Chapter 4 Peace of mind

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What, wait, are you... I was trying to talk but the words are not coming out of my mouth. The door banged open again. Its Jeffery, he came in with rage on his face and a bottle of alcohol on his hand. Kabir, I promise you this won't be over, he shouted. Oh, you see, just now and you have already started drinking. I am done with this Jeff, can't continue tolerating a man that will always be drunk and end up hurting my feelings, Kabir said. Who made me this way? You did it Kabir, I stared drinking for you, Jeffery shouted, throwing the bottle on his hand to be the floor. You are lying Jeff, stop dragging me in to your messed life, you are already a drunkard when I met you, so stop using me as an excuse, Kabir shouted back. Wow, just wow Kabir, we shall see, Jeffery said. He walked closer to me. See what you have caused right? Kabir has been loyal to me before you came into our lives but now, its other way round, I will take care of you two, Jeffery shouted and walk out. You can't harm any of us Jeff, Kabir shouted. I was already terrified, my body was shaking and I was sweating seriously. Calm down Ahmad, Kabir said holding. I was breathing heavily in his arms. Breathe slowly Ahmad, its okay, it's going to be fine. We stood there for a while until I was able to calm down. Kabir hold my hands and Walk me to the sofa, come seat with me, he said. I sat beside him. My body was still trembling a bit. I know you are shocked witnessing the crises between I and Jeff, Kabir said. Do you want to know what happened between us? Kabir asked. I nodded my head. Okay. He sighed and adjusted him self looking at me. He starred at me for a while. Just don't judge me after hearing this, and don't interrupt me while talking. He stood and walk to the window, facing outside.

I am a gay Ahmad, I have never had the courage to open up to someone all my life, I am afraid of the society and their judgement. I met Jeff when i was a fresher in the university. He was a senior in my department. As you can see, Jeff is hot and center of attraction to all the ladies in the school. I have always had a crush on him. Untill one faithful day, I stayed behind in the library doing an assignment. I didn't realize its late until I got a call from home. I hurriedly packed my stuffs and head to my car. Reaching there, I realized a car was blocking mine. I waited for almost 30minutes for the driver. Behold, it was Jeff, he walk towards me with his alluring smile. I am so sorry fresher. I stayed back doing some work. I stood admiring him so I couldn't even vent out my anger. Jeff entered his car but it refused to start. He tried really hard but the car refused. And he was already blocking me in a way that I can't get out. I think we have to walk home fresher, Jeff said. I am sorry for the trouble, he added. I nooded and get my stuffs out from the car. Wait, he hold my hands as I was about leaving. Where do you stay, I will send you home, he said. Never mind, I can take care of my self, I replied. Com'on , you look this small and fragile, what if something happens to you, Jeff said, come here, he collected my bag, I will send you home, he added. Its fine senior, I replied. I insist fresher, I don't want to feel guilty if something happens to you, now where do you stay? He asked. I told him my address. Wow, the rich kid's dormitory. I can see, he said. Jeff walk me home since its a few walk from the school. We introduced our selves properly and exchanged contacts. Since then, we became close . We were so close that he will come to my dorm and spend days and I do the same too. I remember the day Jeff kissed me. I was afraid and happy at the same time. I know Jeff associates with different girls. I love you Kabir, he said to me as he tried kissing me again. Wait Jeff, I replied. What love? Is this lust or what? Are you drunk, you smell alcohol, I said. I love you Kabir, I do, he kept on saying. I managed to walk out of the room before he harms me. I never knew Jeff drinks. I avoided him for almost 2 weeks untill I decided to check on him again since I don't see him in school anymore, he was in a bad shape when I arrived. He begged for my love and promise to stop drinking. I had no choice than to fall for it, anyways its what I wanted. Our relationship was sweet at first, not untill Jeff decided to start drinking again and I had to suffer the consequences. He will abuse me, cheat on me and do sort of things under the influence of alcohol. I know he loves me but I cant stand the insult anymore. Kabir was shedding tears when he reached the end of his story. He walked back to the sofa and sat beside me. I was looking at him. I Know you are worried and I am too. I know Jeff, he will definitely come back for revenge on you since he thinks I left him for you, so I think its better you stay with me, Kabir said. Okay, I replied. Don't you have anything to ask me? He asked looking surprised. Anything like what? I asked back. I just came out to you, won't you hate or criticize me? He asked. I sighed and look at him. Sir! I said, why do I have to hate you? What will be my gain in hating the way you decide to show your love? What if I am also like you? I said looking at him? What???? You are...??? He was trying to talk when iy cut him. I am not sure what I am yet, I said. Okay, I understand the feeling, He said. Just feel free to talk to me when ever you needed to, he added. Okay sir, I replied. So lets go to your place, I will help you gather some necessary things you will need for the main time, he said standing up. I stood up and followed him too. I don't know why, but I was kind of happy with their break up.

