You are Enough

Chapter 1

RUN! RUN! That's all I can hear along with my heart pounding in my ears. I try to obey, but I'm frozen in place. Paralyzed by fear. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! I woke with a jolt, covered in sweat. I lay there trying to slow down my breathing and calm my racing heart. It was just another nightmare or was it a memory? It's 4:30 in the morning. I hate waking up this early, but I have no other choice than to work two jobs, being a single mother of twins at twenty and living back home with my mom, George (stepdad), and my younger siblings Corey and Charolette. My older brother, Stewart, hasn't lived with us in a long time. How did all this come to be, you might ask? Well, let me explain myself to you. Hi, my name is Kathleen and I got married to the first boy to show me any bit of affection. I dropped out of school and moved to California shortly thereafter because he didn't trust me enough to be faithful to him while he was gone. I was made to uproot my life only to be isolated. I wasn't allowed to have friends or see family. He had nobody to question my meek and submissive ways. Nobody to call him out for the bruises that covered more than half of my body. Once I realized what I would be living with for the rest of my life, it was already too late. I was pregnant and with twins. Dylan was sure I had cheated because we had only been married for six months and I was on birth control. At least the physical abuse slowed down, but he ramped up the mental and emotional abuse. I stopped having to wear long-sleeve shirts and hoodies in the heat of summer to cover all the bruises. He was smart and tried not to leave marks on my face or neck so he wouldn't get into trouble with the Marine Corp for spousal abuse. Like that would ever happen. I shake my head to clear my mind of thoughts and memories. Come on Kat, just breathe. I share the room with my one-year-old twins, Holden and Harper, due to all the rooms being full. I get up to check on them and find Holden wrapped around his sister just like they were in the womb. At one point, I did try to separate them but Holden screamed bloody murder until I moved him back in with Harper and within minutes they were both fast asleep. At least I know that he will always be there to protect her from the evils of the world. I thank everything good and positive that is in this world that he has a protective soul and not that of a bully. I have one more glance at my two most prized possessions and grab my things for a shower. I try to be as silent as possible so I don't wake them. As the water heats up, I look at my face and body in the mirror and notice I look far older than my twenty years on this planet.

-Flashback-

I hear the same words that I had gotten so used to hearing that I was just numb to them anymore. God Kathleen, why did I ever marry you? I learned a long time ago to keep my mouth shut and to keep my head down. You are worthless Kathleen! Just better for everyone involved. You can't even keep this place clean for crying out loud! Tell me why I shouldn't just kick you and those brats growing inside of you on the curb? That's what always gets me and he knows I will always fight back for my kids. Smack!!!! Atta girl. I love it when you show a little fire in your eyes. After a few blows that I know will leave marks, I feel his breath on my cheek. Remember, little girl, I own you and those little brats inside of you. I can do what I want when I want and you can't stop me.

- End Flashback-

I find myself looking in the mirror yet not seeing my reflection because of the steam. Just a memory Kat. You're not back there again. It's going to be a very bad day. I can feel it. First the nightmare, now a flashback. Why is this happening again? I work both jobs today and I'm in a bad mood already. I can just feel the mama's fire in my eyes like it was that day all over again. I get into the lukewarm water and wash off all the negativity. How do I keep letting this happen? I'm normally locked up like Fort Knox but this crap slipped through. I always feel so dirty after an episode like this. As I rinse my hair, I hear my little boy over the monitor just babbling away, and then I hear My Coco. His version of my brother's name. At four months old, that being his first word, my brother still brings it up. Now mama's sweet angel Harper is a different story. She was born deaf due to me being pushed down the stairs while I was pregnant. We have been studying ASL to help her and us understand what she wants and needs. Holden is even learning with her. Sometimes I think he is more aware of things. Of course, as soon as he hears Corey he breaks into a giggling fit. As I'm shutting off the water, I hear a softer giggle. Well, Harper is up as well. Hello princess Harper, my brother signed to her. Of course, her brother answers for her. Me Coco she swept hard. So did me. I swear anything Corey says is the gospel. He has always been like a twin to me, even though we are years apart. He is defiantly my other half in a sibling kind of way.

