Chapter 5 – Issues

Lauren's POV

"Ate Renren." I woke up because Angelo calls my name as he knocks on my room's door. My class is still in the afternoon so I still have time to rest for awhile and do what needs to be done. Did Angelo sleep here? He must be drunk last night and didn't manage to go home that is why he is here. He often called me Ate Renren when we were alone because he knew I wanted to be called Ate.

I opened him up. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Thank you." He simultaneously lifts the gift while smiling like a child.

"That's not from me," I said even though I denied every year that I was the one giving gift to him. It's funny because he really looks like a child and it is far from what he looked when he is with his friends. "Go home, my class is later so let me have some sleep."

"I want to stay here."

"It's up to you, just let take a rest." I tried to sleep again but I could not sleep anymore so I went out for a walk. Angelo must be really drunk because he fell asleep right away. I peeked into his room. I just finished cleaning this room but it is messy already. This guy must be really drunk. When I have nothing to do in the apartment I really walk around here. Sometimes, I even met Kianna when she is also jogging. Their house is quite near to the apartment so when I'm bored I will just message her so we can meet, or vice versa. I do not want go to the park because it seems to be Ezekiel's new favorite place to go when he is bored too. He was always there when I visit the park.

I wanted to be alone right now. I was just walking while listening to my favorite music. But I was disturbed when I noticed that there was a vehicle following me. I removed my earphones and I just realized that it was honking so I stopped.

"Ezekiel? What's your problem?"

"Did Kianna called you?" He looks concerned so I feel nervous.

"No. What happened?"

"Someone called me using her phone to let me know that she fainted and she is in the hospital right now. Do you want to come with me?" I didn't understand the rest of what he said. I just got in his car. Of course, I slightly opened the window. Why is she in the hospital? I immediately messaged Angelo that I was with his friend and I'm going to visit Kianna in the hospital. To be honest, I'm quite nervous right now.

"What happened to her?" I asked.

"I have no idea. She's not like that."

"I hope she's fine," I replied to him. I saw him looking at me when we stopped. "I hope you're fine too. You look so pale." He touched my forehead to check my temperature. I immediately removed his hand. "Relax. I'm just checking your temperature."

"I'm fine. The traffic light is green, let's go." My phone rang because Angelo is calling me but I rejected his call. I need to see if Kianna is okay and he might stop me when I answered his call. He called Ezekiel instead. He answered it but on loud-speaker, his phone is not connected on blue tooth now because he might be in a hurry.

"Kiel, take Renren back to the apartment. Right now!" He is angry again.

"Why? We're just going to the hospital," he replied to his friend.

"Kiel-" He couldn't continue what he was going to say because I ended the call for them. Ezekiel asked me why I ended the call with Angelo, I just said he should focus on driving. It's partly true but I ended the call since Angelo might say something about me to Ezekiel. I will deal with his anger later. I was trying to call Kianna's phone but no one is answering. I'm worried for her. I told her not to imitate me on not taking care of myself.

I DIDN'T GET DOWN IMMEDIATELY when we got to the hospital. I was suddenly nervous. Can I do it? I was traumatized when I was last admitted to the hospital so I was not visiting the hospital since then. The reason is those memories from past still haunts me. Ezekiel kept opening the door for me even though it wasn't his job. "Are you okay? You look so pale," he commented.

"I'm okay." I was a little late to walk so Ezekiel dragged me to the hospital, while we are walking I want to turn a blind eye for me not to see these people. Shit. Being in this place again made me realized that such feeling is still here and it was still a scary feeling.

Maybe he felt my grip tighten his hand so he stopped. "Are you really okay?" he asked again.

"Yes. You go first and I'm just going to the restroom." Geez. I still hate this place. I know many lives were saved here but it still hasn't changed my memories of this place. Is Kianna okay? I really want to see her. When I came out of the restroom, I was shocked because it was noisier then someone had passed with a bloody woman while her son was crying with his father. With that scene, all of a sudden there's a flashback from the past and the next thing I knew . . . I was sitting on the floor while crying. I tried to stand up but I was fainting as my knees feels like they turned into jelly.