Staying with Kabir was really a good thing for me, I learned alot from him, he will tutor me for my upcoming exams and also teach me how to use the computer too. I really enjoyed staying with him. Its really peaceful. Even though am not sure of the feelings in my heart. I am sure that am happy with this moment and I decide to go with it. I literally packed out of my apartment to stay with him, I don't know if he is also using Jeffery's threat as a reason to be together but that is what am surely doing.

The apartment is not that big, just a 2 bedroom so we shared everything including the bed. This faithful night, it was raining heavily. I couldn't sleep. Soon, thunder and lightning started striking. I heard Kabir jumped on me and hugged me tightly. His body was shaking and he was sweating seriously. He hugged me tightly for a while until the thunder stopped. He quickly released me. I am sorry Ahmad, he said. Are you alright, I asked. I am now, I am afraid of thunder, that's why I hold you, but am sorry, he said. Never mind, I replied. Suddenly, the thunder strike again. He quickly jumped on me and this time, our lips locked in each other's. I was frozen for a bit. I couldn't move. He quickly pulled back and head out of the room. I was shocked as an unusual sensation travels through all the nerves in my system. I stayed awake almost through out the night thinking of the sudden kiss. I didn't know when sleep wipes me off. The following morning, Kabir left for school early, he had already made breakfast. I didn't get to meet him. So I went to the school but he kept on entering classes after classes. I couldn't get to meet him, I felt he was shy to meet me after the kiss. I had to head home tired after helping Mr. Lukman with a pile of work. I took a shower and rest a bit before he resumes. But to my surprise, he didn't, till evening. I decided to go find him at the field. He was there sitting alone, looking tired. Are you going to suffer your self this much Sir trying to avoid me? I asked as I approach him from behind. He quickly turned in shocked as he wasn't expecting me. He quickly stood to walk away but I hurriedly hold his hands. Stop running away already, isn't it exhausting, I asked. Who is avoiding you, he said trying to pretend. You don't have to, please it's okay, I understand the kiss was a mistake, I said. Ohhhh my God Ahmad, you know it was a mistake then why did you just sit there with that face, you exhausted me, why didn't you say you understood, he asked. You didn't allow me to, I replied laughing. Come here you silly boy, you made me worried, he said dragging me by the neck. Don't break me sir, I said laughing.

We walked to the apartment together talking and laughing on how funny he looks trying to avoid me. Kabir is really a good company, Even though there is a bit age gap between us, we still acts like friends. Get into the kitchen boy, you are making dinner, he said sitting on the sofa. Yes, I know, you are too exhausted to cook, I replied as I head to the kitchen. I finished making dinner and arranged it at the sitting room.

I will be traveling home this weekend, I said, as we were eating. Kabir paused the food for a while looking at me. Seriously? He asked. Yes, Its been a while I went home, I don't want mother to be worried, I said. What if your father holds you back, you know your Jamb examinations is coming up in 2 weeks, how long are you staying? Kabir asked anxiously. Calm down Sir, I will be fine, I will be away for a week, I replied. A whole week? He asked with eyes wide opened. Yes, why? Will you miss me? I asked jokingly. No, not really. I am just worried who will be doing my house chores. He said trying to pretend. Anyway, you can travel home too, I am sure Mr. Lukman won't stop you. Yes, I will take permission tomorrow, he said. Lemme take a shower, he said standing up. He walked to the room. I looked at him. Am sure he is going to miss me, and I am going to miss him too, but I just have to do that.

The weekend arrived. We both arranged our clothes as we set to leave, Kabir will be traveling to Lagos State, his hometown, and I will be going back to my village. Here Ahmad, its a phone for you, we can talk while we are home. Thank you sir, I said as I collected the phone. Make sure you text me when you are home, i have my contact saved there. I will call you when i arrived in Lagos, he said. Okay Sir, I replied. Mike was already in the school's premises waiting for me. We bid our selves good bye as he took a taxi to airport.

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