Chapter 6 NURSERY NONSENSE

Old Mother Goose, when

She wanted to wander,

Would ride through the air

On a very fine gander.

Mother Goose had a house,

'T was built in a wood,

Where an owl at the door

For sentinel stood.

She had a son Jack,

A plain-looking lad;

He was not very good,

Nor yet very bad.

She sent him to market,

A live goose he bought:

"Here! mother," says he,

"It will not go for nought."

Jack's goose and her gander

Grew very fond;

They'd both eat together,

Or swim in one pond.

Jack found one morning,

As I have been told,

His goose had laid him

An egg of pure gold.

Jack rode to his mother,

The news for to tell.

She called him a good boy,

And said it was well.

Goosey, goosey, gander,

Where shall I wander?

Upstairs, downstairs,

And in my lady's chamber.

There I met an old man

Who would not say his prayers;

I took him by the left leg,

And threw him downstairs.

I'll tell you a story

About Mary Morey,

And now my story's begun.

I'll tell you another

About her brother,

And now my story's done.

The lion and the unicorn

Were fighting for the crown;

The lion beat the unicorn

All round about the town.

Some gave them white bread,

Some gave them brown,

Some gave them plum-cake,

And sent them out of town.

Three wise men of Gotham,

Went to sea in a bowl;

If the bowl had been stronger,

My song had been longer.

There was a crooked man,

And he went a crooked mile,

He found a crooked sixpence

Upon a crooked stile:

He bought a crooked cat,

That caught a crooked mouse-

And they all lived together

In a little crooked house.

Pussicat, wussicat, with a white foot,

When is your wedding? for I'll come to't.

The beer's to brew, the bread's to bake,

Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, don't be too late.

There was a man in our town,

And he was wondrous wise,

He jumped into a bramble bush,

And scratched out both his eyes;

But when he saw his eyes were out,

With all his might and main,

He jumped into another bush,

And scratched 'em in again.

Solomon Grundy,

Born on a Monday,

Christened on Tuesday,

Married on Wednesday,

Took ill on Thursday,

Worse on Friday,

Died on Saturday.

Buried on Sunday,

This is the end

Of Solomon Grundy!

Hey! diddle diddle,

The cat and the fiddle,

The cow jumped over the moon;

The little dog laughed

To see such sport,

While the dish ran away with the spoon.

What are little boys made of, made of?

What are little boys made of?

Snips and snails, and puppy-dogs' tails;

And that's what little boys are made of, made of.

What are little girls made of, made of?

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice, and all that's nice;

And that's what little girls are made of, made of.

"Come hither, little puppy-dog,

I'll give you a new collar,

If you will learn to read your book,

And be a clever scholar."

"No! no!" replied the puppy-dog,

"I've other fish to fry;

For I must learn to guard your house,

And bark when thieves come nigh."

With a tingle, tangle titmouse,

Robin knows great A,

And B, and C, and D, and E,

F, G, H, I, J, K.

"Come hither, pretty cockatoo,

Come and learn your letters;

And you shall have a knife and fork

To eat with, like your betters."

"No! no!" the cockatoo replied,

"My beak will do as well;

I'd rather eat my victuals thus

Than go and learn to spell."

With a tingle, tangle titmouse,

Robin knows great A,

And B, and C, and D, and E,

F, G, H, I, J, K.

"Come hither, little pussy-cat,

If you'll your grammar study,

I'll give you silver clogs to wear,

Whene'er the gutter's muddy."

"No! whilst I grammar learn," says puss,

"Your house will in a trice

Be overrun from top to toe,

With flocks of rats and mice."

With a tingle, tangle titmouse,

Robin knows great A,

And B, and C, and D, and E,

F, G, H, I, J, K.

"Come hither, then, good little boy,

And learn your alphabet,

And you a pair of boots and spurs,

Like your papa's, shall get."

"Oh yes! I'll learn my alphabet,

And when I've learned to read,

Perhaps papa will give me, too,

A pretty long-tailed steed."

With a tingle, tangle titmouse,

Robin knows great A,

And B, and C, and D, and E,

F, G, H, I, J, K.

Peter White will ne'er go right:

Would you know the reason why?

He follows his nose where'er he goes,

And that stands all awry.

The man in the moon

Came down too soon,

And asked his way to Norwich:

He went by the south,

And burnt his mouth

With eating cold plum-porridge.

Dear, dear! what can the matter be?

Two old women got up in an apple-tree;

One came down,

And the other stayed up till Saturday.

Upon a great black horse-ily

A man came riding cross-ily;

A lady out did come-ily,

Said she, "No one's at home-ily,

"But only little people-y,

Who've gone to bed to sleep-ily."

The rider on his horse-ily

Said to the lady, cross-ily,

"But are they bad or good-ily?

I want it understood-ily."

"Oh, they act bad and bold-ily,

And don't do what they're told-ily."

"Good-by!" said he, "dear Ma'am-ily,

I've nothing for your family."

And scampered off like mouse-ily

Away, way from the house-ily.

"Mother Goose from Germany."

The Rabbits

Between the hill and the brook, ook, ook,

Two rabbits sat in the sun, O!

And there they ate the green, green grass,

Till all the grass was gone, O!

And when they had eaten enough, nough, nough,

They sat down to have a talk, O!

When there came a man with a gun, gun, gun,

And fired at them over the walk, O!

But when they found they were sound, ound, ound,

Nor hurt by the gun, gun, gun, O!