I debate hollering because did I really wanna deal with Charolette's wrath for being woken up so early? Screw it, I think. Almost done, Corey, I just have to finish rinsing my hair. The water had turned cold long ago. Are we doing this? Are you going to wake me up at the crack of dawn, Charolette asks? We do this at least twice a week. I rush to shut off the water and dry myself. As I'm getting dressed I hear a giggle. I walked into my room to dry my waist-length black hair only to be greeted by four sets of eyes that took away my breath.

You see my siblings and I all got our shades of hazel eyes. We all have different shades and patterns in our eyes, and it looks like my children received the gift as well. Hey Kat, we thought we would help you out and get the kids ready to go, Charolette says. Guys, I'm so sorry you are being woken up so early, so much, I say. No worries, I'm not that mad about it, and, plus, we did just get the kids ready for you, Charolette says. And face it, you don't ask for help enough, said Corey. They carry the kids down the stairs because a rule of somebody else carrying the kids was passed after I fell down the stairs carrying them. Nobody but me was injured. I thank everything good and positive in this world for that. I have to hurry. It's almost 6 and I still have to drop the kids off at daycare. It looked like a quick few eggs and a bottle of milk this morning. I rush around trying to get the kids' food ready and they fed so I can finish getting ready for work. Here, let us feed them and get them in their car seats so you can go and do your hair, says Corey. Oh thank you, thank you so much.

I run upstairs so I can do my hair up in a bun and get my shoes on. Fifteen minutes later, we were about to load the kids into the car. As we walked towards the car, I happened to look in the timber to see what looked to be a person. I looked at the other two, saying," Guys, did you see that? There was someone there, I told them. Charolette looked into the timber where I showed her to look and then looked back at me, and looked only to say, I didn't see anyone. Are you okay, she asks? I am fine, I said, looking back at the wooded area knowing full well I saw a person in there. We buckle the kids in and I climb into the driver's side and start the car, but she doesn't start. Damnit! What the hell is wrong with her now, I holler. I tried a few more times and tried one last time. She finally roars to life. Good great grant, I'm already ready for this day to be over. I looked into the rearview mirror to see two chubby hands reaching for the other. I back out of the driveway and make it halfway up the dirt road and my car sputters and whines, so I pull over as I do and she completely dies. Man! This is not my day. I turned the key and nothing. I looked for my phone, flipped it open, and realized I had no signal. Bad day bad day! I was about to cry and I tried one more time and this time she started right up. Thank goodness I screamed. Mommy, you stay, Holden asks? Yes baby I am just happy the car started. We finally make it to the sitters but I feel the hairs on my neck stand up as I step out of the car. That's it, Kat, you are being paranoid, I tell myself. I started to scan the cars around me. I was so focused that I didn't hear Tina the sitter call my name several times, so I jumped when she laid her hand on my shoulder.

Jeeze Kat, I thought you heard me calling your name. I'm sorry Tina. I'm just a bit jumpy today, is all I told her. Okay hun, let's get the kids out and into my apartment. We rushed the kids inside because it was entirely too cold outside. My nephew Max is there getting ready for school. I told her the kids haven't had much to eat this morning. As I'm walking to my car, I jump for the second time in 10 minutes when my phone begins to play Toxic By Britney Spears, that's my soon-to-be ex-husband's ringtone. What does he want? Yes, Dylan, I answered. " Not so high and mighty now are we, he asks?"What are you talking about Dylan? You can't even afford a car that runs! I sit in my car half-frozen, how? How did you know I was having car troubles, Dylan? It doesn't matter whore, just know I'm bringing this up in court. CLICK! No no no, I can't believe this is happening. He's going to end up with the kids. His threat of taking my babies is becoming a very real possibility.

-Flashback-

You had better run from me because if I catch you it will be worse for you. Where am I? No no no, it's Dylan. After a round of discipline, as he calls it he likes to take me to the wooded area of the park and taunt me. You are fat Kathleen! Nobody is ever going to love you. Since the twins were born it's like he doesn't care about getting into trouble because he hits me wherever he is now. Kathleen, you disgust me! He walked a few feet away from my hiding spot behind a tree. I got up to run and fell back on my knee. The pain in my side makes me see stars. I take a breath and hit the ground like a sack of potatoes out cold.

