Chapter 3 Best Friend

I sighed when I heard my best friend's knock. I opened the door for her and she greeted me with a long tight hug.

"What do you think you are doing to yourself Veronica? I've been telling you for years, break up with him but you never listened. What is it in him that you love him this much?" she said angrily when she sat on the couch.

She's my best friend, Gail.

I sat beside her and leaned my head on her shoulder, "It's been years," I whispered. I heard her repeat what I said in an angry way that made me smile bitterly. She's the only person I could talk about anything, she's the only person that I have.

"Maybe I'm really out of my mind, Gail. I know he doesn't love me but I still love him anyways," I said very emotional.

"Witch, you are not just out of your mind. You're stupid martyr. I really hate your decisions Veronica Marchella," she said very mad as she shrug her shoulders.

I laugh a bit that made her look at me even mad. I sighed before looking at her again, smiling sadly.

"4 years. Four long years that I've been pushing myself to him. I don't have any advantage when his ex is not around, what now? She's away for four long years but he still loves her. Now that she's back, where am I supposed to be?" I laughed that burst into tears, "That long years and Xavier didn't learn to love me back even a bit."

My tears continued to flow at the side of my cheeks then I felt Gail's hug. Her long warm hug, the only person who managed to love me. The only person that I have.

Four years ago, I met Xavier when I am trying to apply for a part time job on a restaurant that happened to be their family business. I was on 2nd year college that time and I needed extra money to continue taking up my degree.

I am living on my own and working to provide for my needs because I don't have family to provide for me. I left the orphanage I grew in to continue studying.

I was 10 years when my biological parents decided to give me on a family that they barely know. Even though I was crying so bad, pleading for them to not leave me there, they still did. My foster parents are nice and kind, they loved me and cared for me like their own but then, their own daughter had a very critical disease. They have to save money and they couldn't take care of me anymore so they decided to bring me on an orphanage.

I stayed there and found new family in the shelter. I get a chance to study and learn to do household chores and different ways to earn money. When I finished my high school, I decided to apply for a scholarship in the University that I wanted to go to and luckily, I passed. But it wasn't enough to have a free tuition, I still needed to earn money for my projects and needs. And since I am still staying in orphanage, I decided to find a job to earn and save money.

I've become a vendor, opened and accepted commissions for assignments, projects and other school works. Until I got into my second year in college, it become harder than it is when I was freshmen. There's a lot of fees that I need to pay for my activities and laboratory expenses. That's when I got hired in a known restaurant that is owned by Xavier's family.

I don't know if it's a coincidence or a piece of my luck because when I applied for that job, it happened that they are needing one waitress. When I started to work there, it became easier for me. I've enough money for my needs and projects. That time, I never thought Xavier would be this especial for me. He's no one to me before, we just started to get along when her father asked me to tutor him on the subjects that he's not good at. Of course, I accepted the offer to earn more money and save it for other important things.

He's nice and always smiles that why it is not hard to get along with him easily. He's also gentleman and sweet that's why in my one year of being his tutor and friend, I knew my feelings for him developed.

But I am so stupid to think that his actions and act towards me means something. I thought we feel the same way that I got really shocked when he introduced his girlfriend to his father on their restaurant where I am working.

It was like the reality slapped me when I saw his eyes almost sparkle as she look at her girlfriend. He even smiled at me, looking very proud to introduce Samantha. I smiled back at him acting very much happy for him even though I feel like my heart is breaking and it hurt so badly. I am very hurt and embarrassed at the same time.

Stupid me to think, he would like someone like me. I am just a waitress and her tutor.

I am the only one who feel something towards him. He doesn't feel the same way to me, never.

Their visit became often, hanging out and just spending their hours together while laughing and being sweet towards each other. It was like they have their own world that no one else exists while I was away looking at them feeling envious and regretful.

I thought he likes me too.

Until they talked to me telling me I won't be his tutor anymore. They decided that Samantha would help him with his subjects that his father didn't approved though they still do it. Even before, his father doesn't like Samantha for him. He even talked to me once and confronted be that he thought Xavier and me had a relationship. Of course I acted like it was a funny statement even though in my inside I was hoping we had. And then I realize again how embarrassing it was to think that he likes me back. When he is Xavier, the son of my boss.

Their relationship has been in struggle when Xavier failed to pass his Calculus subject that Samantha taught him. His father got very dismayed about the result that made him dislike Xavier's relationship with Samantha even more.

It also caused Xavier and his father to fight more often, until his father got an heart attack and discovered he have a very critical condition and he shouldn't be stressed and be mad.

I don't know if I would be happy or sad to know that his father is recovering, but I know in myself that I want what his father wanted to. I wanted us together.

After he recovered he asked Xavier to broke up with Samantha and court me instead. At first, Xavier didn't agree but when he saw his father almost got another attack he immediately broke up with Samantha and court me.

I admit, I am very selfish that time. Because even though I can refuse, I didn't. I let him court me even though it was just for the sake of his father because the truth is, I want him. I like him so much I pretended not to care that he loves someone else. I was blinded and I chose to convince myself that there's nothing wrong with it.

I didn't notice that I was falling deeper to him that when I got the chance to own him, I choose to be selfish. I didn't think of his feelings.

"I wish I wasn't selfish. If only I controlled myself I wouldn't be feeling this way," I said after crying as I remember those memories.

"I just wish I could turn back the time and then I'll choose to not know him at all. So I wouldn't be hurt like this now. So I didn't hurt them before," my tears started to flow at the sides of my check again as I felt the pain digging in my chest.

I don't know if this is how it feels to love I just wish, I wouldn't be this hurt. I wish it wouldn't be this painful that it feels like I don't deserve to be loved. I feel like I wasn't lovable enough to feel the butterflies and the paradise.

I tried to calm myself again. Then I turned to my best friend, Gail and smile at her even though I look like a shit.

"Can you just please, please break up with your stupid asshole boyfriend. Don't wait for me to go to him and slit his throat," she said angrily again.

I just laugh at her reaction, she's always like that when it comes to Xavier. He's never been calm when it comes to him.

"You sound like you have a long legged person sweetie," I joked that made her pull my hair a bit.

"Your mouth really is a bit harsh. You want me to slit your throat instead Veronica Marchella. After your dramatic moment you'll be bad at me?" her voice can be heard all over my apartment.

"Yeah, and you shout like you were in Malacañang Gail Penelope," I joked again that made us laugh together.

At least I have her, and I can still manage to laugh after the heartaches right?

I just can't drop everything easily. Not now.

I sighed. Please, let me know what to do.