Chapter 5 Getting the girl 101

My eyes shot open the following day, at exactly 6:00 am, when the neurological alarm in my brain went off. I crawled out of bed and then I walked into the bathroom. I rubbed weakly against my eyes before reaching for the tap, turning it on. The water that flowed was unclear, I watched, after some seconds it became clearer. It was so clear that it seemed like the initial coloration never existed. I bared my palms to collect the running water and scooped it to my face. I brushed my teeth then reentered my room. I scanned the room until my vision almost became vague.

A number of things were out of place so I did some rearranging and tidied up.

Immediately I got off the flight of stairs, I stepped on a bottle of beer and stumbled. It nearly cost me the very teeth I had been cleaning. I shuffled into the living room. Dad was fast asleep in his chair. He drank himself to sleep.

I practically tiptoed across the room to where he laid, careful not to wake him. I picked up 7 empty beer bottles and one, half consumed, excluding the hostile one from the stairs earlier. I wanted to make my walk to kitchen a single trip. So I resolved at carrying the bottles all at once. I hugged them ever so tightly trying my best to limit the clinking they produced as they made contact with each other. If my Dad woke up, the first or perhaps the second words he'd string together would probably be in this range; "get me a bottle of beer will ya." I gravely suspect alcoholism would be the death of that man.

I went back to the living room and cleaned. I emptied the ash trays littered with cigarette butts, picked up crumbled papers and fast food wraps that laid haphazardly on the floor. I successfully recovered a handful of my Dad's smelly boots without damaging my sense of smell. Hurry, it was nearly an impossible task to do. The living room was now decent, all it needed was vacuuming but that would wake Dad. So I decided against it.

The air in the kitchen was putrid. Dirty dishes littered the sink. The bowl of noodles I made was still in the spot I left it the night before, cold and untouched. I wasn't a tad surprised, it wasn't a first, yet somehow I'm the one that costs him the most. Me, not his perpetual wastefulness or his obsessive, excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages and tobacco but me, it's all me, it always has been.

I placed the bowl in the fridge. I was still doing the dishes when I heard him groan. Then came his voice. "Ryan! Where's my beer?" He yelled. I started hearing shuffling footsteps and the next thing I knew, he stood by the kitchen entrance.

"Good morning Dad"

"Did you carry my beer?" He asked.

"Yes I did, you were still sleeping and I wanted to clean."

"Let me have it" he said

"Perhaps some breakfast first? I'm almost done with the dishes."

"Beer now!" he half shouted. I inhaled deeply and exhaled sharply. I reached for it and gave it to him. He took a swig and disappeared upstairs. I heard his feet pound on the stairs then it grew fainter and fainter until I no longer heard them. I went back to the dishes.

I whipped up a sandwich from what I could salvage from the groceries. I served and poured orange juice in glass cups then I went upstairs to inform my Dad. The door to his room was slightly opened. I saw him holding a photo of my Mom. He appeared to be crying, taking micro sips from his beer. I knocked but I didn't go in, I knew better.

"Dad breakfast is served" I said expecting him to ignore me as usual.

"Okay" he said surprisingly. He did a good job in suppressing his sobs. He would have totally fooled me had I not seen him crying already. "I'll be down in a minute." He added.

Indeed, he came back down shortly after. He went straight to the fridge and grabbed yet another bottle. He sat at the table. We began to eat. He sipped beer and juice before taking a bite of the sandwich. "So school starts Monday" he said in a manner that was more of a question than statement. He glanced at me.

"Yes" I said

"So would you continue to work at Big Ben's?" he asked.

"Yeah most likely but maybe thrice a week so school doesn't get too stressful for me but that's if Mr. Ben agrees.

"Okay" he said then a gawky silence ensued. After breakfast, we both sat in the living room watching a TV show. A while later, he picked up his keys then headed to the door. "I have a couple of errands to run and the boys and I would be hanging out later. I'll be back late so, don't be expecting me. Just lock up. I've got a key I will let myself in."

"Okay, but shouldn't you at least take a shower first?" I said. Then I realized what I said may have come out a bit unpolished. My words shocked him. The way he frowned and winkle that appeared on his forehead gave it away.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"Um nothing, never mind" I smiled awkwardly repeating myself might well have been a death sentence. I literally ran to my room afterwards.

I picked up a biology book after I stopped being afraid and starting reading. Some minutes later, I heard my Dad yell "Ryan come lock the door, I'm leaving." I assumed he had left already, apparently he didn't. I scurried down to lock the door. I caught a glimpse of him just before he drove off. His frame well fitted into a different shirt and different pants, so he did shower after all.

