Chapter 3 Scholarship and Destiny's Door

The shadow of Dimitri followed me back to the orphanage. I could still feel his gaze on the back of my neck like he was watching me. It sat in the corner of my mind like a heavy uninvited guest. For three days, I couldn't pick up my violin. Every time I looked at the wood, I remembered those cold ocean eyes staring at my soul like it was waiting for me to break.

The Orphanage felt colder and smaller after the gala. Meaner to be precise.

"Look at our cute little star," Claire said, blocking my way in the hall. She kicked my coal bucket and the sound of the stones hitting the floor made me jump. Here we go again, 'My Big Sis' is at it again about to give me her own personal 'compliments'.

"You think you are one of them now? You think you are better than the rest of us? Just because you played a few notes for the rich makes you think you're something better than the gutter rat you are?"

"Just let me pass, Claire," I said, my voice sounding thin.

"Or what?" She yanked my hood and grabbed a fistful of my hair, forcing my head backwards until my eyes watered. This isn't just mean. This is evil and she looked so desperate. So desperate that it sends a shiver down my spine.

"You are still one of us, Isabelle. They only wanted a show. A freak show and you are the perfect clown to hire with your hair to match. Once they are bored, they will throw you out and I'll be the one holding the door."

I shoved her as hard as my trembling hands could, my heart thudding. I'm not brave or strong or even confident but I'm done. I'm done with Claire picking on me just because life in the orphanage made her sad and bitter.

"Believe whatever makes you sleep," I shot back as I quickly fixed my hood, picked the stones scattered on the floor back into the coal bucket and walked away before she get back on her feet and do something crazier. I could hear her cursing as I ran out of the hall.

A week later, the sound of an expensive car vibrated through St. Brigette's wall. Sister Marianne appeared, looking like she hadn't slept in a year. I wondered what she was so afraid of. She had been like this after Madame Beaumont's visit. Whenever I asked her about it, she said "Isabelle, some secrets are not just hidden, they are buried and when you try to dig them out, they break you down to your soul. You are here because the Lord loves you and doesn't want those secrets to break your soul." The Lord loves me indeed. I couldn't ask more questions after that.

"Isabelle," she whispered. "Director Rousseau is here for you."

"Director Rousseau is here for me?" I asked as the bow I was cleaning dropped from my hand. "The same Director Rousseau of St. Aurelia Academy. Is he here to see me? What for?"

"I can't answer that, Isabelle. Let's not keep the gentleman waiting," she said, picking up my bow from the floor and putting it back into the case.

I walked to the entrance. Sister Marianne followed behind. Director Rousseau was sitting there in the chapel wearing a suit that cost more than the orphanage's roof. His gaze was locked on me as I made my way towards him. He looked at me as if I were a math problem he'd finally solved.

"Hello, Isabelle. We meet again," he said, offering a smile as I sat across him. "I hope you still remember me."

"Oh Yes, I remember you, Director Alexandre Rousseau," I replied quickly, offering back a smile. I tried not to smile too much, hoping it wouldn't scare him away.

"Excellent, Isabelle," he said, his smile growing bigger like my answer was a clue he had been searching for. "I won't take much of your time, I'll go straight to the point. Your talent shouldn't be wasted here, Isabelle," he said, his voice clipped and professional.

"It's a pity you grew up in the orphanage and didn't have the opportunity to be tutored by music professionals. Your talent is one of a kind and even without being tutored, you exceeded many expectations. That's why St. Aurelia Academy is offering you a scholarship. Housing, clothing, music lessons from the best teachers in the field and a future. Everything will be taken care of."

What am I hearing? Is this a dream? Am I seeing right? A scholarship to St. Aurelia Academy? Everything including my future will be taken care of. This feels too good to be real.

"Isabelle? Isabelle?" Director Rousseau called out, snapping his fingers at my face to bring me back to reality.

"What... what do you... I... I mean why me? What have I done... I don't understand... A scholarship just like that without doing anything?" I stuttered trying to gather the right words to express the confusion that is starting to make my head spin.

"You did something, Isabelle. You did something amazing," he said, as he adjusted his glasses. "The other school administrators and I decided to bring you in. We saw a real talent and we want St. Aurelia to nurture it. That's what we do. We have the best students from all over the world. Come see for yourself, Isabelle."

I looked over at Sister Marianne, searching her eyes for words to say but her eyes were screaming not to go. She wants me to stay. I don't even need to look deeply for me to know and given the way she has been for the past few weeks. I don't know what to think or say.

"Can I think about this for a little while?" I asked.

"I would love to give you time for you to make the best decision that is fine with you but I have to know your decision today," Director Rousseau said, checking his wristwatch. "But we are starting a new session in a few weeks, to get your paperwork done and the necessary admission process for you to resume with the rest of the students."

