Chapter 5 Knowing is worse

Julian POV

They didn't waist any time, because moments later we all got an alarm blaring on our phones.

MISSING

URGENT

Name: Shelly Nolan

Age: fifteen

Last seen:

-At UCSF Benioff Children's Hospital San Fransisco stepping into a car with an unknown man.

-Wearing a blue hospital gown and a white t-shirt.

Shelly is a tall skinny girl with long blond curls. She went missing on Thursday December 18 after a high school party. She was found miles away on the beach by a dog walker and was brought to the children's hospital, where she probably got kidnapped by a man.

Shelly is on strong medication against panic attacks, depression, paranoia and other delusions. It's an urgent matter to find her and bring her back to her foster parents.

There is an reward of 5000 dollars for the safe return of Shelly Nolan.

The message was send to all the residents of San Fransisco. There was an link that let to an website from the police with a phone number and a photo of Shelly.

'This couldn't be right. Shelly doesn't have any foster parents.' I say to no one in particularly. Thinking of my aunt Kendra, I have never seen her care of Shelly for that part, but it was still her mother. Why does it say foster parents? Was it a cover story I didn't know of?

'It wouldn't be the first lie Shelly has told me.' Tia said with a sadness in her voice. 'What if she never had a mother or uncle? What if she made it all up and she really lives with foster parents who care for her? Why would this message lie? What about all the medication she has been taking?'

'It doesn't make sense to me. Shelly doesn't seem depressed to me. Tia you know her the longest, has she ever been depressed?' Sam asked Tia. We were all on edge now. This could go very wrong, very fast.

'I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.' Tia stood up. 'I think it's better you two leave. I have to think. This is all too much for me. If this is true, Shelly lied to me about everything. I thought I knew her, but I don't think I can trust her again. Not after this.'

'Tia, that isn't fair. What if she has a good reason for lying?' Sam tried to calm her.

'What reason would that be? See, even you don't know. Sam, just leave and take your boyfriend with you.'

Sam and I walked through her house back to the front door. Before we opened it, suddenly I felt two tiny arms embrace my legs. I looked down to see the tiny girl holding me.

'Only you can stop him from hurting her.' the girl said. I looked at her in disbelieve. Did the girl know who I was? What was with the strange message? The girl ran upstairs again after a warning from her sister and we walked back to where we parked our scooters. Tia didn't say goodbye to us. She just threw the door shut before we could thank her for talking to us.

'I left her my number on the dining table. I hope she will find it.' Sam said. Smart. I didn't think of it. We stepped on our scooters and rode back to my boat.

I climbed on board and dropped on the sofa. I closed my eyes when I felt tears filling them. I had dumped the wig and other stuff the moment I came on board and I was feeling tired and sad. 'I'm just so confused.' I said out loud.

'Jule, Shelly is your cousin isn't she?'

My eyes flew open and I pushed myself up. 'What?' I asked.

'Shelly. She is your cousin.' Sam said. It wasn't even a question. He already knew. 'Julian you have the same eyes. I just find myself stupid for not seeing it earlier. The way she looked at you at the party. The way she speaks, like she never came from the neighborhood I grew up in. The way you felt guilty for not bringing her home, while no one knows where she lives except you. You knew all along she was on medication. You know her family secret. You are her family secret.'

I was just lost for words. I opened my mouth a few times, but closed it before I would say something stupid. I looked in Sam's eyes. He was waiting for me to confirm his questions, but could I? I swore to my father never to talk about her, never to tell anyone who she really was. Could I trust Sam with a secret like this? Well, he was my boyfriend. He was already part of my life. 'You can't tell anyone.'

'I knew it!' Sam screamed. 'God, I'm so angry with you right now, Jule. How could you lie to me like that?'

'I swore to never tell anyone about her.'

'Really? What is going on in your family Jule? What is going on with her?'

I shook my head. 'I wish I knew.' I told him truthfully. I had no clue what was going on. I was too scared to go home and confront them. But to be honest, I couldn't stay here forever. It was just a matter of time before I had to go home. My father would drag me down if I didn't come home for Christmas.

'She is your cousin.' Sam reminded me.

'I know, but to be honest with you, I don't know her at all. I don't even know what her bed room looks like, what she likes to do in her spare time, when her birthday is. I didn't even know she went to SNHS before I saw her there. I don't know anything about her and we have been living on the same property for fourteen years!'

'You don't know her birthday? Shelly turned fifteen a few weeks back in November. November 22. I remember because I saw Tia give her a cupcake and she smiled for the first time that week. I asked Tia why she gave her the cupcake and she told me it was Shelly's birthday, so I skipped lunch and went to buy her a keychain. She had it on her backpack for over a week, before she told me she lost it, but I knew she lied. She couldn't look me in the eyes when she told me.'

I didn't know what to say. Sam was pissed. I could see it in his eyes. He was angry with me and my family. 'Where are you going?' I asked when I saw he walked to the stairs.

'Away. I need to go away for a while. I need to think. Think about us, you, Shelly, everything. I can't be here, Jule. It's too much. Don't call me tonight.'

