Chapter 5 First Person POV

Shadowfang territory looked exactly how I remembered it and nothing like it at the same time.

The towering pines still stretched toward the sky like cathedral spires, their branches thick enough to block out most of the fading sunlight. The air still carried that distinctive scent of cedar and mountain water, crisp and clean in a way that made my wolf want to run through the forest until my lungs burned. But the security had intensified dramatically. We passed three separate guard posts on the way to the main compound, each one manned by warriors who watched our ragtag group with expressions ranging from curiosity to outright hostility.

Rogues weren't welcome in pack territory. Ever. The fact that Raven was bringing eight of us directly into the heart of Shadowfang was either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.

I was betting on stupid.

"This is insane," Sage muttered beside me, keeping her voice low enough that only I could hear. She'd insisted on walking next to me despite my suggestion that she hang back with the others. Loyalty looked good on her, even when it was misplaced. "Do you see how they're looking at us? Like we're diseased. Like we might contaminate their precious pack lands just by breathing the same air."

"I know." I kept my eyes forward, my spine straight, refusing to show any weakness even though exhaustion was pulling at my bones. The confrontation with Thaddeus had drained me more than I wanted to admit, and the two-hour hike into Shadowfang territory hadn't helped. My legs felt like they were made of lead, and the silver veins creeping up my forearms seemed darker than they'd been this morning. "But we're here now. We survive this the same way we've survived everything else."

"By pretending we're fine when we're absolutely not?"

"Exactly."

Raven walked ahead of us, flanked by two of his warriors. He hadn't looked back once since we'd started moving, his shoulders tense and his stride purposeful. Every inch of him screamed Alpha, from the way other wolves automatically moved out of his path to the subtle dominance in how he carried himself. It should have been intimidating. It was intimidating. But underneath the power and control, I could feel his awareness of me through the bond. Constant and acute. Like he was tracking my every breath.

It made my skin itch and my heart race in ways I refused to examine.

The main compound came into view as we crested a hill, and I had to swallow hard against the memories that crashed over me. The central lodge was massive, built from stone and timber in a style that managed to be both rustic and imposing. Smaller cabins dotted the surrounding area, housing for pack members and visiting wolves. Everything was exactly as I remembered from five years ago, when I'd attended that gathering as a naive teenager who thought she understood how the world worked.

I'd learned better the hard way.

"Welcome to Shadowfang," Raven said, finally turning to address all of us. His eyes found mine and held for a beat too long before moving to the rest of my pack. "You'll be housed in the eastern cabins. They're normally reserved for visiting dignitaries, so they're comfortable and private. My Beta, Finn, will show you to your accommodations and get you settled."

A tall wolf with sandy hair and sharp green eyes stepped forward, offering a smile that seemed genuine despite the circumstances. This had to be Finn Ashford, Raven's second-in-command and childhood friend. I'd heard stories about him over the years, mostly about his level-headedness and unwavering loyalty. He looked like the kind of wolf who'd follow his Alpha into hell without asking questions.

"Follow me," Finn said, his voice easy and welcoming in a way that immediately put me on edge. People weren't this nice without wanting something. "We've got hot water, food, and actual beds. I'm guessing that's an upgrade from camping."

Marcus and the others moved to follow him, but I stayed rooted where I was. Sage shot me a questioning look, clearly torn between sticking with me and getting the rest of our pack settled. I gave her a small nod. Go. I can handle this.

She hesitated another second before joining the others, leaving me alone in the compound clearing with Raven and a handful of his warriors. The sun had nearly set, painting everything in shades of orange and purple, and somewhere in the distance I could hear the sounds of pack life. Children laughing. Adults talking. The normal, everyday existence of wolves who belonged somewhere.

I'd forgotten what that felt like.

"You need to rest," Raven said, his voice careful. "The healer will want to examine you tomorrow, assess the damage from the curse."

"I'm fine." The lie tasted bitter. "I don't need a healer."

"Lyrix." He took a step closer, and I immediately stepped back, maintaining the distance between us. Something flickered in his expression. Hurt, maybe. Or frustration. "You collapsed back at your camp. Don't think I didn't notice. And I can feel how weak you are through the bond."

"Then stop feeling it." I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly cold despite the mild evening air. "You're the one who broke the bond. Figure out how to tune it out."

"It doesn't work like that. You know it doesn't." Another step closer, slow and deliberate like he was approaching a wounded animal. Which wasn't far from the truth. "The bond is damaged, not severed. I feel everything. Your pain, your exhaustion, your fear. I've felt it all for five years, and it's been killing me just as surely as the curse is killing you."

"Good." The word came out venomous. "You deserve to suffer for what you did."

"I know." He stopped moving, staying just outside of touching distance. "I know I do. But you don't. You've never deserved any of this. So please, let the healer help you. Let me try to fix this."

"You keep saying that. Let me fix this. Let me help you." I laughed, the sound harsh and broken. "But you still haven't explained why. Why did you reject me, Raven? If you're going to stand here and act like you care, the least you can do is tell me the truth."

His jaw clenched, and for a long moment I thought he wouldn't answer. Then he looked at me with eyes that held five years of agony. "Because Thaddeus Crimson told me he'd kill your entire family if I claimed you. Your mother, your cousins, everyone you'd ever loved. He gave me until sunrise to reject you publicly or he'd start collecting bodies."

The world tilted sideways. I grabbed for the nearest tree to steady myself, my mind racing. "What?"

"He wanted you even then. He knew about your bloodline, knew what you could become. And he knew the fastest way to make you vulnerable was to break you first." Raven's hands were shaking, actual trembling in his fingers that he couldn't quite control. "So I broke you. I destroyed our bond to save your life, and I've regretted it every single day since."

I couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. Five years of hate and anger and hurt, all built on a foundation that was suddenly crumbling beneath my feet. "You're lying."

"I'm not." He pulled something from his pocket, a worn leather journal that looked like it had been opened and closed a thousand times. "I wrote you letters. Every week for five years. Explaining, apologizing, begging you to understand. I never sent them because I knew you wouldn't believe me. Wouldn't forgive me. But they're all here. Everything I should have told you that morning."

He held the journal out, and I stared at it like it might bite me. Taking it would mean accepting that maybe, possibly, the male who'd destroyed me had done it to save me. It would mean reconsidering five years of carefully constructed hatred. It would mean letting him back in, even just a crack, and I wasn't sure I was strong enough for that.

"I don't want your explanations," I said, but my voice wavered. "I don't want your letters or your protection or your guilt. I want to go back to my camp and pretend none of this is happening."

"You can't." His voice broke on the words. "The camp isn't safe. Thaddeus will come back, and next time I might not get there in time. And the curse is accelerating. You're dying, Lyrix. We're out of time for pretending."

A wolf howl split the evening air, long and mournful, and every warrior in the clearing went tense. Raven's head snapped toward the sound, his body language shifting from vulnerable to lethal in a heartbeat.

Finn came running back down the path, his expression grim. "Alpha, we have a problem. There's a messenger at the border. From Bloodmoon Pack."

Raven's eyes flashed gold. "What does he want?"

"To deliver a message." Finn glanced at me, something apologetic in his expression. "Thaddeus Crimson has formally declared his intention to claim Lyrix Thorne as his mate, and he's challenging you for the right to take her."