Your love is killing me

Moving back into my high-end apartment, everything remained the way I left. Not a single thing was out of place.

Everything in the living room was the same. I checked the room, everything saying it all. It was an abandoned room. I could see his face, his laughter, him throwing me cushions, us cuddling, watching movies on the 65inch TV. Tears welled up my eyes, but I could not bring my eyes to drop them. Sniffing and wiping my eyes, I moved from the living room towards the bedroom. I opened the bedroom door.

The shoe rack at the wall behind the main door.

The classy handbags are on the rack at the corner of the room. My books were on the shelves, the tissue where I left them crying. Everything was exactly where I left it. I moved to the wardrobe to check, and the only thing missing was his clothes. He didn't leave even a single sock. It was clean.

My heart shuddered. I couldn't take the pain. It had been more than three months, but... looking at the photo on the wall, tears streamed down my face. The memories were fresh on my mind about us.

Everything in the room reminded me of him. Even his scent was still lingering in the room.

Throwing everything down from the table, I slid down the wall, sobbing my heart out.

Flashback

"You should have told me about her. Why did you cheat on me again?" I asked him. He seemed ashamed about everything.

"It was a trap. I can tell you, I was drugged." He tried to say, but I could not take any of that

"I am done. I don't want to go on with this. Please, James, this rollercoaster will never end. The threats, the cheating, it too much for me." I said, trying to stand on my feet.

"We can make it work again. I promise I will do better. I have changed. You have seen me all these years. I have stopped sleeping around. I'll be better. I swear, I love you," He said as he tried to hug me from behind.

"We have been through this over and over again. It's becoming a nuisance a norm. I am done. It's too much," I said as I tried to pull his hands off me.

"Baby, I really can't do without you. I know I am a mess. And this time, I have decided to really change. Just give me another chance."

"I have also made my decision. As much as I love you, the relationship is not working. It's too toxic. I am done" With that, I left the room. I could feel him standing in the middle of the room, his hand hanging on both sides. He looked defeated, but I didn't care at that moment. He had taken me through hell over and over. It was time I took the hard decision.

I opened the main door leaving the dejected love of my life standing watching me go. Sometimes I wished he would have done something more. He would have tried hard to stop me from leaving. But sometimes I also feel it was the best.

Walking down the street, I couldn't keep my mind shut and kept on thinking of the things we had been through together all these years. I couldn't help but shudder at the thought of life without him. Every corner of the street. Market, shops, staircases reminded me of him. Driven by adrenaline, my anger took the best part of me and made the hardest decision that I kept from making all those years.

It was a hard decision, but no, it had to be made.

*************

Looking at the photo still hanging on the wall. All I had was a broken heart. No matter how I tried to move on, it was hard. The cracks were too wide to fill in. No amount of activity could drown me to keep him off. He kept on invading my thoughts, even being far away from me.

The number of women who kept on threatening me reduced, but I still felt empty. I gained freedom and healthy life, but his images and words still lingered in my world. Sitting in the same position crying for so long, I felt numb. My legs were numb, my eyes felt swollen, my head was aching. That was the feeling I hated the most.

I held my hand down on the white carpet and stood from the floor. I lay back on the wall for a sec before going into the bathroom. Looking at the huge mirror. I could see someone that was far from me. My hair looked shaggy and unkempt. My eyes were red and swollen. Terribly swollen that I could not walk out of the apartment like that.

I took a cloth from the hanging line in the bathroom and wiped the mirror clean. I saw words that were hidden come clean.

"I will never let you go. No matter where you go. I will find you and make you mine again. This I promise you."

I could not hold my tears again and let them freely flow. Out of anger, I hit the mirror hard using my hard fist that almost cracked. I didn't want anything to do with him. James Watsons. His name itself was poisonous. Whenever I hear someone mention him, I feel joy and anger in my heart.

They say time heals all wounds, which I was hoping for.

I remember the first time we met.

I, Jane Smith, was just a college student. New in the city

Few new-made friends invited me to lunch at a very fancy café in town. Malt Sam café. I had told them I don't drink, and they being understanding, said we could go to a place they don't serve hard drinks. I appreciated their gesture. My view of them was positive.

