my vehicle breaks down I phone a guy called Gideon to tell his wife, Martina to come and check my vehicle. She is a certified vehicle mechanic."

"Oops, I shouldn't have asked that," Oswald said to the men. "Then honestly, what can a man do to enhance their marriage?"

"Those small things like surprising your wife keeps her happy. A smile, a tender kiss and being a responsible gentleman. On her birthday spoiling does not mean a surprise party, even a new night dress and gown or a jean dress/skirt wrapped up with chocolate to go will tell the story. Even cuddling, hugging and kissing without asking for boohoo and hoodoos you know what."

"I thought that was for Mother's Day," Oswald was grumpy.

"The kids do that but what about you?" she asked.

"The last time I tried that was _______."

"When you baked that birthday cake for me before the kids came up with a surprise of their own," she replied. "No sane husband should forget their wedding anniversary, her birthday and the birthdays of all the children. Gone are the days when a man had seven wives and sixty children. You needed a diary to know when there would be sixty parties per year!"

"Should I try commercializing my baking skills?"

"No you wouldn't afford the lawsuits."

"To add, the women can stop nagging. You should stop looking at his cell phone and checking all the received, missed and dialed numbers then dialing them all to find if there was a female voices. That is very embarrassing and forthright rigid. Don't check his contact lists looking for unfamiliar names. It is highly embarrassing. Don't scrutinize his pockets for slips showing bank balance or withdrawals. Why don't you do that for bank deposits?

"If you query every withdrawal he makes why don't you demand an explanation for direct deposits and cash/cheque deposits? If he is doing extra work and all you want is the receipts, how does he buy the materials for the work? Do you need have a schedule for when he is doing overtime? Are you operating a cloaking system at your home? What if the overtime is unpaid for but he gets allowances that are non-monetary? The same applies for you if your wife is under the same scrutiny, give them a break.

"Trust your husband. Mold him with love and passion. Pray for him wherever he is. You cannot protect your husband so don't be overprotective wanting to know wherever he is. If he is out with the boys, remember he needs financial leeway. Of course tell him to reduce the volume when Misty in Roots or Bob Marley is playing on the radio or the vehicle.

"I don't have to report every income and surrender it like a border guard searching border jumpers. Be very nice to your man. Wake up early one day and clean his vehicle, check the oil, water or coolant and vacuum clean the insides. Don't demand to spend more than he earns. If your income is behind your expenditure, try other legal and safe means of increasing the income without compromising on family quality."

"Bravo!"

"Go an extra mile," Oswald said. "Don't tell him if you divorce you will have a boyfriend in three months and a husband in two years. That is bad and selfish. Most of those that did that have small plots at Glenville or Warren Hills cemeteries. Tell him you miss him and fight tooth and claw for your marriage. Fighting for your marriage does not mean having street fights with his girlfriends. Those loose girls fight dirty. People won't know who is who when both of you have torn and tattered blouses, skirts and dresses looking like you are coming out of a giant mixer and mincer.

"There is prayer power which is better than driving to engage his St. Mary's girlfriend in a fist fight. Those girls fight dirty, you would end up with your 44-D lactation organs on the internet. If necessary, separate but remain celibate. Who knows how many marriages have come back to life because of that?"

© Copyright tmagorimbo 2014