I don't really think I should go. I don't fit in a place like that. I can't even walk around with my hair open in public not to mention attending a prestigious school. We are homeschooled. All of us at the orphanage. The sisters couldn't afford our tuition fees for a private school and going to the public school is at the other side of town.

I was about to turn down the offer when I caught a glimpse of Claire. She was hiding by the window of the Chapel, eavesdropping on our conversation. Oh Good Lord, Claire. How could I forget Claire? Goosebumps rise across my body.

I don't want to stay anymore. I want to leave so at least I can get rid of myself for her, since that's what she wants. My existence has been a thorn in her side. I want to prove her wrong. Memories of my encounters with Claire flooded my head. That was enough to drive the will to live in the shadows out. I want to lose the hood and not hide my hair anymore. I want to walk freely like every other person. Like Claire. Like Pearl and the other girls. At least if nobody wants me, I want to want myself. I want to choose myself and be free from living in the shadows and fear of hiding from what I can't even see. I took a long breath.

"Yes, I'll go," I finally said, as the words left my mouth it felt like a burden was lifted from my shoulders.

"Wonderful Choice, Isabelle," Director Rousseau said, smiling like my choice was one thing he had been waiting for.

"When do we leave," I asked.

"Not today. We need to prepare the paperwork for your admission and get you ready," he said, opening the suitcase that had been sitting by his side. He brought out some documents and told me to sign them.

"I'll have someone come over for your uniform measurements and also bring you the necessary supplies you'll be needing," he said, tucking back the documents into the suitcase. "You'll be ready for St. Aurelia in three weeks. Congratulations, Isabelle. Your future awaits."

I turned to make eye contact with Sister Marianne. She had stopped praying the rosary. She was leaning toward the seat in front of her, her head bent over it like a sinner praying to the Lord to atone for their sins. One of the many positions you unfailingly see in churches on Sundays. My heart ached as I watched her hoping she'd understand why I decided to choose the open over the shadows.

Three weeks come in a blur. Sister Marianne didn't speak of that day as if it didn't happen and I on the other hand, couldn't say anything about it out of guilt that I betrayed her after she warned me. A representative of St. Aurelia came with the other paperwork that required her signature and she followed through. They came with school supplies; notebooks and textbooks that are more expensive than the entire orphanage building, a brand new laptop, a smart phone and other items I'll be needing.

Claire had been quiet too as if she had given up on tormenting me which was so suspicious. Whenever I passed the hallways or was doing chores with the other girls. I could hear their whispers about me and how I seduced Alexandre Rousseau to get a seat at St. Aurelia Academy and that is definitely Claire's work. So this is what she had been doing instead. I didn't pay them any attention and continued with my chores.

The morning of the day I'll be leaving for St. Aurelia came. Director Rousseau sent a car to get me. Finally, I'll be leaving the only place I know of. The only place that took me in when everybody else tossed me out. I couldn't stop the tears from falling as I packed my stuff. I went to see Sister Marianne earlier this morning but she refused to let me into her room.

I took one final look at my room. My rusty bed frame and my lean bedding, worn-out dresser, cracked mirror and the creaking floor. This has been my whole life until now. I removed the hood and placed it on the bed before shutting the door behind me.

Claire and the girls were waiting outside their room door. Waiting to give me their 'farewell wishes'. How touching.

"Go on then, ghost!" Someone yelled.

"Keep looking over your shoulders!" Claire called out, her voice crackling. "They are going to break you, Isabelle. And don't expect us to be here when you come back crawling."

I got into the car but their words felt like a cold weight over my chest. I thought I was being saved. I didn't realize I was changing the cage.

The Spires of St. Aurelia Academy looked like teeth against the grey sky. As the car pulled in, I watched the students. They moved in with easy, expensive grace I didn't understand. I gripped my old violin case, feeling the cheap fabric of my coat like a neon sign. As I stepped out of the car, I felt out of place instantly. They stared like I was a weird alien from another plane. Especially the girls, whispering into each other's ears and giggling about it.

My room in the hostel was bigger than the entire dorm at St. Brigette's Marble, Silk and a view that felt too wide and too open.

On the bed lay my uniform, a navy skirt and a blazer with a gold crest. I touched the fabric. It was soft and smelled heavenly.

I sat there as the sun went down, watching the long shadows stretch across the floor. I thought of Sister Marianne's shaky hands and Claire's bitter face. I felt grateful but it was a heavy and suffocating kind of gratitude.

I looked at the gold crest on the blazer. I fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. Finally, I was free from the shadows. Or that was what I thought.