There he was. Sitting at the corner of the café, sipping his coffee looking outside. He was wearing clean grey shorts, a black t-shirt, and white sneakers. He looked extremely handsome to me. The moment I entered, I could not keep my eyes off him. It was not for anything else but his unique presence in the room. He looked different and out of the world.

My friends and I sat at the table right in front of him. Each time he placed his cup down and looked up, he could see me staring right at him. The other two friends that were facing me and their backs on him seemed to have been used to seeing him there. They chatted about so many things, but my mind could not get any of them. James had occupied my world.

Each time he placed the cup on the table, he could look at me and give me a charming smile. His white and well-aligned teeth pulled me even more to him.

"Hey Jane, come back to earth. That man is not to be trifled with. He is a playboy." One of my friends, Cindy, said looking at my zoned out eyes

"Mmm. I don't know what you are talking about

I didn't hear much about what my friends talked about different things throughout lunch. My mind was occupied with the images of the guy sitting at the corner. He seemed to have noticed me as well. He didn't look outside again and kept on throwing glances at me. I didn't know what he was thinking about, but I loved it.

This was my first time feeling that way. Butterflies messing with my perfectly smooth and fat-free stomach.

A few minutes later, his friends came over.

They were stylish and very cheery. They all seemed to be from wealthy families who set our standards differently. With the thought of our different standards, I looked down on my own coffee, giving up on the idea of being friends with him.

Seeing my downcast expression, Cindy could not give up asking questions like she always did

"What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing Cindy. I am just tired." I said, trying to hide my sorrow. I wondered why I felt downcast over someone I didn't know. I could not control the feeling. A deep voice came to me in my downcast mood, and there was nothing as attractive as that voice at that moment. I quickly shot up my eyes to meet his ocean blue ones right on me.

"How are you, ladies? Do you mind if I join you?" he asked. Before we could agree to his request, he pulled a chair and sat next to me.

I could see the boys that just joined him looking surprised and laughing knowingly.

"What's up with him?" One of the guys asked, elbowing the other

"I don't know. He may have changed his taste. Let's wait. He will tell us everything later." They changed the topic and ordered their drinks and snacks. Their conversation told me a lot about the guy that stole my heart at first sight.

"My name is James. What's yours?" He asked me as soon as he felt comfortable on his chair. I looked at him surprised and seemed to hesitate. It was not intentional. I just could not say anything.

"Her name is Jane. Jane Smith" Cindy, the blubber mouth introduced me. I can't say I didn't appreciate that. I did

"Nice to meet you." He said, extending his hand to me.

"Nice to meet you." I shook his hand, replying

"Can I have your number? I would like to chat sometime and get to know you," He said, getting his phone out. The other two ladies looked at me, surprised. It was rare for James to take girl's numbers. It was the other way round. It seemed the sun rose from the west that day.

Exchanging our numbers, he rose and went back to his friends

"What's all that about, man? Don't tell us your taste has changed. Are you into college girls now?" I could not help but eavesdrop on their conversation

"Is it bad to have a new interesting friend?" He asked back, writing something on his phone before returning the phone to his pocket. He changed his expression and gave a killer smile to his friends

"Woo," They all said to him. They gave him a thumbs down. Though I could see clearly what was happening, I didn't get to hear all the words they were saying

"Hey, Jane. Please come back to reality?" Stacy, who was quite looking at me a while ago, said to me

"Sorry, guys. I am just surprised," I apologized embarrassingly. I didn't want them to know my true feelings at that moment. I was avoiding too many questions.

"What was that all about?" She continued to ask

"I don't understand what you are talking about," I answered her, giving her questioning gaze.

"Did you know him before?" she continued to ask. There was a tinge of envy on the tone. I wanted to answer her, but his next words turned me off completely.

"Or are you his next plaything?" She said knowingly. She seemed to have expected that to be my fate. There was a satisfying smile on her face.

'I felt bad about her wishing me bad.'

"Don't worry. I will make him mine and mine alone" I found myself answering her provocatively out of anger.