They picked themselves up from the ground, ound, ound,

And scampered away like fun, O!

"Mother Goose from Germany."

The King of France, and four thousand men,

They drew their swords, and put them up again.

Hickory, dickory, dock,

The mouse ran up the clock;

The clock struck one,

The mouse ran down,

Hickory, dickory, dock.

A cat came fiddling

Out of a barn,

With a pair of bagpipes

Under her arm;

She could sing nothing

But fiddle cum fee,

The mouse has married

The bumble-bee;

Pipe, cat; dance, mouse:

We'll have a wedding

At our good house.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,

She had so many children she didn't know what to do;

She gave them some broth without any bread,

She whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

There were two birds sat on a stone,

Fa, la, la, la, lal, de;

One flew away, and then there was one,

Fa, la, la, la, lal, de;

The other flew after,

And then there was none,

Fa, la, la, la, lal, de;

And so the poor stone

Was left all alone,

Fa, la, la, la, lal, de.

If all the seas were one sea,

What a great sea that would be!

And if all the trees were one tree,

What a great tree that would be!

And if all the axes were one axe,

What a great axe that would be!

And if all the men were one man,

What a great man he would be!

And if the great man took the great axe,

And cut down the great tree,

And let it fall into the great sea,

What a splish splash that would be!

As Tommy Snooks and Bessy Brooks

Were walking out one Sunday,

Said Tommy Snooks to Bessy Brooks,

"To-morrow will be Monday."

Three children sliding on the ice

Upon a summer's day,

As it fell out they all fell in,

The rest they ran away.

Now had these children been at home,

Or sliding on dry ground,

Ten thousand pounds to one penny

They had not all been drowned.

Ye parents all, that children have,

And ye that eke have none,

If you would keep them from the grave,

Pray make them stay at home.

One misty, moisty morning,

When cloudy was the weather,

I chanced to meet an old man clothed all in leather.

He began to compliment, and I began to grin,

How do you do, and how do you do?

And how do you do again?

Brave news is come to town;

Brave news is carried;

Brave news is come to town-

Jemmy Dawson's married.

First he got a porridge-pot,

Then he bought a ladle;

Then he got a wife and child,

And then he bought a cradle.

There was an old man,

And he had a calf,

And that's half;

He took him out of the stall,

And tied him to the wall,

And that's all.

The man in the wilderness asked me,

How many strawberries grew in the sea?

I answered him as I thought good,

As many as red herrings grew in the wood.

If all the world were apple-pie,

And all the sea were ink,

And all the trees were bread and cheese,

What should we have for drink?

(First child). 1. I am a gold lock.

(Second child.) 2. I am a gold key.

1. I am a silver lock.

2. I am a silver key.

1. I am a brass lock.

2. I am a brass key.

1. I am a lead lock.

2. I am a lead key.

1. I am a monk lock.

2. I am a monk key.

(First child.) 1. I went up one pair of stairs.

(Second child.) 2. Just like me.

1. I went up two pair of stairs.

2. Just like me.

1. I went into a room.

2. Just like me.

1. I looked out of a window.

2. Just like me.

1. And there I saw a monkey.

2. Just like me.

Girls and boys, come out to play,

The moon doth shine as bright as day;

Leave your supper and leave your sleep,

And come with your playfellows into the street.

Come with a whoop, come with a call,

Come with a good will or not at all.

Up the ladder and down the wall,

A halfpenny roll will serve us all.

You find milk, and I'll find flour,

And we'll have a pudding in half an hour.

Gay go up and gay go down,

To ring the bells of London town.

"Bull's eyes and targets,"

Say the bells of St. Marg'ret's.

"Brickbats and tiles,"

Say the bells of St. Giles'.

"Halfpence and farthings,"

Say the bells of St. Martin's.

"Oranges and lemons,"

Say the bells of St. Clement's.

"Pancakes and fritters,"

Say the bells of St. Peter's.

"Two sticks and an apple,"

Say the bells at Whitechapel.

"Old Father Baldpate,"

Say the slow bells at Aldgate.

"You owe me ten shillings,"

Say the bells at St. Helen's.

"Pokers and tongs,"

Say the bells at St. John's.

"Kettles and pans,"

Say the bells at St. Ann's.

"When will you pay me?"

Say the bells of Old Bailey.

"When I grow rich,"

Say the bells of Shoreditch.

"Pray when will that be?"

Say the bells of Stepney.

"I'm sure I don't know,"

Says the great bell at Bow.

I saw a ship a-sailing,

A-sailing on the sea;

And it was full of pretty things

For baby and for me.

There were sweetmeats in the cabin,

And apples in the hold;

The sails were made of silk,

And the masts were made of gold.

The four-and-twenty sailors

That stood between the decks,

Were four-and-twenty white mice,

With chains about their necks.

The captain was a duck,

With a packet on his back;

And when the ship began to move,

The captain cried, "Quack, quack!"

There was a butcher cut his thumb,

When it did bleed, then blood did come.

There was a chandler making candle,

When he them stript, he did them handle.

There was a cobbler clouting shoon,

When they mended, they were done.

There was a crow sat on a stone,

When he was gone, then there was none.

There was a horse going to the mill,

When he went on, he stood not still.

There was a lackey ran a race,

When he ran fast, he ran apace.

There was a monkey climbed a tree,

When he fell down, then down fell he.

There was a navy went into Spain,

When it return'd, it came again.

There was an old woman lived under a hill,

And if she's not gone, she lives there still.

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