Chapter 5 Grief

Pain.

That was the first thing I felt right after I woke up.

I groaned softly.

My eyes fluttered open.

The ceiling above me was stark white, too bright. The air smelled sterile, heavy with antiseptic. There were numerous machines beeping around me.

I then realized I was in a hospital.

My heart stuttered.

The memories came crashing back all at once, the truck, the blinding light, the crash, and my...

My baby!

My hand shot to my stomach and my heart quickly raced when I didn't feel anything.

"W-where is...where is my..."

The door suddenly opened and my parents came rushing in the moment they saw that I was awake.

"No..." My voice cracked, barely louder than a breath. "No, no, no..."

"Cassy, please calm down." Mom tried to calm me down but I pushed her, unable to calm down.

I tried to sit up, panic flooding every vein, but a sharp pain ripped through my body forcing me back down.

"Where is my baby?" I whispered, my voice trembling. "Where's my baby?"

Dad and mom looked at each other, not answering me.

"Mom? Dad? Where is my baby?"

The door then opened quietly.

A nurse stepped in, her expression gentle and careful. Behind her was a doctor I didn't recognize. They exchanged glances and for some reason I hated it!

"Miss Cassy," the doctor said softly, pulling a chair closer to my bed.

"You've been unconscious for several hours now."

I shook my head frantically. "My baby," I said again, tears already spilling. "Please. I need to see my baby."

The room fell silent.

The beeping machine suddenly sounded unbearably loud.

The doctor inhaled slowly, like he was readying himself.

"I'm so sorry," he began.

No. Please no.

"The impact caused severe internal trauma," he continued. "We did everything we could."

Stop.

"But the baby."

"Stop," I whispered, my hands gripping the sheets so tightly my knuckles turned white. My whole body started shaking. "Please don't say it."

"I'm truly sorry," he said gently, sighing. "The baby didn't make it."

"No," I sobbed. "No, please. You're wrong. I felt them this morning. They were fine. I ate properly, I took my vitamins, I did everything right..."

My voice cracked completely.

"I did everything right," I cried.

The doctor stood up slowly. "We'll give you some time," he said softly before leading the nurse out.

At the same time, Aunt Tessia and Uncle Richard came rushing in. Offering comforting words to me.

But all their words meant nothing.

After a while, the door opened again, and this time, the person I wanted to see the most finally appeared.

Hades looked like a mess, his hair was disheveled, and when he was fully inside, his gaze quickly found mine, and there was nothing in them but contempt and hate.

"All you needed to do was take care of the baby! And you couldn't even do that right!" He yelled.

"Hades!" Uncle Richard stood up, glaring at his own son.

I felt my chest about to burst as I cried my heart out. "I-I'm sor..."

"You should have just dropped dead, that way I'd be free! Fuck this!" He muttered and left, banging the door close behind him.

Everyone fell quiet after that.

The silence was unbearable.

I stared at the ceiling, tears streaming endlessly down my temples and soaking into the pillow. My chest hurt so badly I thought my heart might give out next.

It was my fault.

My baby was gone.

The only little light in my life was gone because of me.

If only I didn't insist on going to their house, if only I had stayed at home, then this wouldn't have happened. My baby would have still been alive.

...

After I recovered, I insisted on going home.

I didn't want to burden my parents. Whatever was broken between Hades and me I had to face it myself.

A cab dropped me off in front of our gate.

I hadn't even been given time to grieve properly. The moment I was allowed to leave, I came straight here. No matter what he said, I knew he cared. If he didn't, he wouldn't have been so angry.

The moment I opened the doors I shivered at the cold feeling.

Everything was dark.

"Hades?" I called out his name but there was no response.

I walked up to the second floor and I tried checking him in his room but he wasn't there. I tried checking his office but he wasn't there as well.

I thought he must have gone out, so I slowly walked back, but then I heard the door screech at the far end of the hall.

My eyes narrowed. Impossible. He wouldn't go there.

Still, curiosity got into me so I walked towards the last room. This was supposed to be our baby's room.

But now... now that will no longer happen.

I gently opened the door and took a peek inside.

"Hades?" I softly called out his name, and when I fully opened it.

I saw him standing at the center looking lost.

"Hade..."

"Why did you even come into my life?" His cold voice came and I stopped, clenching my fist as I maintained a distance from him.

He then turned to me, his eyes void of any emotion. "Is this your way of making my life a living hell? Did the gods purposely give you to me to punish me?"

"Hades..."

He then abruptly turned to me, making me flinch backwards.

"Sign this." He said in a straight voice, his expression serious as he threw a brown envelope in front of me.

"W-what is that?" I asked, my voice trembling.

He looked at me dead in the face. "The divorce papers." He muttered, and I felt my whole world shift.

The next thing I know, I was down on the floor, hugging his leg as I cried in front of him. Even though I know he hates to see me cry, at this moment, I don't care.

"Hades, please, don't do this." I said repeatedly, burying my face in his leg.

"Let go!" He muttered mercilessly deeply but I didn't listen, instead, I clung to him even more.

My tears continued to flow. I could see myself in the corner of my eyes through the mirror. I looked so broken. In fact, I don't even recognize myself anymore.

"I said let go Cassandra!" his voice thundered.

I was so struck by the gravity of his voice that I let him go.

He moved away from me and ran a hand through his hair.

"Why do you keep on pushing yourself to me?" He gritted his teeth as he laughed, like he was losing himself.

"You did everything to get me, and you did. But fuck! We will never be happy. We're only gonna end up hurting each other. This sick love of yours, I will never be able to give it to you." He muttered, looking at me with a drained look on his face.

"Sign it. I already called Klare, and she said she'll be returning in a week." He said, sounding more calm while I on the other hand froze hearing my older sister's name coming out of his lips.

"You'll get settlement money after we get divorce. Go back to school or get married to another guy, I don't really care. Just sign it so we can finally end this suffering." He said.

I want to speak. I want to beg him to stop. But I can't. I have no right to ask him for those things.

"I already signed the papers. After you give yours, our marriage will finally be over." He said, breathing heavily.

"Hades..." I looked up to him, smiling through the pain. I probably look crap right now since I'm still crying, but that's the least of my concern.

"Is this really what you want?" I asked him, smiling weakly.

He looked at me for a moment, his brows clenching, and I could see his fist curling as if he was in a long thought. After a few minutes he finally answered that it finally shattered the perfect marriage I envisioned for the both of us.

"Yes. Sign it." He said.

"After tomorrow, I hope we can finally start all over again with our lives." He said without any second thoughts and I closed my eyes, finally facing the truth.

In this life, I can only ever be nothing to Hades.

How foolish I was to think that he will ever love me.

I heard the door close behind me.

I stared at the wall for hours, and I only moved when the light slowly slipped through the curtains.

I picked up the brown envelope in front of me.

And with a trembling body, I stood up.

I went to my room and picked up a pen, and with shaking hands, I signed the divorce papers.

A tear dripped on the paper and I could only smile bitterly as I left my room.

I roamed my eyes around our home... wait... our home? Is it even right to call it that? Was it even a home to begin with?

Without them knowing, I left. Carrying only one bag which contained all my most precious things.

I left my parents a message that I'll be resting somewhere. I didn't tell them where since I have no clue where I am even going. All I know is that I need to breathe. Somewhere far, somewhere that's not here. A place where no one knows me.

Before I closed the door, I looked at the portrait of me and Hades and I smiled, remembering the day he became mine, and I'll remember this day too well too. The day where his nightmare finally ends with me.

"I love you, Hades." I whispered, closing the door as I left for good.