"Stop dreaming, girl. You are just a village pumpkin. Don't even imagine your life with him. You are not his type." She said to me, and it hit hard.

That's how it all started.

In the next few weeks, he was on my heels, trying to get me to have dinner with him. At first, I was skeptical about going in too deep into something that had doubts from the start. My new friends told me grew a seed of doubt in my heart.

They say love is blind, and I can attest to that. James wooing me was amazing. It felt heavenly. My heart could skip each time he came to pick me up at the dormitories gate. I was the envy of most girls in college. Those that knew him saw me as another project on his list. That didn't bother me at all.

All I wanted was to be in love and enjoy my life. I don't know what he thought about me at first, but I knew for sure he also felt something for me. I could tell from the way he looked at me. He was always glued to me each time he saw me.

During the few times we went out to dinner, he would hug me when he took me back to the dormitories. I could always feel his fast-beating heart hugging him. It was the most beautiful time for me. I could feel and see his lust for me in his eyes.

In two months, he had asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn't take time to think because I was sure about my feelings. I wanted to be with him as well. Being his girlfriend meant he was beginning to see me as someone more than just a project, as others would call it. I wanted more. Having been raised in the provincial area, marriage was the next thing in mind.

I hoped to be married to him someday.

Six months into relationship with him, I had access to his apartment and could come to him whenever I wanted. I most would call him to come to pick me up. I would stay with him in his apartment over the weekend and enjoy ourselves to the maximum. This time we would watch movies go out driving all-round the city. Visit his friends and sometimes just stay indoors.

The Watsons were very wealthy and known all over the city. Their son James Watson was the black sheep of the family. He was a playboy at least that is what people said outside. I didn't see any of that. To me, he was a perfect man and intelligent.

Though he liked partying, he would assist his family in the business. He would sometimes visit his parent's home, but most of the time, he would stay in his apartment in the City Centre. There is something that I noticed, though. Each time he went to see his parents, he would come back angry and upset.

I didn't know what to do to console him. Sometimes I would ask what was wrong, and the words that came out of his mouth would be shocking.

He would sometimes say

"Stay out of business" Sometimes, he would push me out of his way and lock himself in his room. Most of this time, I would sit by myself in the living room and watch a movie or wait for him to calm down. Over time he would acknowledge my presence and say something about what happened at home.

I had a class on Thursday morning, but it was canceled due to unavoidable circumstances in the university. So, I had the whole day to myself. I didn't want to stay in the dormitories for a whole day. Stacy was becoming too much to handle. She wanted me to introduce her to one of James' friends. Tony. But I thought she was bad news. I didn't want to bring myself the trouble. I would always dodge her or tell her to approach him herself. Relationships are sensitive; it's best to do it yourself. If things go south, you will not blame anyone.

I didn't call James; I wanted to surprise him. I had the key to his apartment. Being a full-time student, I would only be with him in the evening or weekend. We had plans for the coming weekend, but the unexpected cancellation of classes was an opportunity to spend time with him.

I got out of the dormitories and boarded the awaiting Uber I had booked. I sat at the back and scrolled through my photos with James, giving the driver the address. We were a beautiful couple. Though I was not as attractive as others around him. I found myself good-looking.

I entered the building outside of the apartment building, went through the security, and signed my name on the book. I noticed someone had also gone to the same apartment number I was going to. I didn't think much of it and returned the pen to the security guard and smiled at him.

I always found them exciting and sometimes chatted with them more. This time, one of the male security men was hesitant, but he wanted to say something. In the end, he shook his head and told me nothing. I bid them goodbye, went straight to the elevator, and picked the floor I intended to go to.

On the way to James' place, I had stopped the Uber and picked groceries to make him dinner. Placing the bags on my hand down on the floor, I rampaged my bag and found the key to the door. I didn't bother to press the bell and opened it directly.

I entered the living room, but there was no sign of James. The TV was on, and a piece of beautiful music was playing on the screen. I laughed to myself, thinking probably he was asleep. I went to the kitchen and dropped the items on the counter, and went to the bedroom to look for him.

I didn't knock on the door and pushed it open...