"Renren!"

"Angelo . . . I think . . . I think I saw Mommy." It happened all time. It feels like I'm seeing my mom whenever I saw a woman with blood. He helped me get up and put me in his car.

He knew that I don't ride in the car when the window isn't open so he opened it for me. I just don't open the window of Ezekiel's car because I don't like his scent, it is just an excuse for me not to tell the real reason. I don't like a lot of things in this world that other people can't understand. I'm trying to fight my fears and weaknesses but it's still here. I'm still crying but I'm not looking at Angelo because I'm embarrassed. He saw me with this situation again and I can't look at him because I know that he is mad at me again.

"You know that you can't go to the hospital but you still came here. What are you thinking, huh?"

"I'm sorry. Kianna fainted and took in the hospital."

"She's fine, okay? Before you think of the other people, think of yourself first. Look at yourself, you could hardly stand earlier. As much as I want to ignore you like what you wanted, I don't think I can. We are family. How can you expect me to just ignore you?" Here we go again. He really knows how to include that topic when we are having a conversation.

"We are not related. Don't expect me to believe that because Daddy was able to forget and leave me. What's the difference with the others?" I sobbed.

"You keep on comparing us to him. Why don't you give us a chance? Do you really want to live alone? Do you think that's fun?"

I wiped away my tears before answering him. "Why? Do you think I don't know how much sadness to live alone? Do you think I'm happy? All right, you want me to be honest with you, let me say this to you. I really like the idea of our family because we are a big family. The thing is, not all our family members consider me as a family member. You don't know how hard it is for me to have no one who wants to welcome me into our own family."

"Because you are pushing us away!" he shouted.

"But you know I don't want to do that!"

"Then don't! Stop pushing us away!"

"How? I don't think, I can start all over again."

"Let me help you. Let us help you," he said calmly. I averted my eyes from him. Why the pain I'm feeling is like it just happened yesterday? Why it didn't change a bit?

"Don't go to your classes and work today. You need to rest until weekends. I'll take care of it, I will tell it your workmates and professors. Don't ask anything, you are going to stay at home."

"Okay." As if I have a choice.

"And do not answer if Kiel tries to call you."

"Why?" I asked. Ezekiel was innocent. It was my fault to force myself to go to that place.

"Don't ask, just do it." He was angry so I didn't answer. He is older than me and he just calls me Ate because he knows how much I like it. He is my step-brother but most of the people didn't know that. Only Kelly knows my story. I don't know if Angelo has said anything to his friends. But technically, we're not really related because he was his mother's son before Daddy marry his mother. Even if he is my Daddy's real child we are still not related because I was just adopted. I'm using Mommy's, Daddy's first wife, surname up until today. I explained that to him but he still thinks of me as a real sister. Other people just don't know about me because they are not that proud of me. My father hates me so much. I really think he regrets that Mommy adopted me. I can't blame him though. He does not introduce me to other people as his child. I've never heard of that he became proud of me. That was the rejection that I mentioned to Ezekiel. Every day, I was rejected by my father.

Every . . . single . . . day.

Angelo drove me to my apartment. He said he would stay there first because he can't leave me like that. My cell phone rang and he saw that Ezekiel is calling so he picked it up just to reject the call.

"You haven't told him that I'm your brother, have you?" he asked.

"No. Why would I say that?"

"I won't let him court you," Angelo said.

"Come on, Angelo! Where did that come from? Lend me my cell phone, I will just call Kianna."

"And why are you changing our topic? Kianna is fine and I can assure you so take a break. I repeat, I'm not allowing him to court you."

"Okay, he can't court me. I'm going to rest," I was forced to answer in order to escape from this conversation. I slammed the door shut. "Are you mad? Don't tell me that you like Kiel, do you?" he asked again. He was very interested in questioning me about Ezekiel.

"Okay, I won't tell it to you!"

"Renren!"

"Angelo!" I mimicked.

"Do you want any food?"

"No! I'm going to rest! Just stop preaching like an old man!" I know he's just arguing with me about Ezekiel so I can forget my fear now. It is somehow effective but I still need to rest.

I thought I could do it but I still can't.