He was taken aback, but it took only a second before his expression returned to scorn.
"What did I do, Rachel? What was so bad about having fun?" he flared, throwing his hands in the air. "Marrying you shouldn't stop me from enjoying my life."
I burst into laughter at his statement. Tears streamed down my face as I laughed-sharp, broken laughter that hurt my chest. Despite everything, he didn't find anything wrong with what he did.
This motherfucker was still justifying his actions.
"Just having fun?" I scoffed. "Doing things that make you happy? Does that include disrespecting our vows? Our love? Our marriage?" My voice croaked. I struggled to push back the tears pooling in my eyes and surging within me.
Before today, I would cry, kneel, and beg him to stop tainting our marital vows-but not anymore. I'm exhausted. I just want to breathe without thinking of a husband whose eyes chase everything in a skirt.
He gave a light laugh, closed the distance between us, and gripped my shoulders firmly. "Things aren't as serious as they seem, Rachel. You're the one making everything look like a problem when it isn't," he deadpanned. "It's not disrespectful if I'm having fun outside. I didn't bring them into our home," he added with sheer nonchalance.
A scoff escaped my lips. My husband wasn't as smart as I thought he was. Maybe I was the one who placed too many expectations on him. I just couldn't believe the things he was saying.
"You are unbelievable, Jeremy," I spat, my voice shaking. I moved out of his grip and shook my head. "You are unbelievable, and you sound so dumb."
His brows creased. "Did you just call me dumb? Huh, Rachel?" he sputtered, appalled.
Instead of responding, I hissed and walked away. It was no use speaking with him when he was drunk. I bet he wouldn't even remember this whole issue by morning.
⸻
The next morning, I woke up before anyone else even though I didn't sleep early. I knew I had promised myself not to cry over him anymore, but I just couldn't stop the tears from falling. They kept coming even as I tried to hold them back.
My head was filled with thoughts of him. Before marriage, he was all over me. He promised to be faithful, to give me the kind of marriage I had always prayed for. So how did everything get to this stage? A stage where he had no respect for me and what we shared?
I went straight to the kitchen and made breakfast, hoping we could fix whatever was left of us and put the past behind us.
Two hours later, I heard the sound of his approaching footsteps, and I walked out of the kitchen.
"Good morning, hubby," I muttered with a smile.
He was fully dressed in a black suit, a gray-blue tie, and carrying a black bag. I couldn't help falling for him all over again when I set my eyes on him.
But he didn't respond. Instead, he sauntered to the shelf, picked up his car keys, and headed toward the door.
My brows knitted in surprise and confusion.
"Are you leaving for work already? Without breakfast?" I asked, following him.
"I didn't think you'd bother cooking for a 'dumb' husband," he replied.
Oh, fuck. He still remembered what happened last night. I thought he was drunk and would have forgotten most of our argument.
"You know I didn't mean that, Jeremy," I said, still walking behind him. Just as he reached for the door handle, I grabbed his arm and looked up at him pleadingly. "If I truly meant what I said, I wouldn't wake up early just to make your favorite meal," I added, my lips curling into a playful smile.
He sighed and looked at me for the first time since coming downstairs. "You take simple things too seriously, Rachel. That's one flaw you have, and you need to work on it," he began.
"Even if I mess around with other women, it doesn't mean I love them. I do not, Rachel. My heart is with you. I've got eyes for you alone, honey." He held my hands and locked his gaze with mine.
There it was-his usual manipulation. For a moment, I thought he wouldn't do something like that, but I was wrong. After every argument about his cheating, he resorted to manipulating me-just like he was doing now.
The anger I had suppressed before morning reignited, and I almost erupted like a bomb. Hissing, I jerked my hand away from his and stepped back.
"You don't need to eat the breakfast I made, Jeremy, and you also don't need to justify your multiple sex escapades. Just leave," I said, my voice turning cold on the last word.
"You-" he started.
"You heard me, Jeremy," I cut him off. "Leave," I snarled.
He didn't say another word. Instead, he opened the door and left the house.
Placing my hands on my hips, I leaned my head back and blinked away the tears gathering in my eyes. When would Jeremy change? When would he stop causing me heartache? When would all this trouble end?
When I heard his car drive off, I went back to the dining table, ate breakfast, and then got ready for work. We worked at the same company-our company-but we rarely went together. He wouldn't even allow it.
I had just finished dressing when my phone rang. Glancing at the screen, I saw it was my best friend, Lena.
My lips curved into a smile as I answered the call.
"Hey, darling," I said.
"Hey, my beautiful married friend," she teased from the other end. I could swear she rolled her eyes when she said "married." Lena hated that I was married-or rather, she hated the person I was married to. She had told me my situation gave her more reason never to settle for any man.
"How are you, darling?" she added.
"I'm fine," I breathed out.
"Are you sure, Rachel? You don't sound fine to me," she said, her tone laced with worry.
I should have known my fake excitement wouldn't fool Lena. She always knew when something was wrong.
"Talk to me, baby girl. Or do you want me to come over?" she blurted. "I'm not busy right now. I can be on my way if you want."
"Hell no, Lena. It isn't that serious," I said, shaking my head as if she could see me.
"That means it's serious," she asserted. "Now start talking. What's wrong? Is it your husband again?"
I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "Hmm... There's... another woman," I revealed.
An awkward silence followed.
That was unusual. The Lena I knew would have shouted and rained curses on Jeremy and the woman.
My mouth parted to ask what was wrong, but before I could speak, she exhaled heavily.
"What would it take for you to leave these shackles in the name of marriage, Rachel?" she asked, her voice low and sharp. "You can't keep living like this, Rachel. What if he gets infected out there and passes it to you?" Her tone carried concern and frustration. "It could be deadly. You could die, love."
Closing my eyes, I pinched the bridge of my nose before opening them again. "I know, Lena."
"Then leave," she snapped. "If you know, then walk away. Or does your life mean nothing to you? Will you leave only when he completely ruins you?"
Lena's words were unusually intense today. In the past, she would curse him and then make me laugh, but today was different. Something about it made my heart ache and drop. It made tears well up in my eyes.
"He was my first, Lena. My first in everything. My virginity... he was the one I lost it to," my voice croaked.
"Does it matter? No. Being your first doesn't mean he should be your last. This guy isn't worth it, girl. Leave," she muttered.
I shut my eyes and exhaled deeply. Everything Lena said was right. Jeremy wasn't worth it, yet I couldn't leave because I felt no one else would want me since I had already lost my virginity to him. That was the mindset I grew up with in an extremely religious family.
"Are you listening to me?"
Her voice cut through my thoughts.
Opening my eyes, I nodded. "Y-yes, Lena. I'm listening. I just... I just..." I trailed off, searching for words. "You know what? I'll think about everything you said. I know you're just trying to look out for me, and I truly appreciate it. Thank you so much, my girl," I said with a small smile.
She chuckled. "Don't thank me yet, idiot. I want to see your actions, not just your words."
"You just watch, girl. I'll show you how serious I am," I said, and we both laughed.
"I need to go now. I don't want to be late for work," I added, picking up my bag and heading toward the door.
"You talk as if anyone is going to punish you for being late," she teased. "It's your husband's company, for God's sake."
"I know, Lena. But policy is policy. The company's rules apply to everyone, no matter who you are," I explained.
"Alright... I'll let you go now. Talk to you later," she said, blew me a kiss, and hung up.
I shook my head and got into the car as soon as the call ended. Lena is troublesome, and she's also the only reason I haven't completely fallen apart.