Chapter 4 FEELINGS

Victoria spent the whole day in her room. She was lost in thought the whole time, and for the rest of the time, she wrote. One would imagine she had a documentary of all the events that transpired the past few years, it's surprising how she managed to cope for so long. Writing had been her only release and escape from the toxicity of the world she was currently living in. Whenever she saw someone happy, or overly attached to someone, she pitied them. She pitied the pregnant mothers, smiling and glowing as if wearing a veil over their heads to cover up the darkness and filth of this world.

So pathetic. The world was full of masked people who were trying to forge reality from fantasy, then basing their futures on mirages What a cynical reality! Victoria rolled her eyes as another thought came to her mind. She tightened her grip on her pen as she began to write, tears fell in her reddened eyes. Suddenly a sound came from the window. Victoria dropped her pen and raised an eyebrow at the window. She sighed as she realised it was the same boy as before. Now that she was clamer she could make out a few of his features. He had curly black hair and blue eyes. A star tattoo graced his neck and he had this perfect smirk. like a magnet -she was drawn to him. "what do you want?" She asked desperate to go back to reality and stop dreaming about the same fantasy she had condemned a few moments ago. "I just wanted to say hi, I'm your neighbor next door"

Oh. Victoria recalled her mother once ranted about the new neighbors and how she wanted her to be perfect for the meeting. She smirked, "so you're our famous neighbor, welcome to the neighborhood" She said almost sarcastically. "well I wouldn't say famous...." he trailed off, looking into her eyes "just Cole," He finished with a perfect smile. too perfect if you asked Victoria. She returned the gesture finally opening the window, "Whoa," he gasped "this place is huge... " "and empty..." Victoria mumbled. "Did you say something?" Cole asked. "No nothing" Victoria waved off, looking away as tears stung her eyes, "you write?" he asked as he caught sight of one of the many pieces of paper that littered the bed. Before he could reach it though, Victoria swung into action ripping it from his hands. "don't touch it!" she snapped. those were her memories, her pains, and emotions no one had a right to look at them! No one at all! Cole flinched. Then he furrowed his eyebrows and raised his hands in mock defense,"sorry, I didn't know you were sensitive about ordinary poems" That made Victoria pause a bit "They... they aren't ordinary poems." she whispered. "so they are supernatural?" Cole taunted "You shouldn't be here," Victoria said, suddenly regretting letting him in. "I'm sorry, that was quite rude of me?" Cole said as he sat on a chair "I didn't catch your name there" he said as he got comfy "Victoria, Victoria Dell" Victoria whispered

****** There were two reasons why Victoria didn't take her father's last name; One, because she didn't want the last name of a man who had abandoned her and ruined her life, and two, she hated the fact that she would share the name with his other Daughter "Why?" she suddenly spoke after what seemed like years but we're only a few minutes. "why?" Cole asked confused "Why did you come to see me?" she stared into his eyes, looking for any sign that would hint he was a fake as if waiting for him to say boom! he was lying or start laughing in her face, telling her how filthy she was, but nothing came, only a small smile that seemed contagious, whether it was relief or panic, she couldn't explain how she felt. "don't get mad, but I've been stalking you." he said as he stared at the dark-haired girl that currently sat across from him Victoria nearly choked on nothing as she raised an eyebrow in shock. "S-stalking me?" "I saw how everyone treated you and-" "so this is pity then, you pity me?" she asked, looking into his blue eyes, tears stinging hers. "No-" "leave Cole, leave now" "Victoria..." "get out," Victoria said standing up from where she and been seated "I don't pity you. I-" Cole said as he stood up too "you nothing! youdon't know anything! You're just a stranger, That I shouldn't have let into my room" Cole took a few steps closer "I I can't understand,but I know that what's going on isn't right. It's wrong. You don't deserve such pain" "leave Cole." she said as she tore her gaze from his eyes and glued them to the wall beside her. "I'll be at the park, the one with the garden tree, in case you want to talk" He said as walked towards the window and climbed down the ladder he had used before. All the while Victoria stared at the window and her room which was empty once again, tear after tear fell, piece after piece she broke, never to be whole again.

****** "I knew you would come." Cole smiled as he saw the blue-eyed girl approaching him, "Only because you kept leaving letters at my doorstep,my mother thinks I have a boyfriend!" she chuckled slightly, a sad chuckle. "Why Cole? why won't you let me be?" she said suddenly seriously. "Whatever this is, that you feel or want, I can't give it to you, and seeing letters for the past few days isn't going to change it, why can't you understand? I- I don't have anything to give you, you'll ask for more and more when I can only give less, I'm empty, void, dark and broken, you shouldn't have- " "do you believe in love at first sight?" Cole cut her off before she could continue her rant Victoria's eyes widened, and Cole shushed her placing a hand on her lips, "do you?" She shook her head as she stared at the blue-eyed boy "I didn't either," he said as he looked away from her, "till I met you. Victoria, I fell in love with your broken pieces, I fell in love with your tattered heart, and your dark soul" A tear fell down Victoria's right eye, "I fell for your silence, your writings, your voice, I love you Victoria" "it's curiosity, lust, infatuation but not love, it can't be love" "Why are you so sure?" "My father didn't love me, my mother hates me, life has always been cruel, so don't tell me you love me, when all I've known is hate" Victoria whispered. "don't speak about love in a world that has only fed me hate and nurtured my pain, I have nothing to offer you Cole, and don't tell me you love me as I am, because no one can love a person like me, who is scarred beyond recognition, an empty vessel without a soul patiently waiting for who wins the battle first, karma or death" "let me help you, let me be the one to piece you together" "that's what I don't want, I don't want you to piece me together, I don't want to pretend this never or isn't happening, I want revenge, hate runs through my veins, like a fire it burns those who come close to me." When he was completely close and they could feel each other breath on their skin Cole whispered; "You're the kind of fire, I'd love to burn in anytime"