Chapter 8 8

The elevator stopped at the third floor.

Denice didn't move. She sat on the floor, her back against the wall, her hand wrapped in the hem of her hospital gown, and watched the doors slide open.

Ansel sat in a wheelchair.

He was smaller than she remembered. Paler. The knitted cap on his head was blue, his favorite color, and his hands-his tiny hands-rested on the blanket covering his lap. He was looking down at something, some toy or book, and he didn't see her.

But Denice saw him. She saw the shape of his eyes, the curve of his mouth, the way his ears stuck out slightly from his head-Jasper's ears, her ears, the genetic blueprint they'd created together in secret and in love.

"Ansel." The name escaped her, a whisper, a prayer.

He looked up.

For a moment-just a moment-she saw recognition in his face. Confusion, then something that might have been hope. His mouth opened-

"Mommy?"

The voice came from beside him. Kira Schultz stepped into the elevator, her hand on the wheelchair's push handle, her smile bright and warm and absolutely devastating.

"Mommy's here, sweetheart." She bent down, adjusted Ansel's blanket, pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Did you have a good nap?"

Ansel's face transformed. The confusion vanished, replaced by adoration. He leaned into Kira's touch, his small hand finding her sleeve, gripping tight. "I dreamed about the beach. The one in the storybook with the pink sand."

"When you're all better, love, I'll take you to see a real one just like it," Kira promised, her voice dripping with honeyed affection.

Denice couldn't breathe. The elevator was too small, the walls too close, the air too thin. She tried to stand, couldn't find her legs, settled for crawling forward on her knees.

"Ansel." Her voice was wrong-too high, too desperate, the voice of a stranger. "Ansel, it's me. It's Mama. Look at me-"

His eyes found hers. She saw the moment of recognition, the flicker of something that might have been memory. Then Kira's hand tightened on his shoulder, and the flicker died.

"Who's that?" Ansel asked, his voice small, frightened.

"Just someone who works at the hospital, sweetheart." Kira's eyes met Denice's, and there was no warmth in them now. Nothing but victory. "She's not important."

"Not important." Denice repeated the words, tasting them. She was on her feet now, moving forward, her hands reaching for her son-"I'm your mother. I'm your-"

"Security!" Kira's voice sharpened, cutting through Denice's desperation. "This woman is disturbing my son. Please remove her."

Ansel began to cry. Silent tears, the way he always cried when he was truly frightened, his small face crumpling while his voice stayed trapped in his throat. He turned into Kira's embrace, hiding from Denice, from the stranger who was screaming and reaching and-

"Denice!"

Jasper's voice. Jasper's hands, rough on her shoulders, spinning her around. She saw his face-shocked, angry, afraid-and then she was flying, her back hitting the elevator wall with force that drove the air from her lungs.

She slid down, gasping, her vision sparking. Through the haze, she saw Jasper step in front of Kira and Ansel, his body a barrier between them and her. His stance was protective. Fierce. The way he'd once stood between her and a drunk in a bar, a lifetime ago.

"Don't touch him." His voice was ice. "Don't come near him. Don't-"

"He's my son." The words came out as a whisper, barely audible. "Jasper, he's my-"

"I don't know you." The words fell like stones. Each one a burial. "I've never seen you before in my life."

The elevator doors closed. Denice watched them through a film of tears, watched Jasper's face disappear, watched her son's small hand waving goodbye-not to her, never to her, to Kira, to the woman he'd been taught to call mother.

The elevator descended. Denice didn't move. She sat on the floor of the empty car, her back against the wall where Jasper had thrown her, and felt something inside her crack. Not break-crack. A fault line opening, deep and irreversible.

The lobby was bright, loud, full of people who had somewhere to be. Denice walked through them without seeing them, her bare feet leaving wet prints on the marble, her hospital gown gaping, her hand still bleeding. No one stopped her. She was invisible. She was nothing.

The doors opened to the street. The rain was still falling, harder now, a deluge that soaked her in seconds. She didn't feel it. She walked to the curb, stepped into the gutter, felt the water rising around her ankles.

She looked up at the hospital-fifteen floors, hundreds of windows, one of them holding everything she'd lost. She opened her mouth. She screamed.

The sound was inhuman. Animal. The sound of a creature with its leg caught in a trap, chewing through bone to escape. She screamed until her throat tore, until the rain filled her mouth, until she had no voice left and still she screamed, silently, into the storm.

Then she walked. She didn't know where. She didn't care. She walked until the hospital was behind her, until the city blurred into anonymity, until she found herself at her own door, her own miserable apartment, her own empty bed.

She didn't sleep. She sat in the dark, listening to the rain, and planned.