Chapter 5 No control...

Chapter 4

Joylynn's pov

I remember being 15, and so sick of playing mommy.

So my mom took me to the bar with her. I didn't look like your average 15 yr old.

I had long black hair and I was a curvy size five. I walked right into that bar.

My mother became my friend not a parent. Hell, she handed my bf at the time a condom and told him he could have sex with me. It was like I had no say in it. Like really what kind of mother does that.

Well my bf got us a motel room and we went. At first, I was OK then it hurt, and I wanted him to stop. Him being the ass he was didn't stop. He said I didn't really mean no. He took me home like nothing was wrong.

I was crying so hard as I walked in the door. My mom didn't let me say anything. She just smacked me hard across the face and called me a wh*re. My own mother said I was a disappointment. When I needed her the most, she wasn't there for me.

I started to think maybe I asked for it. Maybe I was a wh*re. That I did something to make my father touch me and beat me. That I was a disappointment to everyone in my life.

Needless to say my bf left me after he took what he wanted. He turned everyone at school against me, and even had me jumped. There was just no way I could continue at school, so I was forced to drop out. I had no control over my life anymore.

I started to starve myself thinking I could control that. I even started to cut myself. The pain made me feel numb, I even took a bunch of pills at a friend's party, but I was even a failure at ending it all. So, I decided starving myself was the easiest way. I mean I controlled it, it didn't control me, right?