I finally had the space I needed to vacuum. I vacuumed the living room. After that I pick up where I left off in reading my book. There wasn't additional information in the text book for me which made reading it less exciting than I had hoped. I had finished reading it before. I spent the better part of the break covering a sizeable amount of the semester's work.

I woke my phone, and the time was 11:20 am. I sat on the bed legs crossed. I texted Erick. Stoner, what's up. I could see that he was typing at the time. I waited.

I was just about to text you Bones. What are you up to? He texted.

Nothing much, I was reading, Dad left a while ago. I replied.

Okay that's good news. Ready for your course? He texted.

Oh God no... I replied.

Oh God yes...be there in 40. He texted.

Erick... I texted.

See you soon. He replied. I fell backwards on my bed. Great, now he's coming, I sighed. It's not like I had an issue with Erick visiting. It's not because of my Dad's hostility either. It's just that 90% of the time Erick visits, he and Abby turn my home into a motel.

At exactly noon, there was a knock on the door. I got the door and it was Erick, he came in with a backpack. "Why is your door always locked. Even in broad day light" he asked.

"Why else security reasons of course." I told him.

"Locking of doors the way you do is so old school." He said almost judging.

"Well, one can never be too safe. I know that the door won't really hold against a break in or whatever, but I rather not make myself easy pickings for a serial killer or some violent lunatic on the loose."

He shook his head, "God Ryan you need to get a life." He said.

We went up to my room. He scanned the room with his eyes. "not much has changed." He remarked.

"Yeah I know" I said.

"Now straight to business" he said and positioned me to sit on the bed while he paced around. "Okay 5 steps on how to get any girl you like. In no particular order, here are things you need to do. 1. Clothes; your dressing is key. You need to woo her with your style." He said in a voice that was almost not his, he was imitating whatever video he watched online.

"Okay the problem here now is that I don't have a style". I told him emphatically.

"Of course you do, everyone has a style. We just need to polish yours." He said so confidently "Now don't interrupt me again or else I'll be inclined to smack you" he added. I nodded like a good student. "2. Be masculine; girls like guys who know what they want, guys that are primal, guys that don't crumble under pressure or the fear of Blake" he smiled, I frowned. Then he continued "your vibe, your body language should signal that you're a man. Flex some muscles if possible."

I shook my head "I don't have muscles, I've barely got enough flesh to cover my skeleton as it is. I didn't get nicknamed Bones by accident you know." I reminded him.

"Okay, whatever, this last step is very important." He said.

"I thought you said there were five steps?" I attacked him verbally. His face fell in his palms, disappointed.

"Jesus, do you wanted my help or not?" he scowled at me.

"I do, sorry okay carry on" I told him though I was already getting exhausted.

"There were five steps, I can't remember the rest" he said "but it doesn't matter, so 3. Flirt with her."

"Flirt with her? Dude I barely know what to say to her."

"Relax, that's what I'm here for. How to flirt is not specific it varies from girl to girl. But one thing I know girls can't resist is" he paused for effect "sensual eye contact and your words. You could say Damn you're so hot and the result ranges from a smile, a blush, a thanks, a lip lock or a recoil, insults, a slap and worst of all, a kick in the balls. We will try not to get you kicked in the balls." He said with so much pride.

"Just kill me," I threw both my hands up in dramatic surrender "I want to die, because I can't."

"You'll find a way around it. You will I know you will. You're a genius and you're smart." He said with a grin. I wanted to tell him that it had nothing with being smart or whatever. But he would just get me started on how I was down playing my gifts.

"So was this how you got Abby?" I asked

"No our love was divine and predestined" he said smiling like an idiot.

"So who has your magical five steps turned three helped?" I asked

"Edward and Karen," he said, "he came to me for advice when he saw how well Abby and I were doing. So I enlightened him. They started dating a week later."

I smiled, "except you're leaving out the part where they broke up a week after that." I said with a smirk.

"Statistically, a one week relationship is better than none. Besides beggars aren't choosers." He said and I rolled my eyes.

We talked about school, girls and whatnot. Eventually, we had very little to talk about we had exhausted our gist reserves, I started playing Sudoku. Erick watched me, his eyes glistening. I could tell that he was bored. "We need to get you some clothe" he said.

I turned towards him. "I don't have any money."

He smiled "of course you do. It's right over there." He pointed towards my piggy bank.

"You know that's for my bike" I said.

"I know, but it won't hurt if you took a tiny bit of it to improve your appearance" he said. I sighed. And after much persuasion which Erick was pretty good at, I agreed to break the piggy bank. I took a couple dollar bills from it. The pain I felt in my chest from having to spend my savings was almost real. Like I had this gigantic throbbing wound in my chest. But I spent it anyway. The things we do for love. No I rephrase: the things I'd do to get love.