-End Flashback-

I can't breathe, I look around and realize I am in my car, not back in the woods. I look around and find that I am still holding my side trying to catch my breath. My anxiety is rising. No, not here. It's happening. I'm having an anxiety attack! Focus Kat! What did the doc say to do when these started to happen? Oh, that's right, the five senses. Something you feel, hear, see, smell, and taste. I feel my racing heart slow down as I begin to relax. I give myself a few extra minutes to gather myself and freshen up before I drive to work.

As I pulled into the parking lot of The Peak Cafe I saw that our breakfast rush is in full swing. I rushed into the cafe and in my haste, I didn't see Lewis the dishwasher walking. We collide into each other-spilling half-empty teas and coffee all over us both. Carol takes one look at the scene and goes running. Lewis, Kathleen. What happened? Are you okay? Carol, I'm so sorry it was my fault, I tell her near tears. She softens her features when she sees I'm on the verge of a breakdown.

Honey, why don't you go on home? We can start fresh tomorrow. Carol, I can't I need the money I told her. Look, I'm already losing Tuesday and Thursday nights because of GED classes. Honey, are those babies keeping you up? No, I just didn't sleep the greatest last night. Well, this weekend, bring them over and the girls and I will watch them so you can get your hair and nails done, she tells me. Carol, I can't afford that. Oh honey I've already booked and paid for the appointment for Saturday after work. Carol, I can't do this. Why would you do that? No, wait. I'm sorry, what I meant to say was thank you, but I can't accept this. You will go, young lady, or I'll tan your hide. Yes, ma'am, I say, because what else was there to say once Carol put her foot down? It's a battle you will never win. I'll help clean up. No, we got it. Go on home kid, she tells me. I walked out feeling like someone was watching me. The hairs on my neck and arms stood up. I looked around, not knowing who or what I was looking for. I didn't see anyone out of the ordinary, just the locals. I got back to my car, turned the key, and nothing. I tried again and again and again. I finally gave up and took a break. I let fifteen minutes pass and tried again. Still nothing. We waited another fifteen minutes, still nothing. So I call my mom Julia. Ring ring ring Hello. This is Julia Moore. How can I help you? Mom, it's me, Kat. Kat, what's wrong? Are the kids okay? Yes mom they are. I giggle a little thanks for caring about me, for crying out loud. Oh honey I knew you were okay. So what's up? Why are you calling me at work? Aren't you supposed to be at work? Yes, I say. Yes, long story short, I was told to go home and try again tomorrow. What's wrong? Nothing I tell my mother. Kathleen Joyce Wilson! Are you lying to your mother? No ma'am it was just a bad night and morning.

The reason I'm calling was that my car won't start again and I have no way to get around, let alone home. Can you pick me up? Oh honey I can't but George should be home, she tells me. Thanks anyway, mama. We said our goodbyes and got off the phone now to call George and see if he could help me. Ring ring ring! Kat, what's wrong? Are the kids okay? Yes, why does everyone ask about their safety first over me? Hahahaha! You no longer matter in the way they do, George tells me. No, the reason I'm calling is that my car won't start. Could you come to look at it please? Sure kid, he says. We hung up and I waited about thirty minutes and he pulled up and, lo and behold, his friend Lucky from Lucky's towing and mechanics. Oh yes, thank you for thinking ahead, George.

They get out and, since I've already popped the hood, they go ahead and unlatch it and raise it. As Lucky looks over my car, the sitter's ring tone goes off. Tina, what's wrong? Are the kids okay? George hears this and he's in front of me in no time. What's wrong, he asks? I put my finger up to tell him to give me a minute. Kat, the kids started pulling at their ears so I checked their temps and they are both in the 100s. Shit, Okay, I'll be there as soon as possible. I got off the phone and let George know what was going on. Take my truck kid and get them to the urgent care now, he tells me. Hey kid, come here. I know you have to go but come here quickly, Lucky asks? I have a nice family car that I can give you. Absolutely not, I told him. Then, if you insist on paying for it, you pay me what you can when you can. Lucky thank you. Go on go get the kids. I hop into George's pick up and I'm outta there. My kids have had a rough start to their lives and it bothers me. They will have me all of their lives, but what about a dad? I think over so many things while I make my way to the sitter's house as quickly as possible. An unbelievable sadness washes over me. How could things have gone so wrong in our little world? As I reached the house, I could see my babies in the front window. I love my babies so much. And I will never understand how somebody could hurt someone so little.