Jia quickly stood up as if to shake off her most unwanted thoughts. After all, those were poignant memories that became irrelevant to the current status of her triumph against failures and sadness; and against loss and frustrations. High school life is such a silly period of unnecessary frustrations and infatuations, entangled by role confusions as defined by theorists of the stages of growth and development.

However, what started as an infatuation bloomed silently into strong emotion. It grew through her irresistible urge to follow him at a distance. She constantly communicated with Jay, her best friend, who gave her everyone's updates in their group. Though she suddenly disappeared and had not been heard of for ten years, her life was still an open book for Jay to read aloud.

Through her, she knew the whereabouts of the five of them in their group, from the minutest detail to the broadest facts. And, of course, the full details of Anthon's life, which became her weekly bread.

Little did she know that Jay relayed to Anthon everything she confessed to her.

Obliviously, her thoughts went back to an event 15 years ago.

______

"Jia, make room for my arrival next week. I want the six of us to be there. Don't ever plan to make excuses," a message suddenly popped out from her phone.

"Where? Is he coming?" she replied, stifling her excitement.

"Blue Whale Mountain Resort."

She knew that the place was situated on top of a mountain several kilometers away from the city. Her concern was that it would be difficult for her to go without her own vehicle because of the distance. She felt insecure at this thought alone while the rest of them had already reached the pinnacle of success.

"I think I am not going. I don't belong there."

"I have no time to argue with you, but you really have to be there. Don't be silly. My family will be moving to Australia, and I cannot figure out how long we will be back. See you there, my love."

It seemed that she could not escape from her best friend's request.

Her dying self-esteem pressed on her again like festering wounds that throbbed endlessly and painfully. She was the only one being left who had not yet succeeded in their chosen field. All of them had families of their own already except Anthon. Mira and Sheila were teachers who became directors in each of their institutions, and Jay became one of the highest-paid accountants in the city. Eventually, she got married to a foreign businessman.

On the other hand, Liz was completing her medical residency but was married to a US-based surgeon. Anthon became a successful engineer who got long-term contracts with the largest shipping industry in the country.

What about her? She was still expecting luck would be so kind to her as her prayer to finish a college education was still very vague. She may have intermittent semestral enrollments, but due to financial scarcity, she got no other choice than to stop and, reluctantly, found herself working at a textile factory.

During her regular phone chats with Jay, she could not help herself from hurting. Success and opportunities apparently evaded her. She was obliged to support her sick parents due to heart failure and stroke impairments. She was an only daughter. Thus, she could not risk stopping a year from focusing on her studies. During her intermittent college years, she also engaged in part-time jobs to be able to support them.

She may have the beauty and the brain, but her fate of being born to a poverty-stricken family was beyond her control. With this, her self-esteem went so low that even an inspiring love affair with someone else had no place in her plans.

Somehow, she had a rare attitude of consoling herself. She was good at making myriad and diverse wild imaginations a reality for herself and, thus, find comfort and hope in it. In her make-believe world, she scripted a series of events that would eventually lead her to Anthon's life.

Her constant nurturing of these thoughts made the feeling so intense that she rejoiced upon knowing that he had not tied himself to someone else yet.

Why was he not married yet? Could it be that he was also waiting for her? The thought would always flatter her. Anyway, it was just an imagination, and no one would punish her for doing that.

It was being said that one's dreams in the night could be the images that run through the mind during the daytime. Perhaps because her fantasy of him was her means of escaping from life's pressure and frustrations, she kept thinking about him. In her mind, she would create different stories of their meeting like a novelist who could write different fictional chapters to complete an inspiring book.

And every night, she would see him in her dreams, holding and kissing her.