I let him go. He needed space. I can't blame him. I hated myself for not knowing. I stared for a while at the picture that was on the missing poster. She had the same green eyes. The unmistakable eyes we all shared in the Weekland family. While the rest of the family had brown hair. My mother and Jaden had slight lighter brown hair than the rest of us, Shelly had blond curls. She looked so much like her father, with the face of her mother. Then I saw the name. Shelly Nolan. I just knew her as Shelly Weekland. No, I don't know her in that name either. She had two names and I didn't know either of them. I didn't know Shelly at all.

'Who are you Shelly? And why do I suddenly feel so protective of you?'

Shelly POV

I woke up, but pretended to be asleep again. I knew I couldn't pretend the whole time. I needed to use a toilet soon. I slowly sat up. I was moved to a bedroom. On the clock next to the bed, I saw it was Monday today. I hadn't been home since Thursday night. I don't know how to feel about that. I didn't miss it though. I didn't miss my room with the ugly blue walls. My four poster bed I hate. My desk I like to drew on. The windows with stick foil that withhold me from looking outside or others to look inside. My closet with the few clothes I own. The closet I was locked up in so many times, so I had to sleep on the hard floor instead of my bed. Yes I hated everything in my room.

I tried to stand up, feeling my leg was still sore, but I bit myself through the pain like I used to, and got to the door somehow. I opened it and slowly moved into the hallway. The door next to mine room, was the bathroom. Just my luck for once. I peed, washed my hands and tried to brush some knots out of my hair with my fingers. It was useless. I considered taking a shower. I was a guest here. Was I even allowed to take a shower? I hadn't showered in days I could tell by the smell. Just a quick one. I took of my clothes I was wearing from the hospital still and stepped in the shower. The warm water was nice. I quickly rinsed my hair and turned off the shower. I found a clean towel on a rack and took it.

Suddenly the bath room door opened. I covered myself with the towel. Tanya was gasping at me of shock.

'Oh my god, girl what happened with you?' she screamed. The towel hid only my stomach and private parts, leaving my arms, neck and my legs bare for her to see. My back was turned away from her, which I was glad about. She couldn't handle the sight of that, I think.

'I, eh..' I didn't know what to say.

'Don't say anything. Ben told me it wasn't safe for you. I believe him. I have never seen anyone with so many scars as you have. I'm so sorry for you.' Her eyes were all over me, looking at my scars with pity, anger and sadness in her eyes. I had never someone look at me that way, except for two persons now: Ben was the other one and Maya. Maya was my doctor at a mental hospital, but I'm not going there now. I would cry even thinking of her. 'I will give you some clothes to wear. It would probably not fit, but better to wear a hospital gown.'

I just nod at her. She left and came back with some clothes. She left me alone to dry and cloth myself, but waited for me outside when I opened the door. Walking was still hard for me. My leg was throbbing. 'I'm Shelly by the way. Thank you for the clothes.' I whispered.

'You don't need to whisper, honey.' Tanya said to me.

'I know, but I'm not allowed to talk out loud. I have to be silent and not heard.' I had no idea why I told her, I hadn't told anyone. I was told from an early age, that I had to speak very soft, so people couldn't hear me. If they ever heard me, I got punished. I got punished a lot and not only for speaking out loud. I got punished for everything I did. I got even punished by my uncle for being born. Like I had a choice?

Tanya didn't say anything to me. I probably scared her off. I didn't mind the silence. We walked downstairs. Tanya didn't help me once. I think she was even scared to touch me. She gave me something to eat. Some fruits and yogurt. I was hungry and ate it all. She also gave me something for the pain. It worked for a hour, before it started to throb again. When Ben came home hours later, the silence was gone too.

'Ben, she can't stay here.' Tanya whispered loud enough for me to hear. I did my best to pretend I couldn't hear her. 'I saw her scars. It's even worse than I imagined. I told her she didn't need to whisper and she told me she wasn't allowed to talk out loud. She had to be silent and not heard. What is going on Ben? Who is this girl?'

'I have my suspicions for a while about her, but I have no prove. I searched for her at work, but came out blank, like she doesn't even exist. No information about her, about her parents, her family, nothing.' Ben whispered back at her.

'You could always ask.' I whispered to them. Two pair of eyes followed my voice. 'I'm not deaf and you whisper really loud.' I tell them.

Tanya looked really scared towards Ben. She is clearly afraid of me. 'That is what I mean. She is everywhere.'

Ben walked out of the kitchen and sat down in front of me on the other couch. 'Tell me something about yourself. Anything.'

'My name is Shelly. I'm fifteen years old and I live with my mother and sister.'

Ben looked over to Tanya and singed for her to move and sit down too. 'See that wasn't so hard, wasn't it?'

'Who is your mother? Who is your family?' Tanya asked while sitting down next to Ben.

'I'm not allowed to say.'

'Ben she isn't allowed to say.' Tanya spoke in fear. She hold on to Ben's arm and she was hiding her face behind her black shoulder length hair.

'I heard what she said.' Ben caressed her arm and continued. 'Who is Jack to you?'

'I'm not allowed to say.'

'Damn it, Shelly.'

'Knowing is worse. Trust me. I'm only protecting you.

'Ben, she scares me.'

Then their phones went off, blaring an alarm of sort. They looked terrified to each other after reading the message.

'Shelly, they send out an amber alert for you. I'm sorry, but I have to bring you back, before it gets out of hand. I will lose my job.' Ben really sounds terrified.

He would lose a lot more if Jack found out he helped me. I didn't tell him, I couldn't. All I could say was: 'I'm sorry too.'